The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

As I intimated in another post, I feel there are those here who are disingenuous with the truth, when it comes to their awareness of ‘true knowledge.’

Two thing’s: I became self aware, or aware of self, at 36. But, as to my own knowledge?? Well, that has no bounds, except those I set upon it.

That said, what was your catalyst, toward seeking knowledge, which most don’t share? Mine?? I was doing parlour tricks with a friend, with a pack of cards and found that I could ‘receive’; and, since then.. well, I like to read, people, situations; but not the future. [Hence being pleased, when I’m wrong.. not often, but it happens.]

For me it was when as a child my Father passed away and when playing truant from school I clearly heard footsteps coming up the stairs when I was the only one home.

I think that where our own individual personal growth is concerned "true knowledge" is actually the hardest thing to share as so often it is so very personal...it may mean the world to ourselves but to others, well that's a whole new ballgame.

There are and always will be those who profess to know great truths but when asked retreat and claim such knowledge cannot be shared with just anyone, which leads me to wonder why they mentioned it in the first place.

Here on this site, as in real life, we take what we can from what is written and judge those who write it as being either : well educated/deluded/pompous/kind/or just plain nuts.

Such is life !

Excellent perceptions in the above two threads and I do totally agree with both of you, Angelus and Sinora. I've personally found that when people "profess" what they believe themselves to be, and then questioned on it, they are lost for words, or lack true experience. Sure anyone can be "book-wise" so to speak but without true experience, even the most book-wise people can't even begin to imagine what really is when it all comes down to the real deal.

I find that the ones that DO NOT profess are usually the ones that know the most, both in knowledge and in experience for those are the people that know just how dangerous some aspects can be and have seen all too well the affects that it can have.

My own personal catalyst? Well that I prefer not to share, but I can say that it began when I became self aware at a very young age. Embarking me on a lifetime journey through various religions seeking an answer to but just one question that I'd always had from childhood.

In saying this however, I never really found that answer that I sought, instead after so much study, so many experiences and so much understanding of other realms, that I had come to finally accept that it is what it is and that it is/exists for a reason.

I have two reasons for seeking the truth. My earliest reason was to better understand those around me who could see and know things that I could only feel. I'm naturally a skeptic so when someone close to me has problems with such abilities I could only trust their words until I actually felt what they saw. No even though I cant see what they see, I seek the truth so that someday I will be able to.

The other reason I seek the truth is for answers of what I am. Like I said I am a skeptic so It's hard for me to accept what I'm told without proven knowledge, even if I what I feel, need, and do is an exact match to the explanation given to me by those close to me.

I've accepted what I am, my pain is too real to to argue with. So now I seek answers to who else shares my struggle and what can I do to control it. If your wondering what happened that caused so much pain then feel free to message me. I will not post it for all to see, but If you are like me and seek answers and experiences of those similar to you, I will tell you all that you wish. I will not share my pain with those who simply are curious and nosy.

.. quite liberating writing that down: kinda cathartic.
.. see, I knew a witch, had a relationship with her.
And, she didn't go round saying, I am, she just was, well 'is', I so hope she is well, wherever she is.

This relating to one another is ... so, *sniff*.

Seriously though...

I have been self aware for a while now, but I really do not need to relate with anyone out there. The reason being, there are more then a billion individuals in this world. Chances are that within the population, there will always be a group that has a particular awareness that would suggest a relation within that group. This happens all the time. Thus the stereotypes and catalysts are born.

My catalyst for knowledge is my awareness. Nuff said. Once the individual gains an understanding that most within their lives are not coincidence but universally aligned, then they could gain a broader perspective that of course they are not alone in the universe, because the universe is a part of them. This is where that awareness comes from. Call it an "ascension" process, call it what you feel as nessessary. But all in all, once this process begins, there is no walking away from it.

Plain and simple.

Again so true. Each and every one of us is unique from the other. Different cultures, different upbringings, different mindsets, different perceptions, different awareness, just to name a few. But all in all, really, all paths lead pretty much to the same source for our own individualities in the end. Does it not?

I experience a personal trauma. It was bad enough that it shattered who I thought I was and I went on a quest in the darkness... haven't looked back since.

Nightinggale, Sometimes it just takes a slight turning of the proverbial wheel to throw someone completely off center. But in saying that, it too depends on your mindset, your perception and your reactions at the time. For me, I totally understand with what you're saying for I had done the same. I have done things in my life that I have had no choice but to do, things that would probably terrify others to a point, but still, I have no regrets. Our past, our present, is what makes us who, or in fact, what we are today. And only we will determine our future and what lies ahead.

Destiny - one thought, one action - changes EVERYTHING.

As a child I always saw things, and heard things. Adults never thought of me as nuts cause they would be pulled in and experience them also when they were around me.

As most live considering their dreams as an escape from reality, I had another feeling the whole time I was a child that my life in the flesh was an escape from some other place and when I would go to sleep, beings were there to try and take me back, and they tried, crossing over into the physical.

Once I reached a certain age, I gave into my fear and embraced the unknown as I was shown and taught by many spirits. Growing up I had more dead friends than living ones, and always felt connected to the after life, or apart of it.

It wasn't until I stepped into a Vortex and looked directly into a live wormhole seeing myself 5 years in the past, and 5 years in the future, (not a vision, but actually happening at once side by side), and then having an out of body experience where I awoke before my body did and saw myself passing through my room and entering my body while remaining conscious the whole time, and then moving objects from across my room by simply looking at them, this is when I started seeking answers and began my search for true knowledge. However, to my surprise, my answers were not in a book or on the internet, so I've always conducted my own research and listened to my dead friends.

