The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Moving into my apartment has taken just a little longer than I thought, it's mine I just had to put off moving into it because of the stupid weather and the power company. As it stands I'll actually be living in my place as of Tuesday. It's pretty centralized in this town. I've got job applications in and tomorrow starts the follow ups on them.



I like my apartment, it's smallish but not tiny and that suits me. It's furnished with everything but a nuker but that's cool, I can still get my own furniture and they'll put what's there in storage when I do. The couch is even a sofa bed so I can have company stay the night and they can be comfortable doing so. It only has two closets but one's big and the other's HUGE... There's more than enough storage space in the kitchen cupboards. The only thing that I don't like about it is that the oven is small, I'm not sure I'd be able to fit a 12" pan in it but oh well. I'm thinking about having my brother come stay here for a few days this summer. There's a small park next to the library which is less than a block from my place and in that park there's a small ampitheter, I'm thinking that once I take the viola up again and get good again that I might play in it from time to time (I just think it would be fun).



Being here is taking a bit of an adjustment, I'm away from everything and all but one person I've ever known.



This evening when Tina gets off work I'm walking up to meet her there and we're going to Wal-Mart, I think she wants us to do a little bit of shopping for my place (I know she's planning on doing some this week). These last couple of days I've started feeling a stronger and stronger urge to write but I haven't really taken the time, I will soon.



Once I'm finished getting settled there are a few things on my to do list. I'm not entirely certain which one is on the very top but here is what I have for the top few: buy a viola, get a car, buy my own furniture, see people (there are specific people in mind), buy the books I'm published in, either repair or replace the computer I have, buy some new clothes (come to think of it, that probably should be the very top one since I have very little and most are too big for me), get supplies to start making necklaces and bracelets again (I want to get good at it and I'm thinking about selling some of my stuff on e-bay once I do), get a tv and dvd player, start building my personal library (again), and expand my music collection. I'm sure there are more than that but I'm also sure that's quite enough for a while.



Anyway, I need to finish transporting my shite over to my own place and then I have a few things I need to do. Later.

The last few days here have been awesome... Yet I feel uneasy, I'm not sure about what... Well, I feel nervous not uneasy. I'm also feeling a little strange living here in Huron, it's my first time really living away from my relatives and I'm even more limited on contact with the people I've become accustomed to having contact with.



I lost my breath last night, that's never happened before. Rather, I should say that it's never happened to me in that situation and like that. I was kissing Tina and suddenly it was as though I couldn't remember how to breathe.

Well I made it to Huron. I'm at my girlfriend's place right now and I already have an apartment lined up that I'm moving into tomorrow. I'm still working on getting a job but I shoul have that fixed soon, I'm getting ready to go out and canvas the town with applications. I couldn't believe the apartment I got, it's not really big but it's nice. It's fully furnished, $300 a month, and the only utility I pay is electric and the landlord told me that usually runs about $25-35 a month!

It's time for me to say goodnight, I need to put my comp up. I'm hoping that I'll be able to catch the replay of this weekends episode of Bleach tonight... Later.

I'm a Cruxshadows fan...

YES! It's looking like my dad's gf might be leaving him! This would be so good for him, maybe once she's gone he'll pull his head out of his ass.

Well, tomorrow I'm moving to Huron. That means that after tonight I probably won't be online again for a little while. So to all of you I hope you're well until I get to talk to you again!

I'm heading out tomorrow night.. Booyahh! There's been a slight hiccup in the plan but not enough to really cause any problem. I can't wait to get there. Apparently the friend of Tina's that is picking me up at the greyhound station is "another mother" and is planning on giving me the third degree, I get the impression that that's about 50% of why she agreed to pick me up.

Well it's time to say goodnight because people are fucking fuckheads and need to have their brains bludgeoned out.

I have a new policy regarding rating... If I have the sound on my computer on and I come across a profile with music that I can't turn off than I will NOT rate it and I will not return to it unless I don't realize/remember it.

*hits self hard* I just butchered a language other than english!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know why but my interest in people fluxuates. I get really interested in reaching out and interacting but after a little while it fades, it's not that I don't want to anymore but the motivation to do so goes away.

