Exhausted.....12:49 Mar 14 2012
Times Read: 735
Yeeesh, was I exhausted or what. O I'm just gonna lay down for a second with the Hellboy...he's been sleeping with me, curling up like he doesn't usually do, I crashed out hard. Never go to bed that early and slept 6 hours straight, with the bedroom light on the whole time.
I have been having very vivid, lucid-like dreams since two days befor the full-moon. This isn't usual for me at this time of the month so it's unnerving as to why?
Dream Record 3-14-12
All I can remember to start was I was underground. The darkness was enveloping and the tunnels were very small and I was ok at first but started to feel scared as I knew I was very, very deep in the earth. This felt like a mine and the other people around were miners. Distant light felt like some kind of beacon and everything was cold, wet and gritty, solid and hard. I remember feeling at the walls, at the carved and blasted out rock with the random jutting protrusions. At this point I was crawling on my hands and knees and the ground was so uneven and so agonizing to my legs. This crawling was so awkward because the space was so small the air was tight and I was constantly feeling my way because my light was growing dim.
I felt like I had such a long way to go and felt I hadn't been getting far. I started to feel...not as calm more urgent more uncomfortable. I felt like I had, had this inner strength of peace and a wicked control over my feelings that gave me a reason for ever being here, in this situation and that I held a purpose of overwhelming endurance. All of this was slowly slipping away with every grunt of a body breaking several feet forward I'd accomplish. As I felt these inner strengths leave they transformed or invoked other more useful traits of sheer willpower and a more survival instinct.
I had no choice in this I was chosen for several reasons and one was that I was female. These realizations came back to me as I felt further and further away from the last crew and more alone though that feeling of being alone and distance was something that had never truly bothered me.
Up to this point in the dream I didn't really know my place in it or what was really going on I only knew that I had been indeed supressing huge amounts of stress over what I was so very unsure about. I started to remember more and more and recalled actual training for times such as these. But everyone was so calm befor I entered the shaft that I only felt as if all was ok, I hadn't been thinking of what happened only what I needed to do, only the immediate actions and steps that needed to be taken. This was an emergency! Something terrible had happened and and somehow this was part of my team, my crew and I held a very important position among us but it's still unclear as to a title or what not. We all had, a specific purpose beyond being a team, we each had qualifications that had set us apart.
I began to leave some pain behind me and somehow tricked myself out of feeling it, I now only sensed a numbness in my legs, my shins. I was getting closer and the air was cloudy and more warm and I coughed and felt sweat drip onto my arms as they now felt more like I was pulling myself along. The space was so small now I kept shifting and falling against the walls due to so much rock debris underneath me. I finally had yelled out as if my voice wasn't my own, as if I hadn't heard my own voice in what was maybe an hour that felt like several. I yelled again, I yelled can you hear me and hoped with all my might to hear someone back. Then I did, he yelled we lost 2 can you hear me we lost 2. I felt a sunken feeling as if a force was pushing me down, I hurt and couldn't bare to start to lose my calm and cool. I reached the hole and wondered if I could fit down it but I could now only say can you see me and looked, several feet below I saw their light and he looked up at me with this fear in his eyes and face.
I said weakly are you ok and I need a moment I'm sorry but I need to rest. He was telling me what happened but I can't remember what he said like all this information he was relaying was in some unknown language. I knew in my dream what it all ment but now I only remember technical things like degrees and coordinates and special tools and specific supplies but I can't really name them besides things that now seem obvious for this situation. He told me the names but I can't remember the names now and they only had access to one body and that they needed a bag. He was very brave and very strong not that they all weren't but that he had the specific knowledge that was necessary. He was very accurate and answered most of my questions befor I had even asked, again training came to mind here.
