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8 entries this month
02:37 Apr 25 2025
Times Read: 124
So I’m happy about this stuff… I am in this Facebook Messenger family group where we all stay abreast of what each of us is doing… A couple of days ago I shared this news with them – there are about 11 of us in the group… No one reacted, or said a damn thing about it. They just changed the subject.
I need to just be happy about it in private I guess. I can’t imagine being that way if somebody came to me with something that made them happy. But if that’s what makes me different, I’ll proudly take it.
23:19 Apr 24 2025
Times Read: 152
Well, I just got the news – clear to close… Bought a house. 😁 That’s what I’ve been antsy about. You know these things can take a little while.
I took this video – keep in mind that the main living area is dirty from construction, the build was just completed last month and this video was days later… It’ll be spotless when I get the keys and I’ll take another video at that time. The appliances still have tape and blue film on them to remove as they were just installed.
I’ll be less than a mile from the high school where my son teaches so he will be able to have lunch with me during the week. I have everything close by that I need in short walking distance as well as a very nice walking trail. My dog also has a much bigger yard with a privacy fence. I didn’t get the yard in this video, but there’s a nice back porch too.
This island is a lot bigger than it may look in this video. The cooking prep space I will have to work with is a dream.
It’s relatively small, but I’ve seen homes twice the size that don’t have islands like this. I don’t have a huge family so I don’t need a ton of room… It’s still a 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bath.
https://youtu.be/IFieOkOgfdc?feature=shared
02:03 Apr 23 2025
Times Read: 204
So close, I can taste it. *rubs hands together*
17:17 Apr 21 2025
Times Read: 256
Over the years, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten messages from people asking if I was a “real vampire”.
No – I’m not a real nor a fake vampire. I’m not even a metaphorical vampire.
I emit more than enough energy, even for myself. When I’m away from home, I am overwhelmed by a lot of people “out there”. I’d be awesome vampire food, but fuck that. I don’t wanna be overwhelmed nor drained.
I’m just here in the world trying to balance and maintain my own flow. I’m particular about who I give my spirit to. These days I know more than ever what a gift it is to share your personal spice… so I am beyond picky.
For a person who spends most of their time at home – it seems to be unbelievable for those who spend time with me that I am mostly a recluse. But because I am picky, when I do choose to spend time with people, they receive the best of me.
I joined this site almost 20 years ago because I love the mythical vampire and I am a writer. I love creativity and imagination. Although I enjoy the Gothic subculture, I find the mythical vampire far more interesting than those who consider themselves human living vampires. And that’s not to put anyone down… Everyone has the right to follow their own paths and I respect that just as I hope for respect with my own.
I have gotten into online debates with those people who feel like the Hollywood vampire is giving them a “bad name“… I can’t help but find that laughable because that imaginative vampire is exactly where they’re getting all of their style and aesthetic from. 😂 is it not funny when people dress up like a fantastical character and then say that fantasy is keeping them down? 🤔
I had a great email exchange with Michelle Belanger years ago, where she gave all the credit to fiction.
Anyway – I got off track a bit there…
I don’t need fuel and I don’t give fuel. I am no version a vampire.
21:26 Apr 20 2025
Times Read: 290
Because I am impatient – the universe is deciding to drag this out just a little bit longer… lol… But in the end, when it’s over, it’s not going to be an inordinate amount of time for these types of things.
15:34 Apr 11 2025
Times Read: 350
Although I still have issues with anxiety, I think I am probably the happiest I’ve ever been in my whole life.
Not every aspect of my life is excelling the way I had always dreamed – but I found a way to compartmentalize and focus on all the things that are going well. And some things are going so well that they are exceeding what I thought was possible.
My husband and I publicly separate after more than a couple decades of separation in private… And we find out that we can actually trust ourselves as a team probably more than we can trust anyone else. We may not be a “couple“ – but we can count on each other and know our everyday lives are secure. I wanted to leave so badly over the years, and when I was given the financial opportunity to do so, it really freaked me out because nothing is for sure out there. It’s not the kind of situation that is appealing when you deal with serious anxiety already. I don’t have anything to go toward right now, so what I can do is live life to its fullest where I am. Nothing is stopping me from following a lot of dreams *****right now*****.
I have been able to pour myself into school, personal goals (I want to finally master Spanish, play the guitar, play the piano…), and focus on making my home a place I enjoy/don’t feel the need to escape from.
Over the years, I never put a lot of effort into my home because I always thought I was probably going to leave. And I don’t mean that I don’t clean it – I’ve always kept things clean… I’ve just never really personalized things the way I’ve wanted to in my mind (with the exception of my bedroom) with a “home in the future“, and I’ve never really been able to live out my cooking fantasies the way I’ve wanted to because I’ve never liked any of the kitchens I’ve had. I love to cook and I’ve never had the space to cook the way I’d like to. I’ve cooked anyway, but not with the joy I feel like I could cook in an optimal situation.
One of my personal goals is to create cooking videos in a more comfortable kitchen situation and record from not only my phone on a mount, but with videos taken from a pair of Ray-Ban Meta glasses.😁 I just want have a good time. I think it would make me really happy to do that. And this isn’t to try and be some kind of social media influencer, I would do it just for the people that I know. 🤷🏻♀️
So I’ve been working really hard to make all of these things happen that I have control over. And it’s so fulfilling seeing it all unfold. It makes me feel kind of powerful. When I took back a lot of energy I had been spending on depression over things that I cannot control – I had so much more energy to put into things I can. I have been in this law of attraction groove for a few years, and it wasn’t immediate… But this kind of thing is just flowing like a river now. You start being grateful for things that haven’t even happened yet. You start living “as if”. And before you know it, you’ve redirected your focuses in such a way that you are putting in the work to make things happen. It’s not magic. When you believe dreams are yours for the taking, you start living differently.
So there are still things I have not accomplished in other realms of my existence… But as I prove to myself that I can truly have what I want in so many other areas, I’m putting myself in more and more of a position to receive in other aspects. I am proving to myself that I am *worth* everything I want. I deserve what I work hard for. And I appreciate all of these things so much more than I can ever explain.
14:37 Apr 10 2025
Times Read: 371
I am so excitedly impatient! Nothing bad going on… All is well… Things could just be getting so so so much better.
18:31 Apr 04 2025
Times Read: 446
I am so antsy. I can’t stand waiting. Waiting when you have pretty solid anxiety allows your mind to drift into worst case scenarios. Even when there’s no reason for it. 😐
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COMMENTS
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Morrigon
20:56 Apr 25 2025
There are too many people in life like this and I don't know why. I'm proud of you though!