The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

*sighs*

Tina came over here after work today and we sat on the couch playing video games. She also opened my eyes to the wonderful world of seasoned fries and Velveta cheese, yum! It was a pretty enjoyable evening. Shortly before she went home I made a move on her, unfortunately she was too tired by that time... One of these days.



I have to work tonight but it's friday so I can wear blue jeans, which is awesom. Tina doesn't work until 10 in the morning so I won't see her before work since I'll hopefully be in bed by then but the plan is for her to come over here when she gets off if she's feeling up to it.



I did find out tonight that she has at least some interest in bdsm. As far as I know she's still not ready to have sex but after talking about it she's willing to try oral and see if she's comfortable with that, that's cool since I love going down.



Recently Tina and I seem to have made that connection that I feared was missing, as much as I care for her and want to be with her I thought it wasn't going to work because it seemed like we just didn't mesh enough in some areas. Now that problem is out of the way I don't have any reservations about going ahead with finding a place together this spring. I'm really looking forward to that.



Well that's all of my rambling thoughts for now.

I took these pics after I walked down to Wal-Mart and went shopping with Tina the other day.



This is my right knee:







This is my left knee:

*sighs* One of the guests staying up on the third floor called down for some towels, the third floor is populated by kids from the basketball thing goin' on here, I get up there and one girl answers the door. As she opens it I hear another girl ask if the towels were here and she tells her yes, so the girl comes out of the bathroom dripping wet in nothing but a thong. She just walked straight over to me and grabbed a towel. Yes I know she's probably not older than 16 but I looked anyway, I'm a guy and she was hot and barely not naked and only grinned when she saw me checking her out so I really don't care. Her roommate turned bright red and apologized in a very quiet voice though, funny that the fully clothed one is the one to be embarrassed.

One of these days I'm going to start going down the list of all the people who have rated me and rate those I haven't yet rated.

We have some sort of school basketball tournament or something like that going on and all of the kids are staying in the hotel here. At one point during the night someone came down to put a deposit to watch Bourne Supremacy and I didn't think anything of it, I took the deposit and turned on movies in that room. A little while later a movie comes up on our system for that room and it's a porno. I know they're not supposed to be watching that and it's the kind of thing that can get us sued and me fired. So I try to find the coaches in the rooming list, well it only tells how many coaches there are but not what rooms they're in. Crap. I lucked out when I went over to the bar to see if they knew, sometimes they get that info just from talking to people but I was even luckier than that because one of the coaches was over there. So now everything's good and I don't have to get in trouble.

You know what I don't get is that when I'm with Tina I'm happy and content but when I'm not with her my mind starts getting in the way and I start second guessing and worrying, why is that?

I wonder which section of the database webcomics should go?

I can't wait for my interview tomorrow and I hope it goes well, the sooner I can get out of this place the better. I hate dealing with this crap. I don't know why but dealing with the same kinds of things in a retail environment doesn't bother me as much but then again they're not really the same things, just similar. Not to mention that you don't seem to have customers being disrespectful in such numbers or even to the same degree. So here's hoping that I get a new job tomorrow!

Fuckng damnit! I was working on something in one tab and opened another so that I could play some music and I accidentally closed the tab I was working in. Now I remember whey I originally hated working with tabs as opposed to windows.

COMMENTS

-

---

Morrigon
04:35 Jan 29 2009

Been doing that all day myself...

---

placidchaos
05:57 Jan 29 2009

It's annoying isn't it?

---

POST COMMENT

I have an interview for the night supervisor position at Fair City on Thursday! They originally told me that they wouldn't start interviews until next week! I'm so psyched! If I get it I'll have better pay, alternating weekends off, paid vacation, and the authority to make sure things that need to be done actually get done instead of just complaining about them not!

COMMENTS

-

---

Sinora
18:22 Jan 28 2009

Good luck !

---

POST COMMENT

Last night was great, dinner didn't turn out quite the way I intended but it was still pretty damn delicious. For most of the night Tina and I just sat and talked. You know what one of the best things about Tina is? She actually WANTS me to play video games, she says she likes watching me play. Gamer's dream come true!

SpyBot was finally able to remove one of the Virtumonde viruses on my computer and as a result I managed to get my computer working well enough to download and register Registry Mechanic from pctools and now I'm downloading AVG to see if I can't get the rest of the shite taken care of. Here's hoping!