Anonymous Users Online: 309

Registered Users Online: 94

Premium Members Lurking: 47

Total Users Online: 450





Wow, about 2/3 of the people on VR right now either aren't signed in or are not members...

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MBK
06:10 Apr 20 2008

That's usually how it is.

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Redeemer1988
06:15 Apr 20 2008

I was about to say that's pretty freaky, but if you really think about it... it's not that out of place as you might think.



If someone google's vampire, I'm sure this is one of the sites that comes up, so they just click on the link, and *BAM* Anonymous





... that's my reasoning at least >.>



.... still weird -.-

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I'm questioning whether or not I'll get to watch Bleach one last time before I'm without tv again... There's a new episode on tonight that I really want to see but I don't think I'll be able, if I do than I'll have to stay up to 3...

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NightBlossom
06:00 Apr 20 2008

BLEACH!!!!! WOOHOOO!!! I can watch it tonight. I is excited.

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Determination: Taking a trip that takes you about an hour on foot and making it in 16 minutes



Perseverance: Going beyond what your body says is your limit



Confusion: Making a 3 mile trip on foot in the same amount of time it took me to do my 2 mile run in basic training



I walked to the store and because my comp clock was off by an hour I rushed my ass off, I'm sure somebody will find it tomorrow lying in the grass by the sidewalk. As a result I made it there in about 16 minutes...??.. How is that possible considering that I was only speed walking and sprinted twice and it took me 16 minutes to RUN 2 miles?... I don't get that but, hey, I'll take it. On the way home I caught a Miley Cyrus song on the radio, surprisingly it wasn't bad (ok I liked it).

I've decided to abstain until I can be with Tina... *twitches* I'm not good at that.

I went for a nice walk up to the nearest gas station (about an hour) and bought myself a Cherry Coke, they have a coupon on the cooler door for a free 1.5-2 oz Resses candy bar with the purchase of any 20oz Coke product. I grab one of the coupons and as I do I notice "Expires 04/07/2008" so I decide to bring it up to the counter and point that out. I used to work at this particular gas station and I thought they might like to know why that coupon hasn't been working for the last couple weeks (I know it hasn't because I grab it everytime I buy a soda there) and the girls there are both newbies and really just don't givea a crap... Ah well, I don't work there anymore so I really don't care. I might mention it to Shannon the next time I'm in there though (not about the newbies, about the coupon) I know she'd want to pull 'em down.



The walk was nice, I power walked/half jogged so that I got a tiny bit of a sweat going and got a little bit of a burn going in my quads. It felt pretty good. Which reminds me, I'm almost out of AAA batteries.



I'm not a big fan of the new cap on Coke products, it's supposed to be easier to open and it is but it's also a little more annoying to close. I really miss going up to some convenience store, grabbing a 16oz soda in a GLASS bottle, taking it up to the counter and paying .65 for it, and popping the cap right there because they had bottle openers built in to the counter. That was always good.



I went fishing the other day and accidently sunburned my poor bald head... So I haven't been able to shave it the last couple days and it's getting more stubbly than I'd like.



Tina's really excited about me coming to Huron and so am I. I can't wait to see her. I'll be walking EVERYWHERE there and I'm going to be cutting soda from my diet, on to of that I'm going to be eating REAL meals so I'll be losing more weight hopefully. I'm also planning on doing a lot of pt this summer so that I can get myself into shape, I'm thinking I might like to have a six pack...lmao. I don't actually care about that but I'd like to lose the spare tire.



If I have enough after I get everything set up there I'm going to order that viola I've been wanting and then the next thing on my list of "to buys" is a better camera. I wouldn't mind this one so much if the battery wouldn't die so fast, I'd also like it to have a screen so that I can see what I'm taking a picture of.

I took the next step in becoming a full member in the Coven of Oppressed Debauchery. I'm hoping that I will be successful and I'll be able to move forward.

I can't wait! I leave monday.. 2 1/3 days!

*sighs* I need to go on a walk just for the sake of walking. It's been far too long since I have.

