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Today's lesson...hmm, difficult to decide on what I should talk of. Politics? Philosophy? World economy? No, I rather think not. But, what is left to talk about? My attraction for my local bus driver, whose name I may never know? It seems that this maybe a good place to start...



There is a driver on my local route, I've seen him quite frequently on the past year. I smile at him everytime I ride his bus, of course he smiles back, it's his job, right? I know nothing about him and he knows very little about me. Oh, damn, I sound like a teenager! Stupid little crush, pathetic little unrequited obesession. I'm confident enough to just say it, I never have been. I fear I never will be.



Getting back to the problematic subject of love, further complications continue to arise. I have a friend, a good friend by all accounts, so sweet and gentlemanly. He revealed something to me, he has a crush on me, has for years. I guess this is not such a problem, if I stopped here. But it continues. We have never been available at the same time. I had a boyfriend, he was single. Then, he had a girlfriend, and I was single. We message fequently. The things we talk about are things two friends don't seem to. We compliment each other. We seem to fit together perfectly.



Here's is where the comlications really take over. He not only lives 130 miles away, in the city I lived in year previous, but he has a girlfriend of 3 years and counting. There is but one thing I can do, nothing. Just let what is be. I can't make him mine if I wanted to, he belongs to another and I will not take from her.



It appears I have less forutune and more fate. What's the difference? Fortune guides good luck, but fate decides where you are headed and I think I'm headed for disaster. Welcome to my world of Grimm Fairytales, the truth Disney will never speak.



Here it is, the truth. Snow White died of food poisoning, Sleeping Beauty fell in to a coma and never woke, Beauty was accidently maulled by the Beast and Cinderella was inprisoned for impersonating a courtier and so on... I am, of course, Bella Swan originally. I moved to a new area, Edward doesn't exist and neither does Jacob. So, I ended up with Mike (literally). Now, I'm alone because this lamb's lion does not exist. Oh, sure, you may say. But all our lives can relate to fairytales, old or new.

So far, insignificant. A warm day, if somewhat sunless. It seems empty to me. I contemplate an encounter I had two weeks ago, wondering why he declared his attraction and faded as quickly. I believed his words when he told me did like me and was not dissappointed in the slightest on our date. I think it just proves one thing for me; I am still too naive to trust in love.



Still, I cannot dwell on such things. Life does not stop because of another failed attempt at finding my soulmate. Perhaps I was right not to let myself get completely attatched. And so to pass on to brighter notes, I can only hope.



I sit alone, in a cafe, listening to a selection of songs that I should have stayed away from. Why do the overly sensitive listen to such heartbreaking music? I cannot understand why I do it. Maybe it's imagary of the lyrics, or how it reflects the inner persona. Either way, I think it kindles some kind of dormant emotion, last felt when the last person I loved walked out of my life forever.



"Heir kommpt die sonne". A phrase I should believe in. Roughly translated as "here comes the sun". It should lift me, and sometimes it does, but not enough. I know what's wrong with me, I know how to remedy it, but it is difficult to cure. I need to be loved, and I will love in return that is guaranteed. I just can't find the one person who can wake me from my everlasting slumber. I have been living soullessly, I know. It's not like me.



I must say a thank you to Stone Sour. I was just listening to "Hesitate" and they're right!!! I don't need someone who heaitates, I need someone who acts. Thanks for that, guys.



My final thought...never take love for granted. If you have someone who loves you endlessly, never let them go. Love them as they love you. Love is the most precious thing we have.

Day one...I have no idea what I'm doing. I suppose venting my daily frustrations here will seem mundane and ultimately childish. To which case, what else do I write?



I'll begin with myself. I'm solomnacknowledged, a name I chose from Vermilion Pt2. Ahh, my dearest Slipknot. There is poetry in their screams, much like the wolf baying at the crystal white moon. I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not. But I will embark one truth, I am a Hallowe'en child, that I have no cause to lie about. I love that fact. I would never change it.



That's enough for now, I think. When I understand more of this, I suppose my entries will grow into novellas. Until then, I'll test the water with short paragraphs. I may express more as I venture.

COMMENTS

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Isis101
01:03 Jun 25 2012

And such a treat to read...your well-crafted sentences hint at some great reading here...for me, anyway.

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SinginGhost88
01:12 Jun 25 2012

Agreed.

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solomnacknowledged
13:39 Jun 25 2012

Thank you.

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