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Well.... I'm currently living with my mother, it sucks but that's life. I wasn't able to bring any of my books with me so when I get out on my own again I'll have to start re-acquiring my collection. I'm down in Smalltown, IA and it's not looking good for my employment status. This is a college town and most of the college students leave for the summer, that means less business and less business means less opportunity for people in need of work. I'm also sending in applications in DSM, it's only an hour away and there are people I should be able to stay with there if I get a job in the area. The main issue is transportation, we got my car started but in less the 15 minutes it started blowing oil... -_- I am not happy about that but at least I got $260 for it from U-Pull-It, that's $10 more than I originally paid for it so I guess I can't complain too much. The odds of me getting another car for that price that's even half as good as that car was when I bought it are slim to none though. *sigh* Maybe if I get back up to DSM and have a steady job I can buy a car through one of those 'buy here, pay here' places.

I just pulled the mattress off of my futon, I was planning to take it apart to take with me but I don't think I will now. I haven't owned it that long and you can see where I sit the most because the frame is bent a little, I'm not THAT heavy for cryin' out loud! Cheap p.o.s. I'm going to keep the mattress but I'm not taking the frame with me. That sucks a little. I also discovered it's a good thing that I decided to buckle down and get this shit taken care of before my mother comes up tomorrow to help me move. I picked up a pile of blankets in the corner of my room that I never have gotten around to cleaning since they were, ehem, 'soiled' and found a pair of Alex's panties in them.... That wouldn't have been a good situation, things are going to be tense and awkward enough without something like that coming up. Well.... Back to cleaning.

Oi. I keep forgetting words and it's getting on my nerves. The other day I couldn't remember the word elevate, I tried to remember it for almost half an hour and couldn't until it just happened to fit into a conversation I was having with someone later. Just a moment ago I forgot the word fix. COME ON! I have an above average vocabulary, why the hell am I randomly forgetting words? When it happens I feel blank for just a moment when I try to say the word. It's like the mental version of going to sit down and then somebody moves your chair, you're all set to sit down and then there's suddenly nothing and for just a split second your mind freezes as it tries to process what happened. That's what it's like when I forget these words and I'm tired of it. Then when I try to remember I almost feel as though I'm digging through a scattered mess of papers to find a small receipt, sometimes I find it in the mess and sometimes I find it an hour later when I stick my hand in my pocket. I hope you get that metaphore. I just don't get it. Could this be the result of stress?

I hate when I feel like this, I want to be social toward my friends but I'm just simply not in a mood to hold a real conversation. It sucks. I don't want people to think that I'm ignoring or avoiding them, I'm not, I just don't have the mental or emotional energy to say anything worth while right now.

My Aunt Trish is the greatest. She called me out of the blue at 3 and wanted to know if I would be ok with her coming to visit me. I was ok with it but my place is still a mess and I was embarrassed to have her see it like this, so she decided that we should go out and grab a bite to eat somewhere. Then she offered to run me to the auto parts store to pick up the starter for my car, that didn't work out for various reasons but it was still cool. Then she drove me to cash my money order but nobody would cash it for one reason or another, very annoying. So her solution was to get money out of an ATM and have me sign it over to her and she would cash it at her bank, then she through in some extra just to help me out. On top of all of this she took me to KFC and bought me a big thing of chicken so I could have some leftovers. I love that woman, nobody could ask for a better aunt. It was also great just being able to spend time with her. She, my youngest cousin, and I are all the babies of our respective parts of the family and we all have very similar personalties in certain ways, we are alike in ways that makes it easy for us to get along and that's nice. I had a good time, I have food, I'm not as broke, and it's a beautiful day out. I'm feelin' a lot better today, I'm still not in much of a mood to deal with reality but definitely doing better.

I decided to walk up to the gas station to get a 7Up, I have a bogo coupon so it seemed like a good idea. Since I was going up there I decided to take in a $3 winning scratch off ticket (I keep getting $3, I'm not losing but I'm not winning either). When I got to the store I went back and grabbed my sodas, then I went to the register and set everything up there. The first thing the clerk does is roll her eyes and say in a rude tone, "I can't cash that in right now, the system went down this morning and maintenence hasn't fixed it." You know, I understand that it gets old after a while of telling people the same thing but that's no excuse to use an impolite tone. If you heard her you'd get what I'm saying, not to mention that rolling your eyes at a customer in anyway but a mutual joke is inexcusable. Not being able to cash it wasn't a problem since I was just exchanging it for another. So I went one wth buying th sodas and got out my coupon and she says, "You can't use that here. It's Bag N Save only, we're not Bag N Save." Nothing needed to be said beyond telling me it could only be used at Bag N Save, the rest was just giving me attitude. So, still being patient, I replied, "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that. I feel especially dumb since I used one a couple weeks ago. Sorry." And her response was to glare at me and say, "Yeah and we took a financial hit for it, using that here cost the store money." What. A. Bitch. I popped my headphones in, paid for one soda, and walked out. I was trying to be patient but I'm not going to be treated like that when I'm a customer. It's not the worst experience a person can have going into a store but a clerk should never be impolite in anyway to a customer unless the customer crosses a line, which I did not. I'm going in in the morning to complain to the manager directly, that shit needs to be dealt with.

