and he was always , night and day , in the mountains and in the tombs , crying and cutting himself with stones
Who am I ? I am the stranger , forever on the outside , looking in on that which I shall never have - the joy , the light , the furnace heat of life that keeps you all so warm , while I am so very cold . What do I look like ? Some of you have seen me , a weird figure in black , cutting through the milling crowds like a chill night wind , my passing unremarked, unremembered . And I am always alone . Even as a child I was given over to the darker angels of my nature. A lifelong flirtation with Madness and a love affair with Death have left me marked , like Cain , as one apart , to be shunned and reviled . Your cruel eyes have scarred me , as surely as my knives have on countless nights past, carving away at my soul until only my Hunger remains to define me, to lend form and substance to this Shadow Skin I now wear. And I am hungry... Hungry for life , hungry for love . Your love, for all that you have wounded me ; though how anyone could love a thing such as I ... But if you could love me , I would gladly give you all that I am - my cold heart , my tarnished soul, yours for just one kiss...
" Vampiric "
I want to dazzle you ,
With my heretic's smile.
The light of indecent knowledge
In my changeling eyes.
Seeded there to lure you
Deeper into my darkling world,
To lay with me on my cold slab,
Amidst the gleeful dead.
I may not be truly undead , but I've been dead inside so long it makes no difference . That numbness has driven me to go to almost any lenghths to feel something ; anything -
I'd rather be bitten than kissed , I'd rather be beaten than caressed . I learned when I was very young that blood and pain were my drugs of choice , and that as long as I fed those bleak passions I could remain mostly sane - functionally disfunctional. Once , when I cut myself so badly I almost bled to death , until my kidneys began to shut down and my legs ached from loss of blood , and I was well into hypovolemic shock , I think I felt almost alive.
I can't decide if that makes me a monster , or just tragically human.
Music , too , moves me . Loud music and soft , arias and anthems ; Debussy and Disturbed , I love them both.
And yes , I drink blood , though I also love the feeling of the sun , hot on my flesh. Hey , Lestat got a tan, why not me ?
|Member Since:||Mar 24, 2008|
|Last Login:||Jun 14, 2008|
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|My doctor don't want me to have no curves and be a twig lolol...|