So the last several months (about 7) have been trying. I became homeless, attmpted going into the military, went back home and managed to get an apartment, lost my girl friend, lost my job because my car wasn't reliable, lost my apartment because I didn't have a job and so couldn't pay rent, had a bunch of bullshit with an ex who I was doing fwb with, got a new job, got a new girl friend, car broke down and so I lost the new job... Yet I've managed to have it all work out at this point, hopefully.



They say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I can see that to a degree. If I hadn't met and fallen for Christina than I probably would have done things differntly and so I wouldn't be where I am now. That means that I probably wouldn't have finally asked Tina out. So falling in love opened me up to other people and emotions.

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Morrigon
04:35 Apr 16 2008

More importantly than loving, is living.



Better to have lived than to have not. I think you are living, regardless of the trials you face.

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placidchaos
04:50 Apr 16 2008

You know, that's true and I really hadn't thought of it that way.

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This afternoon and evening I have the place completely to myself.. Hell-yeah. I'm so tired of my father and his gf, I thought I was done with them this past August. I can't wait to get out of here. I leave at midnight on the 21st and I'll arrive at 12:45p.m. and Tina will be there! I've decided that all the negative bullsh*t and instability in my life are partly responsible for all the difficulty I've been having writing, I tend to have some trouble from time to time but this is the worst I've ever had it.

I've realized that I can be pre-judgemental. Not in the sense that I look at someone and make up my mind but in the sense that I don't get to know them before I make up my mind. Why? It's because you really don't need to get to know some people to know that you don't like them, sometimes just observing their actions is enough. For example: It doesn't matter how well another person and I might get along, if they mess with my friends or people that I am fond of they make it onto my shit list. Bullies and backstabbers make it on my list of people I don't like too. I don't mind debating about things but I can't stand it when people present their opinion as superior or the only right one, that just pisses me off and brings out the stubborn arrogant asshole in me. Another thing I can't stand is when somebody can give crap but can't take it. In the words of Pop: Don't dish it out if you can't take it back.

I'm not a fallen angel, I'm a risen demon. - Me

There is no one so lost as the person who looks into the shadows and denies the shadows within their own being.

Sweet, I like this premium membership. I needed to journal something but it's something that nobody's supposed to know yet... With the ability to set journal entries to private I didn't need to worry about it.

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a complete stranger and felt like you know them? There's just a familiarity there that you can't explain. I've come across this here on VR and it's driving me nuts, I want to understand it.

Some people are just complete stupidly idiotic morons.

You know what would be cool? If there was VR Radio, on this site of course. Certain people could make periodic recordings on it and others could do live broadcasts occasionally. It could have different themes from time to time but all either relevant to this site or things covered on this site. It would be cool if it were a combination of talk and music. If this ever does happen I vote Morrigon for one of the djs. I think Joli and Stabb would make good djs too.

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TheHellequin
22:26 Apr 14 2008

Cancer used to run a Vampire Radio station before he started the website

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"If you don't leave yourself open for rejection than you can't get acceptance."- Me





I have been accepted... Tina loves me! It makes me a little nervous but....

Me: I think it's funny that Tonto called the Lone Ranger kemosabe.



Chris: Why?



Me: Don't you know what kemosabe means?



Zack: It means friend.



Me: *laughs* No it doesn't.



Zack: Yes it does.



Me: Ok then kemosabe... *chuckles*

[20:06:11] Morrigon : this chat is millions of times much cooler. WOAH can you tell I'm drunk?

[20:06:22] Morrigon : someone save that piece of crap comment I just made...

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Bones
02:24 Apr 14 2008

And then.... Bones killed the box!

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placidchaos
02:47 Apr 14 2008

I'd say so, though it was a semi-slow death. The last comment was from me at 8:12 and it's now 8:47...