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chrysanthemia
22:31 Mar 18 2010

That is bullshit, i completely agree. You don't deserve to walk in off the street and just be treated like shit.



But perhaps she was having a shitty day, or just had a rude customer herself. Anything, really. Customer service can suck.

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placidchaos
23:04 Mar 18 2010

I can understand having a bad day, I've worked in various types of customer service positions. I know it can get pretty bad sometimes but that's still no excuse to me, even on my worst days I still managed at least to be courteous. People like that annoy me, I'm the type that I expect the same level of customer service that I give and I set the bar really high for myself. I know sometimes I'm expecting too much from people simply because people are people but I think that people need to suck it up and do the job they're being paid to do the way they're being paid to do it. Bah. Sorry, this is a touchy subject for me.

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I pretty much haven't been on here at all the past few days, not more than a minute or two at most anyway, I've been playing PWI for the most part. While I'm playing I can forget about reality, time as well. Amazing isn't it? I have an almost complete inability to focus on one thing at a time but playing that game can do it, so can reading a really good book usually but only if I haven't read it once before. Nothing else comes to mind that can absorb me like that though. It's good to be brain dead like that once in a while, so good. So many people I talk to take the ability to not think for granted, expect me to be able to shut off but I can't. They have no idea just how wonderful it is, how exquisite it is, just to not think for even a moment. Bliss. I wonder if anyone reading this can even understand that? Most can't.

Damn! PWI has been zipping through the updates like lightning for the past few hours now but it's only JUST now half way done updating! For cryin' out loud!

Bah. I decided I'm getting a good enough signal with my internet to play PWI but there's a problem, it's been forever since I've had a good enough signal. Why is that a problem? It means it's also been forever since I've updated it. It's been updating for a while now and it's getting annoying. *sigh*

So it looks like the plan is to go stay with my mother to get back on my feet. *sigh* This is really getting old. It's not like I'm incapable or not trying, why do things keep ending up like this?

I can't get enough of that song right now. It just feels so good and it's awesome besides that. When I listen to it it's almost like how I would feel if I really did just let go, say fuck it all and let loose. I get that feeling from a few songs other than that one too, I don't know what it is. I wish I could feel like that without the music but that would prbably require that I snap and that wouldn't be good.



What a day. I was awakened after about 2 hours of sleep by the sound of someone pounding on my door and almost ran into the wall on the way to answer it, it was the sherrif here to serve the papers I talked about earlier. He was a genuinely nice guy, apologized for waking me and even apologized for having to serve the papers. He's cool in my book. Then I called my brother but he wasn't able to answer because he was at work, I figured as much. Then I called my mother, I needed to talk to someone and I figured she was the most likely be be able and in the mood to listen to me. She's offered to let me come stay with her for a little while, I won't lie and say that's my first choice but it's not like there's much else. I love my mother, don't get me wrong, I just think this could be a potential disaster all things considered. I honestly don't think my mother will much approve of who I am but only because of her religion that I don't approve of. Then Wal-Mart on 168th calls because they want me to come in for an interview... Yeah, why the hell did they wait this long to call me for an interview? I've only been bugging them for about a month now! Fuckers. Now I'm torn about whether I should go to the interview or not. On one hand, it's a job. On the other hand, it's probably only part time and with my current situation I don't think that would be enough. *sigh* Life's a bitch.

Great. So apparently they don't just evict you at this place, they sue you. I just had someone from the sherrif's deparment show up to serve me papers. I have court on the 24th of this month, they're suing me because I haven't paid my rent nor left this apartment. Though, I don't know how much good it's going to do them since I CAN'T leave at the moment and I don't have enough money to pay rent, plus they refused to work with me so that I could pay the rent. I'm going to shove this law suit up there asses.

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Eleanna
18:23 Mar 13 2010

Thats a bit extreme! i'd imagine most people have problems with their rent at some time or another but not sure it ends up in that situation.

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Well that fuckin' sucks. I went to make myself some chipped beef gravy earlier and something weird happened. I went to put the milk in after I made the roux and the milk sperated and curdled. I don't have any clue why, it doesn't smell or taste bad (I tasted it before the curdling happened) and it's not out of date yet. Who knows?

Despite my frustration with the money order, my walk wasn't all bad. I got to chill and rock out with my music, the weather is awesome, and I got a drive by compliment. Someone leaned out the window while I was walking and yelled at me, "Damn hot! That's right, work them shorts! Owwww!" lol, They might've just meant it to be sarcastic but I'm choosing to take it as a compliment.

Ok, so I lied, I'm not going to start cleaning just yet. I'm frustrated as hell now and don't feel like doing anything productive.

