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I have to respect my instincts and acknowledge when things feel familiar instead of pretending that we're covering any new territory because I so want to believe in you. It's not that I deny your experiences, it's that you've done this before, we have done this before, my entire childhood was about surviving your spirals.

Always another crisis, always another wound.

Maybe I'm only uncomfortable because of the emotions your turmoil conjures in me because I can't look away from my own shadow, my own sick sense of justice that you feel this way now. Now you're the one who is helpless to someone else's neglect and contempt. Sometimes when you're going through your laundry list of complaints I sit listening and remember all the times you did those things to me.

Then I am the one with contempt, not just your partner. I too am guilty of it as I listening to go in circles, hand selecting new hurts to nurture. Oh, this is hard for you? You're a god damn adult, I was a child and had to navigate this. I made it out and made something of myself and now you want me to be your little on-call therapist as you continue to spiral in place?

Contempt. Contempt. Contempt. If I give anything up for Lent it should be my contempt.

I'm so excited and nervous about life right now. I don't have any big news or something special to announce, I'm just stepping outside of my comfort zone and I feel like I'm re-entering the world in a way I never thought I would before. There's been part of me that has sat incomplete and a nagging feeling that won't ever go away. So I'm addressing it head on this year, come what may.

I don't want to look forward and predict, I'm just opening to it all and letting myself free fall and putting my faith in the winding rivers of life to carry me where I should be. I've fought hard for the freedom to do this and now it's time.

COMMENTS

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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs
18:10 Feb 19 2026

This all sounds wonderful! I am super excited for you, and I hope the winding river lands you exactly where you want to be! :)

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