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Just what I really didn't need: To hear some chic upstairs getting her brains banged out. *sighs*



I am just so frustrated beyond measure, in many ways. The main thing is my financial instability, I keep telling myself that if I just keep going it's only a couple more weeks and then I'll be good. Unfortunately that frustration is only compounding others and is being compounded by others, I feel like I'm at a breaking point and that's just stupid. *sighs* I need an outlet and, I know this sounds cliche, I really just need to get laid. I didn't feel like this earlier, perhaps sleep deprivation is catching up with me. In fact, I was doing perfectly fine right up until the stupid night audit seemed to get all complicated on me...

The upside: Even though I've had so little sleep that I don't remember how much I've had, I'm still goin' strong.



The downside: I'm stuck about half through my night audit because I can't remember where to find some of the information I need and I'm not sure if I can pass this step, the person who I need to ask is staying in the hotel but they won't be up until I give them a wake up call at 6 a.m.

I don't know why but seeing that some of the same people visit my profle, portfolio, and/or journal consistently causes good feelings in me.

I sat down and more or less mapped out my finances, if it hadn't been for having money left over and the help of Tina I would be a few hundred dollars screwed. As it is, I'm still $300 behind (I'm not able to pay this coming month's rent on the first so I'm hoping that my landlady will be willing to give me one more extension) but I will be stable after the 13th of June. After doing some figuring, I've discovered that one of my paychecks in July has no obligations on it (as far as bills go) and I should also be getting my tax rebate check right around then too! If my figures are correct, I should have around $800-$1000 in July unspoken for. If I'm right I'll be able to do some paying on my debts and maybe I'll be able to get a cheap car (again). I got the shite with my checking account worked out so I'm good there, one less debt to worry about.



After looking at things I've realized that I may have been screwed more than a couple times this last year but I also made several bad decisions and mistakes. Some of them have almost kicked me in the rear but thankfully I've managed to stop them. Just a little further and I'll be good.

*sighs* It's pretty bad when even you think that you're inappropriately objectifying women...*sighs* What to do though?

Ohhh, some guy's in trouble... I see that my cousin is dating a new guy. I just hope that I won't need to kick his ass, I already need to beat one of her ex's but I don't know how to find him.

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SinginGhost88
22:02 May 30 2008

LoL...You're worse then me...Sort of.

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Q: "What confuses you most?"



A: "Confusion."

There are times when there are a million things you should say but can't.

There are times when there are a million things you could say but don't.

There are times when there are a million things you could say but there's nothing you can really say.

There are times when there are a million things you want to say but never do.

There are times when you don't know what to say.

There are times when you have nothing to say.

Then there are times when you've already said everything and just can't say anymore.

I was scheduled for three days off and I actually had them off, I'm not used to that. I got super bored last night and went around killing people for the Dark Brotherhood in Oblivion. That kept me entertained until about 6 a.m.



I stepped out my front door today to come in to work and the first thing I see is this yellow ribbon that says "Police Line Do Not Cross" around the front of my building... wtf? Apparently it was because Clinton came here today. I don't give a rat's ass who someone is, they don't have any f***ing right to tell people they can't leave their house for work because they want to bs in that area.



I'm not sure what was wrong with me on Sunday but my brain was in shut-down mode. Whatever it was isn't now, so no worries.

Cancer is F***ING AWESOME! I just went to close one of my threads and can you guess what I see?? There is now the ability for the one who started the thread to either "RIP" or "RIA" their own thread! Cancer, you are beautiful man!

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Morrigon
02:24 May 28 2008

Hahah you do not need to tell him of his beauty, he already knows :P

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Tonight I realized that I'm being a dumb ass. I told them they couldn't take the $275 out of what I have currently because it's my rent money but I would pay it this coming friday when I get paid. The only problem is that the money's still held until I pay it so what difference does it make if I pay it now or if I pay it on friday, either way it comes to the same end. The only difference is that I can at least take care of other expenses now if I just go and pay it (i.e. the check I wrote on thursday, I really don't want it to bounce). So, I'm going in to my bank on monday to pay that and have my account released.

*blinks* Apparently I'm a sweet vampire.... Heh? Some guy came up here to cash in a lotto ticket and one of the women with him (who is obviously drunk off her ass) comes up to him and whispers to him to say that I'm a "sweet vampire"... Gotta love drunk chics... Well, not so much since it would only get me in trouble. heh heh heh, Only kidding.

Isn't it common sense that if you're going to be going to a town where you won'e have anyone to stay with that you check with the local hotels BEFORE going to make certain that you'll have a room? I've had a couple of people stop in tonight from out of town who never bothered to call to check on availabilit or even to reserve a room and are annoyed that this hotel, the Super 8, the Comfort Inn, and the Best Western are sold out. I'm sorry but there's a wedding, a couple of funerals, and graduation here.

Ahhh, sweet! I just noticed that there is a "Jump to new replies" link in threads! That's f***in' awesom!

*sighs* I'm trying to be patient and not pushy, take things at her pace, it's killing me. It seems that there is no end to the half-dressed or barely dressed women around this place. *sighs*

Do I know Katy whatever? No, so how am I supposed to know where they are?

I have made the decision that once I finally get the internet at home that I'll go through the list of people who've rated me from the very beginning and rate.

Waukee Wells Fargo fucks me again! I had all the friggin' trouble you can imagine with that bank and so I left it, I know from talking with people that it is just that particular one so I went and opened an account with one here. Now I find out that not only did they not close my account when I wanted them to but there's also and overdraft on it of about $300. They did a "charge off" which means that they closed the account because it sat overdrawn for 60 days, bullshit. There's nothing I can do about it though because I don't have any of my bank shit from then so I just have to eat the cost! I am going to lodge a formal complaint against the Waukee Wells Fargo for this though, it's just too much.

