I have a bad habit of looking at the ground when I'm with people, or walking, or doing anything really. It's an avoidance tactic. If I don't look at people, they won't talk to me. But he doesn't allow it. "Never look down. You're worth far more than that," he says to me as he tilts my head up. I don't even know how to react to something like that.
I just realized, with my new 6 day a week schedule, I won't be able to go to the Getty Villa. Again. Fuck man.
Well, I only get one day off a week for the whole of November and maybe December. It's still unclear for that month. But, ugh, six days a week in this cold is going to kill me, especially now that it's dropping in temperature at night and in the early morning. But, hey, that's an entire day of overtime each week, so, I'll be making good money. It's a huge positive. But, man, I just don't want to be here all the time. And I actually had plans for Halloween for once, which are going to have to be canceled.
Surprising, I had way more fun than I expected to. Of course, I wasn't really expecting much. But, for doing a whole lot of nothing, it was nice. There's only so much we can talk about at work, he's always busy, as am I, so we get maybe ten minute intervals to really talk. So, getting to just sit down, look at the city lights with the half moon above, and just talk was nice. I liked getting to know him, I enjoyed the few hours we spent, no work nonsense, just able to be ourselves. I'm not looking for a relationship and I told him as much, but I am more than willing to just see where things go, let things evolve naturally. We have plans for the next few days, just to hang out. Tuesday we're going to go to some supposedly haunted house, so I'm actually really excited for that.
I never did find out cute Samoan guy's name, but, I did find out the name of the guy who gave me the wifi password at work, and who I was talking video games with that one time. Juan. Should have known, honestly, another J to add to the list. We were talking games again, he said he finally got Destiny 2,and he is instant on me getting Ark. He even offered to game share with me. I don't need it since I can buy my own games now, but it's a nice offer nonetheless. So, maybe some day he and I will play some Destiny 2 together, or he can teach me how to play Ark, because I've never touched the game before and would have no idea where to even start.
My mother would be so proud... I finally bought myself a purse. Granted, it's a Doctor Who themed purse, and it's pretty small, but, still, it's a purse. She constantly rails on me for not having one, I usually just carry my phone and my important cards on my phone. Occasionally I'll actually carry my wallet, but never anything more. However, when I saw this purse, I had to have it. And, I found a really cute Harry Potter one that I'm gonna get for myself next month.
I wonder what it's like to just sit there, looking down on others the way you do.
I was supposed to be spending the day at the beautiful Getty Villa with my mom. However, I'm sick, again. I can feel it in the back of my throat. So instead of looking at beautiful Roman artwork in a replica of a real Roman villa across from the Pacific Ocean in Malibu, I'll be taking some Nyquil and sleeping as much as I can in a desperate attempt to get well enough so I don't have to miss work tonight. I hate my job and the fact that this happens to me every freaking week. I need to find something new fast.
I bought myself a new bed! Man, I am so happy I found a full sized daybed at a reasonable price, and without a trundle. I've been looking for ages now. It was shipped today, so hopefully I'll get it soon and I can get rid of this huge piece I have now, clear up some space in my bedroom. Next, I need to buy a new bookshelf, the one I have is too small for all my books, so I have to stash the ones that don't fit in the guest bedroom. It's inconvenient, I like having my things all in the same place.
The nights where I get to just relax for a little while and play some Destiny with Chris and Nathan are the best. So often I sleep before my shift starts, so I barely spend time with any of my friends, and gaming isn't all that high on my list of things to do.
I'm serious about finding a new job. As much as I don't mind this one, what I do is really easy money, I just can't deal with the constant cold. I'm always sick now. It is really screwing with my immune system. And these hours. I can't cut these hours. So, I'm applying anywhere at this point, just to get out of this place. Hopefully something will come up soon, because once the holidays start this place apparently gets crazy busy. Like, seven, eight hours of overtime a day. I mean, that's really good money, but not something I want to deal with.
