EstrangedOne's Journal

EstrangedOne's Journal


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16 entries this month


00:51 Aug 26 2021
Times Read: 170




15:25 Aug 24 2021
Times Read: 192




21:35 Aug 22 2021
Times Read: 198



A Twisted Contentment (Let This, The Fall)

21:46 Aug 21 2021
Times Read: 231

I've decided to say "fuck it", and slowly put the piece I had mentioned up, on here, piece by piece; Stanza by Stanza. But even for the finished product, there will still be a few parts I intentionally leave out, or put in the "wrong" place(s), as the full piece is intended for the eyes of One. But as for the 'shorter' version... I leave it here for all, inclusive of those special eyes, to see...

Every day, and every night, Oh, I feel this rising reality
Sinking always-deeper-so, Into a lasting insanity;
As I stand, counting the days and nights into twist of vanity;
For once, I welcome the abrupt waking to My insanity...

In the cold darkness, under a Hunter's moon,
All I find in mind is the thought of holding you,
To see your eyes, just like Mine, as the swoon
Covers auburn winter skies, in a midnight velvet hue...

So much more than even the brethren can ever define;
Beyond the code of a soldier or the madness inside;
My soul has been frozen for a lifetime and more, cold to the sun
But darling, I can tell you, the one thing you have done...

Baby, you have set this ice-cold soul on fire;
The Devils arise, to play in the pyre,
As angels each fallen, now, soar even higher;
Baby, you have set My frozen soul on fire!

We have met in this eternal place of darkness,
This place upon our own hearts' broken caress;
We can both be called "Devils, sick and twisted",
Like a monsooning tide slowly cracking the walls consisted...

So many "would die just to live", their penance e'er due,
Or at least, this is what I have heard so many say.
But I live just for the right to die, even to this day;
But I would rather Live to Die for the Right to Live For You.

I will never promise you "the world" so stead,
As twisted as it has become, so, instead;
Let Me make you the center of Mine, as we tread
Upon the quaking dunes of this world of the dead.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~




Remembering the Soldier {{This one may be getting edited, at some point.}}

19:25 Aug 17 2021
Times Read: 262

In the last days of the face of a grace,
When the light fades away from a distancing day,
There is a cold chill, like a testament will,
Locked in the reel between walls of steel,
Stuck in the path of a wind so cold,
As if you've lost a piece of heart to the fold.

Standing by the bedside of what used to be
Solid, a soldier, unwavering resolve like none to see;
Bedeviled, ne'er reviled until the day of the demise,
Upon the snow's fall, in the night that arise,
Only a promise to be made that we will never,
Never give up the will to fight, defy the surrender!

Awaken like a demon, unwilling compromise,
As the blood rushing strong; Unknowing what went wrong,
When the sun arises high, and you begin to lose your sight,
The flesh is turned to stone, as the pale eyes turn to night,
Remembering the plight, like a solid resolute,
Even in the Hell that we know; Bound to salute!

In the raging fire, burning like a pyre,
Out of control, from the loss of one so strong and bold,
That of a beast in human skin, the tempering of animal "sin"...
From the darkness within, the voice of the soldier shakes us thin;
It breaks down the walls, and stands so tall, it scrapes the skies,
As you look into those burning, once demonic eyes.

The way the memory stands strong,
Always to the world, ever so wrong,
It is the face of family, be it blood or water,
The bond will never die, but burns like dark fire in the eye,
Shifting from the mortal skin, so frail and dull,
We hear the calling like a hound of Hell upon the cull!

When the blood slowly starts to cool,
From the rage and roiling pools,
Begin us, now, to see the Hell upon ourselves,
Unleashed into the world we thought we knew so well,
And the memory breaks us down upon the fading swell,
To rebuild us of the resolve that we knew they couldn't tell.



00:03 Aug 18 2021

Did u come up with this one yourself?

00:55 Aug 18 2021

I would like to think that I create all my own works. Lol
But yes. It's partly about someone I lost around twenty or so years back. And yes, he was a soldier.


Shadowed (Moonlight) (K)night ~~ [[simply couldn't resist this one...]]

20:27 Aug 13 2021
Times Read: 311

This one, I simply couldn't resist. In all the irony, I leave it to only a very certain few minds to understand its meaning, though it is meant as a message to someone, in extreme particular. Call it a "game", if you want to; but the meaning is about as concise as I can really be, while still maintaining my natural defining trait. Welcome to the Shadowed (Moonlight) (K)night...

