The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

21:49 Dec 31 2014
Times Read: 1,528

My eldest cousin, Chris, invited me to his New Years Eve party. I'm debating if I want to go. On one hand, it gets me out of here and out with people. On the other, I'm still kind of sick, and I wouldn't drink, as I'd have to drive home. Spend time with family and friends, or stay home with Xbox and Halo. Decisions, decisions.



Whatever choice I make, I'll be on my own. So, do I want to wallow in the loneliness by myself, or go out and try to play social with others? Honestly, neither option sounds all that appealing.

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09:12 Dec 31 2014
Times Read: 1,538


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21:53 Dec 29 2014
Times Read: 1,559


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21:24 Dec 28 2014
Times Read: 1,586

I'll be your biggest mistake...



I'm selfish, unkind, uncaring, and manipulative. I'll take what I want from you, leaving you little to nothing in return. I'll pretend to care about you until I grow bored, then it's off to seek new prey. The game is my own, and I'm so very good at playing it. You'll never know the rules, and by the time you figure it all out, it's too late. I'll be sweet and innocent, coy and demure, all to reel you in. But once I've caught you, my personality will do a complete 180. You'll be left wondering where that girl you met went, whether she even existed at all. Word to the wise, she doesn't exist. She could never exist. She is a lie, a mask. For her to exist, be real, I'd have to actually care even the slightest about you. And, well, we all know I'm incapable of that. Oh, I'll say the words, those three little words, but to me they hold no meaning. Empty. It's just another tick, another falsehood. It's all fiction. I'm a sociopath, unable to comprehend that what I'm doing is wrong. Unable to feel anything towards anyone. I'm just pretending.

This is what I hear in regards to myself far too often. Yet, it's only here, never in my reality, that people throw these words at me. That in itself speaks volumes to how real any of the above is. The "truth" is only how those from the outside see it. If you got to know me, really got to know me, off and away from this little world we've created for ourselves online, you would understand. You would see that I'm not the monster so many paint me as. So many people who know nothing about me, my life, are able to pass such harsh judgement based solely on how I handle myself here. If you base your ideas of a person merely on what's said in a journal, or off second hand information from those who think they know, you're doing that person a great injustice. I don't aim to change minds, though. I have no desire to show anyone here more than they've already seen. And, well, I suppose that only perpetuates the belief that I really am like described above. But, well, as you're not real to me, none of you are real to me, I guess what you think doesn't matter in the slightest. So, please, carry on the way you do, be content in the fact that you think you have any real idea. I won't argue the facts with you, I've no patience for it.

10:33 Dec 28 2014
Times Read: 1,596

Oh, there's that self loathing. I wondered where I had misplaced it...

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02:42 Dec 28 2014
Times Read: 1,619


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20:03 Dec 26 2014
Times Read: 1,647

It's by no means an ideal situation, but fuck, if I'm not just so hopelessly addicted.

19:05 Dec 26 2014
Times Read: 1,655

I had a good Christmas. Not so much because of the gifts, though I finally did bust open my Xbox One, but because of who I spent it with. My aunt Sue was down from Arizona this year so we did Christmas Eve at her house for the first time in about ten years. Everyone was there except my younger cousin Matthew and my grandmother. But even so, it was nice. It brought back memories of when I was a kid and my brother and I would spend our Christmas break at her house. Opening presents at midnight. I missed that, so it was great to be able to revisit the tradition. Christmas day, as usual, was spent with my dad's family, and that was fun as well. Small and intimate and wonderful.



Tomorrow it's back to my aunt Sue's house. My cousin Matthew is flying in from Wyoming today, so she wants to do a little celebration with the whole family.

PRIVATE ENTRY
00:35 Dec 24 2014
Times Read: 1,678


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23:12 Dec 22 2014
Times Read: 1,713


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00:59 Dec 22 2014
Times Read: 1,735

I wish I could go back to the time when I was ignorant. When I didn't know the truth of the situation. It all makes so much sense now...



I may be in my late twenties, but I am still so horribly naïve.

PRIVATE ENTRY
23:17 Dec 17 2014
Times Read: 1,778


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21:10 Dec 17 2014
Times Read: 1,789

I need to stop. It gets me nowhere to carry on so. I need to stop. I need to just let go and walk away from the ashes, not continue to disturb them. I did too much to ever hope to get back what was lost. I need to accept that fact. It's my doing, I need to understand that it can't be fixed with stupid words, no matter how heartfelt and sincere they may be. Sometimes things are just too broken to be fixed. I need to stop...



The silence says more than any words ever could.

20:58 Dec 17 2014
Times Read: 1,796

23:18 Dec 15 2014
Times Read: 1,815

Life seems to be taking a ton of unforseen turns for me these days. It's not a bad thing, just something I'm not exactly ready for. But, I'm embracing this, eager to see where it gets me.

12:31 Dec 13 2014
Times Read: 1,842

Oh heart, how you flutter so.



Stop that.

01:33 Dec 11 2014
Times Read: 1,851

Blah.

That's the kind of day I had.

That is all.

Just blah.

18:28 Dec 09 2014
Times Read: 1,870

I caved and I bought the Destiny Expansion Pass yesterday, since all my friends were getting the expansion and I wanted to run through things with them. Man, new missions make that whole game feel like new again it's refreshing. Granted, it's gonna get old fast again, with the repetitiveness, but for now it's fun. We also attempted the raid and, well, yeah... That was difficult, to say the least. I was up until about four just messing around on it. It's gonna be fun maxing everything out again at the new level cap.

22:06 Dec 07 2014
Times Read: 1,884


This ain't no place for no hero.

This ain't no place for no better man.

This ain't no place for no hero to call home.

01:27 Dec 06 2014
Times Read: 1,919

Xbox Live is down. Again. I suppose I can't complain, it doesn't get hacked half as much as the Playstaion network does. It's just annoying, as I was in the middle of the raid.

10:27 Dec 04 2014
Times Read: 1,939

I threw the idea out there into the wild. Only time will tell how it's received. I can only hope for positivity, but, well, we shall see.

13:29 Dec 03 2014
Times Read: 1,955

Sometimes things are just better left unsaid, actions better left undone. Reality, it hits pretty damn hard.

00:48 Dec 02 2014
Times Read: 1,982

I still can't log into my ForwardUntoDawn account. I haven't received an email from the system about the password reset, nor have I heard back from Cancer. I know he's a busy man, and I'm really in no rush, it would just be nice to be able to access all my accounts, you know? And patience is something I seriously lack. Eh, I'll just wait. It's not like I have anything important on that profile, it's not involved in anything time sensitive.

PRIVATE ENTRY
10:26 Dec 01 2014
Times Read: 1,999


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