Well, that gave me some things to think about. Things to remember. The past, it never really dies, you can only learn your lessons from it and move on best you can. I like to think I learned my lessons here, with some people. It's why I'm distant these days, it's why I don't let myself fall back into that old pattern I had. It's why I don't let it consume me like it once did.
Yeah I am more careful these days who I let into my circle then I use to be. I learned some lessons the hard way here. Trusting peeps I should not have. But I do try to try open to making new friendships, I just don't let them in as fast as I use too.
I don't even see the point in making new friendships here. The majority of active users are the same toxic people who've been around for as long as I can remember, just under a different name.
We have two new girls in my department at work. One of them... I don't think I've ever wanted to punch someone in the face more than I do her. Why? Why am I so hostle towards a new co-worker? Well, she doesn't do anything. She wanders off for 20, 30, 40 minutes at a time, and when she is asked to do something, she does it half-assed, if she even does it at all. Tonight I've had to take care of her work on top of doing my own. It's aggravating. And, she fucking left early because she has the sniffles. I swear to God, I'm going to murder this girl if she keeps this up. Why come in to work if you're not going to actually do any work? I understand not liking the job, it's cold, and that's hard to get past, and when it's busy, it's busy, but that's no excuse to shirk everything asked of you, to wander off to God knows where for however long because you don't want to do what you're getting paid for. I'm going to talk to Miguel, the manager of my department, to see what can be done. Because, honestly, if this is how she's going to be, and she's been here a week with no real change to her behavior, she shouldn't be working this job. Or any job, really. She shouldn't be getting paid to go sit in the breakroom for however long she pleases, or to hide in the bathroom like she has. The other new girl said she smelled like pot as well. So, I don't know. This whole situation has all of us a little annoyed. I really hope she's gone when I come back on Thursday. Or that she's had a change of attitude and actually does what she's supposed to.
I've started watching Hulu's The Handmaid's Tale. I meant to watch it some time ago, but I've only recently renewed my subscription with them. It's quite intriguing. June, Offered, is an interesting character. The things a person will endure to survive, to get back to what's most important to them... I'm only three episodes in, but I'm absolutely hooked.
I started talking video games with one of the guys above me in my department. It's nice having someone there who shares my interests. And, he gave me the wifi password to the company server, which I am most definitely not supposed to have. Is that flirting? Haha. Doesn't matter, though it is nice to have quicker internet speeds at work. I can't look at my phone too often, but at the slow times when we're just waiting on things to come in, and when I go on break it'll be nice to surf the net with no hindrance.
You know you've hit real adulthood when you get excited over a new sheet/comforter. But to be fair, it's a really pretty bedding set. Christ... This is life past 30.
For all you morons who constantly think a lot, alot, and allot are interchangeable. I'll get to you too and to people next time. Grammar, fucking learn that shit so you stop coming off as idiots when you write in your journals.
It's my mom's birthday so I went and got her this beautiful orchid for her desk at work. I love orchids, and I wish we could have them at the house, but with the animals chewing on everything, we can't have nice, pretty things. So, at least she can have that at her office. I wanted to take her out for breakfast, but she has work, and she can't go in late. So, maybe this weekend I'll take her out to wherever. It's just hard with my work schedule, but I'll make do with a little less sleep. She's my mom, and she's done so much for me in my 30 years of being alive, I want to show her how much I love and appreciate her and everything's she put up with in regards to me.
I tend to believe that if someone wants to really get to know you, they'll make a conscious effort to do so. Otherwise they clearly aren't that interested. The cute guy at work doesn't seem to be all that interested, so I've since stopped trying. It's just the way it goes sometimes. And sure, if I wanted, I could double down on my efforts, but, to be honest, I don't really care all that much. He's pretty to look at and I'll give him a smile and a greeting whenever I see him, but I'm not all that bothered to put the work into talking to him. Or anyone at work, really. I'll just do what I do, keep to myself, and try not to snap at people throughout the day. It's just easier that way.
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