I have a bad habit of looking at the ground when I'm with people, or walking, or doing anything really. It's an avoidance tactic. If I don't look at people, they won't talk to me. But he doesn't allow it. "Never look down. You're worth far more than that," he says to me as he tilts my head up. I don't even know how to react to something like that.
I just realized, with my new 6 day a week schedule, I won't be able to go to the Getty Villa. Again. Fuck man.
Well, I only get one day off a week for the whole of November and maybe December. It's still unclear for that month. But, ugh, six days a week in this cold is going to kill me, especially now that it's dropping in temperature at night and in the early morning. But, hey, that's an entire day of overtime each week, so, I'll be making good money. It's a huge positive. But, man, I just don't want to be here all the time. And I actually had plans for Halloween for once, which are going to have to be canceled.
Surprising, I had way more fun than I expected to. Of course, I wasn't really expecting much. But, for doing a whole lot of nothing, it was nice. There's only so much we can talk about at work, he's always busy, as am I, so we get maybe ten minute intervals to really talk. So, getting to just sit down, look at the city lights with the half moon above, and just talk was nice. I liked getting to know him, I enjoyed the few hours we spent, no work nonsense, just able to be ourselves. I'm not looking for a relationship and I told him as much, but I am more than willing to just see where things go, let things evolve naturally. We have plans for the next few days, just to hang out. Tuesday we're going to go to some supposedly haunted house, so I'm actually really excited for that.
I'm waiting to get picked up by Juan. We're going out and doing... Something. It's a surprise. I'm not the biggest fan of surprises, and, were he not a co-worker, I'd probably be a little paranoid about it. I'm also not a fan of being picked up by a guy. I have a car, and I prefer to drive it, listen to my music, drive how I like, not be at the whims of someone else. I have work tonight, so I really hope this surprise isn't something that will take too long. I'm going on very little sleep as it is. Bah. The anticipation is killing me.
I think I was asked out today by Juan. We were talking and he asked what else I did for fun aside from the Xbox, and I informed him that I really have no life whatsoever nor friends who are really available to hang out when I'm free; they all have their own lives, spouses, and children. So, he asked me if I'd want to hang out on my next day off. I told him sure, but it couldn't be this coming week, as I am hanging out with my sister-in-law on Halloween and taking my nephew trick-or-treating that night. So, we have plans for the following Tuesday night. It's weird... This is not how I pictured today at work going. But, it does make me smile, despite myself.
I never did find out cute Samoan guy's name, but, I did find out the name of the guy who gave me the wifi password at work, and who I was talking video games with that one time. Juan. Should have known, honestly, another J to add to the list. We were talking games again, he said he finally got Destiny 2,and he is instant on me getting Ark. He even offered to game share with me. I don't need it since I can buy my own games now, but it's a nice offer nonetheless. So, maybe some day he and I will play some Destiny 2 together, or he can teach me how to play Ark, because I've never touched the game before and would have no idea where to even start.
I kind of just want to go home, curl up in bed, and throw on the new season of Stranger Things when it drops at midnight. But then I look at my bank account and my check for last week and remind myself that I can't miss any more days ever if I want to be able to afford the things I want to get my family for Christmas, on top of the stuff I want to get for myself. So, in to work I go. I'll just have to watch the new season when I'm actually awake these next few days. Or I can wait until Monday and just binge it all when I get off work. We'll see. I just really hope it's good. Season one ended so perfectly, I'm kind of scared to see where they go with it.
On top of that, I got my new bed delivered today. I don't know if I'm going to bother putting it together tomorrow when I get home, or if I'll just wait until my weekend. Maybe Wednesday, so I can get some help with it. I don't know. I do want my new bed though, and to get rid of the broken one I've been using. We shall see how I feel tomorrow when I get off.
I went and bought Your Name. I haven't seen it yet, I meant to while it was in theaters, but the closest theatre that was showing it here was in LA and I never got around to it. So, I figured why not and just bought it. I've heard nothing but rave reviews, so I'm sure I won't regret the decision. I'm excited for it to get here. It's something I've wanted to see since it was released.
Do I need Assassin's Creed: Orgins? No.
Am I still buying myself Assassin's Creed: Orgins? Yes. Yes I am.
It annoys me when no one screams about cultural appropriation when white people paint sugar skulls on their faces (when Día de los Muertos has NOTHING to do with Halloween), but they do yell it from the rooftops when a white child wants to be Moana.
You can't have it one way and forgo the other. If you're going to scream and rant and rave about Halloween costumes for kids that don't align with the color of their skin and their race, you fuckers shouldn't be painting sugar skulls on your faces when you're not of Mexican or central-American decent.
It's stupid. This cultural appropriation nonsense is getting out of hand. Let kids be kids and dress up as they please, as long as it's not like, in blackface or anything. They're children, they don't see a costume as racist. They see someone they love or admire so much that they want to be like them. Is that so wrong?