Today was good, after Tina got off of work we walked to Wal-Mart and Game Stop. After we got back I managed to talk her into going out for pizza with me, I loved it. Getting to spend time with her was great and I honestly didn't want to let her go or stop kissing her when it came time for me to get ready for work. The only good thing about not being there with her is that I can lood forward to seeing her.

I get to work a 14 hour shift next week and then the next day I get to work a 12 hour shift! I don't mind really, I get three days off before that so it's cool. I was opposed to the idea of getting paid to mostly sit around and do nothing but this is different, it's more like I'm getting paid to entertain myself. I'm allowed to go on the internet, read, watch videos, or whatever else I need to do to not go insane with boredom. I actually like it, I've been catching up on some anime the last couple days.

I watched Morrigon's video of her dogs, I often wish that I had one. I miss having pets. I'm not allowed any in this apartment and I couldn't honestly afford one now anyway.

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Morrigon
19:17 May 22 2008

They're better than kids ;)

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birra
19:41 May 22 2008

Well, kids are great too.



But at least you don't have to pay for weddings or college with pets....

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placidchaos
20:33 May 22 2008

Oh, you've never seen how rich people can get with their pets I take it? I've heard of people getting their dogs married!

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I decided to go portfolio rating today and I have been horrified by the amount of people who have decided to just fill the description area with image links to photobucket! How about using the wonderful portfolio as Cancer set it up? It isn't that hard and, in fact, image linking is harder! I don't have a problem with people doing some image linking there but several people are just using that or are putting dozens of images there and have only one or two in the place designated for them! Knowing how things are I'm probably going to get some revenge rates but I don't care, not to mention that I don't think my portfolio deserves that high of a rate anyway since I hardly have anything there.

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Oceanne
18:50 May 22 2008

what do you mean linking to photobucket? Isnt that how one generates the html? its what I did

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placidchaos
19:00 May 22 2008

Yes but what I'm referring to are people who did that instead of uploading, you did both about equally and that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when there's a mile long portfolio and then I get to the bottom there are none to two photos there, especially so when the mile long portfolio is basically filled with internet graphics.

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Morrigon
19:07 May 22 2008

People are lazy. It's the same as when someone joins and then just pastes the link to their myspace or vampire freaks profile in their description.

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I got off of work about an hour ago, I came home and relaxed for a bit and then I decided that I wanted to walk up to get a soda. While I was out it decided it was going to start raining, one drop hit the top of my head and rolled down my face and then it just started a slow release. It was beautiful. It was so refreshing and relaxing, now I just feel so alive! I should probably go to bed since I plan to get up in a few hours to go see Tina before she goes to work and I feel a little tired but I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep.

I find it interesting to look back through the poetry section of my journal and see the progression of both the emotion and the style. Once upon a time I wasn't able to write anything that was over five lines and most of my work was four. I had a short period of struggle a little while ago and so I went through a phase of writing haiku, for me that is one of the easiest (I don't think easy is really the right term but it's the best I can come up with) and can act like a key. Even when I can't find inspiration I can write a haiku but it will often lead to either inspiration or enough thinking that I can find out what the problem is. I'm very grateful to Joli for turning me on to them.

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Joli
03:00 May 24 2008

I agree. You have come a long way. I'm actually goofily proud of you, even though I don't have any right to be :)

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I must have been carrying quite the static charge, I just got shocked through a ceramic bowl. What the f***?!

Have you ever looked at the sun and looked past the light to see the sun itself? I used to do that a lot, for some reason it intrigued me. The first time I ever did it I did so because I had been told I couldn't, naturally I had to prove the person wrong. Back then my eyes weren't sensitive to the light like they have become over the years (not that it's actually been that many but...) and yet I have always had amazing night vision (so much for the vaunted ability of carrots! I've probably only eaten 3 complete carrots in my entire life!). For some strange reason I decided to do that yesterday. Considering how sensitive to light my eyes have been it was a foolish thing but to my surprise it didn't hurt my eyes. Maybe the light sensitivity is going away?

24 days (not counting today) until my birthday! 25 'til I actually celebrate it. I look forward to this birthday like I have no other since my tenth. It's not just because I'm turning 21 either, I actually have reasons to celebrate it and a need for celebration (I just need to have some fun). Tina says that she'll have A drink but she won't actually go drinking, I still haven't decided if I intend to do more than just go out.



I'm working 11-3 tonight, I'm looking forward to it. I'm usually awake and dinkin' around during those hours anyway, so why not? Someday this week I need to shave almost an hour off of my shift, I'll probably have to do it tonight or tomorrow night. I went over monday by about an hour and I'm scheduled at EXACTLY 40 hours, Lexi said that a few minutes is ok but it's a bit more than a few minutes and I don't want her superiors getting cranky with her because the guy coming in after me was late.

You can't get cancer, everybody has it. It isn't a virus or bacteria. Cancer is a mistake in somebody's genetic code that all have in them, when somebody "gets" it it's simply that something triggered that particular genetic flaw. None of these things that supposedly cause cancer actually cause it, they simply wake it up, for a lack of a better way to put it. The only way we will ever cure cancer is to manipulate genes so that the flaw is removed. In other words: no chemical scientists come up with will ever cure cancer.



Another thing that a lot of people don't realize is that not all people with cancer actually have a problem. There is malignant cancer and benign cancer. The benign kind doesn't hurt you but it does have the potential to become malignant and therefore it is usually taken care of when discovered. Hell, I have benign cancer and I've never once suffered (unless you count them doing a biopsy on it without numbing the area).



I do wish there was something now that could cure cancer, I think the only way we'll get it is to promote stem cell research. It's not like they have to take an egg cell to do it anymore, they've learned to synthesize stem cells out of skin cells. Many scientists believe that to be the key too.

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Sinora
06:40 May 20 2008

Just heard on the news this morning that the UK gov has given the go ahean for half human half animal embryo research.

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Still you cannot bear all this pain

Still you cannot bear to walk away

Darkness still lives silently within

Still you cannot bear all this pain



That's part of the lyrics to the song Spiralling Into Depression by Into Eternity. I don't know why but I felt the urge to write them in here and so I have.