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I'm increasingly interested in photo editing and was about to send a message to Morrigon asking about it when I had the sudden realization that there might be a member article about it. Yep, there is AND it's by Morrigon... *shakes head at self* So I read through it, it was certainly helpful. I clicked a link to take me to the Adobe Photoshop website and nearly had a heart attack... The first price I see is $649... !!!! Holy crapola! That's just.... frig... I can't afford that! Wow, I'm going to have to figure something else out. I do have a really cheap photo editing program called Photoimpression 4 but it's extremely limited. For the most part it seems to be for the same purpose that Morrigon says Photoshop Lightroom is but it also has some primitive editing beyond that. I can solarize and image, I can do layering, and some other little things. I can't do the seemless editing I've seen her do in some of her art though.

Somebody on here got me a premium membership (out of respect I will not name them) so I went and put a background on my profile... There's so much that I want to do. The background I have now is only temporary until I figure out how to get some of my own art there. Thank you to you who did this!

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Bones
23:39 Apr 13 2008

;)

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It's something that I see is severely lacking far too often and this site isn't free from that. I see this in the way people rate... "I'll rate you what you rate me".... "I'm giong to rate everybody this"... It's bullshit to me. Why not look at somebody's profile, see what you think of it, and give it the rating you HONESTLY think it deserves. Who gives a shit if they didn't rate you a 10. Boo-fucking-hoo. Not everybody is going to think that your profile earned a 10 but that doesn't mean that you need to be a petulant little child and give them what they gave you. Talk to them, see why they didn't give you the rating that you think you deserve. God forbid you might find out that you actually have room for improvement because everybody KNOWS you're just so fucking perfect.

This is directed at nobody and so many people at the same time. It was inspired by a recent conversation but they are on of many people who have helped inspire this bit over the time I've been on here.

Message To: Kerrie



I get what you're saying about the ratings but I think you have missed some of the point of rating. Cancer did not put it there just for the heck of it, it serves a purpose. Did you know that some of the covens and houses require there members to maintain a certain rating? While you are a lower level you don't affect people's rating that much, even by giving them a 1. when you level up far enough you will start having a real impact on a person's rating by giving them a 1 and can then affect what they may be able to do on this site. It isn't a popularity contest but it does have a meaning. If somebody gives me a 1 that's there right but I like there to be a reason. Ratings aren't meant to grade who has the best page but encourage people to improve and grow on here. I don't rate based on content or whether I like a profile but more on how much effort, whether it really is the owner's profile and not "fake", and a few other minor criteria. That is why the ratings are there. That's why it isn't just "The Ultimate Vampire Directory" but rather "The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory".

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SouthernFreak
22:44 Apr 13 2008

Very well said. You are completely correct.

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Kerrie
22:50 Apr 13 2008

You did make some good points. And do see your points as well. I am just trying to make the point that a rateing of 1 shouldn't get so many as pissy as it does. Hope this makes since. :)

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I have decided I probably shouldn't write anymore entries that are a metaphore for reality and involve people and death. I wrote an entry like that on the 1st and one of the people it referred to ended up in the E.R. for a kidney infection... those can be deadly for many reasons.

I can't really explaing it but I feel rather... inadequate....

I got my paycheck earlier than expected so that means things will be a little easier to do. Add to that the money from selling my car... boo-ya. I've got one more paycheck coming toward the end of the month. Because of the way things have worked I think that they'll be better this way in the end than they would have been.

I'm thinking about getting a premium membership, I started thinking about that last night (interestingly enough somebody I know did that today, coincidence? lol). I was sorting through all my papers and found where I put the print out I had of the responses to my application for full membership into my coven... Sweet! I'm going to work on that over the next few days. I'll probably be going to Huron the night of the 21st, the only buses heading out that way leave at midnight and I need to arrive on a tuesday so.... There ya go! I have an interview lined up with a strore in Huron. I'm looking forward to the next month and beyond...

Wow... I'm definitely experiencing the can't sleep bit. It normally takes me a while to fall asleep when I go to bed but last night it took twice as long. I just couldn't stop thinking about her and it was keeping me awake. *sighs* Damn... (that's not a bad damn)

I've got my car sold for $150. Since the tranny's out and that alone will cost more than the car is worth to fix I'm happy. That's about $90 more than it cost me to get it back... That's enough for me to get the viola that I found on ebay... I probably shouldn't get it but.... *sighs* I need to save every penny for now.. On the other hand I also want to get a decent camera and and extra 90 bucks could help with that... Again, I really shouldn't be spending it even if it is extra money... *sighs* Dang it. I need to think about this.

