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I look up into your eyes

They are clouded with pain

I know it is my fault

I have hurt you again



You hold my hands down

I know I can't escape you

I cannot hide it anymore

My past speaks what is true



I've lied to you

I know that I did

I did it for a reason

To hide what I hid



I may regret it

But we cannot go back

I don't know how to make up

For the qualities that I lack



My life isn't bad

Though I said that it was

You ask me why I did it

All I can say is "Just because"



I never said I was perfect

Though I feel that I must

I try and I try

So I can have your trust



A long time ago

I once said "yes"

I risked all that I was

And I gave nothing less



I was scared and still am

I've been hurt way too much

I thought it would be fine

And I've told you such



I'm beginning to think

That my judgement was wrong

I love you so much

But you've been gone way too long



I hurt when you're gone

I hurt when you're here

But I want nothing more

Than you to be near



You're sorry when you leave

But are you sorry when you come back

Are you the kind of person

Who would talk behind my back?



I don't think that you are

But how would I know

I feel the world that I see

Is all a big show



You cause me pain

But that's what I like

If you cannot take it

Just take a hike



You've had many lovers

And several "good fucks"

I'm probably just one of them

Knowing my luck



I can live with that

I really don't care

All I need to know

Is that you are there



Past, present, future

And things that can't be

I care for you

But do you care for me





I dedicate this to one person and one person alone... You know who you are...

I'm not who I was...

I show who I'm not...

I hate who I show...

I fear who I hate...

I am who I fear...

I curse who I am...

I hurt who I curse...

I damned who I hurt...

I forgot who I damned...

I am who I forgot...

I was who I am...

I killed who I was...



I... I kill... killed...



Killing is fun...

Fun is good...

Good is evil...

Evil is everywhere...

Everywhere is Past...



Bleeding is life...

Life is pure...

Pure is dark...

Dark is near...

Near is Present...



Hurting is feeling...

Feeling is living...

Living is dying...

Dying is eternal...

Eternal is Future...



Past... Present... Future...



What about what can never be?



It... shall... be... because... It... shall... Just because...



...It shall...

Living a lie

Never gonna fly

Can never be me

Strong, I've always gotta be



I'm not strong, I'm weak

I'm only strong when I speak

I edit my words

So my weakness will never occur



I live my life saying "it's all good,"

Who can grow up without a childhood

I've been through more than anyone should

And if I never had to go through it again, I would



Living with a mask

And playing so many rolls

Putting my feelings last

That definitly takes its toll



Self injury doesn't work

It only ruins your pants and shirts

Over dosing doesn't work

It only makes you hurt worse



I've tried

I've lied

I can't do it much longer

I'm waiting for that hunger



I won't have to wear my mask

I can live and never look back

I can focus on my larger task

I can move, I won't have to carry the sack



My past consists of horrid stories

I've been to hell and back

I've lived so far, that is my only glory

I carry these secrets, it's a heavy sack



I've locked myself in my room

I didn't allow myself to bloom

The world is frightful

It is the furthest from delightful



This year we moved

I said, "Screw the booze"

I tried to start over

Life still isn't a four-leaf clover







This isn't mine... It is something that a friend wrote about her life and I think that it sort of applies to mine as well... I hope that you liked what she had to say...