It was nice getting back into work. I'm not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing, and despite everything, I do like my job. I just wish it wasn't always so damn cold. I did only put in a half day, though. Being dizzy and not completely focused can lead to some dangerous situations, so they sent me home around 4. I do actually feel loads better now, thank goodness. I'm still slightly uneasy on my feet, but it's not so bad anymore. Thursday I should be perfectly fine, and I'll be able to put in a whole week.
Getty Villa attempt take 2. I got tickets for the 8th. I would much rather go on a Tuesday, since I work Wednesday nights, but, they're closed on Tuesdays, so Wednesday it is. I am actually super excited. I love the Villa, I love the art, the architecture, the atmosphere. Spending a day in Malibu, across the street from the beach, it's always so nice. Hopefully the nice weather will hold out through early November. I'd be so upset if it rained that day, as I love spending time in the gardens the most.
My mother would be so proud... I finally bought myself a purse. Granted, it's a Doctor Who themed purse, and it's pretty small, but, still, it's a purse. She constantly rails on me for not having one, I usually just carry my phone and my important cards on my phone. Occasionally I'll actually carry my wallet, but never anything more. However, when I saw this purse, I had to have it. And, I found a really cute Harry Potter one that I'm gonna get for myself next month.
I wonder what it's like to just sit there, looking down on others the way you do.
Had to call in. Again. I'll get to work eventually this week...
In other news, I thoroughly enjoyed Another. Towards the end it was less horror more battle royale free-for-all, students killing one another in desperation, but, I still enjoyed it.
I started watching the anime, Another. So far it's really, really good. It's in the horror genre, and while I'm not a big fan of any kind of horror (my imagination will undoubtedly get the best of me and I'll think I see or hear things that aren't there), it's actually quite the intriguing story. I'm only three episodes in, but I'm loving it. This whole is she dead/is she alive aspect is fun to see play out. I'm gonna try and finish it tonight before work. There are only twelve episodes, so I can finish off the last nine of I don't take a nap before I go in.
I'm going to have to call in tonight. I'm still not feeling all that great, so better for me to call in than to go and chance getting my co-workers sick. I can only miss once before they require a doctor's note, and I really don't have the money to pay for a trip to the ER, as I don't have insurance right now, so all I can do is call in, try and sleep as much as possible, pop some medication, and prey I'm feeling well enough tomorrow.
I was supposed to be spending the day at the beautiful Getty Villa with my mom. However, I'm sick, again. I can feel it in the back of my throat. So instead of looking at beautiful Roman artwork in a replica of a real Roman villa across from the Pacific Ocean in Malibu, I'll be taking some Nyquil and sleeping as much as I can in a desperate attempt to get well enough so I don't have to miss work tonight. I hate my job and the fact that this happens to me every freaking week. I need to find something new fast.
I bought myself a new bed! Man, I am so happy I found a full sized daybed at a reasonable price, and without a trundle. I've been looking for ages now. It was shipped today, so hopefully I'll get it soon and I can get rid of this huge piece I have now, clear up some space in my bedroom. Next, I need to buy a new bookshelf, the one I have is too small for all my books, so I have to stash the ones that don't fit in the guest bedroom. It's inconvenient, I like having my things all in the same place.
I just have to get through the next five and a half hours, then it's two nights off and I can recoup and get to feeling better. Only to have it go to shit when I get back here on Thursday... Bah.
Wednesday I'm going to the Getty Villa with my mom. We haven't been in a while, so we figured it was time to go back. I'm really excited, I love the Getty Villa. All the Roman art and awesomeness, the gardens, and the beach across the street. It's one of my favorite places here. I wanted to go to the Huntington Library, but with as late in the year as it is, it wouldn't be as pretty. The roses and the water lillies wouldn't be in bloom, and those are my favorite parts of the gardens. So, I'll have to make sure to visit in the early spring next year.
I've been shopping around, looking at stuff for my bedroom and such. Right now I'm on a big Hocus Pocus kick, getting pillows and little canvas wallart with quotes from the movie. My bedroom is absolutely a mish-mash of pretty much everything from Doctor Who TARDIS lights my late grandmother got me some years back to video game posters around my television, Harry Potter to True Blood to David Bowie and Ministry posters, my big Practical Magic movie poster Tommy gave me years ago, my mask collection and Nightmare before Christmas stuff, and now, Hocus Pocus. I can't stick with just one theme, it has to be everything I love.
I really need to learn the names of the people I work with. I know my three J's, Miguel, Henry, and Carlos, the people I am in contact with pretty much constantly. But everyone else... I feel bad because they know my name and they are always so nice with me, but I fail and couldn't be bothered to learn theirs. That's something I definitely have to remedy.
Bedding sets and furniture. Nothing says you're an adult now like getting excited for those things. But, I need a new bed, the one I have now got a little screwed up (broken) when we moved, so half of it is held up by stacks of books. It was an Ikea piece, so not super high quality, and it was 10 years old, so I'm not even mad about it. Plus, it takes up so much space in my bedroom. I want to have a little more space, so I decided on a daybed. It's multi-purpose!
The nights where I get to just relax for a little while and play some Destiny with Chris and Nathan are the best. So often I sleep before my shift starts, so I barely spend time with any of my friends, and gaming isn't all that high on my list of things to do.