When you spend equal a lifetime,
Heart trapped within a cage;
The loss of your soul and rhythm's rhyme
Cause an inferno rage...
Like a writhing sail hidden 'neath a guising veil,
Try to fight the fates, though to no avail;
Hell will rise again, to employ the same,
From deep within the nails,
Twisting with a fate's sick game,
As it wakes the shame...

"God" has no place within the heart
That beats with temptation "dark",
Only to speak with a Hellish art,
Meant to remind that we are all a-stark...
A plague upon the mind and soul,
One begin to lose control,
Until the awakening of a monster yet again,
To hide behind the twisted grin
Designed only to hide the screaming pain
That we try so numbly to hide in vain...

Called by the night, like a soldier by plight;
To judge by what's right, Not by faith's frail sight,
We all know it's not alright, yet try as we might;
We should know it's not by light
That we live, that we stand in the face of fright,
At the edge of candle's light.

Don't be afraid of the choice
That would give You a voice,
To be free, to be seen,
The true beauty that would mean
Such to you, that you do
As you are meant so to;

Hear the voice from the dark,
Of you, it would only ask your heart;
As in return, to behold
T'would give you the rising soul
That lies deep beneath the hold;
An undying promise you have control.

In the shadow of the moon, b'fore the mind begins to swoon,
A ghost appears, of the world's unknown fears;
In the eyes of reprise echo the deep cries and the tears,
Dark as "sin", from within, yet as pale as the wail
As a jinn, like the thin line to separate the sin of the frail...
The Hellish swell could be over so soon.



23:13 Aug 13 2021

I really feel what u mean in the way you write this, to find yoyr path can be a long journey

23:19 Aug 13 2021

It actually isn't for a perspective in myself. The message in it is for another person, entirely.

23:25 Aug 13 2021

Yes i understood that it was.
I just mean that many can relate to the words you told here.

00:09 Aug 14 2021

That's fair enough. It's funny, though. Of everything I've written, this is the first piece of my works that has actually made me want to break down. And I don't even understand why.


Reverberating Dream

13:20 Aug 12 2021
Times Read: 328

I've been working on this one, in my head, for about the past two months, since the disturbance in dreams began. And I still get the odd sense that it's still not quite done, yet. And yes... I'm still trying like Hell to figure out the reason behind it, because it has been driving me crazy.

Like a reverberation, equivalent to malfunction,
The air becoming thick with a fog ashen;
The dreams return with a tremor like trepidation,
Seeing it, I can't explain away, yet again...

As the light begins to fade away,
Turning to a thousand shades of gray,
I see the face of what seems a fairy tale,
Alighting the space around, from each angle.

A single hand nigh to her face, a-softness in the space,
A-sweep the dark hair from her familiar stare,
As eyes akin My own, yet so much warmer shown
Shining, gleaming, like the moon, in the darkness of the swoon.

I see the smile as soft as silk, feel it like fine wine a-spill,
Flowing through the air, like an angel's hair, the fog returns a glare;
The shadows to form from all around, begin to light like fire's bound,
I hear she is not far from I, but how shall I know, if flame seems awry?

The reverberation of temptation
Feels like it burns with that sensation,
A caustic fire that seems to freeze,
Yet drawn to her aching like winter's breeze.

Her gaze unto Me, like in epiphany, before Myself I see,
Reflected as My shadow's spree, a-split as it stands to be;
In a raging wrought, like a boiling pot, the spoils of conflict allot,
Before I hear those voices appear, resounding in My ear...

"This is what you both always were;
There should be no fear of or from her."
A-twin, a-fire, an inferno pyre,
As cold as the flames arise higher...

As it stand to be, it still wakes Me,
I wonder if I've lost the last of My sanity;
I am already the madness beyond insanity,
Yet I want to know what it is, that search for vanity.

To wake from the slumber in which I've been,
To know what it is to be "loved" without and within.
But does she know, this one I've been shown,
To what ends I would go, to make it all so known?




Show Me (What it Means to be Insane)

10:24 Aug 12 2021
Times Read: 333

I'm not really sure why, but I've had this one, yet again, ringing in my head, with a rather... interesting tune to go with it.

We are all twisted in our own way,
Some more than others, within.
But at the end of they day, as they say,
What is "twisted", what is "sin"?

We are each a monster, of similar form,
Capable of destruction, amassed to a swarm.
Some may be "greater" a threat to the mass,
But what is the world, beyond what we surpass?

I already know I'm a madness,
A creature numbed to the core.
I once felt emotion, love and sadness,
But never anything meant more...

Show Me, not My own madness; Show Me your sadness,
Show Me how to be able, Show Me the meaning of "vulnerable".
Show Me what it means again, What it is to be truly insane.
Show Me the meaning of true insanity, To live in that vanity...