If I bring in my old starter for the core value I'll only have to pay $53 for a new one, if I don't it'll cost me $89 but I can always bring in the old one after I swap them out. So while I was at the store I tried to cash in the money order that I bought at that store, they don't do that. I don't get why, they're a Money Gram station and you can send and receive money through them, on top of that the money order is through Money Gram. Why can't they cash it? What's the difference between that and somebody sending me money that I pick up there? Whatever. So I went to one of the banks that're on my way home. One is a Wells Fargo but I can't cash it there right now because they'll put it toward my overdrawn account and I need this money to get my car working, so I went to the other one. They tell me they can't cash it unless I have an account. What the fuck? It's a money order, not a check. Why? So it basically seems like I might be screwed right now.

Here in a little bit I'm going to call Wendy's again to ask about the job, hopefully it will be good news. Then I'll walk to the store to get bread and butter, I'll stop on my way by to see if my car will start just for the hell of it. While I'm on my way I'm going to cash in a scratch off I got the other day, it's only a $3 winner and I think I'm just going to trade it in for another one. When I get back I'm going to rock out and clean.

This is so cool! You should really check this out, just copy and paste the url:



http://green.yahoo.com/blog/guest_bloggers/24/all-black-penguin-discovered.html

*sigh* What I wouldn't give just to fuck somone's brains out right now.

Not much makes you feel better quite like good food and drink. I made myself two pork chops both seasoned wtih garlic, salt, black pepper, and cayenne. I put a dash of Cookie's Original spicy bbq sauce on one and the I put a dash of Blazin' Sauce on the other. The one with the Blazin' I stuffed with colby jack, the other I left normal. I broiled them of course. I also made some seasoned mashed potatoes. All together it wasn't half bad, the stuffed chop didn't turn out quite as good as I'd hoped but still edible and the rest was perfect. To wash it all down, Cherry Coke. Ahhhhhhh...

Yep. I've been trying to get my car started by bangin' on the starter like my brother suggested might be a temporary fix, he actually said "very temporary" but you know what I mean. It hasn't been working that great, it's made a difference but not enough of one. So I was thinking I needed to have somebody to turn the key at the same time because he told me that would be even more likely to work. Then it occurred to me, even if the starter's only sticking and not shot like he and I think, I'm going to have to do this everytime I want to start my car until I replace the starter. So really, what's the point in me going through this now? I think I'll wait for the weather to clear up over the next couple of days and then I'll try to replace the p.o.s. starter. Problem solved and with less stress for me.

Ok, people tend to get creeped out by me enough without me knowing exactly where they live. Let's face it, if some guy you barely know called you or stopped by your place you'd find it a little creepy if you've never actually gave them the information. If the person already tends to give off a creepy vibe, how much worse would it be?



See, this is where my habit of knowing things can get me in trouble. There are some things I just notice and this gives me certain knowledge that people find odd.

Like the time I saw somebody's driver's license as they got their credit card out. It was only a second but that was long enough for me to see that they were from Louisiana. So I asked them if they were in New Orleans when Katrina hit. They gave me a careful look and said, "No, I evacuated before it hit but my house was destroyed and I'm staying with relatives here. How did you know I'm from New Orleans?"

"I saw your license when you flipped your wallet open to get your card out."

After I said this they did the action again, blinked at it, then looked at me and said, "Damn, how did you see that? It wasn't open long enough."

I shrugged and said, "I just caught a glimpse and saw it was a Louisiana license, most of the people up in this area are here from New Orleans because the hurricane displaced them."

"Wow, pretty observant. It's a little creepy."



It gets worse than that sometimes. It's not that I'm a stalker or anything, I'm just overly curious and bored sometimes. It doesn't take much to figure somethings out.

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Eleanna
19:16 Mar 11 2010

Kind of like a photographic memory or different?

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placidchaos
19:26 Mar 11 2010

Actually, I do have a photographic memory. It's not perfect, so please don't get the impression that I have perfect recall, but it can be deadly accurate. On top of that I notice things, think Shawn Spencer but nowhere near as talented. I notice things less because I'm hyper observant and more because of the way my attention wanders. So I notice some of the most bizarre things and things that others wouldn't but I miss some of the most obvious things in trade.

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I listened to the weather on the radio yesterday and they said the National Weather Service called for a 100% chance of precipitation but there was a 50/50 chance of it either being rain or snow. They said that the good new was if it turned out to be snow there would be no accumulation. They were wrong. Sure it's in the process of melting off right now but it still stuck onvernight. Now there's a bunch of wet slush and running water, especially since it's still spitting out.

I'm in a bit of a pickle. I need somebody to turn the key in my car while I dink with the starter, obviously I can't do both at the same time. The problems is, the one person I think I could reasonably ask at this moment I'm not sure I should. You see, it's one of my cousins friends and my neighbor but from talking to her online I'm thinking she hasn't realized that she lives across the parking lot from me. I'm afraid I might creep her out if I walk across the parking lot and ring her bell if she doesn't even know I am across the parking lot.

I'm getting ready to go dink with my car. I was talking to my brother yesterday and he said it definitely sounds like the starter. He told me that there are gears in the starter that push forward and turn gears on the motor and that's how it works, he said it sounds like the gears in my starter are sticking and unable to push forward to start the car properly. Then he suggested I hit the starter, he says it can be a temporary fix if it's sticking and not just bad. Man oh man, do I love that my brother chose to be trained as a mechanic.