The mystery of why I have so many things listed in the lost and found log and so few of them actually in the lost and found box has been solved: there's actually a room without about 12-15 other lost and found boxes!

I would say no more putting it off but since I can't afford to not put it off I'm going to have to. I was eating my lunch today when my right front tooth decided it was going to finish breaking. So now the only thing holding it in IS the anchor that the dentist put in and just barely. I can't bite anything at all, the suction of swallowing wiggles it around and causes pain, and it hasn't stopped bleeding which I'm sure is caused by the jagged edges and shards. I'll have to go to the dentist to get it removed properly but guess what? My insurance that I have for the rest of this month isn't good here and so I'll have to have $75 up front to get the work done, work that's probably going to cost me a few hundred dollars that I can't spend. I can't even reasonably afford the $75. If this had happened even a couple days sooner it would have devestated me, I don't deny that it frustrates me now but I look at the difficulty and laugh (inwardly). I'm bummed that I'm going to be missing my two front teeth (and if any of you think it funny to post that ridiculous song here I will block you and woe to you should we ever meet in person) and it's not even that I haven't taken care of them. I have always taken care of my teeth but my body just wouldn't accept them after they were put back in. I often entertain the vain hope that they may grow. *sighs* Oops and oh well, it's not worth worrying about it until I can do something (although I'm going to have to make a list for myself of things that I'll be able to eat without biting).

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Morrigon
01:19 May 20 2008

ow ow ow ow OW OW OW GEEZ WHY!??!?

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placidchaos
04:08 May 20 2008

Back in 2000 I knocked them out while trying to do a flip on a trampoline. The dentist put them back in and did a root canal (not sure I spelled that right). Unfortunately my body rejected them the way it might reject an organ and so it absorbed the calcium out of them in order to break them down the same way it does to baby teeth.

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I was going to rant a little bit about an obnoxious customer that just came in here that annoyed me but I find that I have no real desire to do so. As my ability to cope with everything slowly faded I seem to have, well, I don't know how to say it but if you've read my journal than you may or may not have noticed an increase of such things. As I went to type the rant I suddenly realized that I had no need to because two seconds after the guy left I didn't truly give a crap. I used to be like this, unbothered by those kinds of things. Something changed in me and they started to more and more, that prticular something has unchanged now.



P.S. I realize that there are probably a few extra words misspelled in this and a few of the other entries I've done here at work but I don't want to put them on the word program here and it's not worth going online somewhere to spell check. Sadly, my spelling seems to be getting worse as time goes on...

My personal strength over the last several months has been something of a battle, I have no clue what exactly initiated it. It's been like a city under siege. I can't imagine why after all the crap of the last several months but last night was when the battle peaked, the enemy had gained the advantage and breeched the walls.. Through a vast effort I managed to drive them back out, the city was descimated. As the day dawned it was a bleak outlook, surely the next battle would see it fall. Then I went and saw her, just for a few brief minutes but they were a relief that I can't even begin to describe. We embraced each other as we parted and in that moment the city was whole and healed. I don't know why but when we kissed right then it was like it undid it all and if some cruel chance of fate put me through it all again I would come out the other side a little better than I had this time.

As I always do, I have been doing some self examining and I've come to a realization about myself. I am a beast of burden. This works physically and emotionally. I am oddly good at bearing weights, I have come to see that my ability to lift and bear a weight depends more on whether or not I think I can rather than the natural laws of physics. It also occurs to me that it is naturally in me to carry the mental and emotional weight that burdens people, I think that is why so many ease their burdens on to me. Somehow they instinctually know that I can and am willing to take it from them. This extends even more so to those I care about and yet I find it interesting that those are the people who hold back, if anybody were to hold back I would think it would be the strangers but the strangers are the ones who seem to find it easiest to open to me completely.

Well, I was supposed to get off of work at 11 but my co-worker called and asked me to stay til midnight and here it's 3 minutes shy of 12:40.

*sighs*

Next week I have to watch how long I'm on the clock, I'm not supposed to go over too much since I'm scheduled for exactly 40 hours and we're not supposed to have overtime.

There are some people that you come across that after barely having really met them you detest them as you might a disgusting bug you'd have no problem stepping on. I don't know why though.

I can't stand jack-asses who think they need to try to be my boss or whatever when I have no need of them and they only, just grr. Just do your fucking job, which has absolutely nothing to do with mine, and I'll do mine. Lose the "holier than thou" attitude while you're at it.



One of the things that sets me off the fastest is disrespect. I don't like being disrespected and I don't like people being deliberately disrespectful to others. Once someone does this I develop a severe loathing for them that is hard to reverse, especially if it's my first impression of the person.



What happened to the old saying "If it isn't yours than don't touch it"? This applies to more than just material items. One of the former Miss Americas is having her wedding here and there's some dumb ass talking about wandering into the wedding just to gawk and get free food. Then there are these fuckers who are talking about this as if the wedding is like a buffet of free ass and speaking with total disregard about it all.



To be honest, were it not for the fact that I would be in jail for doing so, I would have no remorse over killing some of these little pigs or at the least teaching them a lesson by humiliating beyond imagination. I don't mean cold blooded murder, I would challange the worthless shits to a duel. Sad that such a practice is taboo in today's society, I honestly think that it would make the world a better place. Not to mention a much more respectful one.



Respect has left the hearts of much of mankind and with it so has true dignity, personal pride (not the kind that makes one arrogant), and honor. Most people these days don't know honor and even if they did they probably wouldn't be honorable. I also believe that a person who chooses to be dishonorable is deserving of a fate worse than death, rapists fall in to that category and some of these disrespectful pricks are probably only short of that because they're afraid of getting caught by the law.

All I want right now is quiet and to see my girl.

I would rather be shut up in a dark room with nothing but my thoughts than here in this large group of noisy people... It makes me feel irritable and violent.