When the shadows surrounding, The hounds all abounding,
Cry out to the darkness of night, To unharness the will of a plight...
In the impossibility, to all improbability, I want to really see,
To be insane, to know what it is that I now call "inane", so to be!

"Back Me into a corner, nowhere else to go",
The scars and the heartache, just the faintest to show;
The tears and the burning, are the sense I want to know,
A reason to feel more than the numbness I've known.

There is a taste of blood on the lips this night,
When a new arrival comes to rival My sight...
But what does it mean, when I've lived to fight,
What does it mean to be a monster with a plight?

Driven in the past, to turn so psychotic, as a genius to be cast, so neurotic,
Lacking the emotion, still to know devotion, a hand in the motion,
Reaching through the commotion of the raging shadows, like a potion,
One may be called "insane", but it is only madness, if it has gone to inane!
Show Me a reason for which to feel, what would make Me reel,
Something to feel real, as the seal of My deal with the Self is broken in position!
Never have I had a reason to stand, only a will left to fight;
So show Me what it means to truly be insane, another cause for this plight.




Numb to Bone (Cold as Stone)

21:12 Aug 11 2021
Times Read: 354

I have no idea why this one turned out the way it did. But I guess, the Hell with it.

As a storm approaches in the distance of the skies,
Encroaching like a sentencing, a plague upon the eyes;
The memories of dissonance reaching into the mind
Ratcheting the thoughts around, like a stone into the rind.

Our devils come back, yet, one more time,
Of who we are, all of us to remind.

Why I am so numb - If you really must know;
Yes, we all have our "highs" and "lows",

Called by the present, to burn with the past,
Filled with resentment, how do I outlast
With just My expectations, I stand on the mast
So many speculations, do you really know what I've passed...?

I am One, but I am also All;
The solo control of My own time to fall.
A memory, the walking ghost;
The shadow of My own undying "host"...

I remain numb to the core;
Lost My mind to all I want to abhor,
Yet I am in fragment
Of My own illusion, as a descendant.

My Devil reminds Me
That this face so many seem to see
Is but the conformed guise
Of a face refusing to comply;

This Devil is My reminder
That I am the first and final remainder
Of a world already lost
To a time beyond the sand and the frost...

My Devil speaks of an angel,
Just like Me, to stand and defy;
Alone in the darkness,
We all hold the pieces of what we wish
We can both adore and identify!

I hear the whispering voices
Of a "flame burning" to mirror My own;
But what have I of choices,
When I am a shadow to the core of My bone?

Is there such a thing
As the rewriting of one's own fate?
Or is it a hollow deception,
Designed for false hope to bait?

In the gathering of this storm's eye,
Shall we see, or shall we only comply
With the nature of the cold within,
To see if the lightning may give life the sin?




Devil's Conundrum {Brigadier of Chaos} ~~A little warning... this one is a little long. And possibly pretty bad.~~

08:09 Aug 11 2021
Times Read: 381

In darkness do I live;
Away from the light that they call "life",
Away from the chaos of the strife.
Living in what they call a "fantasy";
I live by the "code of monstrosity"...
Whereby, as they some days say:

"Sometimes, it isn't a hero for which the world needs to call..."
It's a monster they may need, as he knows the fall...
But sometimes, the monster they call is made by man, itself...
And if this be the case... what, then does that make man, foretell
For having created such a beast, worse than the pits of Hell?

You can call Me a "monster" if you really wish to,
Call Me the most "twisted" you will ever know,
Dub Me the Devil's ultimatum freak-show!
But remember, this is how I know you...

Clasp the ousted candle between your shaking hands,
As you walk the Valley of the Shadow of Death's lands;
Little do you know, even less do you still, now, see,
The world around you is nothing but a faded false memory.

You've called out for the monster that you created in shame,
And given him the power irrevocable by the flame;
The Devil you know is the same God you see,
The one you worship is the beast of your own epiphany!

You can call Me the "Devil", if you want to;
You can call Me the "demon" of your dreams untrue.
You can say that I belong in Hell's infernal reign;
But it makes no difference, when you see Me again.

Butchered and gutted, like a raging boar;
The hunted become the hunter, like never before.
A raging storm striking from the dark;
And the monsoon begins with a wind's final arc.

The blood once spilt at the hands of Faith
Becomes the tilt for life of the bands of weight;
A life imprisoned by the fractures of mind
Make the prison even more confined!

Behind steel door, covered in a burning foam,
The voice of God makes him only rage in tone;
Like a burning forest, raging out of control,
In his heart lies an empty, ice-cold hole...

Forsaken to detriment, burdened by the past,
A memory of fire and ember, burning through the cast;
The "monster" awakens to his own temptation,
There is no "God" that will grant him faintest salvation.