I'm not really one to cry, not even when I feel the need. Actually, if I'm being honest it's more that I can't most of the time. Most of the time the only time my eyes even water is when I yawn. Usually my version of crying is curling up under a blanket with my head covered and trying very hard not to think, shutting everything out. Sometimes though, and I don't quite understand why this is, singing makes me... I won't say cry, because that's not right, but there are tears involved. Like tonight, I was singing with In The Air Tonight after I found it on youtube and tears were streaming down my cheeks. This doesn't happen often, it's hit and miss, and only with certain songs it seems. If I sing with Sara McLachlan's In The Arms of The Angel it happens, not all the time but sometimes. There are only one or two other songs that will do this, I'd really like to understand it. It feels good, so maybe I should just let it be.

A while ago I was listening to the song In The Air Tonight and I seemed remember having heard a female do a version of it. I was talking to some other people about it but they'd never heard of a woman doing the song, so I looked it up and couldn't find anything. In the end I just assumed I was imagining things. Tonight I found it by accident. I was looking up the song Somebody Help Me by Full Blown Rose on youtube, down in the related videos box I saw Full Blown Rose - In The Air Tonight. I thought this was cool since I love the song and that band isn't half bad and clicked it and instantly recongnized it. This was the version of the song I had been thinking of, I just didn't know it at the time.

I think child beauty pageants should be illegal and any parent that would have their child in one should be killed in the most horrible and painful way possible.

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AlexandraAshes
03:49 Mar 11 2010

How about they just not have them?

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ConSpirito
06:13 Mar 11 2010

Why? On the plus side, pageants promote creativity, bonding, and raising the self-esteem of individuals participating.

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Today isn't going well. My car still wouldn't start so I decided to push it out of the spot it was in, I thought just maybe I had less gas in it than the gauge said and that angling it so the gas would pool around the pump would help. I got it part way back and couldn't get it to go any more, the hill was just too steep. So I went to push it back in to the spot but couldn't get it in without swiping the car in the spot next to it, I didn't get the wheel turned far enough when I started pushing it in. I was left in a pickle. I couldn't back the car up far enough to get the car out of the spot and I couldn't get back in now either. I decided to try pushing the car back again, I figured if I could get it as far as I did the first time that I would at least be able to re-angle it into the spot. Unfortunately this didn't go as planned. After I got it far enough, I dashed back to the driver's seat and put my foot on the break but it was too late. In the moment it took for me to get from the front of the car to the pedal, the car had rolled forward and the wheels straightened out in the process. I was in an even worse position now, I was about 5 inches from the rear bumper of the car in the spot next to the one my car had been in. I tried to back the car up again but I was too paranoid to do it from the front, I was afraid that in the time it took me to get back to the break again I might hit the other car. The problem with this is that I couldn't get enough oomph into my pushing from the driver side door fram to move the car far enough. So I was stuck there. I tried calling my brother but he didn't answer his phone (probably at work), I tried calling my father but there was no answer there either, so I called my Aunt Trish. I mostly called her to vent because I knew there wasn't anything she could do. She offered to ask one of her friends or her bf to come help me, I was grateful. Unfortunately, it would be an hour or two or more before any of them could come. Then I got the the idea that I should ask the maintenence people if they could help, I went down to the office but they'd all gone home already. While I was there I spoke to one of the complex managers about maybe getting an extension because my brother hadn't gotten the money to me yet that he said he would loan me. They said that the higher ups weren't allowing them to be lenient anymore. I can understand that but I was still pissed. I walked back to my car, put it in reverse, and shoved it half way up the hill at a job from the driver side door. Ahh, the power of anger. I hopped in and put the break on, then I put it in neutral and coasted down the hill to a new and more level parking spot. I am the shit.



Now I'm thinking that I might use the $100 I was trying to use to make a partial payment on my rent to get my car a new starter so I have a way to go when they evict me. Sounds logical, right?

I called Wendy's and spoke to the lady that interviewed me, she tells me that she hasn't made a decision yet and to give her until Friday. o_O? Again I find myself wondering, what happened to, "let me see what hours I have available and I'll call you tomorrow"? So I'm boned. Even if I came up with the $250 more that I don't have, it really wouldn't do me much good since I won't have a way to pay the rest of the rent before the end of the month and I wouldn't be able to pay next month's rent. *sigh* See how much trouble can come just from getting towed?

JUST to add insult to injury tonight, I almost choked to death. I was sitting eating a sandwhich and when I swallowed for some reason it went the wrong way. I was seeing spots and when I tried to stand up to grab the phone to call for help I fell over on my back. On the bright side, falling over worked like a charm. It made me spit out that crap I was choking on. I stayed down on the floor for a little bit while I caught my breath.

I dug back a couple years in my journal in the poetry section for this. I don't think ANYTHING could better describe my mood right now:





Fuck It



Fuck this world and fuck this life

Fuck this dull fucking knife

Fuck time as it runs out

Fuck everyone I don’t care about

Fuck these cuts on my wrist

Fuck you because I’m pissed

Fuck the blood leaving my veins

Fuck it all I feel no more pain

It's funny, even in my worst possible "fuck the world" mood I still take you into consideration with ever idea I think of. Sometimes it's annoying but at times like this I think it saves me.