Me: *answers the phone* "Front desk, how may I help you."



Guest: "Hi, umm, I was wondering..." in the background-"Just ask him but I bet I'm right"... "Do you have a girlfriend?"





These girls were hanging around the front desk all night, some middle school girls. Just tell me why?

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Morrigon
05:14 May 17 2008

Mebe they're underwear was too tight?

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Sinora
11:13 May 17 2008

Oh oh you a babe magnet lol

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placidchaos
23:18 May 17 2008

Ha! I just don't get it. While I no longer consider myself near as unattractive as I used to think I was, I have no delusions of being hot or overly handsome. Not to mention that I am visibly over weight, shouldn't girls their age be interested in boys closer to their age and you know?

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MBK
04:48 May 18 2008

Welcome to Huron. Where the HMS students are more retarded than Barney.

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Why do people post responses that are intentionally contradictory to the question posed and quite obviously add nothing of real value?

It seems to me that all too often people post things in the forum and seem to have no understanding of the rules of doing so. I have an idea to help solve this. You know how there are T.O.S. that you have to agree to when you sign up? Well I thought it might be a good idea to set up some Terms of Use for the forum that people have to agree to before they are able to participate in the forum. Have it pop up on them the first time that they try to post and have them be required to click "I Agree" before they post. It wouldn't be too hard considering that it's laid out pretty well in The VR Manual. Then have a graduated system of punishment set up. Step One: Deletion of thread (this would be part of all of the steps of course) and written warning, Step Two: Written warning and temporary suspension of ability to use the forum, Step Three: They would be suspended pending their ability to show that they understand the Terms of Use to the satisfaction of a Dominar, Step Four: Banned from use of the forum that can only be lifted once they've joined a coven by both their Coven Master and a Dominar, Step Five: Irrevocably banned from use of the forum. Of course they could make an appeal at any step, I know that I've had threads that were mistaken for not being appropriate according to the guidelines and I was grateful to be heard out and in both cases my thread was returned. Also, should the Dominar who comes across the offending thread choose they can be lenient if they feel that it is appropriate to be so.



What do you think?

It's a link to an article

Wooohoo! I just successfully made my very first link! I know it's nothing to y'all probably but it's the first time I've ever tried and I did it right!

Did you know that you can tell what kind of a credit/debit card a card is by the first number?

Visa=4

Mastercard=5

Discover=6

Amex=3 (Also, Amex cards have one less number than other cards)

If I get married I will not stay at a hotel, I will not have many guests who might stay at a hotel, and I will have no functions for it at a hotel. Not after working at one whre people did.

What a coincidence... There are some guests staying here from guess where... Des Moines, IA. The place I just moved here from.

Dang, right as I'm trying to have a conversation it suddenly decided to get a little hectic here.

What is it about doing good things for people that makes you feel good? Especially the smaller things that most would over look and not care about. Like today, on my way home from the grocery store I was walking by the bank. As I passed the driver thru the wind gusted suddenly and somebody's deposit slip blew by me, so I took a few steps to step on it and pin it to the ground, picked it up, and then I went up to the window and gave it back to the person it belonged to. In my experience most people would have seen the slip blow by and disregard it as unimportant and those are the kind of good deeds that I find are most rewarding, the ones people tend to disregard. The man was genuinely grateful. Another thing about said acts is that observers tend to remember you and accord you more respect the next time you should meet. Those things are not why I do them, I do them simply because they're there to be done and I'm there to do them and they're the right thing to do.



Of course! That's it, they're the right thing to do.

I went to pick up my paycheck and it was a little more than I was thinking it was going to be, my girl was there (she works there too but she's usually off doing something when I stop by and she works mornings and I work nights) and so I got to steal a kiss (this is something since she's very uncomfortable with p.d.a.) before going and opening a new checking account, then it was off to pay my rent and since my first paycheck is understandably small I only have $20 left but that's more than I thought I would so booyah.



My landlords are awesome people. First they let me put off paying this month's rent for half of the month and then when I pay it they're more concerned as to whether it's going to ut a strain on me than in the fact that I owe them the money. On top of that they tell me that if I need to put off next month for a little bit that I should let them know and it's no worry. Amazing people. People around this town that I've come in contact with are generous, compassionate, and friendly. I don't think I could have moved anywhere better for my fresh start.

Over the past 8-9 months I've been struggling to get on my feet. I've used all sorts of excuses to explain this, i.e.: they found out about my injury, my car isn't working, etc... The truth is that I while those things were factors they weren't the reasons, I was. So I continue to sink into this financial hole. Don't get me wrong, I have been genuinely trying to get out but I have lacked the ability for a few reasons. It's true that I could have gotten out long ago by taking disability like the doctors wanted me to but I just can't bring myself to do so. That would be like admitting defeat and I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to accept that.

Even though you'll probably never get me to admit it ever again, I can barely stand up at all. Every moment that I'm on my feet is agony and every step I take doubly so. It takes conscious thought just to walk around, I have to focus on my knee not giving out on me and mentally force it to step forward when it's its turn.

Another thing that I'm loathe to admit is that I can barely function at work anymore. I'm not handling my mental illnesses as well as I like to put on. My swings of mood due to my bi-polar are far worse than anyone knows but I've gotten adept at covering it up, sometimes I literally have to cause myself excruciating pain just to keep from losing control of my temper and other times I'm so apathetic that I'm not sure how I manage to get myself out of bed or do anything at all. When I'm actually at work it's all I can do not to just go sit in a corner and shut down, especially if there's any stress at all. My depression, despite the fact that I've always denied that I have it, is so bad that I'm crying a lot. I don't cry in the usual sense, tears have only leaked from my eyes once in the last almost 14 years, my crying is all on the inside where nobody would know. I have contemplated suicide more times than I'd like to say and not by choice, they're just thoughts that are there and waiting for the chance to get themselves thought.