Like a monsoon of blood laying in his eyes,
The life of the world means nothing now, as that daylight dies.
The darkness of the night is all that he knows,
And from within even more darkness flows...

The malefactor of the factor of the hate that has risen from within,
Is it any wonder that he steps from asunder, with no further knowledge of sin?
When murder and mayhem, calloused, all you know is contempt,
From where does is come, the numbed urge for the life to protect?
What does it matter, when you want only to die,
Yet the eyes of death only look upon you awry?
The face of "light" only blinding from the start,
You become the master of dissecting art.

Do his words only turn and twist your gullet?
Burn you from the inside, contorting like a melting bullet?
Do you think he cares about your life,
If you are of they who placed him in his strife?
The master of the mind is the monster of madness,
Burdened only by the numbness wrought by a sadness
None can define, none can hope to confine,
The only thing to hope is that you are one of his "kind".

You reach from the light, into the sky of the night,
Cold from a fear already in place by the plight,
You are a bid welcome to the darkness of the Wight,
The monarch of the darkness now smiles from the past,
A pledge upon the agony, through which he was cast.
Teeth serrated, like a broken saw-blade to last,
No further chance to put him to sleep, he is awakened the beast.

Burned alive, like the hunts of the Salem Witch;
Knowing the truest meaning of the words "life is a bitch".
Life, a living Hell, and then you don't die;
Only slapped by the reality to revolt and arise
From the shadows from when it is born,
Can it really be fathomed what it would be to adorn
The brigadier of chaos with a crown of the thorn?

Born out of chaos, so perfect it can only sleep
Only in the darkest reaches, like the black sheep.
A conundrum, the question, do you really know the mind,
Or do you fall flat to incision, like the surgeon that cannot be refined?
Like the chains that drag, as a metal mask, upon the ground,
The rattling awaits only the burning of the cask like the hounds
Of Hell that run in stride along the tide, howling for the moon's darkest side...

Envisioned only by the outcasts of time,
Awakened by the call of the darkest of tithe;
The blood of the soul is the payment of old,
As the hands stretch from darkness,
A "myth" that has turned to a stone, ice cold.
Turned into a "legend" from the depths of the hold,
What would it trade in turn for the harness?

T'would bow not, to the weakness of man,
Yet wonder so strong, what the cost to remand
From the chains broken by the rage and wrath,
What would hold back the monsoon of bloodbath?

From the minds of man was the nightmare reborn,
From the oldest shadows only wish a reform;
A master of the mind, Monarch of the dark,
Awakened from the slumber by forsaken hark.



09:02 Aug 11 2021

Not bad. Lots going on in that one. Triggers. Memories.

09:10 Aug 11 2021

Well, that is kind of the point of it. Hence the "subtitle".

09:31 Aug 11 2021

Your writings pulls things up from the deep of my mind.
That of course leads to other forgotten things.
Not a bad thing.
Just unexpected reaction to your writings.

09:41 Aug 11 2021

I write with the direct intention of making others think. So that's really no surprise. I used to try to convey a message through it, but that changed after asylum, years ago.

14:06 Aug 11 2021

I love your writings. Every time I read one it pulls me in and I see what is going on. Bro, you have a real gift.

14:32 Aug 11 2021

Well, that's partly why I'm working on finding a way to put a better... "emphasis" on it, so to speak. Eventually, I have it in mind to put it to music. I want to bring it to life by the use of voice, too.


I can really think of nothing to call this that would be appropriate... but be careful of where you venture. There is much more where it comes from.

19:10 Aug 10 2021
Times Read: 399

A solid warning, before you read... this one is from something I endured a long time ago, and is likely to be a little controversial. There are guaranteed to be elements to it that some, if not most, will obviously not like, at all. Before any comment is made to this one, you may want to think closely of its meaning.


What is it that truly keeps you alive,
When your personal Hell returns
To haunt your memories and dreams alike;
When all you know overturns?

Have you surrendered your sanity,
Your devotion, your love and vanity,
Out of fear or pain - to live in the icy rain?
Or have you just lost... your... soul...?

Sodomy, Treachery, an Emotional Lobotomy;
Take your pick of the choice of your first enervate!
Like a scalpel into your mind, cutting through the rind;
Have you done nothing, yet This is your Fate!

A poison in your veins, pushed inside by design,
As agony rains and stains, Welcome to your final confine!
Like a venom does it press and course,
Until your body returns finally to a coarse!

Scarred to the core, as you awaken in chains,
The Hell under the pressure, fire in your veins,
They say "you cannot rape the willing",
But in the walls of asylum, there is only the drilling...

