The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

Hey look, mister. We serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere". Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer?

It's a Wonderful Life

I will be your Sherpa up the mountain of gayness.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. If you ever embarrass me like that again, I'm gonna get an ax, and you're never gonna have to open your fly again.

Smokey and the Bandit II

When man meets a force he can't destroy, he destroys himself. What a plague you are.

30 Days of Night

"We're gonna need a bigger boat." ;)

Jaws

When I get in there you better be wearing nothing but a candy cane!

Reindeer Games

Put that cookie down. NOW!

Jingle All the Way (1996)

I've been called many things over many lifetimes: Ra, Krishna, Yahweh. I was there to spark and fan the flame of man's awakening, to spin the wheel of civilization.

X-Men: Apocalypse

Congratulations on your balls, Claire!

The Boss (2016)

Excuse me. Thank you all for coming. I'm Donald Sinclair, I own this hotel. We don't have much time. There's a meteor the size of North Carolina heading straight for Earth. The impact is going to kill every thing and everyone on this planet. I built a bunker in the basement to this casino strong enough to withstand the blast. There's room enough for eight people. I have chosen the seven of you, plus me. When this is over, it'll be up to us to repopulate and re-civilize the planet.

Rat Race

I could f*ck this ice box, I love it so much.

The Talented Mr. Ripley (1999)

Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motivation is not to be hassled, that and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob, that will only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Office Space

In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

Step Brothers 2008

I know, I know. I'm gonna use good judgement. I haven't lost my temper in forty years, but pilgrim you caused a lot of trouble this morning, might have got somebody killed... and somebody oughta belt you in the mouth. But I won't, I won't. The *hell* I won't!

McLintock!

"Excuse me, barmaid! I'm afraid you brought me the wrong offspring! I ordered an extra-large boy with beefy arms, extra guts and glory on the side. This here, this is a talking fish-bone!"

How to train your dragon?


Colonel Jessup, Did you order the Code Red?

A Few Good Men.

Like, crap man, look at that. That's like his stomach plug, on the ground back there. You don't see that every day. I mean that doesn't even seem possible if you think about it, with body organs and cartilage and bones. I mean I'm no doctor or nothin' but that was like one clean chunk.

Kung Pow Enter the Fist

All battles are fought by scared men who'd rather be someplace else.

Kung Pow, Enter The Fist

"Because sooner or later, you remember something good."
"I do remember something good. All the time."

The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

All battles are fought by scared men who'd rather be someplace else.

In Harm's Way

Great. She brings home a sword. If you ask me, she should've brought home a man.

Milan

I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?

The Matrix

Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends...

Moulin Rouge! (2001)

Well, of course! You remember, after my stint with the Living Theatre. I was one of New York City's leading paranormal researchers, until the bottom dropped out in '72.

Beetlejuice (1988)

She can do the same thing I did. It should be easier for her, she is a girl. Any guy would be with you. Just sleep with someone else and tell him to do the same thing. Maybe it will never come back.

It Follows

The faithful must gather in judgement for we are called to purify this filth.

Silent Hill (2006)

Take one fuckin' step and I'll jam this in my aorta!

Girl, Interrupted

What do you think, Jack? You think you pick up all the bus driver's teeth they'll give you another medal?

Speed (1994)

And if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!

Top Gun (1986)

The truth is... well, the truth is, I have met the right person, and he's not in love with me, and until I stop loving him, no one else really has a chance.

Four Weddings and a Funeral

You look one hundred percent better when I can't see you.

Lolita (1997)

Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions.

The Dark Knight (2008)

It's your conscience. We don't talk a lot these days.

Captain America Civil War 2016

it can't rain all the time

The Crow

I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it.

Deadpool (2016)

Donna... I'm very sorry I yelled at you, I shouldn't have done that. But the moment I'm asking you to give this number, if you don't, I'm gonna die.

Buried

Go on, laugh, get your money's worth. No-one's going to hurt you. I know you want me to tear my clothes off so you can look your fifty cents' worth. Fifty cents for the privilege of staring at a girl the way your wives won't let you.

I'm take guess an say Magic Mike?


Show me the way to go home I tried and I want to go to bed I had a little drink about an hour ago an it's gone to my head where ever I may roam by land or sea or home you can always hear me singing this song show me the way to go home.

Google it

Go on, laugh, get your money's worth. No-one's going to hurt you. I know you want me to tear my clothes off so you can look your fifty cents' worth. Fifty cents for the privilege of staring at a girl the way your wives won't let you.

Dance, Girl, Dance.

"Did my heart love 'til now? Forswear its sight. For I never saw true beauty 'til this night."

Romeo And Juliet

Back over the line from fiction to reality. You can't just stop being insane whenever you want to. It's the the kind of thing that stays with you - forever.

The Fourth Kind

"If you get all of us together, we ain't got a gang, we've got an army."

Gangs of New York

I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

Easy A!

"I'm the King of the world!"

Titanic

You punched the President?

Independence Day (1996)

The outside world doesn't want to hear this kind of bullshit. Just keep it locked away. You've already managed that for two thousand years.

Prince of Darkness

You two donkey-dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.

Weird Science (1985)

Life doesn't care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it.

Knocked Up

To survive a war, you gotta become war.

Rambo 2

Enter, Father Morning .. Enter Night..

The Exorcist III

It's alright now. It's alright. The soul is set free. The soul is set free.

