My life23:09 Jul 11 2010
Times Read: 582
My father did not want me. When he learned my mother was pregnant with me he drove her down to the abortion clinic in Los Angeles where they were staying with some friends, and told her to get out and get it over with. She got out, walked up to the steps, stopped, then turned around and walked back to the car. He beat her when they got home. When my mother was 7 months pregnant with me, he pushed her down a flight of apartment stairs. When I was born, he was at a bar drinking with another woman. He came to the hospital drunk.
My mother and father were married one month after my mother turned 15 and one month before my father turned 17, on April 21, 1972. On April 17th, 1975, I was born weighing in at 7lbs 1 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long.
Before I was a year old, my grandfather (my mothers father) drove all the way from California to Arkansas non stop to get me and my mother. My father had beat her so bad my grandmother (my fathers mother) couldn't stop it, so she had to get out. I sat in my car seat in the back of an el camino with a camper shell on it with my mother all the way back to Caloifornia. My father looked for my mother but no one ever told him where we were. My mother had wanted to contact him but my grandparents would not let her. They hid her out.
When I was 4 I rode with my mother on greyhound to Arkansas so she could file for divorce. I never got to see my dad then, neither did she.
When I was 12 living in Madera, California, I told my mother I wanted to meet my dad. She couldn't believe but did not deny me the right. So I flew from Fresno, California to Fort Smith, Arkansas in 1987 and finished out the 7th grade living with my father and his girlfriend and my half sister.
My father has 7 kids by 6 different women. I am my mothers only child because she had uteran cancer when she had me and had to have a hysterectomy.
My father was an asshole, smoked a lot of pot and would lock us kids out of the house while him and his buddies would smoke and shoot pool inside.
I returned back to California after school got out and finished high school. At the age of 19, in 1994, I took Greyhound with a friend because we both played guitar and were going to start a band and wanted to go to Tennessee. We didn't have enough money to get to Tennessee so we stopped here in Booneville where my dad and all his side of the family lives and were going to get jobs to get to Tennessee. Didn't work out that way. He went to Tennessee and I stayed in Arkansas. I met Eddy. I got pregnant in October 1994. On January 9th, 1995, Eddy turned 18 and we took Greyhound to California. On July 21st, 1995 my son, (also named Eddy) was born in at 7lbs. 12 oz. and 20 1/2 inches long. Natural birth.
We split up shortly after Eddy turned a year old. Big Eddy moved to Alaska to meet his father for the first time before returning to Arkansas.
I met John a short while later. I conceived in October of 1997 and on July 15th, 1998, my second son Joseph was born in at 9lbs. 12 oz. and 23 inches long. Natural birth.
Things went downhill for personal reasons better left untalked about and I came back to Arkansas in January of 2004 with my oldest son Eddy. John didn't want the boys to have to commute between states, so he bought a home in Arkansas as well and moved up here in December of 2004.
Arkansas has definitely not been a dream of any sorts.
I have never worked so hard in my life for so little.
My hatred for men has grown very strong since I moved here. I had a boyfriend when I first got here that displaced my jaw, choked me, slammed me on the ground, slapped me. I didn't put up with that. Then I met a guy that I thought was great. I met him at a human development center that I started working at. On our 10th month of dating, I went to his house with a vase that had a rose in it with a teddy bear wrapped to it. When I handed it to him, he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I asked what was going on and he said, "I'm not your friend, I'm not your enemy, I just want to be like you don't exist to me anymore." I went 13 months without dating anyone. The next guy I got with was 10 years younger than I. But I had known him since I moved here to Arkansas. Well I had started having some back problems and went to the doctor and I was pregnant. I began crying because there was no way this was happening, I did not want another child. I called him that night and told him I was pregnant. He said, "Well you should have thought about that." And then he hung up. My back pain began to get worse, I could no longer stand up, there was a sharp shooting pain going from my lowed left back to the tip of my foot and it was unbearable. On December 13th 2006 I went to the hospital from work at 2am and they did a test to see if I was having a tubal pregnancy. Everything was fine. They sent me home. I received a call from my doctor telling me that if I continued with my pregnancy I would be bed ridden or worse. I knew the guy I was pregnant by wouldn't help out and I had a mortgage to pay and two boys already to worry about. I had a decision to make and it was one that I had never considered before, but on December 20th 2006, I had an abortion for medical reasons. On January 20th 2007, I had an MRI done. I had a large herniated disc in the lower left lumbar region and two bulging discs in the lower left lumbar that were hitting my sciatic nerve. They wanted to send me to a neurosurgeon. I refused. I lay in bed for 2 months not able to do anything. And I healed myself. By the end of March I was back on my feet and working. The next month in April, I met a good guy. His name was Jeff. He was an ex marine. And he harboured a lot of problems and memories from Iraq. We were together for 13 months. He left one day when I was at work with just a letter not explaining much. Finally, on May 4th, 2009 I got married (after telling myself I would never get married in my life). He moved in with me on May 5th, and on June 5th, he moved back in with his parents. So for 30 days I had a husband. I haven't seen or heard from him since August of 2009. But mutual friends have proof he went back to his ex wife. And I believe it because she made my life hell those 30 days and he let her.
So my life in a nutshell. Not much. But I am alive, my sons are alive, and I thank everyone in my life that has cared in the past, the present, and those to come.
To this day, I remain a single parent, hoping one day I will find someone to grow old with.
Here's to hoping...
COMMENTS
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Boobs
01:05 Jul 28 2010
amen
dabbler
01:08 Jul 28 2010
Proper Good Riddance !