I might be fucked. I decided I was in the mood for frozen pizza so I went to head to Wal-Mart but my car won't start. It's doing the usual but worse. I'll turn the key and I'll hear the gears on the starter turn without engaging. So I'll stop and let it stop and try again. Normally after turning it a few times it eventually engages and the car will start. Sometimes it will engage but then spin free again and I'll have to try a couple more times. I just spent over half an hour trying to start my car. The starter engaged at the regular intervals but the motor won't turn over. I don't know why. I'm going to try it again in the morning but if it doesn't work then I'll be up shit creek.

I just remembered that I wanted to call Stokes a moment ago. I called them and talked to the manager, he told me that they're still reviewing applications but he said he wrote down my name and would look for my application. Then he promised to give me a call back in the next couple days. *sigh* I wish I could just start working tomorrow!

I hadn't heard back from Wendy's yet so I called them and the manager I spoke to told me that the manager I interviewed with left early today... What happened to calling me to let me know what hours were available? Bah! She'll be back in at 10-10:30 in the morning, I'll call then.

At first I couldn't get to sleep last night, the first 2 times I tried to go to bed I was kept from sleep by poems stirring in my mind. The third time I actually managed to fall asleep, I only stayed asleep for a couple hours though. I think I got about 2.5 hours of sleep last night. That's not a huge problem, I can run on that without a problem. What is a problem is that it's 8:30 a.m. right now and suddenly the urge to sleep is growing for me. *sigh* I was planning to be up this morning but I think I'm going to give in and lie back down.

I think Cancer must have made this one JUST for me. I mean, who else do you know that just fits this description?

My current addiction playlist:



My Leftovers by Porcelain and The Tramps

LeDisko by Shiny Toy Guns

Frozen by Celldweller

The theme from xxxHolic

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Haiku
05:40 Mar 09 2010

PATT = FTW

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You know, since losing my job I've had my first real struggle with depression. Most people associate depression with bipolar but that has never been the case for me, my normal low is at a steady neutral. As a result of this struggle my place is a horrible mess. When I get enough motivation to do something I immediately leave my apartment and do something outside of it, usually job hunting related. When I come back in I don't have the motivation to do much more than sit on the couch and dink on the computer. My place is a disgusting mess now. I'm determined to spend time cleaning tomorrow while I wait for the call from the job, I'm not promising that I'll get the place clean but I will get it better at least.

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Lolita
04:47 Mar 09 2010

Depression for me is the worse part of my Bi-Polar. When I am manic I am perfectly fine as long as people stay out of my way and let me do whatever I choose. Oh if I was unmedicated I could quite possibly conquer a great many things that I simply cannot be bothered with right now. Epic stories, great works of art... Damn those doctors and their "remedies"...



As far as cleaning goes...... fuck it. It is laborious and a complete waste of energy. When you have energy spend it doing something you enjoy not doing things that "must" be done. Wait until the inevitable mania kicks in and then you will probably find the task enjoyable. Throw away those mood stabalisers and party. I am only joking :P



"A clean house is a sign of a unlived..." or some shit like that...

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Lolita
04:48 Mar 09 2010

**worst** How dare I spell something wrong in your journal!!

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placidchaos
04:58 Mar 09 2010

Ha ha, No worries. I know what you're saying. I think this is actually aside from my bipolar but if it's not I fear the eventual up swing. When I'm on my usual low, the upswing can be pretty dramatic. I go from nearly nonexistent emotionally and fairly apathetic to intensely emotional (like a powder keg) and unable to stop. The psych says my ADHD makes my ups more dramatic. What I'm thinking is, if this is related to my bipolar it's the worst down I've ever had and that makes me wonder just how much more dramatic my up will be.

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Lolita
05:02 Mar 09 2010

I don't even remember my bad manic episodes... they usually end up in hospitalisation. Ok, I have changed my mind... get off your ass and clean!!

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placidchaos
05:08 Mar 09 2010

Yikes. I've known a few people who's manic episodes were so bad they were basically 2 different people. On their bad episodes they would do things that just weren't them and never remembered doing them when they came down.

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The problem with wearing leather boots is that the body heat that would normally be expelled through your feet isn't. As a result, you get really hot much easier and your feet cook.

It looks like I got the job! Yea-ya! It's not much but it's something. After the interview I was told that she had to double check what hours she had available and then she'd call me tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to having work again.

My brother is so awesome.



I went in to pay what little money on my rent that I can and still eat today. I've been sellin' this and that to get just a little bit more but it hasn't been enough. They told me when I went in that I have to have $250 more than I do now by Wednesday if I don't want to get evicted on Thursday. I felt like crying. So I called my mother to see if she would be able and willing to loan me some, she didn't answer so I left her a voicemail. Then I called my brother to see if he had anything he could spare to help, he said he could help me with some of it but not all of it. Some is definitely better than none.