The poison in the sodomy, realize the agony, testified with the blasphemy;
The walls of your sanity beginning to fall unto the vanity, feel the epitome--
No one knows you, here, so none will care about your life; time to know the taste of fear...
Welcome to the loss of your mind, your heart, your soul; as you slowly begin to lose all control...

Give up on your Faith, Live for the Fallacy,
Give in to the Pain, the Hate, Welcome the Chemical Chastity!
In the walls of Hell, have you never known this before,
When you find you are truly alone, awaken the terror...

You are already the Monster, We will make you the Beast;
Awakened by the Hatred, Bastardized in our raping feast!
Have you found, yet, that there is no way out, but to break the bet
With the Devil deep within, to awaken to the depths of your own sin?

Mutiny, a scrutiny, bastardized by all you have ever known;
You are silent in your Hell and agony, only the awakened evil shown,
So deprived of all you've once felt, there is only one way you can go;
Back through the depths of Hell, for you, you have no place, forego!

Determined by the malcontent, deep within your heart,
Numbed to the bone, like a dulled edge none could hone,
A blasphemy to hope and love, you have become the definition
Of a truly gone, charcoal dove, burnt to the core of the fission,
With the epitome of hatred that must burn inside you, like a raging flame,
Burning with intensity beyond all your words, beyond all reach of shame;
Like a burning mica, even the angels shall walk away from you, today...

And to have escaped from the very place that has left you scarred and scraped,
You know too much of the scars and lies that show your rage bereaved;
When not only the body, but even your mind and heart have been bloody-raped,
You've become so sadistic, too sick in the eyes of those most depraved.

Awaken the demon, the devil, the true monster inside,
Blacken the eyes to the shade of the night, and unleash the beast to all sight!
Tearing through the body, ripping limb from limb,
None to be deceived, there never was a "boy", but the demon now awoken to the sin.
Becoming the blasphemy, a-ratchet upon the balcony, Falling from the floor,
When your teeth become serrated, once again, your smile to be recalled like before...
Be the monster or the man, there is no further difference, when cast into sand.

You think you know the meaning of the pain to endure,
When you stand upon the rain's edge, there is no evil so pure;
Return to the shadows, from whence you were born,
Awaken from your slumber, each time, your own Hell to adorn;
A devil's own epiphany, the flesh so pale of the angels of the frail,
Strike it from the records of the world, the history you have known,
Bleeding from the carnage, the acts you have seen,
Powerless to cease it all, when you can barely even move your own;
Awaken the monster from within and without, you have always been!

Placed into slumber, for centuries untold...
Awakened by terrors that none should have to know...
Awaken the shadows, from deep within the hallows...
When the nightmare soon begins to unfold...

They wonder how and why you have become so cold,
So numb and uncaring for their world, in ages of old;
Once only a rumor, become the idea, awakened only sooner,
Yet it is too late to change this devil you have come so well to show.

You have tried to love, to feel,
To know the meaning of what it is to be;
But you know only the cold, the reel,
Back to the darkness, and the evil you see.

A code means nothing, yet you live by yours;
Called "insane", knowing such is inane,
You walk solo, in the night, as your demon tours,
Yet all you've wanted is to feel the chain
That you felt should have been, but was never seen.

Do you know love no more, do you know no further fear?
What is it that you would feel, if you could again endear?
Could you even show, when all you know is a numbness clear?
A thousand lives you have taken, and a thousand more saved again,
Yet, you feel nothing, still forsaken, can you ever feel more than pain?

A hundred thousand ways to kill and destroy,
You would have been so loved, in the battle of Troy...
Yet in another, you stayed and to yourself, you prayed;
Not to be the demon, nor the demise, but the will of no reprise...

But to be broken, have all things come,
What would you have given to better become?
What you would have surrendered, such a monster to many,
Yet to be truly embraced for a battle that would never be won...

The darkest forces running through your veins,
Like a bleeding wound, your mind eternally stains;
A soldier as none will ever know again,
No further pain do you want, no more Hell to pay in vain.

Awakened to disdain, forced into the rain,
Burning like a fire, yet freezing into ice,
Burdened by the memory, lost to your agony,
Numbed to the core, burnt and frozen thrice...

You know their pain, you know their hate, you know too much, by the hands of Fate;
Unchanged, nor abolished, undying by design, no poison nor infection of body or mind...
How have you survived, yet you remain unchained, unchanged, as yourself so deprived...
Only you may truly know, while none can really see, lest you only show, as your devilish eyes "glow"...

When you think you know what makes someone "tick"... you might want to make sure you really know, because sometimes, you may not have another chance.