I'm afraid to be around too many people because I fear that one of these times when somebody says or does the wrong thing when I'm on one of my more unpleasant mood swings it will be the time that I finally lose control. That or it will be the breaking point at which I really can't funcion anymore.

Since I'm struggling against what seems to be quicksand, it seems to be getting harder and harder to deal with it all and keep everything from rebelling.

I could take the easy way out, go file for disability and have the psychiatrists declare me unsafe to work with the general public but I can't. Not only am I too stubborn to take such a path, one where I'm not required to put out any effort at all, but I'm afraid to do it. There are a few what ifs that I can't handle. What if they decide I'm too much of a danger and lock me up? What if people find out, how would they act and react around me with that information?



I'm just not sure what to do anymore.

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Sinora
18:38 May 16 2008

It takes a real man with balls to write what you have just written.



Bi polar and fear go hand in hand.



You have come this far, now I think it's time to gather the remains of your courage and take the disability.



Believe me, it's not an easy way out.



What ifs' are a part of everyones life, all outcomes are uncertain until a decision is made, I hope you make the right one for yourself.

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On my walk home tonight I had a nice little companion. A little tabby kitten came dashing across my path and so I stopped to pet it. It decided I needed a buddy and followed me, it also must have thought I need protection because it was trying to do that. Now the poor little guy's down stairs sitting outside the door to my building.

Alright, I'm off of work and so I'm off to the grocery store so that I can get some sustanance in me! HUNGRY!

I'm sooooo friggin' hungry but I don't have anything to eat or really any way to get anything! I'm stuck at work and I'm starving! I'm thinking about calling Tina and asking her to take pity on me...

I have just enough time for a quick shower and then it's off to work, where I'll probably get back online...

So there I am cooking myself lunch, I'm in fairly good spirits since I love this sandwich and it's been a good day so far. I lift it off of the frying pan to check whether it's cooked and my arm decides to have a muscle spasm... I was so pissed. There was my beautiful and delicious sandwich on the floor, this might not have too big of a deal except that I'm out of some of the ingredients. *sighs* What a waste, so I cleaned it up and threw it away. Now I'm still hungry and I don't know what I'm going to eat, at least I got to eat one.

Man, this sandwich I just made is so good I'm seriously considering marketing it... I wonder if any of the local restaurants would be interested in it?

Grilled roast beef, turkey, pepperoni, provologne, and american cheese sandwich... YUUMMM!

I suppose I SHOULD go out and do something at least mildly productive today... I just don't know what! *Tiny angle appears on left shoulder* "Perhaps you should clean your apartment today!" *Tiny devil appears on right shoulder* "Nah, you should just relax and have a bit of fun today!" *Tiny angel clears throat* "But his..." *Second tiny devil appears and conks tiny angel on the head* "Yeah, just chill today man!".............



*sighs* I don't know but I feel like a soda so I'm going to go out for a walk and maybe read in the park....

Me: *standing at a cross walk with Tina waiting for it to say we can walk, starts walking* I like to time it so that when I start walking my foot will hit the pavement of the road right as it says I can walk. It amuses me.



Tina: Oh you're easily amused love.



Me: Yeah, but is that a bad thing?



Tina: That depends, it can be.



Me: Oh, how so?



Tina: It's bad when you stop in the middle of the street to look at something shiny.



Me: Wait, but I've done that! There was something embedded in the pavement in the middle of the street so I stopped to look at it.



Tina: Just don't get yourself run over or you're in trouble!

Me: Sometime after I get a car again it would be nice for us to go cruisin'.



Tina: I don't know, I'm not sure I trust your driving.



Me: What are you talking about? You realize that you're talking to the guy who drove on icy roads in Iowa with no brakes without getting in an accident, right?



Tina: Oh I'd trust you driving in that.



Me: Huh?



Tina: In dangerous situations I'd trust you just fine, I'd prefer you to be the driver then because you could handle it but I don't think I'd trust you with everyday driving. Your attention span is just about as bad as mine.

*sighs* As of the end of this day I will be in contempt of court... I was supposed to have paid off my tickets by no later than today and if I hadn't I was supposed to be at the court house to speak to the judge and this was all supposed to be done in my home town. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay off my tickets for a couple more weeks and I certainly can't get to the court house there. That means that they'll issue a bench warrant for me, I really don't need to worry about that as long as I don't go to Boone county before I pay the tickets, except that it will show up on my record for a while. *sighs* This is mildly depressing.

I drew a face free-hand and *blinks in mild surprise* it really isn't bad for being the first attempt I've ever made at it, without a template to look at and draw from that is. Anytime I've done this I've looked at another picture and copied it (no tracing, just copying) and they've always turned out decently but this time I just drew it and it's borderline good! Considering that I have so much trouble just picking up my pencil and randomly drawing without something to look at on anything else I always thought that if I tried it with a face (which I have trouble doing even with something to look at) that it would for sure turn out to be a piece of shit but I was wrong. I should take a picture of it and add it to my portfolio.

So you don't have a feature that's available to premium members because you're a free member... Whoopdee-friggin'-doo! If it bothers you THAT much that you need to put it out there like that than perhaps you should PAY FOR A PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP and if that's too much to ask than you're probably on the wrong site. Cancer set up this site, it's easier to work with than other sites that allow you to do similar things, it has more options available to you for your profile than most other sites, and since it's not owned or run by some corporation I'd say that it's perfectly within Cancer's rights to ask for a little compensation in return for some extras! Hell, he gives us this awesome place for FREE and it's not like myspace where it's just a website, this is an online community that we CHOSE to come to. I would be thrilled to chip in here as I can! I can't say too much because I didn't pay for my premium membership this time but if I could I would! Oh, and don't try to give me any bull about it not being a complaint because I won't buy it.

It seems that the wireless signal I've picked up on is hit and miss but with more miss than hit. After that last journal entry last night I couldn't pick it up again, I wasn't even sure that journal entry had gone because when the page loaded it said "Cannot find server".

Don't touch the inside of a 400 degree oven with bare hand.