Well I've got things straightened, cleared the clutter out of the living room but I really haven't actually cleaned. For now I'm taking a break, then I'm going to do the dishes. Tomorrow is dedicated to the ACTUAL cleaning, like the sinks and the floors in the kitchen and bathroom. One of these days I'll get around to buying a vaccum and lugging it back home so that I can clean the floor in the living room. I'm also reaching the point where I need to go through my papers one by one to clear them out and organize them, to be honest I'm past the point that I need to but I'm saving that for the first truly nice day when I can open the windows and crank the tunes to just enjoy the day, it won't seem so tedious that way.

Ho-ly shit. I just called to pay my electric bill, I knew that I forgot to pay my last one but apparently I forgot to pay my last two. That means I was payin for three months and it only cost me $61.87... WHAT THE FUCK?! That's ridiculously cheap! I thought there must have been an error because even two months should have cost more than that by my figurin' but it was only that much for THREE? They checked and there is no mistake, my bill is simply that low... I think I'm going to marry Northwestern Energy.

COMMENTS

-

---

MistressxRobin3
16:22 Jan 27 2009

holy crap.... my one month is double that....



if i marry you... and you marry them... would that mean i would get cheap eletric too???



:P

---

placidchaos
16:29 Jan 27 2009

Heh heh, If it worked that way I think everybody would be married to somebody from here.

---

POST COMMENT

I just got back from the store a little bit ago, I should start cleaning now but I don't feel like it. *sighs* If I don't than I won't get everything done that I need to by the time I need to. *sighs* Damn me, forcing me into action when I'm not motivated (is that a contradiction or what?).

I just realized that it's been 10 1/2 months since I asked Tina out. It's been a little difficult for me, I have been trying to figure myself out while trying to handle a relationship while on unfamiliar ground. During our time together I've been holding back, at first it was because I was too uncertain and personally week but once I managed to find my middle ground and get myself together I continued holding back because I was still uncertain of the boundaries. Hell, I'm still uncertain of the boundaries but I've reached that point where I really don't care. I figure if I cross the line she'll either go with it or slap me, either way is fine by me. We're getting nowhere simply because neither of us is pushing forward. I know now that if I want to get anywhere with Tina in our relationship or in our sex life that I'm going to have to be aggressive and dominant, which suits me just fine since that's the way I naturally am anyway. In the end we'll either develop our relationship more or we'll break up and if we do eventually break up that'll suck but I guess that means we just weren't right for each other, either way will be better than stagnance.

On my to do list for today:



Play video games for a little bit



Call Northwesern



Clean



Figure out what I'm making for dinner tonight



Go to the store to buy dinner, decongestant, and condoms.

You know what the annoying thing about watching Dragon Ball Z online is? There are actually three different versions available but the only one that's posted 'complete' is the hacked up one with episodes cut out of it that only wannabe fans watch. I won't watch that version because there are chunks missing from it. Unfortunately the full version seems to have only been uploaded anywhere online up to epsode 39 (which is the same as episode 29 in the other verstion mentioned, see what I'm talking about?) and that really sucks. So here I am, on to episode 40 Destination Namek and the only way I can watch it is if I want to watch the French Dub. This bites.

I swear that if I hear one more person making a big deal over "our first black president" that I will take them out over the Pacific, tie a lead filled concret block to their feet, and drop them into the ocean. Yes our new president is black. No it really isn't all that important. He could be magenta and it wouldn't matter. What matters is what he's going to do while in office. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I've taken to keeping a basic resume saved in my email, if nothing else it's easier to look at that than it is to try and remember everything when filling out an app. So last night before my shift ended I printed it off so that I could go up to Fair City and just fill out an application on site, the problem is that I forgot to take it with me after I stopped at home to change clothes. Instead I'm filling it out tonight and turning it in first thing in the morning.



After that's done I have to stop by the bank to take rent out and then go pay that, then I need to call Boone County's Clerk of Courts to pay the last of my fines, and then I have to call Northwestern to pay my electric bill (I think I might have forgotten to call them last month but I'm not sure). After that I have to whole day to do whatever because I'm off tomorrow and the next day and I think Tina works all day both days. I don't think I'll have more than a couple dollars left over, so that means I'll have to wait a couple weeks to go get my liscense but that's ok since I don't have a car. Oh, I also have to remember to call Subway in Boone and EDS to make sure my W-2 forms are going to the right address since I forgot to last week.

