The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

21:09 Jan 30 2009
Times Read: 555

Superbowl Commericial
16:32 Jan 30 2009
Times Read: 561






LOVE THOSE VEGGIES

What a Statement............
22:03 Jan 28 2009
Times Read: 575

"No woman will ever be truly happy, because no man will

ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money!" LOL



bwjokes.com

20:25 Jan 22 2009
Times Read: 581

The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is the male penis.

This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole.. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!



HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2009, the penis will now be taxed according to size:



The brackets are as follows:





10"- 12"

Luxury Tax

$ 300.00



8" - 10"

Pole Tax

$ 250.00



5" - 8"

Privilege Tax

$ 150.00



3" - 5"

Nuisance Tax

$ 30.00









Males exceeding 12" must file capital gains.





Anyone under 3" is eligible for a tax refund.







** PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION **

Inner Peace
17:03 Jan 14 2009
Times Read: 600










If you can start the day without caffeine,



If you can get going without pep pills,



If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,



If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,



If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,



If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,



If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,



If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,



If you can conquer tension without medical help,



If you can relax without liquor,



If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,











...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!



And you thought I was going to get all spiritual with this, huh?!

For Those who play.....
23:54 Jan 08 2009
Times Read: 619

Caddy Replies



# 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."

Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"





# 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.





# 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."





# 7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"

Caddy : "Eventually."





# 6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."

Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."





# 5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."

Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."











# 4 Golfer: "How do you like my game ?"

Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."







# 3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"

Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."





# 2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."

Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."





And the # 1 Best Caddy Comment.....

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."

Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.*

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
22:18 Jan 06 2009
Times Read: 632




1 .. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.



2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.



3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.



4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.



5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.



6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.



7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.



8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.



9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.



10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.



11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.



12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.



13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.



14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.



15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?



16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!



17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.



18 . Procrastinate Now!



19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?



20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.



21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.



22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!



23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.



24 .. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.



25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.



26 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.



27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.



28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.



29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.



Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!



Life is too short and friends are too few!!

Thought For The Day
21:55 Jan 02 2009
Times Read: 642






'Good looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both!'





Don't be flattered,



this message was sent to ME



I just wanted YOU to read it