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Morrigon
06:16 May 14 2008

Say..now that is clever... ;)

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meeper
10:00 May 14 2008

I've done that too. Some days our heads aren't functioning as well as others lol

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placidchaos
21:02 May 14 2008

I was having one of my more absentminded days and as I went to take my food out of the oven I leand on the open door... *shakes head at self*

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*Evil cackle* I have captured yet ANOTHER wireless internet signal! muahahaha!

I hate it when a thread goes in the wrong direction, especially when it was specific enough not to. It would be nice if premium members had the ability to remove comments from threads they started. I've seen threads that had so many comments that were unrelated, way off base, and/or were so unintelligent that I couldn't stand them. I just closed a thread of mine that I thought had died a while ago but it hadn't, I was frustrated enough with it that I wish that I could have made it "RIA"!

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deathnitegrl
20:13 May 12 2008

Yeah people tend to do it or else repeat the same things as others said already.



It seems to me that not everyone has really understood what a Forum is.

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I think that I know what I'm supposed to do but I'm not 100% so I'm going to ask the third shift guy when he gets here.

Huh, the thing told me I have a new journal comment but I don't... I wonder if it was on the entry that I shifted from Release to Wall of Shame? Perhaps the system still registered the comment even though it had been obliterated by my edit?

I just realized that I don't really need to do my cash count because there's been nothing done with cash ALL day.

[21:26:31] Morrigon : yep yep

[21:27:22] Morrigon : of course if I don't pour another drink...the sprite will go flat and be icky...and wasted.

[21:27:45] Morrigon : I don't want to waste

[21:28:28] meeper : yes of course

[21:28:32] meeper : that makes perfect sense

[21:28:46] meeper : i'm not sure how many of these little drinks i'll get to

[21:29:01] SYSTEM : sweetXbanshee has left the room.

[21:29:45] Morrigon : as many as you can

[21:29:51] Morrigon : C'mon! Put the hair on your chest!

[21:29:58] meeper : nah I can't sleep well with them

[21:30:04] Morrigon : awww

[21:30:25] meeper : i think i'll quit and move onto eating ... Seven's cooking

[21:30:26] SYSTEM : Bloodmother has entered the room.

[21:30:44] meeper : Woohoo bloodmother!

[21:30:56] Bloodmother : Resist peer pressure, Meep.

[21:31:01] SYSTEM : mimiminx has left the room.

[21:31:17] meeper : I will be strong.

[21:31:19] meeper : I will survive!

[21:31:20] Bloodmother : I have no idea what's going on, but that's my advice.

[21:32:00] SYSTEM : placidchaos has entered the room.

[21:32:04] meeper : Its perfect

[21:32:18] meeper : On that note though I am going to make Seven cookl lol

[21:32:23] meeper : have a fun night!

[21:32:48] placidchaos : Help! Save me from my boredom! I still have an hour and a half 'til I'm off work and I've run out of things to entertain me! (jk)

[21:33:03] Morrigon : BOOBIES

[21:33:15] Morrigon : Did you read Stabb's fascinating journal entry about tits?

[21:33:23] Bloodmother : What were y'all trying to get Meeper to do. Maybe we can get placidchaos to do it instead.

[21:33:37] placidchaos : Oh dear lord, I think that just did it for me, nope, I'll go hit it.

[21:33:51] Bloodmother : What's the gist?

[21:34:29] Morrigon : It's great

[21:35:25] Bloodmother : What's your take on tits?

[21:35:51] placidchaos : They're awesome in the right amount.

[21:36:01] Xanael : huh what ? someone say tits ?

[21:36:22] Bloodmother : What's the right amount?

[21:36:32] Morrigon : I personally feel that we need to help preserve tits

[21:36:42] Bloodmother : Judged by one's ability to not be smothered

[21:37:05] Bloodmother : that would fall under the category of head-banging

[21:37:27] placidchaos : Hmm, the right amount is that they're they're and I don't need to back to see them... Yes we should

[21:37:36] Bloodmother : you mean natural ones?

[21:37:39] placidchaos : woops there*

[21:37:44] Morrigon : natural tits in the wild

[21:37:58] Bloodmother : feral tits

[21:38:01] SYSTEM : meeper has left the room.

[21:38:03] placidchaos : Well, we preserve nature and aren't they originally natural?

[21:38:15] Morrigon : well we have to preserve their habitat

[21:38:20] Bloodmother : they need their own preserve

[21:38:42] Bloodmother : a green zone for tits

[21:38:47] placidchaos : hmm, would a women only nudist beach count?

[21:38:50] Morrigon : exactly

[21:39:12] Morrigon : According to Stabb's journal, they cope well with warmth

[21:39:31] Bloodmother : The silicone ones?

[21:39:54] Bloodmother : The silicone ones have to be massaged into softness . . . I've heard.

[21:39:56] placidchaos : Ohh, I so have a smart comment to that but I know my girl friend would hit me for it so I think I should hold back

[21:39:58] Morrigon : ....No the birds

[21:40:23] placidchaos : What? Blue-footed Boobies?

[21:40:33] Morrigon : They've been adjusting to the climate change and laying their eggs sooner than they usually do

[21:40:46] Bloodmother : Is "birds" code for tits?

[21:41:01] SYSTEM : Kitsuna has left the room.

[21:41:02] Morrigon : The Great Tit bird

[21:41:07] Bloodmother : Ahh . . . his journal entry is about the birds called tits.

[21:41:09] placidchaos : Oh wow, show's where my mind is at

[21:41:32] Morrigon : those tits are so cute

[21:41:33] Bloodmother : I thought you went and read it . . .

[21:41:49] placidchaos : I am now, it takes a while to load on this computer...

[21:42:14] Bloodmother : oh right, like I believe that . . . fake tit reader.

[21:42:22] SYSTEM : vamperave has entered the room.

[21:42:31] Morrigon : How could you lie about reading the article about tits?