My brother who is over seas was on yahoo messenger today (I'm not sure how, I didn't think they had access to it) and I'm still so angry at him that I didn't say anything to him because I knew I would just be a dick. I was never very close to my mother, sister, or father but he and were. At least I thought we were, but he just more or less abandoned me. That hurt.

Ugh, I suppose that could be considered an improvement. The sour stomach and exhaustion have faded and been replaced by gas and ravenous hunger.

Tina had to run in to Coborns so she could turn in her availability to them so we went after going to the movie. We walked there and walked back and then I walked home. I get home and get comfortable under the blankets, my legs are ice cold. After a while my legs start to warm up and the skin around my left knee is really hot. There was a section starting about 3 inches above my knee and ending about 2 inches below it where the skin felt like it was on fire, some of the scars there seemed swollen as though inflamed. I don't know what the deal was but it took around half an hour to go away.

One of my new year's resolutions was to go out and have more fun outside of my apartment. I was just thnking about that among other things and I realizd that it isn't going to happen, at least not this year, because the kinds of places don't exist around here and if they did the people around here would probably show up in a mob with pitchforks and torches to burn it down. Maybe that's what I should base my decision of where to move on, somewhere with my kind of place to go out and have fun.



Speaking of such places, I think it's interesting that I should come across that band on my firend's page and think about that type of club. Today I had a dream about such a place, something similar anyway. It looked like it might have been a fetish club, there were some people dressed up in fetish outfits but not everybdoy was. I was out slow dancng with some girl to some kick ass song I don't remember ever hearing in my life. I could see her face and yet I couldn't or perhaps I should say that I could see her face but there wasn't much to be seen, as if my mind wasn't able to recognize or remember it.

One of my friends on facebook added the band Neon Synthesis, I know that she likes a lot of music that I do too and so I went and looked the band up on youtube. The first song I checked was called Solitude and Fear which was ok and then I went on to the song Future Pague and I really liked that one. I think that songs like that, Bye Bye Beautiful by Nightwish, and Stop a Bullet by Black Light Burns should be what clubs play but I have yet to go to one that does. Oh, and songs like Undone by Belle Morte.

Hmmm, strange. Somebody created a profile this morning but did nothing to it and added me to their friends list... I wonder what's up with that?

Well it's Friday night, I don't work, and I just woke up so I'll be awake all night. It seems like it would be a good night to make good on one of my new years resolutions, so I wonder where I'm going...

I just found out that one of the morning people got tired of being taken advantage of and just decided not to show up today, I don't blame them. On top of that the other morning girl and I are both looking to get out of here because we're tired of the crap. That would leave two people other than the manager and one is a completely self righteous bitch while the other can't decide whether he wants to be a slobbish slacker or not. If things continue this way this place'll be screwed due to an inability to keep decent employees.

Well, I suppose it's about time I got ready for work and head out. *sighs* Man I really don't feel like going.

I just got a letter today from the Department of Veteran Affairs telling me that it is my final notice to apply for Veterans Group Life Insurance because my time is almost up. There are two problems with this though, 1) I never qualified for any veterans' benefits because I wasn't in long enough and 2) You have 120 days after discharge to apply and that timewas up for me last March. Anybody else think this is off? I'm trying to contact them though because if they are still going to let me get some than I will, who wouldn't at $32 per month for $400,000 coverage?

So the old axiom is, "If at first you don't succeed, try try again." I am very good at this, mostly because I'm inhumanly stubborn (my mom used to tell me that I was so stubborn I could win a stand off with a mountain). Well, for the past however long I've been trying to get my computer to do a System Restore (it won't accomplish as much as a System Recovery but it'll help) but it kept failing and so I kept trying. Tonight I kept right on trying to run it again as soon as it failed, one after another, and on my 13th one it worked! Ha HAA! I'm am the freaking MASTER! So my computer is temporarily working again and (this is the best part) THE DISK DRIVE WILL WORK NOW! That means that I can still do a System Recovery if I ever find my disk or if I buy a new one! That's right computer, who's yo daddy?!

There must be a sign on me somewhere that says, "Kinky horny drunk chics come on to me!"

We're a very vindictive bunch on here aren't we?

HA! Good news! I just found out today that I can get my liscence back next week as long as I can pass a written driving test. BOO-Yaahh!