I'm serious about finding a new job. As much as I don't mind this one, what I do is really easy money, I just can't deal with the constant cold. I'm always sick now. It is really screwing with my immune system. And these hours. I can't cut these hours. So, I'm applying anywhere at this point, just to get out of this place. Hopefully something will come up soon, because once the holidays start this place apparently gets crazy busy. Like, seven, eight hours of overtime a day. I mean, that's really good money, but not something I want to deal with.
I decided to ask Chris if we'd ever get back together, and honestly, I can't even be mad at his response. I'm really glad he's focused on working on himself before starting a relationship with someone else. As much as I care about that man, I will be the first to admit that he can be one selfish asshole a lot of the time.
Well, that gave me some things to think about. Things to remember. The past, it never really dies, you can only learn your lessons from it and move on best you can. I like to think I learned my lessons here, with some people. It's why I'm distant these days, it's why I don't let myself fall back into that old pattern I had. It's why I don't let it consume me like it once did.
Yeah I am more careful these days who I let into my circle then I use to be. I learned some lessons the hard way here. Trusting peeps I should not have. But I do try to try open to making new friendships, I just don't let them in as fast as I use too.
I don't even see the point in making new friendships here. The majority of active users are the same toxic people who've been around for as long as I can remember, just under a different name.
We have two new girls in my department at work. One of them... I don't think I've ever wanted to punch someone in the face more than I do her. Why? Why am I so hostle towards a new co-worker? Well, she doesn't do anything. She wanders off for 20, 30, 40 minutes at a time, and when she is asked to do something, she does it half-assed, if she even does it at all. Tonight I've had to take care of her work on top of doing my own. It's aggravating. And, she fucking left early because she has the sniffles. I swear to God, I'm going to murder this girl if she keeps this up. Why come in to work if you're not going to actually do any work? I understand not liking the job, it's cold, and that's hard to get past, and when it's busy, it's busy, but that's no excuse to shirk everything asked of you, to wander off to God knows where for however long because you don't want to do what you're getting paid for. I'm going to talk to Miguel, the manager of my department, to see what can be done. Because, honestly, if this is how she's going to be, and she's been here a week with no real change to her behavior, she shouldn't be working this job. Or any job, really. She shouldn't be getting paid to go sit in the breakroom for however long she pleases, or to hide in the bathroom like she has. The other new girl said she smelled like pot as well. So, I don't know. This whole situation has all of us a little annoyed. I really hope she's gone when I come back on Thursday. Or that she's had a change of attitude and actually does what she's supposed to.
I'm really on the fence in regards to purchasing a PS4. Part of me says do it, but another part says I'll only ever play Destiny on it, and I have an Xbox for Destiny. Plus, the Playstation controller feels so weird in my hands. Bah. I want to, but I feel like it would be an immense waste of money. Maybe I'll wait until closer to the holidays, I'm sure the standard edition will drop in price at some point.
I've started watching Hulu's The Handmaid's Tale. I meant to watch it some time ago, but I've only recently renewed my subscription with them. It's quite intriguing. June, Offered, is an interesting character. The things a person will endure to survive, to get back to what's most important to them... I'm only three episodes in, but I'm absolutely hooked.
I started talking video games with one of the guys above me in my department. It's nice having someone there who shares my interests. And, he gave me the wifi password to the company server, which I am most definitely not supposed to have. Is that flirting? Haha. Doesn't matter, though it is nice to have quicker internet speeds at work. I can't look at my phone too often, but at the slow times when we're just waiting on things to come in, and when I go on break it'll be nice to surf the net with no hindrance.
You know you've hit real adulthood when you get excited over a new sheet/comforter. But to be fair, it's a really pretty bedding set. Christ... This is life past 30.
For all you morons who constantly think a lot, alot, and allot are interchangeable. I'll get to you too and to people next time. Grammar, fucking learn that shit so you stop coming off as idiots when you write in your journals.
It's my mom's birthday so I went and got her this beautiful orchid for her desk at work. I love orchids, and I wish we could have them at the house, but with the animals chewing on everything, we can't have nice, pretty things. So, at least she can have that at her office. I wanted to take her out for breakfast, but she has work, and she can't go in late. So, maybe this weekend I'll take her out to wherever. It's just hard with my work schedule, but I'll make do with a little less sleep. She's my mom, and she's done so much for me in my 30 years of being alive, I want to show her how much I love and appreciate her and everything's she put up with in regards to me.
I tend to believe that if someone wants to really get to know you, they'll make a conscious effort to do so. Otherwise they clearly aren't that interested. The cute guy at work doesn't seem to be all that interested, so I've since stopped trying. It's just the way it goes sometimes. And sure, if I wanted, I could double down on my efforts, but, to be honest, I don't really care all that much. He's pretty to look at and I'll give him a smile and a greeting whenever I see him, but I'm not all that bothered to put the work into talking to him. Or anyone at work, really. I'll just do what I do, keep to myself, and try not to snap at people throughout the day. It's just easier that way.
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