[21:42:32] Morrigon : :P

[21:42:48] placidchaos : I'm definitely saving this conversation... *copies and pastes to "Wall of Shame"* I just got the BBC link to load

[21:42:48] vamperave : whats up?

[21:43:01] SYSTEM : DarknessBound has left the room.

[21:43:03] Morrigon : Up is traditionally the opposite of down

[21:43:05] Bloodmother : I didn't. I wanted you to summarize it for me, or placidchaos.

[21:43:23] vamperave : hello whats up everyone?

[21:43:23] Morrigon : hah

[21:43:37] Morrigon : Everyone here may agree that up is traditionally the opposite of down

[21:43:47] vamperave : ???

[21:43:50] Morrigon : unless we're feeling...funky

[21:43:59] placidchaos : right now? As far as I can see I'm the only one up around this place

[21:44:09] Morrigon : .........?

[21:44:25] placidchaos : Though, I did here some people on the stairs earlier

[21:44:39] vamperave : what is going on people?

[21:44:43] Bloodmother : unless you're feeling funkilicious, which is a changeable place to be

[21:45:08] vamperave : funkilicious lol! thats a funny word.....

[21:45:24] Bloodmother : I'm never sure in this little box, vampirerave. Please help . . .

[21:45:31] placidchaos : hmm, funkilicious? I feel the urge to shake my groove thig now...

[21:45:55] vamperave : lol! ill do a little dance and then do my little turn on the cat walk?

[21:46:06] Bloodmother : yeah, see, just that word makes you change, makes you want to get down

[21:46:19] vamperave : lol! it does =P

[21:46:31] Morrigon : your turn on the catwalk?

[21:46:39] Morrigon : yeah? do your little turn on the catwalk?

[21:46:45] vamperave : lol nvm if you dont understand......

[21:46:46] Bloodmother : shake that thing around

[21:46:48] vamperave : lol!!!

[21:46:58] Morrigon : ok I'll shut up

[21:47:00] vamperave : *shakes my behind*

[21:47:19] placidchaos : Are you too sexy for your shirt vamperave?

[21:47:28] vamperave : yes!!! oh to sexy

[21:47:59] vamperave : ...?

[21:47:59] placidchaos : I can just feel myself getting smacked tomorrow when I tell Tina about this...

[21:48:02] Bloodmother : is it because it's the vr shirt?

[21:48:05] Morrigon : I wasn't too sexy to wear my VR tshirt, but it did cause me to lose my pants

[21:48:18] vamperave : wtf?

[21:48:24] vamperave : lose ur pants?

[21:48:31] Morrigon : yep

[21:48:38] vamperave : wow O.O

[21:48:40] Bloodmother : now that's a good chat box story, crossing legs on floor and listening intently

[21:48:42] placidchaos : Don't you know all vr peeps want Morrigon's pants? Or is it in them?

[21:48:44] Morrigon : Cancer has a picture of it. I'm sure he'll use it against me some day :P

[21:48:57] vamperave : lmao!

[21:48:59] placidchaos : I personally don't think I'd look good wearing them

[21:49:10] vamperave : i prob would!

[21:49:12] Morrigon : pants?

[21:49:17] Morrigon : oh, my pants? hah

[21:49:31] vamperave : or you want me in short shorts?

[21:49:35] Morrigon : Sure you would!

[21:49:40] vamperave : lol!

[21:49:47] Bloodmother : I always think of your pants as sacrosanct, Morrigan

[21:50:16] vamperave : what no comment on short shorts?

[21:50:23] placidchaos : Hmm, if Cancer offered to throw in the pic with all VR T-shirt purchases he'd probably sell more

[21:50:36] Morrigon : Say now there's an idea

[21:50:39] vamperave : lmao! nice just nice

[21:50:49] placidchaos : short shorts are evil, I tend to see things I don't want to when they're worn

[21:50:51] Bloodmother : that's marketing!

[21:51:04] vamperave : lol!

[21:51:54] vamperave : i snore to loud!

[21:51:59] Bloodmother : When you google vr there's a youtube for the Girls of VR. Are you in it Morrigon? How about youvamperave?

[21:52:17] vamperave : idk im not a girl

[21:52:18] Morrigon : Really?

[21:52:30] vamperave : yea lol

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Morrigon
04:12 May 12 2008

LIES! All of it!

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Assuming that we have a linear existence, what would happen if you simply stepped off the line? What if you were an outside observer neither having an affect on nor being affected by time? It might be interesting, especially if a future you later did the same thing. Also, obviously with the ability to simply observe time you would be able to see the future but would you still have said knowledge upon returning? For that matter, would you be able to? Since we are assuming that our existence is linear would that be possible? How could someone possibly exist outside of existence? Woah, talk about scifi novel type thinking.

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Morrigon
03:29 May 12 2008

Don't leave out the part where Brad comes and ruins everything.

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There are "understood" to be 3 dimensions in this world and these are expressed in height, lenth, and width/girth but in movement there are also considered to be 3 and they are expressed in forward/backward, side to side, and up/down (this was somehow applied to time when I heard it). I was just reading an article and it spoke of the possibility of a fourth dimension and it occurs to me that with movement there is indeed a fourth dimension that exists in this world: stationary. It makes me think, if somebody managed to become stationary in relation to time (assuming we have a linear existence but I don't believe that we do) how would that affect them? I'm trying to imagine up a good analogy but nothing truly suitable comes to mind, I imagine it would cause them to have the appearance of eternal youth. I don't know. I personally don't believe in a linear existence, it just doesn't make very much sense to me. When I think about this it makes me think of movies like "Back To The Future" and the concept of thse movies make me laugh simply because they are neither possible nor plausible with a linear existence in mind. Say, for example, someone you care dearly for is murdered so you travel back in time to stop it and thereby change the order of events. If you should succeed, that would also mean that you would have had no reason to travel back to stop the murder so you won't have done so and that would mean that they would still be murdered... It's a paradox. If we have a linear existence than it would be impossible to undo the past because doing so would undo us undoing it. Do you follow? If you go along with what they say in "Back To The Future" than it might be possible to give yourself the appearance of having changed things by "creating an alternate timeline" but I find a flaw with that idea too. Say you do end up in an alternate timeline but that would mean that you still had reason to go back and change what you did so that would also mean the other timeline still exists. So what would happen to said other timeline? Would it simply stop where you left it? No. I think that if things are as we're assuming they are that that would mean that you did not create a different timeline so much as enter an alternate reality. By altering said event and then trying to move back forward you are obviously moving forward in a reality where that event never happened but that event still did or else you wouldn't have changed it. So it would seem to be that you have changed time if you didn't stop to consider the whole thing.