On a less happy note, stupid whore at work is goin' to get her teeth knocked in if she doesn't watch it. When I did my cash count last night I was $5 short. Today she asked me how it was short when it was perfect when she closed out (like she can't possibly have made a mistake because she's SOO perfect), I don't know and I said so and then she tried to indirectly imply I lifted it. I've punched assholes out for less than that and if she keeps it up I'm going to be obliged to forget that she's a woman. Fuckin' bitch better watch herself.

You know it really annoys me that I see all these xteen year old girls with these down shirt shot pics on their profiles and talking about how much the like sex. Don't get me wrong, I like tits and sex as much as the next straight guy but these girls are all around the same age as some of my cousins. The first thing I think is usually, "There goes another slut." and I ignore it, other times I just pray that my cousin isn't like that, and once in a while one of them reminds me of my cousins enough that my protective streak kicks in and I have to resist the urge to get after them the way I would my cousins.



The other day I noticed that my youngest cousin has one of these pics on her myspace and I almost freaked. I didn't say anything to her because I'm honestly not sure that it's my place, but not saying anything is making me twitch. This isn't just my cousin in my eyes, this is my little sister and I don't want her to be so shallow. *sighs*

I feel so stupid right now for letting myself get worked up over the deal with my friend. A crush is a crush and there's nothing wrong with it as long as I don't act on it. Though part of me keeps telling me that I shouldn't have a crush while I'm in a relationship with someone else. Oh well.



I went to do laundry today because the out of order signs that the landlord had on the washer and dryer were gone, I assumed that meant they were fixed like the landlord said he would do. WRONG! The washer worked just fine but only the washer did. I put my clothes in the dryer, put my quarters in, pushed the start button, and... Nothing. It wouldn't do anything at all. So all my clothes except for my lounging and grub clothes are soaked, with the exception of one of the new shirts I bought at Wal-Mart the other day. So I'm sitting here at work in a slightly torn up and paint splattered pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with dragons on it, the good part is that this outfit actually looks good on me.



Tomorrow before I go to bed I'll go over to Tina's and make use of the washer and dryer at her apartment complex.

I have a friend that I have talked to online for the past couple years, I actually met them on here. I used to have a crush on her but it more or less faded away, though I do sometimes have that little twinge when talking to her like I did when talking to a girl I liked back in elemetntary and middle school. Because of the way my computer has been acting I haven't been able to talk to her as much since she's usually in bed when I'm at work and I've missed talking to her. The other day she sent me her phone number and said I could call her if I found the time. Tonight I called her and while talking to her all those thoughts and feelings just fell right back into place. It made me feel a little guilty, I know I shouldn't think that way about somebody other than TIna but it just happened.

*sighs* The other day when I went to do laundry the dryer at my place had an 'out of order' sign stuck to it, so I called the landlord to make sure that someone wasn't just being sneaky to make sure nobody used it before they got to it and it was for real but he said he was coming to fix it in a couple hours. Well it didn't get fixed that day or the day after. Today I went down to do laundry and guess what? Now the washer is out of order. So here I am at work in my cleanest pair of pants and one of the only two shirts I have clean but I only have because I went down to Wal-Mart and bought them.

The other day at work I found some pics off suicidegirls on the comp. I knew they weren't from me and that left one other person since there's only one other guy there and if you knew the girls I work with you'd laugh at the idea of them going. So I decided to be nice since that site won't hurt the comp and covered their tracks. A few minutes ago I was up there to get a soda pop from the machines and I asked them about i since there wasn't anyone else around...



Me: Hey, I was wondering, are you the one who was going to Suicide Girls on that computer?



D: *flicks a look over at it and blushes* Oh, yeah I went there on accident. I was looking up stuff about tattoos and I didn't know what it was so I clicked it.



Me: *grins* Ah, I just wondered because I found some stuff from that site on there and I knew I hadn't been there at work. I got rid of the evidence but you should be more careful. You should cover your tracks better next time, that site won't hurt anything but you can still get in trouble.



D: *relaxes a little* Yeah, I didn't even know what it was or I wouldn't have clicked it.



Me: *thinks to self- And that's why it was visited two days in a row and some of the pics only members can access were saved to My Documents?* Really? It's a good site, I found it from talking to someone who is on it. Anyway, I'll catch ya later.



I'm not sure why he lied to me about it but I don't really care, I get the strong impression he was embarrassed. Oh, and do you like my closing statement? heh heh heh, I couldn't resist doing that, I wondered if he picked up on it.

