Well, seems my dad being here is good for one thing, I get a jump on everyone else when it comes to getting the Covid vaccine. Because he works for the government, his family is eligible to get the vaccine. So, that means in the next few months, I'll be able to get it. I was hoping to sign up for a chance to get it through my county, but they only have 400 slots, split over two days, and I'm not eligible even though I am considered an essential worker. So, I'm thankful for this.
So, he is Kylo Ren, right? Well, it's been suggested not just by me and on more than one occasion, that he dress up in costume sans shirt, and take a shirtless Kylo Ren picture for me. So, he finally did today. Full costume, with mask, wearing his Kylo Ren lightsaber necklace, and topless. I nearly died when i got it. He's so sexy.
I fucking adore that boy. He's the absolute best.
Well, moving to Washington seems to be back on, and it seems to be a pretty sure thing at this point. Kevin and Liz are going up there next month so he can do the polygraph and they can look at houses. They'll probably move to Vancouver, like before. Battle Ground is more of an affluent community and they'll get a little more bang for their buck in the home department in Vancouver. So... I don't know where this leaves me. Of course I want to go, be near my family. My mom will be moving up there with them, if not immediately, then a few months down the line. But... I have someone who I kinda want to stay here for. It's stupid, to chance it all on a boy, but my Kylo is something else. And I'm actually happy. If I don't go, though, it would mean being here with just my father, and I don't know if I could do that. It's a lot to think about.
I've reached the point where I am legitimately ready to say "fuck this, I'm out" to my current job. There are a multitude of reasons why, but after days like yesterday and today, I'm just beyond caring anymore. It's not worth the amount of stress, the amount of dread I have every day I work.
So, I suppose it's time to start looking elsewhere. The only issue is that jobs that aren't the food service or grocery stores or Amazon, are hard to come by here right now, since California is still insanely restrictive on what can and cannot be open due to Covid.
I adore that boy. My Kylo went on a bit of a shopping spree on Xbox today. Bought himself and I a handful of games for us to play together. It's nice being spoiled a bit. Though, we seem to be equals on that front. I bought him 3 months of Game Pass Ultimate on Friday. Its just nice, to have someone who wants to spend that kind of time with me, who invests in making it happen. I haven't had that in a long while.
As long as you're happy. You're an idiot, but it's your life to fuck up, your mistakes to make, your lessons to learn from. So, as long as you're happy with the choices you've made, who am I to say anything about it? I wish you all the best, because despite it all, I do still very much love you. It would be impossible to wash away those feelings completely after so long.
Disneyland announced today that they're ending the Annual Passholders program due to Covid and concerns that Passholders would overwhelm the park when they are finally able to reopen. They said there are plans to introduce a new program, but when that will actually happen after they reopen is a mystery. It just makes me sad that when I finally get one they have to shut down due to Covid. And now, they are just closing down the program all together.
Thankfully my Kylo still very much works there, and part of the perks of the job is that he gets free tickets. So, when they do open, even without a pass, I should still be able to go. And, I've been talking to him about wanting to work there. He can actually get me a job there as a dresser, which would be pretty awesome. It's actually been a dream to work at Disneyland. So, we'll see. Moving to Washington may not happen for reasons, and even if it did, I may stay out here.
Even when my depression is dragging me down into that dark, dark pit, even when I am feeling like a complete and utter failure at life, he can make me smile. He can lift me up with just a few words. I'm not one to fish for compliments, I dont like being complimented, it makes me feel awkward. But when he calls me beautiful, when he tells me that my father's words that echo so loudly in my head aren't true, that I'm not a disappointment, that I'm worthy of love, of happiness, that I matter, it just lifts me up so high. He's such an amazing person, my Kylo, and I feel like I don't deserve him. But, for whatever reason, he's part of my life now, and it seems like he's not going anywhere, despite my fuck ups. It's only been a handful of months, but he's become such a major part of my life. I am so thankful to have met him.
