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I am not sure what I can say, partially because I'm very drunk. But tonight was pure amazing. Just so...wow. One of the best nights ever. One I would never trade for anything.



Will update more when I'm sober and the world stops spinning.



Sweet dreams,

Maell

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crowgirl
10:39 May 31 2009

You need to share whatever you're drinking! Then, we can sing loudly and off key together and wake everyone up!

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newlyawaken
13:32 May 31 2009

HAHA!!! yeah honey it would be best to update sober lol I wish I could see this!

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newlyawaken
13:33 May 31 2009

HAHA!!! yeah honey it would be best to update sober lol I wish I could see this!

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My little step-sister is graduating. Wow...I've known her sense she was 6 and she has turned out to be a smart and beautiful young woman. Where did the time go?



I'm excited for tonight. This will be a goodnight.

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newlyawaken
20:01 May 29 2009

time goes by fast when you watch someone you love grow :)

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morbidcuriousity
06:18 May 30 2009

That is a great accomplishment. Give her my best. :)

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Falling down to earth,

Coming for the birth,

Coming to save my mother,

From ending up like the others.



You are special dear,

So dry up your tears,

I have never left your side,

From you I can't hide.



I know times are hard,

Life's not dealt many nice cards,

But right now know that I,

Was born with your eyes.



Now I watch over you,

Like you did for me,

I love you and I miss you,

I know you think of me.

And I'm always a call away,

Just look into your eyes,

And realize,

I never said goodbye.



Going back to the sky,

I will not lie,

I wish you could have held me,

I wish you could have seen me.



Know that in the coming years,

You'll feel me close and near,

Always guiding you,

And loving you,

Just like you did for me.



I know times are hard,

Life's not dealt many nice cards,

But right now know that I,

Was born with your eyes.



Now I watch over you,

Like you did for me,

I love you and I miss you,

I know you think of me.

And I'm always a call away,

Just look into your eyes,

And realize,

I never said goodbye.



Always holding on,

Never to far gone,

Never letting go,

Never letting you go.



But right now know that I,

Was born with your eyes,

Right now know that I'm,

High up in the sky!



Watching over you,

Like you did for me,

I love you and I miss you,

I know you think of me.

And I'm always a call away,

Just look into your eyes,

And realize,

I never said goodbye.

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newlyawaken
15:44 May 26 2009

thank you honey....

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I am now TBAC certified. Which means I can sell alcohol legally in the State of Texas for two years.



Feeling pretty good about that. :)



Night,

Maell

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newlyawaken
21:30 May 21 2009

good job lol

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morbidcuriousity
06:19 May 30 2009

Congrats Dear

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Broken bottles,

Broken dreams,

Drunk my fill,

And now it seems.



Again! The night,

Comes like light,

Into my room,

Of eternal gloom.



And I stop,

And I ask you "Why"

You knocked me from the top,

Why did you Lie?



Did you do it to waste my time,

Destroy my feeling of being sublime.

Did you mean anything you said,

Or were you acting, how's being paid?

How's being paid?



Cause you did a lovely job!



Of making me believe,

You were the one for me,

Of making me lose sleep,

Falling into the deep.



Nightmares now ensue in my mind,

Inside the battlefield you shall find,

The thoughts of a broken man,

Shattered by his own two hands.



I never thought I could feel more alone,

I'm so sorry but I'm not ever coming home,

To you or anybody you know,

Never to you will I ever go...



Again! The night,

Comes like light,

Into my room,

Of eternal gloom.



And I stop,

And I ask you "Why"

You knocked me from the top,

Why did you Lie?



No idea how hard I ripped myself apart!

No idea how hard I ripped myself apart!

No idea how hard I ripped myself apart!

No idea how hard I ripped myself apart!



I promise you all I wanted was some clarity,

Now silence has become your flattery.



And I stop,

And I ask you "Why"

You knocked me from the top,

Why did you Lie?



Why!

Why!

Why!

Why!



I'm alive and you left me here to die!

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newlyawaken
12:44 May 19 2009

*hugs you tight*...its not getting any better is it honey??

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My grades are in and I want to say first and foremost, I couldn't have done this alone. The man upstairs came through for me. Thanks.