I've still got a couple things I could try to pawn but I know I won't get much, if anything, for them. I have my little T.V. and a DVD player. I don't use them anyway since I watch everything on my computer and the few games I play are on my computer. I guess I do sometimes play the games on the XBox my aunt loaned me but not enough and the current need outweighs the desire to play them. I also have a collector's item that I could try to sell on eBay. It's a Lightsaber that is a universal remote. The person who gave it to me told me that there were only about 100 of it made. I don't have any pictures to upload though and that would make it hard to sell. Other than that I only have my computer and I am going to avoid selling it if I can, it's too much a part of me and it would kill me to sell it. The same could be said for my Mp3 player. I won't get rid of both, I won't lose my music. I will go homeless before I lose all my music.

Did you know that Johnny Depp likes to watch Teletubbies? He admitted this in a Playboy interview a few years ago.

One of the risks of interacting with me is that I'm an ornery s.o.b. I've been talking with this gal on aff, she's 37. If I had to describe her I'd say she looks a lot like Hayden Panetierre but older, she's still attractive. I've been trying to talk her into doing something with me, I can tell she's a little unsure/uncomfortable about the idea of being with a guy 15 years younger than her though. I've been pickin' on her a bit, just to be evil. It amuses the hell out of me.

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Lolita
09:19 Mar 08 2010

YOU ARE EVIL!!! No questions about it Placid :P

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placidchaos
01:26 Mar 09 2010

;) Heh, I don't deny it!

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I'm bored so I stole this from someone:



"NAUGHTY GAME" WANNA PLAY?

This is called the "NAUGHTY GAME".

Repost this, see how many MESSAGES people give you...

Mark all that apply.



Would you kiss me?

[ ] Hell Yea

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] Maybe

[ ] Already did



Would you do me?

[ ] In an instant!

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] Maybe

[ ] You look too sweet to do..

[ ] Already did



Am I attractive?

[ ] Heck no

[ ] Hot as Hell

[ ] Fine

[ ] Cute

[ ] Okay, I think ur pretty

[ ] Sexy

[ ] Ugly!



Do you think im a virgin?

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] Don't know



Name one thing you would like to do to me...

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3 things you would like to know about me?

1.)

2.)

3.)



If you saw me for the first time would you talk to me?

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] Maybe



Would you rather..

[ ] Hook up with me

[ ] Cuddle with me

[ ] Date me

[ ] Marry me

[ ] Friends

[ ] Have me as a fuck buddy



What kind of underwear are you wearing right now?

[ ] Boxers

[ ] Tighty whities

[ ] Thong

[ ] G-string

[ ] Granny panties

[ ] Boy shorts

[ ] None



What's your favorite position?

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What kind of pic would you send me of yourself?



[ ] No bra

[ ] No panties

[ ] Just in panties

[ ] Only bra and panties

[ ] Naked

[ ] Who needs pics, I have a webcam ;-)



On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), rate me..

[ ] 1

[ ] 2

[ ] 3

[ ] 4

[ ] 5

[ ] 6

[ ] 7

[ ] 8

[ ] 9

[ ] 10



What would you want me to be to you or what do you think about me?

[ ] Friend

[ ] girlfriend/Boy friend

[ ] Friend with benefit

[ ] I want your number

[ ] Pretty/Cute

[ ] Hottie

[ ] Sexy

[ ] Gorgeous

[ ] Amazingly Beautiful

[ ] I'd take you home in a second

[ ] I'd make out with you right now

[ ] I'd Hit it

[ ] I love you

I was talking to someone and I was reminded of a this:



I remember hearing back in 03 or 04 (I don't remember which, I just know it was one of them because I was working at CGI) about a young woman who was selling her virginity on eBay. I was at work when I first heard about it, one of my coworkers was reading the article in a magazine (Cosmo maybe? Not sure.) and was telling everyone about it. There was a huge controversy over it. People were arguing about if it was prostition, if it was human trafficking, and whether or not it could be proven not to be fraud beyond reasonable doubt (in other words, whether or not she was TRULY a virgin and not just saying it). The last I heard about it the bidding had reached into the thousands of dollars. I don't know whatever became of th situation in the end.

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SinginGhost88
21:55 Mar 07 2010

A very wealthy older man bought her for over $100,000.



It was on the Tyra Banks show.

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placidchaos
21:56 Mar 07 2010

Dude, good to know. I'd actually been wondering about it. I'm still surprised it was allowed.

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Lolita
09:21 Mar 08 2010

I remember that story. Most young girls "give" themselves away without thinking after a few drinks. Now if they had all been given such money.....



LMAO

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I'm not the most patient person in the world, when something upsets me it tends to do so quickly. Because of that I tend to get pissy pretty easy. The upside to this is that my temper usually burns out quick, once that's past all that's left is a lingering annoyance but even that usually doesn't take long to go away. I don't hold a grudge but I can be pretty stubborn, so sometimes I'll actually be over something long before you find out.

Normally I don't care about rates but coming by my profile to rate me a 1 because I rated evilangel723 a 1 is childish, especially since she got it for doing something that I said I would rate a 1 for in my profile right after she rated it. She had a 10 before that, she fucked up, move on.

