When I was diagnosed with bipolar depression the year I turned 18, it was certainly a shock. How could I be so young?
I wanted to write a journal. To shine a light on mental illness, to be vulnerable about the days I let it take control and paid dearly for it, and to tell anyone fighting a similar battle:
You are not alone. You are not broken.
If you know people who are suicidal, or if you know people who are bipolar, depressed, have panic attack disorder, just be there for them.
They're going through something that's very, very hard.
Which of my feelings are real?
Which of the me's is me?
The wild, impulsive, chaotic, energetic, and crazy one?
or the shy, withdrawn, desperate, suicidal, doomed, and tired one?
Probably a bit of both, hopefully, much that is neither.
They ain't gon love you like I did you put our business in public, just like a dumb bitch what the fuck? 3 in the morning texted me on somе dumb shit
Bitch keep it up!
I try, try, try, try, try, try
Can't nobody say I didn't try!! can't nobody say I'm getting high
Can't nobody say I didn't try!
I'm on a whole another level I'm high as hell in hell I fought a whole other devil.
You think I'm getting high by choice?
You think I'm getting drunk by choice?
I have no choice, it's feeling like I have no voice
This ain't real love it's just a decoy
Tell your best friend, "Don't mention me, whore."
She ain't even seen me before
I need real love, I need rеal drugs, I need more
You could catch me at the dеvil's front door
What the fuck I gotta run for?
Why the fuck I gotta gun for then?
Lemme count my commas
Ain't tryna deal with the drama
Save it for your mama.
I'm thanking God that He made you part of the plan I guess I ain't go through all that Hell for nothin
I'm always fucking up and wreckin shit, it seems like I perfected it
I offer you my love, I hope you take it like some medicine
You tell me, ain't nobody better than me, I think that there's better than me
Hope you see the better in me, always end up betterin me.
It seems nowadays I have them every night I feel though, if you’re able to control your dreams, you have more power and control over your mind, like you could reach more areas of your mind. Therefore, I feel like it creates the ability for you to achieve more things in reality.
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