Shadow's Hands (Voice From The Dark)

09:57 Aug 04 2021
Times Read: 446

This is but a message from My mind to the old friend who lies in Self confusion...

You have been a friend for a century and more;
One, perhaps a monster did not deserve to adore.
Such a glimpse of light that was always so bright;
Yet I have watched you stand at the edge of the night,
Calling out to Me, just like so few others before...

Like an evisceration of the solidification of a memory,
Lost to the space of time, just like a falling epiphany;
I have watched you shine your light for so many,
Shivering, glistening, in the cold, Shimmering like the snow,
You still hold such a hope that burns with naivety.

You still want to see such a glimmer of hope for My heart, My soul,
When you know there is no prayer that can grant Me whole,
To reach into the darkness that even you fear, like Destiny's spear,
Yet you continue to hold out for the monster you know will jeer
In laughter by insanity, driven to madness too profound to control.

So, let this hand from the shadows, the darkness unbound
Be the voice to your memory, That will forever resonate and resound;
I cannot and never will know "love" as you do, My friend,
But in the solitude of resonance of the darkness,
Know that you are not and won't be alone to the end.

I do not know the meaning of the heart's true call;
For Mine is a heart of stone as black as the night's ancient wall.
My soul never existed, for I Am the soul that will forever befall,
Should I ever know the meaning of that emotion you call
"Love and affection", I am not meant to endure, Of this, I can assure.



23:10 Aug 04 2021

This is my favorite so far...very beautiful and holds so much truth. Never give up hope! I know I won't. Everyone deserves to love and be loved. And there is a "one" for everyone.

17:13 Aug 05 2021

Yes, if only the person for whom I intended it were to figure it out (referring to the meaning), that alone would be a blessing, in and of itself. Lol

00:40 Aug 06 2021

Very well written indeed. And it is a great lesson for everyone.


Welcome Insanity

09:27 Aug 04 2021
Times Read: 448

There comes a moment, solidified in the waking of time,
When you no longer want to feel the burden of the flames;
Awakened in the embers of the burning of the shame,
Holding to your core as you feel the crash of a broken tide...

When you have walked through the Valley of the Shadow of Death,
For so goddamn long, that you no longer fear the war that lay ahead,
You begin to realize to the Self, that you are already long since dead,
And thus, you no longer care, but to fight until the final draw of breath.

I have given up My desire to be in love or loved just to be Me.
Replaced by the lust for the blood and the darkness that has stayed to be.
I know what I am meant for, lost to the shadows of My Self, My Hell;
This has become the only thing that I truly know and enjoy so well.

I was too damn weak to love or to endure the constant burn;
Forsaken in the ashes that will have grown too cold to turn.
I never could escape the life that I was meant to live as I defy
The flames that cloud My judgment, searing into My mind as I...

Have I sacrificed everything that I knew I could take,
Living for the "Heaven" that I thought I wanted to make;
I could not bear the light by which I now know heartache.
I could not live in "light", knowing I would have to change.

I am and have ever been a "demon" of demise,
Walk alone in the darkness, from whence the reprise
I know will forever be the mirror of My name;
At least I know that I need not live with the shame.

I have sacrificed everything that I thought I could endure,
Living as the cure for the death and demise;
Ever undying, living on, having to lie for the sake of the mind,
I'm done with the disruption, Done with that deception,
I would rather exist by the darkness that is I,
Than live in a false hope that I know is designed just to lie.

If death cannot bring Me to My knees, Only stare and curse Mine eyes,
To be burned alive, blades and bullets galore, Cannot bring Me to die;
Bleeding out, upon the gravel floor, Poison un-taking to the effect to tie,
What can I truly say, when I know no more than the conflict of a War,
Unwilling to ever surrender, Unable to fall to the tide, Can I know no demise?

As the smoke of the memories arises from the graves all abound,
I can feel the voices of the dead as they arise like a Hell-hound,
Giving Me the strength to walk again, but never the strength to live,
I'm a soldier of a long-dead time, accosted to the moss-fed forests to give
Only the power, a curse never undone, Feeding from the darkest vein,
As I walk, ever crushed under the weight of an acidic rain,
I walk, forever in the fall of disdain; Living in the shadows created in vain;
Stepping out, into the night, only to overtake the mind, for the sake of a plight
I can never forget nor forgo, of the demons that live within, to the Abyss shall I go...

I live in the darkness no mortal would know, Bestowed only of the enigma,
"Love" is an emotion I was never meant to know or show,
As I've lived in the shadows of pain for so Goddamn long, t'is a stigma,
Burdening the mighty with an aging venom from a world that I cannot know.