Selective, answers such as yours that you sought then, cannot be found in any book, or on any website, unless of course you know EXACTLY what you are looking for, but then even if you were to find your answers, they wouldn't be the same that would give you complete satisfaction in their content and relation to your own self. I know, I've tried most of my life and still haven't found my answers, so now I just accept and cope daily. And you're right, look within yourself, but more importantly, look within your soul, much deeper and seek answers from within yourself. Deep gnosis helps to accomplish this. Sometimes, death incomplete gives unexpected answers too, but that an extremity that I wouldn't recommend to anyone.

What made me look for answers was being what you might call hag attacked repeatedly from as far back as i can remember . It stopped for a few years and then began to happen again when i was 15 . I had many out of body experiences and other strange occurances that made me look to things of a more spiritual nature . I turned to just about every religion but none really provided the answers , although they did make me grow deeper .It,s only recently that i,ve found actual answers to questions that have been bugging me for years ( thanks to this site really ).

To be awake, is when one stops dreaming. to open ones eyes. I see what is.. ratrher then staring beyond. I no longer seek to be astonished, and mesmerized by everything that sparkles, and becons for my attention.

I still enjoy being entertained, but I am now dependent on entertainment to revive me.

I am awake to those who use pretense to engage others for their means. I once sat on the sidelines as such people operated. My eyes opened, I am awake, now I watch for the dreamers.. those who still sleep, dreaming of being awake.

Since I was a child I doubted what I was taught and always looked for different answers. My doubts increased at 11 and continued more time passes.

At 18 I got to know about other different religions from the ones I was taught, and my interest for the Occult and paranormal increased more.

At 20, I started having paranormal expiriences, like bed shaking, voices, whispers at night, etc... that was the worst time.

Nowadays I still search for more, have more doubts and believe more in free thinking.

to seek awareness one must be very careful what he or she is asking for if you are not you could tape into something you dont want to.
And end up being held captive by that thought.
One should not open him or her self up to any outside source if he or she does not know what the source is.

As said above self awareness is definatly relative to the individual. I became self aware all too young due to a couple of handfuls of tramatizing events.
I still dream though.... but that doesn't stir untill I need something to keep the darkness that envelopes my life away.

my awareness has come from many sources, including knowledge mentioned above (by SS) and also movement, ill explain.

when your alone in the world it takes alot to move around but its also the most inportant thing you can do, if you stay still, or even in a locked routine you can never be self aware in any sense, your just doing something for the sake of doing it. there is no reason or overwhelming need for it. so self awareness for me means always changing, moving, being not the same as i was 2 seconds ago so i can see myself there and in the present and judge where i need to be.

religions and lifestyle more often trap self awareness rather then making it free, god i sound like such a hippy sometimes

My self awareness began when I recieved my first tarot deck. I always question things up until that point, but it was the catalyst that got me moving in the right direction.

~Malky~ the awareness that you are describing, is called monotany. When one is self aware, they are aware of this monotany and it is their choice as to whether or not they wish to break out of the monotany.

What you just described, feels to me like you are having a difficult time facing the awareness factor in that you are having trouble in understanding what exactly "self awareness" actually is.

It is a state of mind that one realizes that they are alive and do have choices within their lives and these choices lead to many differant routes, and in that philosophy, in split seconds they can make up their mind on which choice is the best for them in the long run. What words to say, how to think, where to go, what to eat, who to befriend etc, that has not been given to them by social learning situations such as school, the media etc.

They think for themselves without outside interferance or peer pressure cause by said scenerios. They always think outside the box and question everything that is inside the box.

Anyone else with their two cents on what "self awareness" actually regards?

One by the definition for self aware i fit that.

self-awareness (-ə wer′nəs)
noun
awareness of oneself as an individual, esp. as a worthwhile person.


what you dont realize is that once i realized i was in a "monotony" cycle, i broke that cycle, and have moved past being completely unaware. for me self awareness is not a one time deal, its not something thats like a oh so thats who i am. why would it be.? if you were so simple that one thought changed you from not being aware of your value then you didnt have much to begin with. cognitive behavioral therapy taught me to analyze and reflect rather then act based on old assumptions.

i had to become homeless on the street for me to start moving past my blind former self.

the bottom line for me is that your self awareness and the way you reached it may be in complete conflict with which i reach it.

Very good post malky, and I agree self awareness is never a one time thing. I myself have become self aware of many things since I first opened my eyes to who I truly am. Fortunately for me it didn't take being homeless, but truthfully I don't know if I could handle something like that yet.

Stubborn people like me need more then just a nudge on the path.

i had to lose everything i thought was inportant, everything i was told i needed to be, to do and act, in order to move on from the childhood that was in conflict with my true soul.

vvSoulshroudevv, couldn't have expressed it any better myself. Thanks.

~Malky~ I couldn't care less regarding your life, nor your convictions of what the definition means to you. I was replying to what you had given the audiene thus far regarding your posts.

Of course I "failed" to realize because you left out certain key pieces of information from the audience. Thus creating newer posts for yourself in getting the audience to understand your maladies. Thus, is what a discussion is all about. Der, der, er...

I was always a bookworm but have always had a vast amount of knowledge about different things. I have always been open minded and never judging until after i know the person. I tend to be able to read people better after knowing them.

I am self aware about myself and others around me. I don't care about what people think about me because most of the time they dont and never will fully understand my way of thinking. I'm aware that i have a vast amount of knowledge and use it accordingly.

No offense intended when I say this..

Being bookwise is always good, but it compare NOT to having the wisdom from experience itself.

Myself I am not seeking awareness. Doesnt mean I dont want it. I rather just live and learn I not seaking anything. I have an open mind and just go with that.