Audrey Rose (1977)

Batman V Superman

Nothing kills me. I'm immune to 179 different types of poison. I know because I ingested them all at once when I was deep undercover in an underground poison-ingesting crime ring.

Spy

He didn't die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, stretched, disembowled, drawn and quartered.

Ghostebusters II

Hear about that guy up in the Bronx? Just went crazy; thought he was a pigeon. They've found him in the park, throwing breadcrumbs at himself.

The Money Pit

So, let's just pretend you're five years old and on fire.

Quarantine

So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?

What About Bob?

If you dress like Halloween, ghouls will try to get in your pants.

Correct..

Faceoff

Have you thought this through? I mean, chewed down to the bone? You got out once. You dip so much as a pinky back into this pond... you may well find something reaches out... and drags you back into its depths.

John Wick

What's the matter Graverobber? Can't get it up if the girl's breathing?

Amber Sweet?

Is it? May I ask you something? Eric, If what I'm doing is so illegal, how come I've never been sued? If I'm such a fucking thief, such a liar, such a motherfucker, how come nobody's ever come to collect? Because this is business. And this is how it works. And it's not always pretty, no. Do I cover my own ass? Do I cover my own end? Absolutely. But don't you dare fucking tell me that I have not taken care of you. Don't you fucking tell me that I've not had your back from day one! DAY ONE!

Finding Dory

"Empire" had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen and taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets.

Clerks

Have you thought this through? I mean, chewed down to the bone? You got out once. You dip so much as a pinky back into this pond... you may well find something reaches out... and drags you back into its depths.

John Wick (2014)

Well, there's no problem. If you have a gun, shoot 'em in the head. That's a sure way to kill 'em. If you don't, get yourself a club or a torch. Beat 'em or burn 'em. They go up pretty easy.

Night of the Living Dead

Okay, I just hope we don't wake up on Mars or something surrounded by millions of little squashy guys.

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

It's her... Mrs. Holden. This morning she was inside a coffin at the funeral home, and now she's here in my kitchen!

City of the Living Dead

Yeah, that's when a woman goes south on a man but she doesn't use her mouth. So she uses her hands and makes noises.

Hall Pass

No, Liza, I'm a doctor, and I won't accept irrational explanations. I want to talk to Harris. I'm gonna call the FBI.

The Beyond

That's unfortunate! Because here, it makes no difference whether you have forgotten it... or if you never knew it. Kindly remove your mask.

Eyes Wide Shut

But you won't understand me, you'll never understand me! You're too stupid! Quack! Quack! Quack!

The New York Ripper

He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets!

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Listen to daddy. I want you to take the gun, and I want you to put it in your mouth, and I want you to turn around and blow your brains out. Blow your brains out. BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!

The Last House on the Left

Christ, I'd do anything for a pint. I'd lick the sweat off a monkey's balls.

Turistas

We're not talking about any ordinary prisoner, Hoffman! We are talking about evil on two legs.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

My name is Ash and I am a slave. Close as I can figure, the year is thirteen hundred A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a real life, once. A job.

Army of Darkness

That's quite all right. So, you wish to know something of your destiny. Very good. We shall see what the fates have in store.

The Matrix.

Mother is the name for god on the lips and hearts of all children.

The crow





It became worthwhile to rise again as new gods were born and worshipped. Night and day, they were never alone. I would become one of them.

The Crow

All men are assholes. Men and women use and abuse each other all the time; there's nothing wrong with it. Marriage has nothing to do with love.

The Room

Do you see this writing...? Do you know what it means...? Hospitality. And you can't piss on hospitality! I WON'T ALLOW IT!

Troll 2

You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate.

Fanboys

Welcome to the underbelly of ping-pong where fortunes are won and lost. I'm exaggerating, of course, but you get my point.

Balls of Fury

If you want to stay handcuffed to your dead brother, that's fine. But you're not dragging me along. Not anymore.

Halloween H20

If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up at once, we'd have one hell of a population problem.

The Lost Boys

Harry Zimm. You look like a wet kiss.

Get Shorty

From now on, nothing goes down unless I'm involved. No blackjack no dope deals, no nothing. A nickel bag gets sold in the park, I want in. You guys got fat while everybody starved on the street. Now it's my turn.

King Of New York

And besides, you know, if heterosexual men can't show their c*cks to each other, then what the hell are we doing here?

Waiting...


Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide... gorilla!?

Young Frankenstein

Anna, my love. It is your blood that shall keep me beautiful. What do you think of that?

Van Helsing

I am sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!

The Mummy Returns

Get out of the toilet!

Freddy Got Fingered

What do I want to do? I want to blow a hole in your head and donate your organs to science, but I've got a few questions first.

The Arrival

I don't give a rat's c*ck bag how you do it. You will pull them over.

The Hitcher (2007)

I guess it could be worse, you know. We could be stuck in that twin bed at your folk's house, trying to pretend like we're a happy couple.

Vacancy

No, I think you should do what you do well- be a prick. But come with us and be a prick.

Milk

I think you will find that, uh, things have changed a great deal since your time.

 Alien: Resurrection

You know the kind of woman that just screams trouble? You see her, and every warning bell in your brain starts going off, but you still manage to ask for her number? Well, that's all I ever hook up with. But this betty... whoa! She blew them all away in the shitstorm sweepstakes.

Blade: Trinity

My sister computer was merely following the most logical path of preservation of human life.

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