Sicne things in my life are really starting to settle down now I've asked my coven master if I may apply to become a full member. I began the process once back in the fall but things just didn't work the way that I wanted. I have very little shifting and upset planned for the future.

Yes 104 36.62%

No 20 7.04%

I don't care. 160 56.34%

Sweet. I've got somebody interested in buying my car. Which means I don't have to pay to get it out of impound, I like that since I can't do anything with it.



Since somebody did request it (not directly of me but of VR in general) I'm going to try cutting back on my swearing in here. I should try cutting back on it period, I tend to have a habit of making sailors blush...



I applied for a job online in Huron, I'm hoping to have something lined up by the time that I get there or at least some serious interviews. I'm looking forward to this.



I feel like I'm losing contact with too many people. It's not that I'm actually losing contact with them so much as the contact is becoming less and less. I don't like that. I want to keep contact with my friends.

This is something that bothers me for some reason. I'm not a christian so I don't know why. Certain recent journal entries have inspired this rant but this isn't directed at anybody, nobody should take this personally. I don't honestly know whether this will apply to anybody on here.

Why is it that many christians often believe that Christ is the last nam of Jesus? I've noticed this time and again. It's not. Christ is actually a title the same as "savior" or "messiah" and it means basically the same thing. On a similar note, many christians also seem to think that the name of the deity to which they adhere is "god". Once more, this is only a title. That's something the Jehova's Witnesses are right about. However, I do not believe that they are right aobut what the name is. They think that it is Jehova (as best said in english). There's just one problem with that: Jehova is derived from a word (Hebrew if I remember correctly) that is actually a plural form of their word for "god" and therefore is only a title as well. What the name truly is I don't know.

I was just doing some calculations and I've come to the conclusion that I'll be getting $578 for my tax rebate and it should be deposited on May 2nd. Fuckin' SWEET! Now I'm feeling really tempted. I found a viola on ebay for $39.99 with s/h of $31.99. I know I shouldn't buy it but I really REALLY!!!! want to! I've been wanting one for a few years now (I used to play it when I was younger) but they're so friggin' expensive, that price is miraculously cheap! $71.98 for something that normally runs for several hundred, come on! The thing that's holding me back on it is that I owe $63.60 for towing fees on my car, I just put an add online at CL for that. I've decided that if anybody wants to pay the towing fees they can have it, I only want to get my crap out of it.

I'm dealing with a difficult internal struggle. On one hand I have the woman that I'm crazy about and can't wait to be with. On the other hand I have the girl I just can't seem to get over but is completely uninterested in more than a friendship with me.

I really want things to work with Tina, my feelings are very deep for her. I'm feeling jealous over another girl though. I don't know why, I just can't help it. Tina is really falling for me, I know that sounds arrogant but she's admitted to it. I like that, she makes me happy and I like making her happy.

I've decided 100% that I am moving to Huron. I possibly already have a job lined up up there. I'll have enough money to get an apartment straight off. College has been put off for a while, I'll go but not yet. Once I get settled I might focus on that, I'll probably focus on paying my debts first. I really just need to get my life on track. That's why I'm moving, I'm tired of fallin' on my ass everytime I get on my feet. It won't happen again. If I had started out on my feet I could have stayed there and thrived but I didn't and so I didn't. I keep getting close but not quite making it. I've decided that that's partly because of the area that I live in, not completely but partly.

Anyway, here's hoping... *crosses fingers* Though I'm adamant that it'll work this time so there's really no need for that.

I decided to call the flower shop where Tina works today, I ordered her a single long stem rose and it's going to be waiting for her when she goes into work on thursday. I had them put a poem on it too. I don't know why but doing these kind of things just makes me feel good.

