Just a fool.01:12 Mar 08 2015
Times Read: 475
I guess I'm slowly losing faith in it. In a romantic love.
I don't think I'll ever be able to find such a person I'm looking for.
My twin flame, my ultimate soulmate.
I've been feeling for a while now that the cord between us has been cut.
And while it doesn't make me sad per say, it does leave me with a sort of hollow.
I barely feel him anymore. But I don't think of him as much either, which makes it all the more bearable.
I don't know who was the one that disconnected, maybe it was me, maybe it was him.
It doesn't really matter, because it is kind of easier this way.
Still sometimes, when I'm struck with the beauty of this Earth, and I think to myself, oh, how he would love to see and feel this, I still send it to him through my heart.
To this faceless, nameless boy whose heart beat mimics mine. He's a man now, I guess.
I don't know whether or not he still receives anything, maybe he just pushes it away. I understand why, I know how this bond can be unbearable at times.
Maybe he's found someone to love, and if that's the case, then I'm glad for him.
There was a time when we'd play almost every waking day.
A phantom touch, tracing soft caresses down my cheek.
A jolt of inspiration, striking as suddenly as a summer storm.
Silently speaking.
Smiles in bubbles that burst over my head
and a wave of tickling tingles from one familiar heart beat to the other.
Never more than just a faint feeling, but always with all the certainty of all the world.
A glimpse of home behind closed eyes.
But then again, maybe I just thought everything up and none of this was real.
I don't know, all I know is, I'm not sure of anything anymore.
But still, when I think about relationships, and what I want from a romantic one, it's that.
I want that deeper connection. Where there's no room for pretend or fear, just love and growth, no matter how painful it can be at times.
I want the impossible, however foolish it may sound.
Till then, I'm done with men, the stupid little games they play and all their empty words.
I'm tired of it all.
Because when I love, I go into it so foolishly and completely, it's overwhelming to say the least. Even when I know it's not going to last.
It doesn't matter to me.
What mattered to me was the time and lessons we shared, and the connection. The love.
Though even this no longer holds any appeal to me anymore and, until our hearts meet, I'm done.
I guess it's always been
"rather loved and lost" for me.
I guess I'm just a fool.
COMMENTS
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xXBlackenedxWingsXx
06:50 Mar 08 2015
Like the Rise Against song "Satellite" says: You can't truly love until you've given up on it.
Love comes to you when you don't believe you'll ever find it.