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Yesterday, I spat out how angry I was and gave some of my friends the idea that I was going to kill myself. I want to say that just because I think about it does not mean I'm going to do it. Some people think about killing there family, burning there house down, running over people on the road but does that mean they do it (unless they are crazy *_*).



I realize that writing in the middle of my entry that I won't do it does'nt work when you write at the end that you won't be around much longer or keep saying forgive me for being so weak.



Now when I said I was'nt going to be around much longer, I MENT THE SITE not my LIFE!! But for my friends sake I will still be at this site. But I can't be on every day and I want everyone to know that just because I'm away for a day or a few days does'nt mean I hanged myself or jumped off a bridge. I WOULD'NT DO THAT TO MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!



I REALLY did'nt think my friends would take it the way they did and I feel bad for worring you all....



I'M NOT GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!

I'M NOT GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!

I'M NOT GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!



Everyone believe me now?



And again Thank You Linkin Park (band) and my friends for the fucking revolution!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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angelkiller
20:15 Mar 29 2009

its fine really

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I have had it up to here with all of the bullshit! The truth is I have always hated myself, hated the way I look, hated the way others treat me outside of this site (most people think I'm 12 or younger), everything!!!! I do love my friends and family and would die for them on any given day.



But I'm so sick of all the BULLSHIT. Everyone acts like I have no feelings. Like you can have a problem one day and everything is okay the next and I'm not affected or something. I admit that my friends and family are usally nice and kind to me but at times, I fucking want to Scream!!!!!!



And It's not always them, It's sometimes me and I admit it!!!!!!!!!



There are many times that I wanted to die but I did'nt kill myself because it would hurt my friends and family. But I ALWAYS wanted to DIE! I hate living in this world. I even promised myself when I was young that I would kill myself when my parents and pets die.... It's a selfesh request when people want you to live for them......



But now I have all these other friends, I want them to be happy so I can't die. I can't hurt any of you like that. I love you all too much to do that. But I think I'm FINALLY LOSING IT. I get the feeling, that some people think that my feelings can just diappear and everything will be okay but It's not that simple.



I'm a weak person and I can only take but so much pain and heartbreak before I go insane......



I don't know if I even fucking care anymore. I feel so dead and depressed that even a vampire can't relate. I'm just a doll now..... A doll that lives for those I love but can't live for myself anymore......



All those reading this, if you think I'm insane, you can hate me or turn on me for sounding like a fool. I would'nt blame you.....



Sorry guys....., but I may not be around here much anymore. And again...., if you guys hate me, I don't blame you. -_-



AND BY AROUND HERE, I MEAN THE SITE. I'M NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!! LIKE I SAID, I WOULD'NT DO THAT TO MY FRIENDS!! THEY WILL NOT BE ANY BODY BAGS ANYTIME SOON, BELIEVE ME!!!! I WILL BE LIVING FOR AWHILE, I'M NOT LEAVING THIS EARTH ANYTIME SOON!!!!!!!!!



And Thank You Linkin Park (band) for the fucking revolution!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If anyone wants to have a relationship with me, FORGET IT! I don't like romantic relationships, they cause nothing but pain. Friends is all I want. If you confess something to me, I'll let you down easily. You can tell me but I can't accept...



I don't believe in some special feeling that you can't see. People base so much hope on it that it clouds their judgement.



Some people break up for the smallest reason. Marriage ment so much back in my parent's day! Break ups and divorces were rare but now people break up like it's a joke. I hate the way people run relationships these days!



Hardly anyone stays together anymore. I think it's alot of Bullshit! People forget how sacred marriage is supposed to be!!



I always be friends with any of you but I will NOT get in a relationship with anyone! At least, it'll be easier to grow old alone.....

Sometimes, I think of myself as a woman. I dream of being with other women as a woman.



I dream of singing as a woman and living as a woman. But i don't want a sex change, i just wish that i could switch gendars at will. And I have always wished that my body was'nt so limited.



When I hear a favorite song singed by a women I can't help but picture myself singing as a women.



And I'm only into women. Heck sometimes, I dream of being a woman with a penis... Yeah, you guys may think i'm weird but I don't give a shit. I'm a man that sometimes dream of being a woman, except it!

If any of my friends or should I say family is hurting, please talk to me. If you feel like you should end your life, please talk to me or your other brothers and sisters.



When ever someone is hurting like this It hurts me as well. I feel a pain in my chest and deep sadness when I think I'm going to lose any of you.



I've lost family, It never gets easier and you never get used to it. We all should be here for one another. Our love and friendship gets us through all of the pain.



I could'nt stand it if anthing horrible happens to my friends and I want you all to know that I'm always here for you. All of my sisters and my brothers, as well as those that I don't know yet, I want you to know that I'll always be there for you.



My love to you all. ^_^

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ShanaraVampire87
18:44 Mar 20 2009

Thank You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I needed that, from a friend right now. I am going through a really tough time right now and I don't know what to do. I am so glad that I have friends on here that understand me and are here to help me through tough times like these.



I Thank You again!!!!!!!!!



Shanara

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daveysgirl
19:11 Mar 20 2009

thanx wv ur so awsome and i love the way ur always so sweet :D

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moonkissed
07:02 Mar 21 2009

oh you are a sweetie :)

right back at you.

