The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With

Sunglasses on and point a

Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down



2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise

Your Voice.



3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If

They Want Fries with that.



4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."



5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once

Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.



6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For

Smuggling Diamonds"



7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With

The Prophecy."



8 Dont use any punctuation



9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.



10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat,

with a serious face.



11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."



12. Sing Along At The Opera



13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't

Rhyme



14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And

Play tropical Sounds All Day.



15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't

Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.



16. Have Your Coworkers Address You By Your Wrestling

Name, Rock Bottom.



17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!,

I Won!"



18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The

Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"



19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To

Have To Let One Of You Go."



20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of

Insanity....... Send This To Someone To Make Them Smile.