With that said, I will say this to all of you...I FUCKING DID IT! ME!!! No matter how fucked up this year has been for me and no matter how fucked up the last 4 weeks have been leading up to me taking finals and to me just now getting my grades; I have proven to myself that NOBODY and NOTHING can fucking break me. You can kick me down, you can hurt me, make me bleed...but you will never ever fucking break me! Never. PERIOD!



With that said...I got an A in bowling (w/e), B's in Marketing, Philosophy and Intermediate Accounting 1 and a D (which is passing) in the hardest class of my entire school history, tax accounting. 2.83 GPA. Nice :)



Times have been hard (some of you know what I'm talking about and some of you don't). But you know what? I survived. I made it. Thank you for those who helped me stay focused. You know who you are. You guys gave me strength when I needed it the most. Thank you. Be blessed, all of you that helped me. True friends...thank you.



So, in closing this stupid entry, I feel more free and more powerful than ever. I can stand alone and face down mountains of fear and self doubt. I am complete, lacking nothing. I am me.



Goodnight, good morning, w/e.

Maell

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newlyawaken
12:23 May 18 2009

*hugs you tight* I am so proud of you Maell!!!

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MysticalWench
00:16 May 19 2009

Congratulations...



(side note I had a D in accounting in college as well... Just wasn't my thing... Either u have it or u don't)

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morbidcuriousity
06:19 May 30 2009

Congratulations

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I never thought I could miss someone this much. But damn it all to hell...I do. What does it mean?



I have no clue. God, what are these feelings? I can't seem to shut them off. All I can do now is...sleep.



Goodnight,

Sweet Dreams,

Maell

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newlyawaken
15:08 May 16 2009

at least I know you are ok hun *smiles*

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Done with finals. Year 3 is over.



Now, to deal with me and all the personal shit. :)



Can't fucking wait.

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birra
04:44 May 13 2009

Can't be as bad as finals, can it?

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Maell
05:08 May 13 2009

Sadly, it at least ties.

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My life is like a book. I continue to turn the pages hoping to find chapters that are filled with happiness, joy and adventure. But, instead I find them to be long and down right boring. And like so many, I turn back to read the chapters passed. Those are the chapters that made me keep reading because I wanted to know what happened next.



Now, I read my life with the hope of finding happiness. The thing is, I already have. I am to some degree happy with me. I am a good man, a changed one. I have grown so much in these past 3 weeks, have become so much better I sometimes can't even believe it.



When I look into the mirror, I no longer see ghosts of myself as a child. I see me and only me. Now, the demons I fight are the ones of the people I love and care for. Everyone is hurting, in pain or lost, not knowing who they are or what they want. It is sad to see the ones I care for and love so lost, so alone. I can only hope and pray they realize I will always be here waiting for them.



I will hold you when you cry, comfort you when you are alone, warm you when you are cold to this world in which we live. And for the first time, I will accept you and not judge you. I love you all unconditionally. Even when you don't love me back, even when you forget who I really am...I will always love you.



I pray that you all find your happiness and who you are, but I also want you to take a look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself one question. Can I love? Can I love those who have hurt me? Can I forgive those who have wounded me?



I have hurt many. I have hurt those I've loved and still love. I will never ask them for anything. I can only hope that they can find it within their hearts and souls to forgive me, a man with many faults.



I make one promise to those I care for. My faults are wide, deep and dangerous. But, I will help you meet me by building a bridge across them so you can join me and help me learn and grow. This is a promise from the new me, the one underneath the flames. I can only wait now, hoping you see the bridges I've built.



I guess the point of this is for us to take a look at our lives and ask ourselves one question. Can I forgive and love those who have hurt me? Will I stand by them even though they have nearly destroyed me?



For me...without hesitation, I say I will never leave you, forsake you, abandon you or stop loving you. And most important...I will never ever not forgive you.



May all of you have sweet sleep and dreams.



Goodnight,

Maell

And the hits just keep on coming.



My cousin may be going to prison. If anyone reads this, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. His name is Daniel.



This world seems like it's falling apart. Be strong with me my friends.

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morbidcuriousity
01:02 May 07 2009

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers dear. Message me if you need to talk. Hugs!!

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newlyawaken
15:36 May 07 2009

I am really sorry to hear that hun...I will pray for you and your family and if you need anyone I am here -hugs-

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vampfan2009
16:36 May 09 2009

any good karma i have is comin at ya.

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AzriellaRipley
03:28 May 10 2009

I'm crossing my fingers and hopeing so much he doesn't go, be strong, I'm here for you.

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