I realize, as I've been doing more of it, that I don't like working from home. Don't get me wrong, what I'm doing is far easier and much safer than my actual job, but it's also insanely boring. It's just calling to check the status of records, setting up appointments for copying and pickups, and dealing with a lot of automated answering services. I hated this when I had to do it for the roofing company, calling for permits and the like. I would much rather be out in the field, listening to my music, driving. This is safe, being home and not dealing with the public at hospitals/doctor's offices/clinics, but it's just so dull. Thankfully this is only one or two days a week for me.
Well now, that's certainly an interesting development.
You would think people would learn, but clearly idiots will always be idiots.
I got my new Adidas delivered yesterday. I haven't worn a pair of Adidas since middle school when I tried to fit in and be like my peers. Adidas, Etnies, Vans, all the Roxy shit. Man, you'd think I wanted to be a skater kid or something. After middle school I leaped head first into goth and just wore my buckle boots every single day for 6 years. Then Chucks, because comfort and ease. Anyway, my new kicks... They are Vader themed! And they'll go with my Stormtroopers ones I have from another company.
It's been insanely hard to get back to a normal sleeping schedule. When I was sick I'd sleep pretty much all day and spend all night on Xbox with my Kylo, most nights not getting back to bed until 5 or 6 (though there would be a 4 or 5 hour gap while he left to go work out and eat dinner and such, so I'd sleep at that point too). We'd watch stuff, we'd play games when I was able, and we'd just sit and talk in party chat. Pretty much two straight weeks of that screwed me up big time. I wold normally try to get to bed by 1, that way I'd have a good amount of sleep and be ready for a day full of driving, but now I can't get to sleep until 2 or 3. It's killing me. And it's worse now because I can't sleep until 7:30 anymore. I need to be up by 7 so I can take my dad's dog to the doggy daycare place before I go to work. And, that half hour I'm losing, it's totally needed right now. I'll get back on track by the end of the week, but right now I'm dying. Expecting to be able to drive all day in SoCal traffic while surviving on 4 hours of sleep is not easy.
In other news, I have so much Star Wars merch coming in the next few weeks. My Loungefly bag and wallet set shipped yesterday, I ordered a pair of Darth Vader themed Adidas to go with my white Stormtrroper ones, which should be here by Saturday. My black series figurines are all on back order, but they should ship by the end of the month, so I'm excited for that. I've ordered the Kylo Ren black series lightsaber from the first movie, to go with the Supreme Leader one I got over Christmas. My Kylo is a bad influence. Granted, I'd be buying this stuff anyway, but he just encourages my collecting.
What the hell do I have to do to catch the plague? My mother and father have had it, and now Kevin tested positive. I'm the one with the weak immune system, I'm the one who's always sick, and I can't catch Covid? Even when in a house with someone who has it.
Look, I am not trying to make light of the illness, I know there are very real problems that can come about from having Covid, but I'd appriciate that brief immunity given my job.
This pandemic is making things so difficult. My Kylo and I want to meet in person, it's been some months since we've started talking and we both feel it's what's needed to see if we should move forward. Unfortunately, with Southern California dealing so poorly with Covid, there is literally nothing to do for a first date. I suggested just parking somewhere and talking while we stargaze, but I don't know if that is really appropriate. I don't want him to think I have ulterior motives in suggesting going somewhere where it would just be us, alone in the darkness. He doesn't drink caffeine due to his heart condition, so getting coffee and just chatting somewhere is out. Restaurants are closed. If things were normal, we could just go to Disneyland. So... It's difficult to set this up. Plus, he's paranoid about catching Covid, and given my job, I'm not the safest bet in regards to safety since I'm in and out of hospitals and such. I just want to meet him. I want to look into those gorgeous blue eyes, see that dorky half smile in person.
I bought myself a new Loungefly backpack and wallet set to go with my floral Darth Vader set. This one is an episode IX Kylo Ren set, and I love it. I showed it to my Kylo, because I was really on the fence about buying since it was marked up quite a bit, but he's a bad influence and said it looked awesome and I should get it. So I did. I must say, I don't regret the purchase, and I can't wait to get it. I'll post pictures when I do.
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