I got this message a moment ago:



"Hi there. How are you. I wanted to let you know I rated your profile and portfolio, if you have one. If you would like to rate me back and add Me and my Journal that would be great. Just let me know so I can come back and add you to mine."





What annoys me about this is that this is covered in my profile. As stated in my profile, I gave this person a 1. The sad thing is that I'd rated them in the past and had given them a 10. People piss me off.

I'm honestly not one of the good people. Nobody truly good has the dark and violent desires in their heart that I do. I want to kill and destroy, enjoy havoc and mayhem. Keep in mind though, I am not one of the wicked scum of this world either. The things I ought not do I keep in check. Mostly I hear stories of things like rape, people taking advantage of the weak and/or helpless, and I long to rip out their guts and bathe in their blood. I hate humanity and I hate this society. I would destroy both if it were within my power. I do not really feel compassion the way I probably should either. In a one on one situation I do but I don't feel anything for groups that suffer. Like the whole situation with the earthquake in Haiti, I couldn't care less. There are people starving in Africa, I'm not moved. Yet I've completely fucked myself over before because I loaned money to a girl of 18 who was so desperate that she was selling sex on craigslist for $100.

I remember when I first started getting online and chatting and all that. My friends were all experts by then and I had no clue. I didn't know what lol or anything meant, it confused the hell out of me for the longest time when people would message me in Yahoo! chat with "a/s/l?" and nothing else. Of course, I was too unwilling to broadcast my noobishness to ask someone. So I bumbled along until I figured it out on my own. Now people are starting to talk in chat speak and modified forms of it. I hung my head in sorrow the first time I actually heard someone say "lol" out loud, I considered annhilating mankind the first time I heard someone says "lulz" and I thought it stupid that "lulz" should even be typed in the first place. Now half of what some people say online is done with single letters, half words, and words without any vowels. It's sad. Especially since this habit is permeating people's every day vocabulary.

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deathnitegrl
07:14 Mar 07 2010

There's a rumor that such texting is going to be acceptable in schools too!



oh my.........

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How easy it is to fall back into old patterns and habits. I'm talking to my ex Tina and it's like nothing ever happened.

I'm so bad. Lately I've been flirting with older women on aff, I mean like 40+... XD I don't know why, it's just tripped my trigger lately. Some of them have started flirting back too.

I finally got around to rewiring the USB cable that I accidentally cut. Now I'm getting a great wireless signal. Oh yeah, I'm the shit!

I really hate those times when my trouble seperating the things in my head from what's real causes me to freak out about something that isn't real. Take tonight for example. As I look out the window I see my car windows are down and it's raining! I freaked, I got dressed real quick and ran down stairs to roll them up. When I got down there my windows were indeed down but it hasn't rained at all today... -_- *sigh* SO annoying.

Dude, there's this chic on pof who's main pic TOTALLY makes her look like an elf. I told her but she never responded, I figured as much since I know that made me look like a complete geek.

I woke up this morning at 8 on the dot. I didn't wake up randomly because I'm unable to sleep properly. No, this time I woke up simply because I was well rested and didn't need to sleep longer. It's a strange thing for me. I never sleep as good as I did last night.

Dang! Somehow the best times on my minesweeper for expert level got wiped. I had it to 109 but I just got a score of 116 and it set a new high score... Grr... I wonder what how that happened.

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Lolita
06:35 Mar 05 2010

I have never understood how to play Minesweeper.... stupid as this may sound.

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placidchaos
05:30 Mar 06 2010

I won't lie, I used to think that made people look dumb but I've met quite a few people who don't understand how to play it. So no worries, I understand completely. I started playing it when I was 5 so I'm not too shabby at it. lol

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Today has been pretty good so far. Not much truly accomplished but it's enough. I've contacted basically everyone I've applied with around here that I haven't already had an interview with. After all that I went and got myself a Shamrock shake, oh yeah baby! Actually, I got them to mix it with a chocolate shake and man is that good.



Monday is beginning to look like it might be a busy day. I have an interview on Monday with Wendy's at 3:30, I'm supposed to call Pizza Hut back and ask to talk to Candy to see about setting up an interview, and the manager at the Cubby's I applied with told me that he was going to pull my application to look at it so I'm going to call them back on Monday as well.



All that doesn't really sound like much but all things considered, it is. This is more potential than I've had for work in a while. So here's hopin'!

When I'm job hunting and I start doing follow up calls on my applications I will respect it when a business tells me they're not interested and leave them alone for a couple weeks. If they blow me off because they don't want to take the time to deal with it, that's a different situation all together. Blow me off and I start calling back every couple days until you take the time to deal with me. I don't have patience for bullshit.

I've been calling places that I've already applied for follow ups. I misunderstood what the people at Stokes told me, they are review applications right now and will set up interviews when they're done with that. The only place I've been able to talk to the manager and have a response that was definitely positive is Wendy's, I talked to the manager but she hasn't looked at my application yet, so she asked me to call back at 1:30. At least I know she's looking at my app. right now. I only got the voicemail for the DoubleTree front desk manager, I'll try again later.