I haven't been able to be online for a few days now. My computer isn't hooked up anymore so... I hooked it up today just to check things. I'm definitely going to Huron, especially since there's no way that I'll be able to get a job within walking distance here. That's a necessity since the transmission went out on my car while I was driving down the highway, now it's in impound. My eyes are still feeling a little green, *sighs* I guess that's something that I'm just going to have to get used to feeling. Tina said it the other night.... "love".... I wasn't able to say it back. I was going to but the word stuck in my mouth and all I could say was "You just made my night". Yeah... I'm a little gunshy when it comes to that word. It's making me a little confused because I do feel so deeply for her but I've got that green-eyed feeling (if you know what I mean). I haven't heard from the ex since I told her that I wanted her out of my life. I missed the last few days of work because of the bullshit with my car. I need to find a way down there so that I can turn my shit into them. I've been wondering why it is that everytime that I get shit in my life going good that something happens to fuck it up. Thankfully this time I have somebody to turn to, somebody who is willing to help me and I am willing to. Oh well, I'm hoping that things will finally start working out.

My eyes are blue, not green damn it!

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Oceanne
18:41 Apr 03 2008

So?

In your passport,and liscense it states blue correct? Other than that,it really doesnt matter now does it.

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I'm feeling very... just... yeah... Damn it. *sighs*





Man, I don't even want to work at this job even one more day, I hate it! *sighs* I have to stay through the 14th at least though... damn it. *sighs* I'm not sure how I'm going to manage it, I'm losing my mind as it is.

So all I have left to pay on my fines is $176 and thankfully I'll be able to pay that off on the 14th of this month, the judge gave me an extension to the 14th of next month to allow me at least 2 paychecks to do so. *sigh of relief* I hate having been in that position. Thankfully I do have this job currently. I've decided that I am definitely moving to a cheaper area as soon as I can, some place that has most things within a reasonable walking distance. Where Tina lives is like that so I'm going to move out that way. I've decided I'm a small town kind of guy, I never used to think so but now I know I am. It's really not that big of a deal to drive a couple hours to a city or bigger town from time to time if I want. I originally moved to the Des Moines area because the job market is bigger, I know now that bigger certainly does not mean better. I enjoyed working when I lived in hicksville U.S.A. but I haven't found one job that I really like since moving up here. It's time I move back to a small town.

I really hate the feeling of being bored. As much as I hate it serves a purpose with me. It's when I'm bored that I come up with some of the most interesting ideas, I think deeper when I'm bored, and I can be really entertaining when I'm bored because that's when my smart ass abilities really shine.

I'm going to talk to my brother tomorrow to to let him know what I've decided.

Fuck, I just want to talk to Tina so bad. I don't know what time she gets up in the morning. I don't know, I definitely need to talk to her tomorrow.

I don't like this. I don't like feeling like this. I don't like feeling hatred. I will make certain that the people currently responsible for this feeling will never be able to bring about this feeling in me ever again. I'll cut them from my life as I would a splinter from my flesh.

So two people in the last week have managed to get me to that point. Two people have reached the last straw. Both of them made me reach the point where any part of me that cared for them is dead. The point where I won't take anymore shit. The point where I just might retaliate, where I just might hurt them.

Have you ever hated one of your own flesh and blood so much that you actually wanted to kill them? I'm not talking about in the sense of "God I wish they were dead" or "Man I really feel like killing him". I mean actually having to exert self control to keep from actually doing it. Right now it is taking an act if mental restraint on my part, that's fucked up.

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Oceanne
18:42 Apr 03 2008

Work more on it then.

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On the whole taking off bit. I'm debating if I should just pack up and sleep in my car for the next week or two here and keep working until my next check or if I should just take off with what I've got... I don't know, I'll see.

So I'm seriously considering paying my fine and then packing up and taking off from here. I can't do this but maybe one or two more days or I'm going to really hurt somebody, namely my father. In all honesty I loathe the man so much that I would love to see him die. I am with complete sincereness considering just living in my car for a while. Fuck it, it's warm enough out that it won't hurt me. I'm going to do it I just need to convince myself, I'm not sure how long that will take though. I have one or two people to talk to before I make my final decision.