COMMENTS

-

---

Bloodmother
02:45 Jan 20 2009

Now I want to go check it out. He picked up on it forsho. Probably mulling over what to say to you next.

---

POST COMMENT

I just realized that I'm a few days past the two year mark since I joined vr. Wow, time flies.

I had a dream today. There really didn't seem to be any story or even a point to it. In my dream I started out just waking up, I was living in a rather nice basement apartment. It was cool in a pleasant way, like the breeze off the water on a hot summer day. I owned all my own furnishings, I had a nice t.v. and entertainment center, etc... I remember feeling a deep contentment in my dream, like I had finally reached my goals. The dream ended when some of my friends showed up. It was a good dream, one that I sincerely hope comes true.

*gives up*

COMMENTS

-

---

SinginGhost88
07:25 Jan 21 2009

Never give up :)



*hugs*



I miss our conversations.

---

placidchaos
05:17 Jan 23 2009

Well, some times giving up is all that's left to be done.



*Nods* I do too.

---

POST COMMENT

-48 F with wind chill... *shivers*

COMMENTS

-

---

Blackheresy
13:48 Jan 15 2009

>.< brrrr

---

POST COMMENT

I just recently started reading the series The Sword of Truth by Terry Goodkind and it's pretty good. Today I found out that this past year a syndicated live-action t.v. series was launched based off of the books, the t.v. series is called Legend of the Seeker. I can't wait to watch it.

COMMENTS

-

---

Originis
05:20 Jan 15 2009

I was wondering what the series was. My brother keeps telling me but I forget a lot.

---

POST COMMENT

I'm bidding on a laptop on eBay and as long as nobody else bids on it I'll get it for about $102. *sighs* That would be nice but I doubt it'll happen. I set my max bid at $120 but I doubt it'll stay even that low.

GYAH! This is so annoying! There's this song that I've been looking for but the problem is that I don't know who it's by and I can't remember the lyrics or title. All I can remember is this one part but my mind isn't playing it clear enough for me to understand it.

What the fuck?! Is this vampirerave or addcentral? Fuck.

COMMENTS

-

---

Xzavier
08:16 Jan 13 2009

It's getting pretty annoying thats for sure. Not like it used to be, the old VR we all loved.

---

POST COMMENT

I've heard that if you are called something 3 times it's true. If that's the case, I must be really really evil. At least a dozen people have claimed that I'm evil (some several times), most of the same people and some others have called me or have implied that I'm like a predator too. Add to that the women who keep hitting on me and I'm starting to get a sexy villain complex. heh heh heh, I just had to throw some smart ass in there.

It's official, my computer is F.U.B.A.R. At this point it wouldn't matter even if I had a recovery disk because it won't read any disks. I put a dvd into the drive earlier today and an error message popped up telling me that my disk drive had a 'fatal error' and now it will open and close but that's it, I didn't realize that those things could even HAVE a fatal error beyond being physically worn out. On top of that, I can't close internet explorer and it will only go to pandora.com and animefreak.tv (which I'm glad it'll hit those two since that's mostly what I do online anyway). Oh, and neither of my messengers work, the same goes for a lot of the other crap on my comp like all the games and my word document program. So I'm going to make backups of the things I need to before it goes the rest of the way and I'm going to start shopping for a new one. *sighs*

$58 in groceries. Dang. It doesn't seem like I bought enough that it should be that much. *sighs* Oh well.



I found a game on ebay that I've been wanting but haven't been able to find so I bid on it and thankfully won, at a decent price to boot. Then I had to buy a PS1 memory card because that's the kind of game it is.

AH! I found a complete FF VII online. They want $80 for it though.

I'm not sure that it's really a good thing when you can say that a joke is so lame that it's funny, but I guess a laugh is a laugh.