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Aracon
10:33 Mar 21 2009

Sometimes when someone special comes into our lives it could be for a day, a season or a life time. But no matter how long they are a part of our lives, its always but for a reason

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Slain
12:32 Mar 21 2009

I agree we all should support one another Wolf. Good point and thanx. The same applies to you.

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darkkiller
17:47 Mar 22 2009

im sorry my brother.i know what it feels like tofeel other peoples pain and ill always be there for u

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DarkMoonLytexX
23:44 Mar 22 2009

You're such a doll

I''ll remember this

^_^

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XSirenX
04:55 Mar 23 2009

You are a treasure. Anyone who has you as a friend, truly has a friend for eternity.

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PaganPrincessAdina
04:26 Mar 25 2009

thanks hunny ..... that means so much to all of i know i am speaking on behalf of our family but that is very special and it take a special person to say something like that

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Okay, I wanted to say that I love all of my friends. Although I'm a new man and got my limits now. I'll take a bullet for all of you and I mean it!!



All of you mean more to me then my own life. It's hard for me to go for a day without checking on you all. No matter what, I'LL ALAWYS LOVE YOU ALL. My brothers and sisters.



Oh yeah, people PLEASE read my other two entries. I needed to release my feelings and I want everyone to read it.

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DrCullen
10:30 Mar 18 2009

This all gives me a kinda...warm fuzzy feeling, WV. All of your fiery friends would kill for you, so the feeling is mutual. Love ya! ^ _^

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angelkiller
21:08 Mar 18 2009

^_^ i agree with Cullen ^_^

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Firedrake
09:10 Mar 19 2009

And I will always love you for who you are, the good and the bad. (Not that I've found any of the bad yet)

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XSirenX
04:56 Mar 23 2009

Same to you my friend.

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Read the first entry that I wrote titled "I Think I'm Losing My Mind"



IT'S LONG BUT I NEED TO GET ALL OF THIS OFF OF MY CHEST......



First of all, I wanted to say that I love my friends (sisters and brothers) no matter how many times I'm spit on. And I mean very few of you. Most of you don't spit on me. -Laugh-



Now, first of all, I don't mind when people don't message because they have to go. I mean I totally understand, just as long as I get a message back whether It's a week later or a month later.



One thing I don't like is when someone bite me and don't answer a mesage I send (You know, the usaul "How are you doing?" and such). Or when you like to do 'nothing' but bite. Why be a friend if that's all you gonna do? I love biting but I don't mind talking sometimes!



Another thing I hate is when I ask someone a question and they don't message me back and appear online later like nothing happend and just totally ignore what I asked. If you don't want to answer, then you can have the BALLS to say that you don't want to answer or you want to keep it to yourself (even if it's days later or so).



I have taken beatings and broken hearts from my friends over little things! The next time that someone writes that I should die or that I could do so much better just because I did'nt answer a message fast enough, I'm gonna SCREAM!!!!



I have been afraid to let people have it for giving me a hard time because I don't want to lose them as friends. But my heart can only be stepped on enough before I REALLY lose my mind!!!



You can let me have it when you are feeling down, you can let me have it when I tick you off and I'll still be your friend and I'll NEVER block you (I just hate blocking)!!!!



Heck, you can call me the 'N' word and I'll still be your friend (YEAH, I'M BLACK, I mean It's just a word forget about the pass people)!!!



BUT NO ONE HAS CALLED ME THE 'N' WORD YET!



Just know that I'm going to start standing up for myself!!



In fact, I'm not scared of Satan anymore in fact, I'll fight him if he trys to take my soul!!!



Sorry, I HAD TO GET ALL OF THIS OFF MY CHEST BEFORE I EITHER LEFT THIS SITE OR LOSE MY MIND!!!!!

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DrCullen
10:27 Mar 18 2009

Uh, WV, I don't think I spit on you, more like set you on fire. Sorry about the seventh block of writing that you did (I know its directed at me...) You were counted among the selected few, love. (that's good....) Please don't leave, I don't mind if you swear at me, yell to your hearts content! *laughs* Anger is a beautiful passionate emotion! Let it all out! -_^ Be selfish, be angry and be with peace of mind.

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Firedrake
09:05 Mar 19 2009

I agree, please don't leave, we will always be here to help, whenever you need it ^_^

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I feel depressed, scared and lonely. My dad is sick and in the hospital and my mom is with him. For the first time in a while I'm scared to be alone. I had a nightmare this morning that Satan was taking my soul. It felt so real I can't even sleep anymore. My dogs are outside, hearing them bark makes me feel better but they barely bark now.



I'm afraid to walk around my house. I gotta help my parents out. I gotta drive to the hospital and halp my mom and dad. Why am I crying so much? Why am I so scared? There' so much that's happend this weekend that I finally feel like I'm losing my mind.



Taya, Raven, DrCullen, Firedrake and all of my other friends I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't want to be alone. I'm scared. Maybe I'll feel better later. I'll be back.....

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DrCullen
10:15 Mar 18 2009

With all that's happened, its no wonder, love. You are such a kind person....it must be so hard, the stress, tension and anxiety. I want to be here for you, want you to lean on me. Your so unselfish....its okay to do what you want every once in a while. Come be crazy with us all *laughs* ^_^ (That is a DrCullen style joke, dearest)

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Firedrake
09:01 Mar 19 2009

Aww you're not alone sweety, I will always be here for you ^_^

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