Journal log stardate 0627.05. One week after being laid off. Still Jobless. Starting to panic. Feeling like no one gives a damn. I feel usless. Tired. well i'm not tired. persay. I can't sleep. I'm overstressed to the max. little things are bugging me now turning to bigger things. To the worst things. I'm running out of time. Where is the support from my friends? What other answers other then I DON"T KNOW. I'm so sick of that bloody fucking excuse.
Yah. I swore. Get over it. I'm about to lose my god damn way of life.
Somehow I'll find a light.
Somehow it will be alright.
In my darkest hours.
I turn to thee.
I ask you to help me.
Something good should happen
Light the darkness in my mind
Chase my fears.
Kiss my tears.
tell me what i need to hear.
I feel so alone
Can't be mended.
Twist and turning
I can't see strait.
My mind is lost
The words escape my lips.
My fear is getting to me.
My dreams are disappearing.
Make it stop Please.
Make it right.
Something good has to happen
I'm happy to be alive!
I know it will.
I know not to fight this.
I know what must be done.
But it's getting so sick and futile.
Help me will you please.
Hug me once.
Kiss me twice
Make me happy.
Don't forget me.
I'm still alive.
My poem is strange.
It makes no since.
I'm loseing me.
My battle is dieing.
One i've kept alive for so long
Ever since she left me.
The fight to be me.
You call me mean you call me hatefull.
You never been with me.
You never can understand
Only if you were with me
Would you begin to comprehend.
You say rude things about me
You say they are the truth.
You Don't BLOODY KNOW me.
You never really tried.
I'm tired of your excuses.
No more LIES
I am me
I am Poly get over it.
I'm accepted for me why can't you do the same.
This stuff i just wrote. Has been building inside. Again I ask you to forgive my past. JUST BLOODY let it go. I may of screwed things up and didn't do them right. That dosn't mean you stop being someone's friend. I'm a friend for life. Nothing else matters. The mistakes I will learn from. Give me a chance before it's too late.
No one knows how much time we really have. It's based on no facts or figures. Everyone dies. I believe i'm many things. I respect people that respect me. Don't treat me like you don't know me when you know you do.
I'm just a man. Looking for a job. Right now. Trying to make my life not fall. Like in the poems above. I'm just a man. I make errors. I can't spell. I do what i do best play video games listen to music. I cry I laugh I joke around.
This is not to anyone particular. Don't go pointing fingers. If this is about you. You already knew it. I'm just asking for another chance to be known. Don't pitty me just cuz i don't have a job. And may be on the streets. This is nothing I can't over come. This here is my longest entry ever.
If you want to help me out great. IF you want to treat me like you have been great. If you want to treat me like crap. I ain't going to dwell on it. Cuz you were never a real friend to begin with.
This entry remains here and only here no copying and pasting this with out my permission.
This is the only one i have so far made that i have done this. Save the poem.
Had a fabulas time with my friend. (ex)hunny i guess you could say. It was fun. I havn't been to a concert in ages. It was so much fun. HIM was fantastic too.
Today i was layed off. I don't know what else to write at this. I'm confused angry upset and down. Currently looking at the online jobs so i can pick up another one with out delay.
Hopefully, IF you are in minnesota and have any job leads please message me.
The good news first. My coven is up and running. Huzzah. So yah that's always good.
The bad news. I didn't get the job. The one I was applying for. Turned down a second time. Starting to wander if this is even the job for me. They don't understand reason and logic.
It's bringing me down. I know better. But I still feel like no one really gives a damn about me these days. I had 245 friends. now 214. Shows me who my real friends are.
I get to build my coven. Go me! I rock. Ok maybe. We shall see. Currently no inductions happening at the moment. However, I have a few potientals that Ill be getting brahahaha. *cough hack* Mental note no more evil laughing.
A couple got busted yesterday for trying to sell thier 4 year old child. For $50,000 on the internet. This is real google it
I'm just a member can't induct. Can't set up. Just waiting around for cancer to do that voodoo he does so well. Just must exercise patient. Let me know what you think of the shield and the reprensentation
I'm creating a Coven.
I'm looking for potential members.
I ain't saying what the coven is at this time.
This has nothing to do with why I left my house. I appresate Nic, and NB very much I'm doing this to prove to myself I can do something of this calibar. It's something I need to do for myself to better myself. This may not make sence to you but you ain't me so :P
So I just got back from my interview. I'm a mess. Nervouser then hell. But it went ok. OK is always better then a bad interview. I stressed i Knew both systems and how i was the best canidate. I should know by the end of the week.
I have an interview today for a new position at work. Hopefully it will go well. More information later.
I have no idea what to do. It's about 517am. About to leave for work. I want to take back the things I've fucked up. Yah. I admit I haven't always done the best of things. Only what I thought was right at the time. Even though that had caused trouble. I am now a sire on this site. *Cheers and throws confetti.* I want a fresh start. Some of you dislike me alot. Cuz of actions I did or didn't do. I'm asking for a fresh start. Which I've said before. I don't know if I should start a coven. I don't know if I should stay in the house I'm in. I haven't really talked to anyone in it in a while. Nic seems way to busy to talk to these days. Though NB has talked to me. I don't know if she'll ever say the words she once did to me. This is not to cause pain. So don't even think that. I just run out of options. I'm not very useful in the house. Part of me wants to stay. I no longer post anything in there. The other part wants to create a coven. I've made some enemys and don't know how many people I could get. Not to mention any favor I have gotten won't do anything for me if I left the house. I don't have that much. I'm bored of the games that are there. Back when it was the peg game i knew I could win it. All the rest of them next to hangman I'm lucky if i can win. matrix forget about it. I still can't figure that bloody thing out. I don't know if i'm asking for help. I really don't know. I need to make some major desisions.
For those that really don't like me. Give me a fresh start. Even those that mess up deserve a second chance. That's all I ask for.
Suggestions are much appresiated.
Message me or email me or IM me.
Last night Mieta and I went to Rocky Horror picture show. We met lady shada. She was very nice and looked lovely. THe show was very good. I had a great time. Unlike the time before when i had to leave cuz the person i was with at the time was bored out of thier mind. They didn't want to stay for the end of the movie. Irronicly it was about 20 mins away. Nevertheless. Last night was fun. Hope to do more outings like this. It was fun to go out and be with out.
Fantastic cast. when i say this i mean the live people doing it. The only movie i know where you can talk out loud dance and throw TP. I only wish I had a camera.
I been thinking alot lately. I know I've done things that have hurt people. It wasn't my intent which you are well aware. I ask of you to give me a clean slate. Look in your heart and find that you are able to. I want to have friends again. I have my small circle but not the amount I started off with. The only thing I can do is ask you to forgive the wrongs I've done. I'm trying hard to become a better person. Working on things that I should of a while ago. Some have gone and downrated my girlfriend. Because of actions I did. Why I don't know? Just because I did something wrong dosn't mean you can wrong someone that is innocent. I won't beg you to rerate her. That's on your own countiousness. All I'm asking is for another shot to be your friend again. As soon as I hit the next level My profile will be entirely revamped. Things that are there dosn't mean they will be. Take a long look at it. Cuz it will be massivley changeing. Again thank you if you forgive me. If not I suggest you just don't talk to me. I have things I need to do before i hit the next level