He was yelling behind him and I recalled the dimensions of this air shaft he was only yards away from his crew while mine were an hour behind me, I started to feel that loneliness creep up and my heart started to beat faster and a feeling of ill set in my stomach but as soon as it was starting to set I somehow forced it back and began to talk to him more. In the distance I started to hear his crew more easily specific voices. Then as I started to speak again he told me to wait...wait can you feel that and I stopped and I felt vibrations under me. Impending doom and utter silence now as I could hear the shifting. My soul felt twisted as I knew something bad was coming and could only hope I'd survive it. They yelled to him to take cover and he said my name telling me to brace myself. And as I did air pushed behind me and moved me over the hole and I scrambled backwards and air thrusted me back from the hole. I felt like I had been in a washing machine or something because now I was on my back and I could feel blood dripping from my face and tasted it had gotten into my mouth. I reached in one of my pockets, which was hard cause there wasn't much elbow room, and grabbed acouple med supplied.
He shouted my name and I asked him if he was ok and he said he didn't know that he had blood on him I told him I was bleeding and he asked me how bad I told him I didn't know. I flipped back over on my stomach and just laid there. I could see him reach up to me and he had a roll of gauze. I took it but held onto my hand for a moment as if he was very worried about me when I gripped his hand back it was because I wasn't worried about me, I was worried about them. As I tried to wrap my forehead he told me their weren't any injuries and it made me immediately concerned for my own crew behind me. He said he hoped I could get out and all I said was how I hoped I could turn myself around. He said I should try to use the hole and I said help and as I stuck my leg in he said ok and I felt stable enough to squirm aroundI told him it would be an hour befor I got back and that he needed to tell me anything else now that needed to be said. This was a way we had to communicate a very harsh reality and he handed me a memo pad and we held hands for a second in a way of...gratitude and appreciation.
All the while I had Justin on my mind he was in the back of my thoughts but I'm not sure why and it was this thought that several times I believe had almost woke me. I crawled back and was so tired I felt like I would never reach the end and there were places I could barely get through and afraid I'd be crushed trying. Sometimes I had to stop as if my body couldn't go on I was still bleeding and was so thirsty. I had stuff in my eyes and they hurt but they were always opened like peeled to try and begin to see the light at the end of the shaft. Finally I could start to see my light had been dead for about 15 minutes and I think I was stronger and moving more quickly just to get out. I reached the end and they pulled me out. I was handed water and handed them the memo pad. They all started to shift into high gear and I was nothing but drained. Every one of my 9 crew came and patted my back or tapped my shoulder giving off an air of accomplishment. Someone was attending my wound and I was relaying info as well as answering the medical personnel.
I didn't feel right and was exhausted. I started to feel fuzzy and remembering them speak in medical terms that I only partly understood. I remember them speaking to themselves as if I wasn't even there. I was laying down now but don't remember laying down. They were stitching up my forehead and said I had a concussion and to be still. Several of my crew had been talking as well saying that it was the only way....over and over, it was the only way and she knew it and said she'd do it for them. The medical crew was telling them why?, why would you let her take such a risk and they said cause it needed to be done and that I was the only one who was agile and small enough to get through. They said I was lucky and they should live now because of the information I gave them to get to the crew below us. It took the hour I crawled for the crew above us to get to get down to us, I never even knew we were trapped as well, I never even knew it. I was really tired and they told me I could sleep and just as I felt like I was slipping away I woke up.
I woke up in a jolt like a hypnagogic jerk and when I did I breathed as if i hadn't been getting enough oxygen like in my dream. I was sore all over but I think just from the last 2 super hard nights at work. I was so thirsty and starving like I just ran a marathon or something. But this dream bothered me enough to where I had to get it out and record it. I get uneasy now when I have dreams like this just because of the dream I had about the nuclear testing of people, from people in hazmat suits, two days befor the japan tsunami. I told friends at work so I have witnesses to that one since I didn't record it anywhere.
COMMENTS
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moonkissed
13:59 Mar 14 2012
Could it be a memory?
DestroyingAngel
01:18 Mar 15 2012
It could be an omen or a portent.
I think my take on it is that your brain was in overdrive with a threat (the snake). You protect your kitties like they are your furry children. In the dream, you couldn't protect them because the snake posed a threat to you too. You had to be safe before you could save them...?
Lol...who knows. Just one gal's opinion...I could be totally off the mark.
Strange dream.
Angelus
16:06 Mar 16 2012
a warning, methinks.