As I have said though, I don't believe in a linear existence. Hmm, now I have a story idea in mind... I hope you were able to follow my bullet train of thought.

I just left this quote as a comment in a journal and thought "Huh, I should put that in my journal."



"A fool thinks he knows everything where as a wise man knows enough to know that he knows nothing" - I don't remember who said it but I think they were famous.

A customer with the last name Chavalier just called to reserve a room. Apparently they must have thought that pronouncing their name wrong would confuse me so they said it as "Shavalleer" and then spelled it for me.



Me: "Huh, just like Chavalier."



Customer: "Oh, that's it actually. Do you know some Chavaliers there?"



Me: "No, not really. I'm just familiar with the name"



Customer: "Huh, that's weird."



I'm guessing that their name must throw a lot of people off when they say it.

I come across threads that interest me all the time but it seems that more often than not they're either all pretty well covered to the point where it's pointless for me to add my two cents because I'd just be repeating something that's been said too many times already and/or I get so annoyed with so many of the replies that I don't continue reading. *sighs* It's a little frustrating.

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deathnitegrl
23:38 May 11 2008

yeah it hapens :(

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Sadly, I disagree with that belief. Giving someone life does not make one worthy of thanks. If I accidently tripped and pushed you out of the way of a bus but after only made your life miserable and a struggle would you ignore the fact that I had accidently gave you life and rejoice at my existence or curse all the negativity that I had brought you since that day? My life is an accident and therefore is not much of an accomplishment on my mother's part that she deserves credit beyond the fact that she didn't have an abortion, I was a forgotten condom. So no, she deserves no thanks on that end and has done nothing for me to be truly thankful for since. In all reality she didn't even raise me, she just happened to be there while I was growing up but only barely until I was about 15. At that point she was there because she quit working, partying, or doing anything outside the house and left me to be the adult.

A holiday set up to celebrate mothers. I personally have nobody to celebrate. My mother was never much of one and since it's against her religion she doesn't do this holiday anyway. In a way I come closer to envying those who have or had a mother to celebrate than I do anything else but then I think "Why bother with that?" and so I don't. Instead I have determined that I will not have a wife or children with a woman unless I think that she is indeed somebody who her children will think fondly of and want to celebrate later in their lives. Basically, I will make sure they have it better than I do/have and in more than just that one way...

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Bones
21:57 May 11 2008

Your mom is the one who gave you life. Today is the day that you give her thanks for that, regardless of whether or not she was a good mom or bad.

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I've discovered that I have to be careful about going to profiles on the work computer, I've had a few freeze it up...

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BloodxXxOverDose
04:06 May 11 2008

yeah the flash or the over populated profiles with images can do that.

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placidchaos
04:15 May 11 2008

Yep, it's unfortunate too. I had come across one who's opening 'bout had me out of my chair laughing but it froze before it finished loading.

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Well I'll be damned...

I just read somebody elses journal and it got me thinking a little. I wonder what would my mother have done had I not been willing to work full time and pay the bills and what not when I was 15? Sadly I think that we would have ended up completely homeless

I get off of work in about a half hour, it's alright but a little boring. At least they don't mind me surfing the net while I'm here. It only pays $6.50/hour starting but that's enough to pay my bills at full time. I may have found a car, it's a 1990 Chevy Celebrity station wagon but it's $100, I don't know what's wrong with it you so I'm trying to get some info. I cooked dinner for Tina last night: fried chicken, garlic mashed potatoes, chicken gravy, and buttermilk buscuits. I liked doing it. I'm feeling a little secluded with such a limited ability to have contact with the people I wish to, hopefully it won't be too long 'til I have that remedied. There's even less for me to do here than there was in Des Moines but strangely I'm liking it. I've been staying home and reading or going out for walks at night and being content with that, for some reason with something to do I felt that I needed to be doing something but since there wasn't anything that I wanted to do I felt that there wasn't enough to do and I never realized that I had available what I wanted to do all along. Tina's boss' mother-in-law passed away right before I moved here and so all her kitchen supplies were given to me, now that's generosity if you ask me. I've been a little overwhelmed by the kindness of the people in Tina's life, they are really great and care for her very much and so care for me by extension. I'm still looking at getting an AA degree but it's not an immediate concern.



I'm really enjoying my time with Tina. I don't think I could be happier than when I'm holding her, yet, there is a part of me that regrets (yes I said regret) the fact that I will never get to hold Her and that causes a little bit of an ache. *sighs* None the less I think that this relationship is right, Tina and I go together. You know what I mean? I really and truly believed that I wouldn't feel this way and this strongly for anybody else but... In 5 days it will be 2 months that we've been going out, 12 days to a whole month in person and not on the net.



Tina turned me on to a new author: Terry Pratchett. He writes the Disc World series, it's genius...

This is my first day at my new job, it's going well so far.

Things are going well here. I just got a job... finally. I'll be working full time at one of the hotels here. Things are going good with Tina, despite that I keep feeling this confliction... I don't know if it will ever go away. I found out that my ex is pregnant but thankfully not far enough along for it to be mine, or so she says. I am only able to get online at the library at the moment so I won't be able to be online more than a half hour each day but I'm going to make an endeavor to be on. I have much more that I'd like to say but I don't have the time right this moment.