At the very least I might be able to get a job at Wendy's and that's better than nothing, way better than nothing and it's a start. We'll see.

"I spent years losing my conscience only for him to come find it again" Methos after MacLeod guilts him into helping their friend Joe.



I just thought that line was freaking great and had to record it.

I think I quite literally found the girl of my dreams. I came across a profile on pof of a girl that I swear has been in a couple of my dreams but I've never actually seen her before. Should I message her?

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Lolita
06:34 Mar 04 2010

Massive claim there Placid. Who am I to say she isn't the girl of your dreams... I guess you will never find out if you don't at least message her. DO IT!!!

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On pof there is an option to block people looking for intimate encounters (in other words, people on there just to get laid) and there's also an option to block those who have messaged people looking for that. What I find funny is that there are a lot of girls on there blocking one or both of those that talk about how they're looking for more than sex and that people looking to get laid shouldn't bother but I've found quite a few of them on aff or cl (even a couple on alt.com) talking about how horny they are or how they just want a fuck buddy. I understand why they're like that, they're on the one site specifically to find a relationship. It's hard to find a guy interested in more than getting in your pants without telling them you want someone to, so they seperate where they look to get laid and where they look to find love but it still amuses me that they say one thing on one site and something different on another.

Yum. I just finished eating my supper. Two grilled meat and cheese sandwhiches made with colby jack and shaved beef. It was good.

All things considered it wasn't a bad day. I did some job hunting and there's some hope. I finally remembered to put a battery in my watch so I've been wearing it, a cute waitress used it as an excuse to flirt with me. I might have a date with a cute asian girl. Not bad at all. Right now I'm watching Highlander and downloading some tunes. Here before long I'm going to get up and do some cleaning.



Cold by Static-X

It's been a fruitful day so far. I went down and applied for the position at Stokes, before I left I checked the job listings one last time and saw that the DoubleTree Hotel is hiring for the night audit. I applied there too while I was out since it's only a couple blocks away. While I was in the Old Market I stopped at Cubby's to get quarters for the parking meters and they had a 'Now Hiring' sign up, I asked for an app. but they were out of paper applications and told me that they have one online though. So sweet deal. I applied at another Wendy's while I was out and about today. Hopefully something will turn up. The manager at Stokes wanted to do an interview with me but he was doing weekly inventory and asked me to call back tomorrow.

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Lolita
22:31 Mar 03 2010

You reeled me in with your use of the word "fruitful".... I love that word, conjures up so many different wonderful images.

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placidchaos
02:31 Mar 04 2010

Ha ha

As long as it wasn't making you think something along the lines of, "be fruitful and multiply."

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I just woke up about 7 minutes ago and I feel great! I didn't sleep at all yesterday or the night before, I stayed up the whole time intentionally. I did that so I could manually reset my internal clock because it had gotten a little funky. I didn't feel a lack of sleep at any point though. When I went to bed last night around 12 I was actually feeling a little tired too. I slept great, I woke up feeling relaxed and refreshed. Maybe I should do that more often?



Things to do today! I have to go down to the pawn shop, I'm going to take my viola in. *cries* Ya gotta do whatcha gotta do, right? After that I'm going to go downtown to the Old Market because Stokes is hiring line cooks, that's something I have a little experience in. After that I don't know where I'm going to apply. Later this evening I should take some time to clean, the little cleaning I accomplished the other night has been undone and then some. My place is a pit and it's embarrassing. Well, it's shower time! (Everytime I say something like that Hammer Time starts playing in my head!)

I've been remembering my dreams more clearly than usual lately but only for about a day, I keep forgetting to record them though.

When I get bored I can be a strange person. I get a little loopy sometimes or strangely (and sometimes disturbingly) philisophical. Well, when I'm online and I get bored I browse personal ads and dating sites. I scan craigslist (cl) reading ads a lot, I bop around on plentyoffish (pof), and I even have a profile on adultfriendfinder (aff). It's something to do and some of the things you read on them are interesting, once in a while you even get to have an interesting conversation. Today I have a first though. I logged on to my aff account to surf around and see that I have a message from a woman in my area. Of all the various things I would expect to messaged abourt on that site, she messaged me because I list Static-X as one of the bands I like. I would expect a response like that for an ad on cl or my profile on pof but aff is essentially a sex date site. It was just a little surprising is all. Normally I don't get many messages at all, especially on that site.

I think I might need to take the viola I JUST got to the pawn shop so that I can get by. It's a frustrating thought nd I've been arguing with myself over it. Though, if I stop and think about how much they sell them for at the pawn shop I'd be taking it to, I might be able to get a little bit of a profit.

I didn't get the job with Anderson Food Shops unfortunately. So why am I impressed? They actually had the courtesy to call me and tell me someone better qualified had been hired. That's a rare thing these days, most people will wait for you to call them to tell you and even then they sometimes give you the run around for a while instead of being honest. This was refreshing.



On that note, I'm taking a couple hour break from job hunting this afternoon. I figure I'll get back at it after 6. I'm heading to some restaurants and stuff like that so I don't want to bug them during supper.