The Crüxshadows recognized me as one of their "top fans" on Facebook. I have no idea what any of that means, but it was cool to find.
I'm other news, it's raining! Rain and thunder and lightning, oh my! I love rainy days. It's supposed to be three storms coming in, so lots of rain. Hopefully. SoCal needs it.
I really need to work on this whole not sleeping at night thing I've got going on right now. It's not working for me. But... I still have the nightmares, I still have the sleep paralysis. Those horrible images burn themselves into my brain... It replays and replays all the time. I don't know what my issue is, but I really need it to stop.
I'm getting that itch again, the desire to be the master of my own domain. The desire to open another Coven. However, I know me. And if I was to open another Coven, it would probably just be another iteration of an older idea. Probably Enlightenment again. It's like I never learn. Plus, the idea of starting a Coven up from scratch again isn't all that appealing. I don't want to have to look for members, and I don't exactly have many friends I could ask. Bah.
Maybe I'll stay with Eternal. I like Eternal, it's nice to be amongst friends and amazing people. Even if I'm not the most active person in the House.
Reach for the stars. These feeling are often grounded with good reason. I think you would make a better Coven master than many of the existing ones.
I don't know about being a better Coven Master... I've given it a go eight, nine times now? Something like that. I get bored easily, and that is always my downfall. I get bored and don't want to put in the effort and shut things down. That's how I operate.
I don’t particularly like covens, if I was just responding honestly that’s what I’d say. I generally network and am an active member of sites which are associated with vampires so that I can contribute to information and ideas with the online group of RLVC vampires. So, to say simply what I’m trying to say, I think it’s great you’re not involved in covens.
Someone is going to be in for a bit of a shock when they wake up and find me here instead of mom and dad. Lucas has stopped crying when he sees me, for the most part, so thankfully he's not going to take it as bad as he used to. Especially once I get him his breakfast and put on some music. That kid loves his pop music.
Liz asked if I'd want to be his permanent babysitter starting in April. My brother's shift changes so they both will be working mornings. It's a tempting idea, I love spending time with Lucas, and seeing him five days a week would be nice. But, April is still a ways off and I don't know if things will change between now and then.
I'm gonna try and get a little bit more sleep before he wakes up. I went to bed at around 11:30 last night, but as usual I woke up every other hour or so. I swear, I seem to only get decent sleep when I am with Franz. Sleeping on my own leads to nightmares and other unpleasant things.
You know, despite all the silliness that goes on around here, it's so lovely to log in and find such a wonderful message waiting for you. It really made me smile to read it, because I'm trying so hard to keep myself away from the negative thinking I'm so accustomed to. I don't want to fall back into that mindset, it was so unhealthy for me. This is only a part of the message, and I hope the person who sent it to me doesn't mind me sharing it. I just loved the positivity and the kind words.
I have never liked taking pictures of myself. My self image has always been so horrible, my self esteem so low. But these days, I don't mind it so much. I'm in a completely different place than I used to be, and honestly, it's the best thing in the world. It's not just Franz. It's my mindset. I'm actively trying to keep myself in a good place and I've been succeeding for the last month or so. It's funny what losing so much toxicity and negativity will do for you. So, I took some pictures I'm actually happy with. Like, really happy with. I shared them on Facebook and Instagram, but I figured I could share a few here, too. Life, it's getting good!
Going to spend some quality time with my nephew tomorrow while Liz does her thing for a few hours. That kid... Honestly, if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here. He's the reason I hold on. He's my heart. I love the days we get to spend together, just he and I. And man, he's growing up so fast! I can't believe he's going to be two in four months. I remember the night he was born like it was yesterday.
Oh, how cute. I daresay, I pushed somebody's buttons. Good to know generic comments on the goings on here trigger you that much.
But, you know, you do you, guy.
I've started watching You on Netflix, and... Yeah...
Having dealt with a stalker once in real life, it hits kinda close to home. People are the worst. It's good, it's really good, but a little hard to watch sometimes.
Doesn't really help me that the guy's name is Joe. Ugh.
I'm beginning to realize that I need to stop trying so hard...
You do try too hard.
What is it you feel you need to stop trying so hard about in life? And please answer only as long as you feel comfortable... I understand if it’s too personal. I was simply curious. Lovely entries btw, there’s always something new and unique within your writing. I’m glad you share.
I just want to say, Netflix's Watership Down is awesome. Simply awesome.
I took this picture with Lucas today, since I was babysitting him so Kevin and Liz could go celebrate Kevin's birthday. I showed it to everyone and the concensus was that he is just like his aunt Nicole. When I was kid I would constantly roll my eyes, too. There's so much of me in that boy, I swear. Everyone says so. He's just like his auntie, Kevin and Liz better watch out! Haha.
I'm a little unsure about the snake bites. Maybe it's just been so long since I've had them in. I don't know. Bah.
|World Visitor Map|