I am a dysphoric grrrl who is always seeking something that could be shocking. Unfortunately, nothing has been able to truly make my blood run warm. I have been described by others as unfeeling and stoic in the presence of presumed celebrity. Whooptie-shit, I'll bet you're just like me...
I am a walking contradiction and do not enjoy being around others who are one-sided and refuse to at least ponder other possibilities. My psyche is hedonistic but my mind inflicts rules and standards to appease the ones whose hearts beat because of their assumed "real" identities.
I have never liked Anne Rice. I think she is over-rated. Lovelovelove Poppy Z. Brite and Pat Califia. Black fishnets and garter belts will always turn my head, then usually electromagnetically draw my tongue to the stiletto hopefully stemming the dark soul.
I'm a brutal realist. The majority of people I've met cannot handle my effrontery shaped in the form of blunt honesty. Happiness is impending. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 10. To this day I'm not a great swimmer. I support animal liberation and I wish I could be vegan but it still seems too difficult for a girl like me who grew up in the age of the microwave. I will just have to find a veggie-friendly mate, I suppose, and hopefully their culinary skills will be degreed and beneficial in other ways as well. I've got one college degree under my belt that I'm not pursuing in a "linear fashion" (as Financial Aid phrased when when they denied me of any aid - bastards!). I am currently working as a Registered Nurse. I have never been squeamish with blood and the underlaying gore. I am not one who takes too kindly to domesticity. I'm not sure that's one of my big priorities right now. I'm sure it is something that will come up in a couple years or so. I'm primarily interested in fattening up my own belief of actual self-worth. Ha! Who needs a psychotherapist?! It's all nice and warm and cuddly to think about but once I'm some1's "grrlfriend", well I get anxious, I have a history of self-sabotage.
This party looks like it could have been right up my alley. That is, if I lived a life like a Bret Easton Ellis book or mature drag queen, oh, excuse me "cross-dresser". Ha, I'm a politically incorrect gender queer inquisitor.
Some celebrity grrrls I would love to spend a night with are (in no particular order): Jennifer Tilly, Courtney Love, Rose McGowen, Tairrie B. from "My Ruin", Jessicka from "Scarling" and "Jack Off Jill", and Marilyn Manson cause he's such a great cross-dresser. As for bois, well I love MacCauley Culkin, Chris Farley, Seth Green and Invader Zim plus Gir who is a robot so fe/male doesn't apply.
Oh, and Jimmy Urine gave me a black eye once.
I'm great at suggesting mental exercises for people who find themselves with mental blocks. I have a problem with authority. I tend to overanalyze most ideas and phrases (I can argue semantics to the grave, unfortunately). I am super un-patriotic. I also key off anti-abortion bumper stickers with much glee.
I enjoy zombie movies, vampyr flicks, anything involving true crime, gore, blood, disembowelments and the like. Don't be scared to walk up to a stranger, disobey what your parents taught you. If a killer is gonna get you, they're gonna get you, regardless. I may be desensitized, yes, great defense mechanism. Friends and fluff shouldn't take things I say extemporaneously as personal attacks on them (it's not ALL about YOU!). Artistic types who enjoy writing drunken free-prose with me in dark smoky clubs are very welcome. Some of the best poetry has come from my method, and I love fresh BRAINS.
The Placebo Effect.
Just a small off-the-top of me head scribblings of favorite music include: Jack Off Jill, Scarling, My Ruin, Rabbit In The Moon, DJ Monk, The Postal Service, Ministry, Velvet Acid Christ, Bitch (with and w/o Animal), Front 242, Frontline Assembly, NIN, Tool, Korn, Bjork, Tori Amos,
Hole, Courtney Love, The Gossip, Shiny Toy Guns, Nirvana, Zentiert ins Antlitz, the Distillers, M.I.A., Faith No More, Tomahawk, Mike Patton (a.k.a. God), trance, Mindless Self Indulgence, Quintron, The Prids, Etta James, The White Stripes, Marilyn Manson, Dresden Dolls, KMFDM, MDFMK (naturally), Paul D. Miller, DJ Kaycee, DJ Icey, Green Velvet, Oakenfold, Third Eye Foundation, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Led Zepplin, Babes in Toyland, L7, Sleater-Kinney, Ruby, Death Cab For Cutie, Pigface, Apoptygma Berzerk, Rasputina, Switchblade Symphony,
Android Lust, P!ATD, Bullet For My Valentine, ATR, The Dark Circles (KC local), The Prids, any tribute band for The Cure has got me front and center.
And I'd love to wrestle this bear:
Every whiteboy bonehead thinks they're a fucking d.j. nowadays. Gag me.
Some of my favorite movies include:
Party Monster
, Saved!, (any MacCauley Culkin movie really), Chasing Amy, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Jawbreaker, The Craft, Witchboard, MST3K The Movie, Kill Bill I & II, Evil Dead I & II, Gone With The Wind, Less Than Zero, People Vs. Larry Flynt, Sid & Nancy, Tetsuo: Iron Man, most Tartan Asia Extreme Productions flix,
Clerks, Clerks II (ATM ne1?), GRINDHOUSE, Mallrats, The Doom Generation, The Wizard of Oz, Alice in Wonderland, Another Gay Movie (SO hiLARious), SHORTBUS, Boogie Nights, George Romero flicks (Night of the Living Dead, Return of the Living Dead, Day of the Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Land of the Dead), any/all zombie flicks, Tromaville, Porn of the Dead (directed by Rob Rotten, a truly sick individual and I love him for it!!!)
Welcome back my filthy, little pigeons...
Oh. And this stuff here, ALWAYS creeps the hell out of me. Plus any of the herky-jerky animatron movement I see is also guaranteed to gimme the heebie jeebies. Giggedy.
Favorite readings include
"The Walking Dead" (comix very much worth your time if you want a realistic zombie scenario explored), Pat Califia's anything (specifically, "Boy In The Middle"), Paul Noon's "Nymphomation", Bret Easton Ellis's anything, "Viscera", any/all vampiric erotica, hard femme erotica, MM's "The Long Hard Road Out of Hell", Chuck Pahluhniuk, all horrorific Stephen King (his suspense stuff, mmm not-so-much!), Suicide Girls [the coffee table edition], psychedelic & pharmaceutical experiences/case studies, almanacs, LeVey (Anton and his daughters)...
Bedtime stories that make me scared to be alone in the dark after I turn off the light. Burrowing deeper into my plushie blanket, I know it's to no use. The thing in the corner is growing in depth and murk, spreading it's evil like tentacled wings, restraining itself while at the same time...
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished me to the Seventh Level of Hell...
Here is how I matched up against all the levels:
So, you see, I might be violent but I'm not necessarily malicious unless I really MUST be. Surely, you can sympathize...?
One other hero is Rob Rotten, a film director who does disgusting, bloody things.
