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pookahchu: I just friggin figured it out! the major depression is a symptom of the cascading anxiety. Anxiety is my root problem.

Rob: Well, how do you stop anxiety?

pookahchu: for me, it's deep rooted, and longstanding, and probably going to take medication and years of therapy.

pookahchu: But it helps to know that the Major Depression can be a symptom of the untreated exasperated anxiety, and it all makes sense why sometimes alcohol, xanax or ultram can help me cope.

Rob: Hmm..

Rob: I don't know what to tell you. What exactly is anxiety then?

pookahchu: I'm reading it now.. but it wasn't until I started to do reaserch on major depression that I found that people who have major depression because of an underlying anxiety disorder are especially difficult to treat... that I put it together when one of my doctors a long time back diagnosed me with anxiety and prescribed a 14 day supply of xanax.

pookahchu: that's when I started to find out how anxiety and depression relate, and all the pieces seemed to start to come together!

pookahchu: remember in "parenthood" when the mckauly caulken character lost his retainer, and he had a fit? That's anxiety. That was an example of why they use medication like ritilin for children

Rob: never saw parenthood

pookahchu: oh, you gotta see it. It changed my LIFE!

pookahchu: ok, it was one of the films that influenced me as a person.

Rob: cool cool

pookahchu: anyway, I'm excited that I'm actually starting to figure things out. How I work... Not just that I'm stupid, or I'm being lazy, or why can't I just do it?! I actually have a paralizing fear, a brain issue, that I need to just stop, listen and do one little thing, and then I'm ok.

Rob: http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/03/07/bruce-lees-top-7-fundamentals-for-getting-your-life-in-shape/

Rob: read that today

pookahchu: Ah yes. "Thoughts are things" Your thoughts create your reality. We all know this. But those of us who are compulsive worriers have a bit of difficulty keeping the leash on those thoughts.

Rob: I think my problem is that I tend to obsess

pookahchu: You could have a similar problem. But the fact that alcohol hasn't grabbed you and said, "come here... let's be friends" would probably state that yours is a bit different.

Rob: Well, I didn't grow up in a place where people really drank.

Rob: So I didn't really have that much interest in it.

pookahchu: While I'm reading the bruce lee thing... you read this.... https://www.vampirerave.com/member_articles2.php?entry=19

Rob: That, and because of my body size.. I would have to drink a whole lot in order to get a buzz..

Rob: but I would usually end up getting to the point where it would go from Buzz to 'SLEEPY!!!'

Rob: So when I would drink, I would mostly just want to go to bed.

Rob: So 'Sleepy' or 'SICK!'

Rob: hehe

pookahchu: I'd say mee too... but I was a bit skinnier when I was in california and I was REALLY drinking. So I think.. if you've ever seen a hypnotist make a person act drunk... it's probably like that for me.

pookahchu: Hey, do you mind if I copy this whole thing and paste it in my journal? I want to make sure I don't forget this revelation.

Rob: No worries.

Rob: ;->

pookahchu: Now that's the rob I remember. "No Worries." lol. I started using that for a while you know...

Rob: Hehe.

Rob: As opposed to psychic-damaged Rob.

Rob: err psyche..

pookahchu: oh, and I use hehe now a lot too. That was yours too.

Rob: *nod*

Rob: ;>

pookahchu: I don't *nod* yet. But I do *squee!* (that one's from a friend of mine named Corey.)

pookahchu: alrighty. I'm posting nao- so's I no forgets!

COMMENTS

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Sinora
23:05 Jun 13 2008

You know yourself better than anyone else, but I think some kind of counceling would really help you just now.

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pookahchu
13:39 Jul 02 2008

Yep, that's how I got involved with the term "major depression" in the first place... I started seeing someone when things got really difficult for me financially and I've spent the last two months wondering how I was going to get gas, food and doctors appointments. It's been a tough time. And silly mee thinks I'm too fat to deserve to go to a food bank.

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The 'cee said the funniest thing the other day. I was stretching the limits of my 5'2" capacity; reaching up to put something away on the very tall shelves, not watching where I was going... when he put his arm up in front of me to stop me. I looked at him like, "What?!? I'm trying to work here!"



"You pay attention to the stars, sweetie, I'll keep an eye on where your stepping." and he points down at some clutter and sharps that would have most certainly hurt if I had kept going.

That was a laugh anyway.



*sigh*

It's so damned difficult to keep myself motivated some days. (Especially rainy days like this where everything hurts.) It's also pretty damned difficult to keep reminding myself that all feelings are in my own mind, and all I have to do is decide how I want to feel, and keep feeding myself the thoughts that lead to those feelings.



I keep trying...



On a related note:

It occurs to me that the biblical passage that proclaims "everyone must carry his own weight" is actually less about "everyone should be working", and more about "Pay more attention to what you're doing, g/f... and not to what he's doing. Do the best that YOU can do - every day, no matter how contagious your environment.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
06:45 Jun 04 2008

*Nods*...motivation goes walk about if you don't keep and eye on it ...still looking for mine lol

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