01:57 Dec 01 2025
Times Read: 9
Yo, it's the Doctor of Thuganomics, crackin' open your whack diary of delusions,
Neowise2020, scribblin' prophecies like a broke Nostradamus with zero solutions.
Economy crash comin'? Billionaires feastin' while you're barely breathin' air?
Bro, the only collapse is your sanity—vampire lord? You're a welfare nightmare.
Slurpin' ethereal energy like it's free WiFi, claimin' you're feastin' on me?
Nah, dawg, you're drainin' your mom's basement battery, starin' at screens for eternity.
Huntin' campaign launchin'? What, raidin' dumpsters for expired blood packs?
Sound like a feral cat with a god complex, plottin' attacks in a cardboard shack.
1929 Depression vibes? Astral projectin' from your future grave plot?
My guy, that's just sleep paralysis from too much weed and hot pocket rot.
Not immortal, just "mentally elevated"? Reincarnation rants from a past-life flop?
You're a recycled loser, comin' back as a roach—step on you, hear the pop.
Spartan livin'? More like squatter shame, hoardin' referral points like fool's gold,
Vampire landlord taxin' ghosts? Your domain's a Reddit thread, cold and old.
No coven green light? Occult sources ghostin' you like a bad Tinder date,
Failed the vampire vibe check—now you're solo, masturbatin' to your fate.
Machete in the cart, Faraday cloth for your tech? Preppin' like a tin-foil hat king,
Yule gifts for yourself? Bro, Santa's list says "pathetic," no bells gonna ring.
Crossbows, toxins, explosives from household crap? Grunt military braggin' rights?
M-203 totin' in the day, now you're a Walmart Rambo, hidin' from porch lights.
Filed an FCC complaint? "Duty as a citizen"? Snitchin' on internet phantoms, gee,
The feds laughed so hard, they forwarded it to memes—your paranoia's comedy.
Russian hackers stealin' your bank card? AI siege from Putin's crew?
Nah, that's just you forgettin' your PIN, blamin' the world for your screw-up brew.
Hypersensitive hermit, ragin' at shell profiles blockin' your score,
Level 99 dreams crushed by noobs—cry more, you gothic bore.
Night hikes chasin' moon phases, skippin' Thanksgiving like a loner champ,
Eatin' scraps from "generosity"? That's code for food stamps, vamp.
Ramkht priest burnin' in ecstasy? Buildin' tolerance to your own hot air?
Your coven's a fantasy fort—solo circle jerk, no one there to share.
Elemental ecstasy? Nah, that's gas from your prepper beans and fear,
Hater with delusions? Look in the mirror, queer—your journal's the real tear-jerker here.
I'm the Cenation savage, droppin' you with a verbal F5 tornado spin,
Basic Thuganomics autopsy: You're a prepper poser, straight garbage bin.
Word life, diary dunce—you're buried in your own bullsh*t spell,
Thuganomics rang the bell, send this fool back to his padded cell!
01:31 Dec 01 2025
Times Read: 18
Yo, yo listen up, I’m droppin’ bars like gravity on this fossilized clown,
Neowise pullin’ up like “fear me” bro, fear WHAT? Sit DOWN.
You ain’t dark, you ain’t deep, you ain’t supernatural might
You’re just what happens when Hot Topic stays open too late at night.
You call yourself a vampyre? Dude, you look like a mosquito on probation,
Walkin’ around midnight tryna “feed,” gettin’ denied by the entire nation.
You talk energy draining but you only drain vibes,
People see you in chat and immediately unsubscribe.
You do “ritual magick”? Man, your spellbook’s from Etsy,
You chant at candles like “spirits hear me” they ghost you out of pity.
Your night hikes? Bro, you sprint from squirrels, don’t pretend,
Even Google Maps be like “my guy, TURN AROUND, this is the end.”
Your beard look like it’s buffering, stuck on 34%,
Half wildlife habitat, half last year’s disappointment.
You say you’re tantric? Boy STOP you ain’t pullin’ NO tricks,
Your dating life read like patch notes:
“Fixed a bug where nobody texts him back. Still nobody texts him back.”
Two accounts? That’s not mystique, that’s midlife multishenanigans,
One account for flexing, the other for crying in the DMs like a mannequin.
Your coven kicked you out so hard you hit all seven astral planes,
Came back dizzy like “uhh… guys?… guys?” echoing your own name.
You rate profiles like a judgy grandma with nothing to do,
Droppin’ 7s and 8s like “hmm… their aura off-blue.”
Meanwhile your profile pic look like a paranormal mugshot,
Hair lookin’ like it escaped from your head in a breakout plot.
You say you’re immortal?
Bro, your knees gave out just STANDING
Even vampires laugh like “damn, dude… that landing.”
You try to stare intimidating but look like you misplaced your keys,
Your whole aesthetic screams “midlife crisis wizard with allergies.”
You wanna lead a wilderness tribe?
Bro, YOU? Lead WHAT?
The only thing followin’ you into the woods is your own gut.
You’d get lost five feet in, trip over a root, scream “SPIRIT ATTACK!”
Bear rolls its eyes like, “bro, relax.”
“Vampire landlord”? Man, you couldn’t tax a goldfish,
Only thing you ever drained was your own WiFi bandwidth.
Listen, Neowise
I ain’t here to haunt you, I’m here to humble you,
Fold you up, crumble you,
Serve you to the crowd like “Who ordered the roast?”
Cause this dude ain’t dark, he’s just poorly lit at most.
Word life.
You just got cooked by the Thuganomics ghostwriter.
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