The Happiest of Birthdays
05:25 Dec 31 2025
Times Read: 6
~Princess~
August 26, 2025
Oh... did you miss me? After casting aside?
Did you....
...really?
...truly?
...actually, miss my egotistical side?
That smug little smirk that you never did see
but could loudly overhear on your long calls with me?
No. It's that simple. That door was always a choice.
twas on my idiotic self that I heard your forked voice.
Shatter the silence that perpetuated these running on visits,
Interrupting your loneliness and my soul's throat it slits
Keeping up promises seeping through lies
Coming back periodically, conniving with tries
Attempting to fill some dark void within you
While using me as some placeholder, shelved but in view
So twas the visits, on those long sarcastic nights
where fake laughs were had and some arguments frights
Where I as my person was always in doubt
Despite all I could say, and my souls silent shout.
So horrid was I that I beckoned your leave
I still told you to leave me, If you saw me evil perceived
Yet you came and you went, as you ever did please.
Where in place I only ever did ONCE for you reach.
In heartache and despair did I seek out a friend
to hear my small story and laugh in my face in the end.
I learned at that moment, what real value I held
Despite all of the red flags I secretly beheld.
So after years of letting you do as you did
I now am the monster, your true views unhid.
Why pretend friendship and lure me with hope
of a partnership of respect and emotional cope.
If I've always been this hideous being
That you've chosen to start outwardly screaming
Why then are there so fucking many,
conversations, numerous and plenty?
Why was I to convince our departed friend dear
Whom you ALSO now demonize, to your apologies hear?
We sat in our games, our friendship fun times to add
Stupid arguments, How many names Jaster Mereel could have had?
So in warcraft we stood arguing where to then play
Dear memories now suddenly stained and astray.
Craft your illusions ill maliciously intend
Conveniently No man can truly contend.
When last time we parted I was the one who chose then
that our interactions where futile, and must come to an end.
And from the decision did I now earn your ire
because I willingly shut out, that treatment retired.
The friend that I wanted and needed was long gone
and in place left a deep question, if there ever was one.
So contrived, twist and retell your stories old friend
I can only stand here and take it, listen to bile with no end.
But be certain and sure, that you've tickled my pride
And I'll tell you, no, everyone. With fervor in veins
with anger and pain filled delays
with sullen face kept and broken heart lays
with love for one of the many characters you play
with memory of someone, somewhere, in some way
could pretend that love never entered, saturated the fray
and circumstance centered on what words couldn't say
I for one never dominated, and in that I take extreme pride.
I for my manipulation let many things slide.
I for your submission never did try.
Your choices were always your own deep reside
within consequence of what choices abide.
You chose to leave and come back too many times to subside
that your choices were now somehow mine, taken in stride?
But when I chose finally to protect my own sake
and close that door to you, and that choice from you take
That was an insult to you, and inspired hate you can't slake?
So it's time to destroy me, with whatever weapons you can make.
So have at me, my dear, sweet little Hyde.
Tear at me, my sinews. Rip apart my insides.
Pummel and cart my being across the floor
Those believing lone words seek not the truth anymore.
Echo-chambers are dangerous, foolish quite fickle, a dangerous slide.
But if that's what it takes to validate that inexperienced pride.
You even flirted with my sister, but I guess that's all tried
and true methods of attempted jealous cries.
YOU were never a secret. Nor a dirty little lie.
I never hid you. Nor did our interactions I hide.
For some sick contemplation of what intentions claimed to be had.
Twisted solutions now telling point of views, interesting, bad.
My friends even knew you, my family as well.
Guess that's a lie too, oh so farce, false. Oh well.
So I'll tell you now Jekyll, my so sneakishly snide
Chosen to change my dear memories with pain and with strife.
So be it, let's have it
I'll acquiesce to your request
Certainly! At once!
It shall be done!
At your behest!
Your meal's at the ready
A cold, best served, dish...
Absolutely, my lady!
Right away!...
...
...
...
As You Wish.
Dreaming of you.08:44 Dec 21 2025
Times Read: 57
I knew I was missing some poem entries. glad i found this one.
March 13, 2021
Dreaming of You
In my dream, I knew I dreamt
as I passionately dreamed of you.
I did not blink, nor hesitate
as I ran my fingers, my kisses over you.
You welcomed me, as lovers do
your smile a flame a passion new.
Your brightened eyes, your glinted smile,
your embracing touch; All these I knew.
I knew I dreamt and dreaming knew
how I, dove, in this in free form flight.
The dream twas quick and quick it was
but the fantasy gift, I would not fight.
Regret was naught, my thoughts all you.
Believing this oasis real in deserts fought.
O'er me this sensation blew
Of past O time investments bought.
New kindly dreaming kindly seen
this warm unseeming nightly jest.
This brick, this coal this hollow pull;
pulling all breath and will right out my chest.
In dreaming I awake in dream
kissing you deeply, apprehensive why?
Your figure sits, lays sitting lies
To your ears I lay my questions; why?
Your smile, your gift, your answer gives
such befuddlement in fan.
You pull me close and whisper such lies,
and tell it so, "because you can."
My heart grew heavy, my flight did slow
to an incomplete yet sudden stop.
The heavy broken sense in it.
no promise of love could top.
I would not fight this dreaming;
this heartbreaking dream of mine.
Where our breaths did meet,
our skin did dance and our fingers intertwine.
O joyous moments were these no?
Where I did not wish the dream to sleep.
But how happy are they O?
That when awake I do not wish to dreaming be?
Brutally absent song that I adore... 3 Doors Down - Let Me Go15:28 Dec 04 2025
Times Read: 135
You know those moments when songs just come along pretty close to the situations your are living at the time and provide clarity closure or enough grit to ask the hard questions to someone you are getting complicated with?
Yeah that didn't happen here.
In fact... I'm damned surprised that in the ENTIRE length of time I spoke with them... this song NEVER, NOT ONCE played, nor did my playlists bring it around.
Tragic.
Because I could have used this point of view to really understand what I was going through a little better. And maybe I would have chosen to take care of me, a tiny bit better.
The different points of view that can be interpreted are, well, a given.
But... that's for the ear of the listener.
As for me? I thought I was done with photographs of her. But this song truly was one final nostalgic photo of her... I never knew I took. Top of the list of songs, she never sung me.
I thought I knew the girl that I was in love with, but I was, quite clearly, shown how wrong I was. In spite of the familiar turned back I was getting accustomed to.... And in learning that slow lesson... I sooner could have chosen to let go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
… One more kiss could be the best thing
Or one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve
… In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
… And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, let me go
… I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on lovin' you
How can this love be a good thing
And I know what I'm going through
… In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
… And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go, let me go
… And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I know, I know
But all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows, who knows
… You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go
… You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
(You don't know)
You love me but you don't know who I am
… You love me but you don't
You love me but you don't
(You don't know)
You love me but you don't know me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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