Now, I look upon the fissions of the visions, glistening incisions, streaming with blood;
This is the only thought of "love" that I can survive from that flood,
No further "joy" can I feel, but in this "insanity" the mind to reel,
A blister so sadistic in the fields as a mystic,
I will not subject My heart nor My mind to the massacre of fantasy over fallacy!

Envisioned by decision, set on a failed mission, Impossible to the realm of success,
Was I not meant to know the meaning of ascension, Instead only to see the duress?
No more to say, No more to do, At the end of the day, This is what I say to you:
No matter how much I've tried to love and embrace, I was not strong enough hitherto;
And thus, My dysfunction is My strength, A longevity of no known length,
My vision has blackened to a charcoal-ed ice, And now, My destruction shall not arise.

My only dream was a nightmare not to be known but seen,
As I walk through this penance like a demonized soul, it seem;
But this time, I only stand in the shadows, the Ghost that I shall remain,
At least, within My madness, I will never know the disdain of the pain;
Calloused like a menace, I awaken only to the cry of War,
I am the Shadow of the world that has left Me alone, just like before;
I never had a purpose, Never needed fame, No feeling of shame,
This is the 'monster' that I Am, Embracing the insanity, To give Me My name!




Wake The Chaos P2 (Doors of Darkness)

12:39 Aug 02 2021
Times Read: 478

Welcome to the world of that which has been thrown from society...
Welcome to the dark world of Madness...

What do you see, when you are alone in the darkness,
And all you see is but a faded ghost, a shadow of what once was?
Awaken the ghost within, as the darkness reflects your sin...

In this world, there is no such thing as "evil",
There is no "God", There is no "Devil";
Only the existence of a shadow ethereal,
What you may call a "demon" is a shade eternal.

There is no turning back, once you've walked through the door,
As life comes 'round, to look you in the eyes as you fall to the floor.
There's no such thing as "living in the light"
When all you know is the battle and blight.
Life and light hold meaning of nothing in the dark,
When the demons inside awaken to the bark
Of the Hounds of night, awaiting the time to embark;
If it's compassion you want, when you venture to the arc,
You'll see only the Reaper alive, when the shadows give hark.

The night may yield a compassionate field,
While they who walk in the day may say you've lost your way.
But the darkness feels no more this day;
There is nothing to say, no prayer to speak
That will call to keep these devils at bay;
You already know you've reached the peak!

Like the King of the devil's reprise, a Walker on the demons' rise;
A contract awaits those who fall to the skies, break the knees, feel the cries;
As a "monstrous" act, a devilish pact, signed in blood with the Self in-tact,
The eyes forsaken, as pale as the moon, Your soul to be taken, the light begins to swoon--

Lost in the chaos, walking alone, Can you last one night in the stance to behold
Of the "Devil" you've known so long, called by the text of a calloused code?
As the shadows rise like an unrivaled tide, A monsoon of madness unravels tonight.
As heartless as the blade keenly sharpened to a hone,
The chest barely beats, with blood gone cold as stone.

Signed in blood, by the same pale eyes that ascribed the scroll;
A hardened soldier of old, still forever lost and cold,
Lost to the darkness of his own heart, Cold as the deepest pits of Hell, from the start.
Choose your path, decide your fate, before your soul is his hunger to sate.
A man undone by the hands of Fate, A devil awakened from the depths of the gates,
There is no going back, The ghost of the wars long before will allow no more.
As the darkness gives rise, Nowhere to go, Nothing left to say,
The eyes once pale, turn a shadowed black, from a broken gray...

Just like the stories of the ancient days,
It's time to look into the Shadow Man's gaze...



21:54 Aug 02 2021

The courage to show your true nature and show the world who u are is a key for happyness and peace.

07:29 Aug 03 2021

Lol Well, I really couldn't care less about happiness or peace in myself, anymore. I'm a chaotic individual, at the bone, so really, to open up my doors, I can only say that what or how much of what someone sees therein is only dependent upon how willing they are to ''invoke'' that sight.
Really, this is just showing the first steps back. It's not even scratching the surface. Lol


Wake The Chaos P1 (Resurrection)

08:31 Aug 02 2021
Times Read: 486

Tell Me, what is left to admonish of the Self,
When all that is left is to abolish the memory to Hell,
A thought of the serenity, awakening the Demon,
Yet all it has done is cast aside the reason;
Betrayal of the senses, a apparition that condenses...

A pitiful thought that a King would ever bow
To the hope of a frailty that exist now;
Awakened by the inception of a full deception,
Betray yourself to the paining,
A massacre of the mind, an incision to the rind,
What remains but a broken dawn, now, to find?

