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9 entries this month
update..
14:02 Jan 28 2009
Times Read: 773
So in a way I've given up... I've given up hope... hope of being happy... hope of fixing things...
What do you do when someone you care about can't forgive you for a mistake?
and the only way they say you can fix it is something you can't do for a while... a long while...
be in a situation where you feel like your in hell is how it's working for me right now... that is for sure...
flirt?
06:40 Jan 27 2009
Times Read: 807
do I really flirt with guys?
do I really flirt in general?
I kid flirt with a few of my friends that are girls but... never do I flirt with anyone else...
maybe I am to nice.. maybe I should start being mean to everyone?
would get people to stop saying I flirt with every guy I talk to...
...
17:29 Jan 26 2009
Times Read: 824
can I just crawl in a hole and die now...
I don't know what to think...
I don't know what to do...
I just don't know!
and people keep expecting me to give them answers?
what the hell am I suppose to do if I honestly don't know myself???
I'll just leave everyone alone... just disappear... no one would care... give it a week and no one would even remember who I am...
for my english class this semester
12:27 Jan 24 2009
Times Read: 728
Civil Engineering
Ever since I was little I have been strong in math. So the best field to go in would be science of some kind or engineering. From that I decided either to be a veterinarian or an engineer. I went with engineer, civil engineer to be exact. It just a perfect choice with everything you do in civil engineering. The math, building, being outside often, and designing. How could I go wrong when it has to do with everything that I love. Plus I’ve always had a joy when I’m building something. No matter what it was, as long as I was building I felt happy and useful.
Technical writing is a big part of civil engineering. One way I will have to use it is to write up proposals. I will also have to write e-mails to fellow workers, as well as my boss. Progress reports is another way I will have to use technical writing. If I can’t express what has happened in words on my proposals and on progress reports it could cause me to lose a job. I could lose a specific account with in my job even. It would be harder to gain a persons okay on a project as well.
Worried
12:56 Jan 20 2009
Times Read: 860
I'm worried about someone I care about...
I haven't been talking to him as much as I use to.. and he's been a little distant...
Plus I had a nightmare last night. I haven't had one in a long time. I don't usually remember my dreams. but this one. I have every time before something bad happens to me.
So I'm just a bit worried. I don't know if I can handle something bad happening to me right now...
Rash23:18 Jan 15 2009
Times Read: 905
so I've had a rash for the past 3 days. No clue how the heck I got it or what it is from. I've tried changing what I've been around. I've tried most everything. and it keeps getting worse. It might be something in my system and need a few days to work it's way out.. I'm not sure
I also got a blood test done 2 days ago. I wanted to get tested to make sure I don't have hypoglycemia because I had symptoms of it. The tests showed that I'm fine... aside from my cholesterol being really high. Which makes no sense at all. I eat healthy. enough of everything. but the ratio is what it should be. So I honestly just think it's because of how my body is build. It's the same way for my father and mother too.
I can honestly say I am big boned and not just be saying it. When my dad got his hip replaced just over a year ago the doctor said that it was the biggest hip he has ever had to replace. So I am big boned! Just look at my huge child baring hips!
(taken over a year ago)
(just taken, don't mind the tummy fat!)
depression
23:37 Jan 04 2009
Times Read: 946
Am I not allowed to be depressed and not want to actually talk to any one? To myself I don't think I can, then people worry, then people keep asking what's wrong? what can I do to help?
maybe sometimes I just want to be left alone. but that's not possible. because I help everyone. I don't have time to help myself because I'm to busy helping those around me, making those around me feel better about themselves. So when do I truly have time for me?
I work and go to school then there is my VR life(yah I know that's my choice). But I have to keep busy while at home, otherwise my parents make me feel like crap. They yell at me for the littlest things. I'm never tidy enough, I'm never good enough, I never work hard enough, I never help enough.
Maybe just giving up on everything would be best... maybe it will makes things better... for everyone.
books
23:30 Jan 04 2009
Times Read: 752
So dad ordered my books today. They should be here wednesday. Just in time for my classes starting on thursday. I'm excited but worried at the same time.
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COMMENTS
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rogue599
02:59 Jan 29 2009
i wish i could be there for you right now hun...
BornfromDeath
13:18 Jan 29 2009
when someone you love askes something of you they KNOW you are unable to do is not fair....a very selfish thing to do