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Last night, just prior to the huge fight with my girlfriend whom I don't know if I'm with anymore, I saw this on the news:



"A New York senator is proposing legislation that would fine $110.00 anyone using an i-pod or blackberry or cell phone while crossing a busy intersection. it's necessary, he says, because people have been killed doing so." I can see it now:



Angel a the gate: "Welcome to Heaven inc. now a subsidiary of Microsoft. Name and cause of death please?"



Idiot: "Brenda Davis. Well, I was listening to my iPod and 'Baby got back' came on, so I immediately began to drop it like it's hot in the middle of the intersection when.."



Angel: "Okstopstopstop. You're one of THOSE people. Remedial Heaven is down the hall to the left. Here's your helmet, go."



So what, deaf people shouldn't cross the street either? They can't hear much... they do however have EYES.. which with legs are most of what you need to cross the street. Why is this legislation not a good idea?



Got 2 words for you: Natural selection.



This legislation would be bad for the human race you see, because its one less way of weeding out the stupid. Stupid breed rapidly, and people won't realize the long term effects of this until they get into a serious accident, have to go to the hospital and the 29 people waiting ahead of them are all people who stuck forks in toasters, tried to stop lawnmower blades with their tongues, and got aneurysms listening to a K-Fed cd. So please, do the rest of us a favor...



If you see someone listening or texting and not paying attention at the intersection, push them into oncoming traffic.

You don't understand. Here in MD It's colder than a stainless steel tampon.



When I woke up this morning, I was immediately bitch-slapped. When I turned around to see who did it, it was Jack Frost. When I asked why, he said "I'm goin door to door in Maryland bitchslappin' everbody this winter. Don't look at me like that, be thankful. I just gave Vermont a ass-whuppin, and I bent Wisconsin over. Wisconsin had some good booty."



Then he got up, put his leopard print hat back on and was about to touch his cane when he looked at his bitchslappin' hand..



"Where's your sink?" he said. "Ho, you wear entirely too much foundation." As if there was such a thing.