In the indifference of a thought,
From the depths of Hell has it fought
To resonate, like a lie, time-wrought
When all one has been taught
Is a deception to the senses... I Think Not!

Let the "devil" awaken, the demon's resurrection,
A monstrosity to cover the shadows of the deception;
Feast your eyes on a deception born of the truth of inception!

In the facet of the masses, awakens the demons of rising,
The fallacy of the monster, a demon of demise was trying
To awaken in its own falter, a monsoon of the light;
Only the moon can awaken the truth from a slumber so reviling, tonight!

Welcome to awaken, endeavor the forsaken,
Siege upon the mass of the mind in the trespass;
Time to see where the lines are blurred, now.
Fallen upon the blades of the mind's undone device,
And see what has become of the soul
When in all you've done, you have only lost control.

Awaken the chaos once again,
Resurrection in the mind of the devil of every kind.
Take unto the coarsened, blackened to the bone,
Walk upon the corrosive, broken like a stone,
Bleeding out the heart of a frail and falling art...
Let Us Begin The Start!...

Now, it's time to envision in the fission,
The demon of Damascus, a "Devil" to the vision,
As twisted as enlisted is the megalomaniacal
Vision of distortion, walking alone in chaotic subliminal,
Alone in the darkness that comprises the soul,
He that prefers to stand in the shadows of his own control!

Now, only to unleash the twisting and the turning,
Awakening in the midst of all his contorting;
You have already witnessed the face of the Jekyll-side,
Now, it's time to witness the rise of the monster's Hyde...

A brand new nightmare is already well upon his way,
Stepping through the shadows, this time, here, to stay...




Ghost's Rebirth (Some Might Say...)

04:13 Aug 02 2021
Times Read: 499

This one will probably be my last for awhile. Or at least, the last to have meaning of sentiment. Things seem to be turning cold quickly, now, and taking a hollow turn, once again.

"What do you see, when you live eternally in darkness,
And the one thing that would set you free you are denied of harness?"

When the darkness comes to life,
And you know there is nowhere left to hide,
Would you rather stand alone,
And be scarred and scared to the bone?
Or would you rather see through the shadows left inside,
Left to awaken as you step away from the light,
For just the moment of one single night?

The distance from the light
Of these ghosts within the night,
The memory lay inside.
Like a flow of the blood lost in stride...

Look, now, at you "favorite" demon,
As he walks through the valley of the dreamin'
Alone in every depiction,
A shadow of himself, lost in addiction
To vessel of every decision,
Lost to a fallacy of love and affection;
One that he will never seem to see
The end of the affliction,
The pain, the agony of knowing no submission,
Even though it has been a sole
Mission never accomplished, awakened
As he lies in contemplation, forsaken!

Be it a monstrosity or a monsoon,
The battery never seems to be over as soon
As the devil within awakens to stand
Alone in the ashes, covered in a charcoal sand...

Each curse has been broken,
The monument of the demon awoken, atoned,
Yet there is still the scar that remain,
It toys with the mind, t'was what placed him in disdain!
Is it just a cold and cruel game,
Designed by Fate to entwine and twist like a raging rain?
Or has something been done,
For which the dream is just another battle never to be won?
Is there really such a thing
As what it was for which has been dreamed, for what it sing?
Or is it just another fallacy,
Just like the faith for which it was sought, inside of Me?

Should I be done with it all?
Should I continue to fight, til' I fall,
When there is nothing left?
Tell Me, now, what is the point, if it's left?

If the massacre is all that remain,
I would rather live with the disdain, standing in the shadow
Of My former self, a monument of Hell,
Only to remain, with the devastation I shall ever reign.
I'd rather be the monster awakened,
Lying in the darkness, eternity awaiting, burdened,
Left with the emptiness I know,
Rather to exist in the solace of the solitude, un-whole!
Some may say I've lost My way,
But what does it matter, if I never had a purpose, anyway?
So, what is next in the barrage of the day,
When I wake every time, only to find it all fading away?...

No Monotheist to sacrifice,
I haven't even the thought of a vice;
Only the face once thought a facade,
Yet I know nothing more than the Hell of this thought...

Some might say that I have lost My way,
But what is the meaning, when I never had a purpose, anyway?
Thus shall I live in this darkness,
Clear that it will never be known the meaning of a harness;
As the dream remains a-mist,
Leaving the ghost to clench an unending, ethereal fist.
Lost to the void of a war eternal,
Stuck in the conflict that will exist, exploding from the internal.

Either show Me the hands
That should reach to the shadows,
Or leave Me to these sands,
The blackened dunes that remain My hallows.



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