EstrangedOne's Journal


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3 entries this month

You Sense It, But Can't Put Your Finger On It...

00:40 Nov 29 2023
Times Read: 150

I still can't quite figure it out. But especially since All Hallows Eve, there has just been something extremely "off" - beyond dissonant or disconcerting - in the atmosphere of my locale. I have been sensing the same thing, this entire time, that has just had me strangely on edge; more than any battlefield or haunted place I have been in, in quite some time.

Normally, one would think that with the typical things that even have happened over the past several decades, over the course of time surrounding All Hallows, that things would or should be at least faintly "back to normal/typical". But for some reason, I don't sense this thing, whatever it is, fading one bit. It seems to linger like the stench of rotting flesh (funny analogy, that one, even in this case), more similar to a carcass left sitting in the living room of a closed off cabin with no air, in the peak of summer heat.

Just last night, I was out with my associate/young musician friend, simply having a cup of coffee, chatting, and it didn't seem to matter where we were... that strange essence was all over the place, even nigh to the downtown district. Even whilst we stepped into the store, later on, I could still feel the presence of it all around, and it seemed almost as though someone intangible had taken a sub-zero (yet red hot) clamp or something, layered it in IcyHot, and clapped it right to the back of my neck.
Sadly, I'm quite accustomed to being surrounded by blood and gore and conflict, so while I try to avoid physical conflict, the factor of it is nothing new to me. But this 'essence', whatever the Hell it was or is, made the hair on the back of my neck tingle (obviously, not something good).

I have been spending the entire time, since last night, with my typical mental maelstrom, reading, and trying to think of a way to speak of it, and for some reason, every concept I've tried to think of to explain it, even to myself, has come up on the losing side of a bad coin toss. So, I just decided to say "fuck it" and mention it here and now.
((And yes; for those who may have been wondering why I haven't put much of anything in my journal(s) or been mentioning possible music in the making... this is exactly why - reason numero-uno, as they say. And, of course, put that together with having some of the most confounding moments of heavy-hitting mixing and twisting emotion(s) I can recall, of the past many years, and you have one Hellish state of bafflement.))

The funny thing is that the very book I was reading, I had literally just started a couple days ago. A murder-mystery. Mind you, the last time I held an interest in the style of mystery or the like, was with Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and fellow Sherlock Holmes authors. Funny enough, this one put a little twist to that old scene. Still, not quite my cup of tea/glass of wine, but it somehow held my interest, which says quite a lot.

But the simple fact remains that I can fully feel something not quite right, literally lingering in the air. Actually, apart from my miniscule four-corners segment of the neighbourhood I currently live in, I cannot even venture down the stairs of the house without catching a faintness of the sensation - and it only seems to grow stronger once I step outside. I take a walk, I sense it. I go to work, I can still sense it, regardless of what part of town or what town I have to go to for the day/evening. It kind of has me wondering if anyone else might be feeling something 'odd in the air', because funny enough, I know I am pretty much the only one in my vicinity who has senses tuned, so keenly, to anything beyond the main five senses.

I've also mentioned this to my young associate, and naturally, the lad is puzzled beyond comprehension (certainly no surprise, there). I believe I've mentioned it to the veteran I look after, and he's clueless, thinking it's probably the resident spirits, but I know better than that - this does not feel anything even close to their presence.
All I can really say is that My Gears Have Been Turning And Grinding, Practically Nonstop, because of this, and it has been a bitch for me to think of a way to describe it. I'm surprised said 'gears' haven't gone stripped, already.




Since Existence Has To Be Finicky With My Dead Ass...

21:29 Nov 08 2023
Times Read: 181

Yep-- since existence always likes to be finicky with me, I've decided that I'm just going to dig up The Nun, this weekend.
That sounds a little funky, coming from a former reverend, but with the way my brain functions, there's no possible way I could've said that with which it wouldn't have sounded funky.

One thing I really don't understand is why some things have to be so damn "funny", these days - gone are the days when life was simple, and living among society was actually decent. But anyhow, I'm already letting myself get side-tracked into a rant I would rather not venture into, at the moment. I loath enough of the world of man, as it is, without finding something else to be pissed off about every day.
Something tells me that I really need a damn hobby, beyond music and reading. Driving myself mad with what goes on in the asylum I call a cranium.

Luckily, I've found it on the Tube, so there's no need to rent it.



06:37 Nov 09 2023

I have found that wool felting is a relaxing hobby.... you get to stab wool a billion times to turn it into little animals or whatever you want it to be.... STABBY STABBY STABBY! lol


Thinking of Revisiting Something... Kind of a Passing Fancy, I Suppose...

12:12 Nov 06 2023
Times Read: 204

I've been thinking of revisiting a couple old films, lately. But I'm not really sure, at the moment, of which one I want to see;
The Grudge, or The Nun... or something similar...

The Grudge?... Hell, I've had a taste for that series, ever since I first watched it.
My old foster mother decided to sit in with me, one night, when I first saw that film. Just like her idiot of an older sister, my foster mother decided she had to dabble with something in an attempt to "understand" me, and even worse... she thought these things would give her some magical talent for the same shit I tend to do. But now, I have to delve into the memory of that night...

Well, while we were sitting in my old office, my foster brother was passed out on the couch. The film cuts to the first "death rattle" scene, and naturally, my foster mother is immediately losing her bleeding mind, repeating like a machine gun...
"OhMyGod,OhMyGod, ThisIsCreepy,ThisIsCreepy,ThisIsCreepy!"

So, of course, I pause the film, and I just stare at her. The first thing that flies out of my mouth is "Christine... If You Think THAT is 'creepy', then try This--"
I follow up with a full vocal 'fry', starting with the very deepest note I could hit (which, mind you, was and still is pretty damn 'steep'), and inched my tone up, bit by bit, until I reached a high note that most would never think possible. This whole thing takes about thirty seconds. By the time I hit the final high-note and held it, we hear my foster brother launch off the couch, screaming in terror, saying "THE FUCKING DEAD ARE COMING OUT OF THE GRAVES".

All I can say is that, for one; every time I think about that night, I am internally laughing my ass off, because of how mentally fucked the old foster family remains, to this day. And for two; my old foster brother fancied himself "numb to fear and horror"--
I guess not, considering a 'vocal fry' scared the shit out of you so damn bad that it had you thinking it was a full-blown death-rattle of the apocalypse, buddy.
And these fuckers were also among the very people who put me through some pretty grueling debacles... including some, in particular, that I won't revisit at the moment.

Now, The Nun...
I've always found that film quite ironic, since my foster mother fancied herself to be a "devout" catholic... yeah, that one was fun to introduce her to, because I made sure to add a subliminal note of irony to making the mention of it to her. And somehow, the woman still completely missed the reference.

But anyhow... I'm actually finding myself a little bit torn, at the moment, because I've always had an interesting taste for them. Yet the same humor I see in either one, I don't think many others see. And mind you, as I think these words out, I am actually internally laughing like a lunatic, because I genuinely do see ridiculous levels of humor in both and then some.
I'm kind of curious to know, however, just whom or how many would want to see a film deemed "scary as Hell", with someone of my frame of mind, with a knack for sadistic and possibly "twisted" humor...



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