We're quick to punish each other, but we're also pretty quick with moving on and getting past things. It's always a lesson in forgiveness. I say stupid, hurtful things, he says stupid, hurtful things, we go to bed angry with one another, but by the next day we are able to work things out. I don't think either of us really wants to throw away what we have with each other. It may not be perfect, or really all that conventional, but it works for us. For some crazy, stupid reason, it works for us.
Okay, maybe things aren't as dramatic as I make them seem. Last night was just bad for a lot of different reasons. He called me this morning, we talked a little, and we'll talk again in a couple hours. Hopefully things can be fixed. I can't lose him. I can't throw away what I've been working on for nearly a year now. I just can't... He means everything to me.
I've lost him...
It's been nice, I have to admit. Not like the way it used to be, I don't know if we will ever get that ease back between us, but it's been nice. Just having this opportunity... I've missed this.
Sleep is not my friend. No, that's not right. My own mind is not my friend. Of all the people, of all the things to dream about, why him? It shook me though... I woke up in tears. I don't like when that happens. I don't like laying in bed, frozen in the dark, crying over someone who's not even a part of my life.
It never fails. Every time I move to a new place I get so sick. I think it has a lot to do with having a horribly weak immune system and entering a new dwelling. Whatever. All I know is I feel like absolute crap right now have for the last few days. On the plus side, all that's left to really do is get a new mattress and unpack everything. So much to unpack...
In the process of moving and I had the genius idea of painting the bedroom myself, because how hard can it really be, right? Yeah, well, fuck painting. Fuck DIY nonsense. I fell off the ladder twice, screwed up my right wrist when I crashed into the wall, and slammed my head against the door. I'm sore all over and I still have so much to do. On the plus side, the color I picked looks pretty awesome. It's a light green and so pretty. Not worth all of this, but definitely pretty.