*bangs head against wall* Dang it. I went to bed at 9 and set my alarm to get up at 11 so I could pick up my paycheck. Then I came back home and attempted to get another hour or so of sleep before going to the meeting at work but failed. It's sadly funny to say, that two hours I got killed or knocked unconscious any amount of tired in me. *shakes head and sighs*

You can't spell eh? I wonder if that problem is why they invented spell check? Nah, couldn't be. *rolls eyes*

I've started myself eating a bit different, this diet (don't get the wrong idea when I use that word) will be better on my body and on my wallet. I've cut myself off from pizza and I'm down to two cans of soda pop each day. I'm making myself eat real food. Scary eh? I have plenty of flower and butter and milk don't cost very much considering how long they last as opposed to t.v. dinners, frozen pizza, and ordering out, so I've been eating more chipped beef gravy over toast (and I've been adding cayenne to it to give it a little bite) and I've been limiting myself to one plate full. Also, bulk american cheese and soup are inexpensive in the long run so I'm also going with grilled cheese and soup but I'm limiting myself to 3 sandwiches per meal and one thing of soup. I've been keeping myself to one full meal each day with light snacks to hold me over, for the snacks I've been having toast with butter and honey (YUM!), garlic toast, or lunch meat with crackers. These aren't the only things I'm eating but they're making up the large part of it, the only problem is that most of the food I'm eating leans more toward carbs so I need to get a little more balance in there. I'm going to add some fruits to my snack list and I'm debating celery with peanut butter. I definitely need to start adding some vegies to my meals, maybe some green beans. I'm already noticing a difference in myself, I have more real energy (not just hyperness) and my appetite feels better sated. On top of all this I've been exercising more, as a way to help me reach a goal I've been pulling my belt just slightly too tight and I won't be satisfied until it fits at that notch at the least. I'd really like to get rid of the excess belly completely as well as what little manboobs I have, though I'm much closer on the latter.

That's right, it's true that you have the right to be stupid but keep in mind that I have the right to be a dick to you over it and you can kiss my ass if you don't like it.

HA! Nice! Just frickin' beautiful man! I went to bed at about 4 this afternoon and I crashed, I was fuckin' gone. I wake up and look at the clock, it says 6:12 and I'm sitting here thinking, "Holy shit, how the hell'd I sleep that long?" None the less, I get my rear up and in gear so that I can go walk Tina to work. I step out the door and I get to the back entrance of my apartment, there I notice that the hotel is still too busy for it to be that early in the morning. Struck by sudden realization I come back up stairs to check if it's a.m. or p.m. Guess which one? I'm such a dolt but what's interesting is how rested those 2 hours of sleep left me. Go me and my body's ability to run on ultra-low sleep.

Breakfast time Hurray for chipped beef gravy over toast!

Fuck I just need to get laid.

You know, when I was in school I had two policies for dealing with people screwing with me or just being dicks and these were passed on to me from my mother as well as some of the other adults in my life.



1) Ignore them.



2) If 1 doesn't work, actively discourage them (a.k.a. beat the shit out of them). This was typically only a last resort.



Now, online things don't work quite that way because you can ignore people a lot more thoroughly. That's why you can block people. So why all the back and forth drama between people and then taking it to a new level by bringing it up with other people in a public fashion? Just hit the fucking block button and leave it at that!

COMMENTS

-

---

LaceworkLacerations
23:27 Jan 06 2009

Some people just love to argue. Sometimes they just need to have a good fight with someone.



Blocking doesn't always work though--especially on vr. Sometimes if you ask somebody to leave you alone and then block them, they broadcast everything they can possibly find about you via journals et cetera and still intend to bully you, calling names, flinging insults, and attacking anything they possibly can where the entire universe can see.



It is quite sad. You would think it would be as easy as blocking. Haha.

---

POST COMMENT

So here I sit at home, reading a book and listenin' to music. I was thinking about going out tonight but I couldn't make up my mind soon enough, guess that decided for me. Sad isn't it? On the bright side I'm content.



I don't know why but the last week or so my skin has been really dry but only in certain places and mostly on my left side. Strange.

Have you ever had one of those times that you have an urge to do something you really don't want to do and shouldn't do?

COMMENTS

-

---

SinginGhost88
01:30 Jan 06 2009

I had one just now....

---

POST COMMENT

I've decided that I'm not going to begrudge the intensity my emotions have picked back up, I never realized just how much I missed them being like this. I figure that the heightened temper is a small price to pay, especially since I'm better equipped to handle it now than I was then. I smile more and I'm happier, I'm not willing to sacrifice those things. It probably sounds stupid but I just feel so much more alive. You know how it feels when you step in front of a fire and you didn't realize until right then that you were cold and how deep it went? That's what it feels like but the fire's inside.



Tonight was the first time in a long while that I've just sat and talked with a friend. Most people don't realize just how good it feels, to know that you have someone there who will do more than just listen. If you want nothing more than to spill than a diary or journal is enough.

It's funny how easy it is to take something as simple as talking with a friend for granted.