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I did make it out to get my hair cut and I love it. It makes me feel like a bad as but sexy as well. I have taken some pics but have yet to post them. Don't know how but will have to figure it out. That and also pics of before I got may hair cut.



The new baby (well not really new anymore) had his first taste of food today. Got the go ahead from the pediatrian first (he weighed in at 15 lbs 13.8 ounces today) but he had 8 bites of baby cereal rice before he said he was done and earlier I got a cheerio soft for him and gave it to him in little peices. He thought that was funny as all get out.



My hubby has gotten orders to deploy but still really do not know if he is going. They have to do a fit to fight thing cause he is on permanant profile for his shoulder and knee, both of which they are not sure what he injured or how but that they are indeed hurt bad.



I have caved and started cutting again and know it will be harder to stop now one because I did cave and two because if my mate doesnt give a rats about something that will kill him like smoking why should I care about a habbit that only leaves scars if I don't clean them and put neosprin on. My habbit wont kill me, his will. Still I know I should stop anyway.



Lately I've had many people tellin me I don't act my age and not in a good way. One even had a condeming tone when he spoke to me. Typically these people don't bother me but there has been so much coming at me with no brake it has broken through some defences. I like who I am and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Yea I get hurt and such but if you don't give people the chance how can they show you how true they can be? I am also artistic and tend to draw on myself when I can find no paper. Also apparently juvinile but let me ask you this. What is henna or tattoos then? Then there is the fact that I am smiling almost all the time which is a side effect of my "naivety" which apparently is also juvinile. What ever. I like not being a .. female dog to everyone just to be "safe". It only makes you lonely.



Anyway I thin I have writen enough for now. Mate is crashed on the couch again but there is no work tomorrow so it's all good.



Rest Safe all.

So I felt so much better today. Yesterday I was so upset and felt so trapped that I could stand to be touched and every little sound had me twitching with the effort to not explode. (think I need to get away for a bit?) My mate had a bad day to and I wanted to comfort him but I knew that I wouldn't be able to. If I touched him I would go off. He wanted cuddles and I couldn't. That was so hard for me. But this morning was better. The baby let me sleep 5 straight hours, the twins woke up well and were calm and quiet with a snack watching Wall-e and I was able to cuddle with my mate. I was happy, relaxed for the most part and willing to do things to help out like make coffee, breakfast and help him get ready for physical therapy this am.



Then I go and ask him if he is going to take the van or car and he starts tellin me I need to think about the kids (oh I'm going to get a haircut today The timing between him coming home from his appointment and me going out for my hair puts me gone around nap time. He apparently doesn't want to stay home with the kids while I'm gone) He reminds me that the time I will be gone will be around nap time. Our boy twin has started skipping but the girl still needs one. He tells me I need to think about the kids and how me being gone will affect the kids schedule ....

This is where I get pissed. GOD FORBID HE SHOULD HAVE TO ACTUALLY TAKE CARE OF THEM!!! He know what needs to be done to put them down. He know when they eat their meals and when snack time is. When I have to leave for an appointment or to get a few groceries does he stick to the schedule?? No. I have come home at 10 before and the kids were still up. (bedtime is 830 at the latest) We have been out and about in town for something for him and he doesn't think about the fact that it is lunch time and they HAVE to eat, That it is nap time and they are tired. He is oblivious and I stay on top of things. If he watches them for lunch while I go to a doc appointment I get them on the potty and changed before leaving and make sure their lunch is ready for them.



OH!!! Then he goes into the money. You know we really don't have the money for this but Im LETTING YOU GO... Ok lets look at something. I don't smoke, I only socially drink and don't feel the need to have alcohol in the house all the time. I am NOT a girly girl so don't go get my nails, tan or feet done or anything. I haven't had a hair cut in about a year now. He smokes, he admits to spending about $100 on alcohol every time he buys it (at least once a month yes I drink some too but not that much) AND he is the one who lost his issued gas mask and the cheapest one he could find for sell is $300. I don't think he meant to give me a guilt trip but yes I feel guilty now for wanting something for myself... Ok the only thing I spend money on is books but even that I haven't been doing. I need to take care of myself so I can take care of others.



OH and one last thing. Before he leaves he asks how much child care with the CDC is again... I ask y and he says he wants to drop them off so we can spend time alone together.. Cool fine that is great... EXCEPT he just gave me a guilt trip for wanting to get my hair cut. AHHH!!



.... Sorry. I have learned if you talk to a "friend" or family member about a fight you have with your mate they either attack your mate or attack the relationship with your mate. I do love him and I don't know what I would do if I ever lost him but GOD he pisses me off sometimes.

Every so often I push myself too far. I am one of those that if I call you friend or family I will bend over backwards for you helping in any way. Even to the extent of making me sick. My best friend here in Tx recently had major surgery and I have been helping her and her family out just about every day since she came home. She has nine kids living at home and none are helping out. She can not get up to get them movin (even though she tried and got nothing accomplished but now a bad infection at the surgery site) and they don't really listen to her anyways. So I have been doing school work, taking care of my 3 little ones, trying to get stuff done at my house, keep doctor and teacher appointments straight and going over and doing what ever chore needs being done there. This includes dishes, mopping, laundry I cleaned one of her fridges out the other day scrubbing it. Ive been going and going and going and today my body said F you. I have no energy, no patience a short fuse and a killer attitude. God help me but I have two two year olds and a baby. The twins are catching the brunt of this and I know I need to get out. The plan was to feed the baby and go as soon as my mate came home but he had such a bad day that it took him a min to get out of the car, he came in the house and went back to the bedroom where he closed himself in so I don't think I can leave with him like that...... God help me. Give me strength, Give me patience and Give me guidance.

So most of my life I have had long hair. Now when I say long I don't me shoulder blade length, I mean I could sit on it long. Well just about. My senior year of high school was when I first cut my hair. Half of the length cut off my mom kept (can anyone say odd. Its not just a lock but a foot long braid of my hair) the other half I gave to Locks for Love. I kept my hair short for sometime, then when I got pregnant with my twins I started growing it back out. It got to barely touching my shoulders before I cut it again. Twins hanging on your hair is NOT fun. About a year and half ago I started growing my hair again. This time it is mid-shoulder blade length but 1 I now have a 3 month old who has discovered my hair, 2 I need a decent amount of time everyday in the shower to properly care for my hair so I don't get slit ends and 3 I now live in a desert. So either today or tomorrow I am cutting my hair. I think I will take my pic before I do and maybe post it in my portfolio or something. Will think about it. I'm going short again. If you have seen Pinks video Please Don't Leave Me then that is the cut I am getting. It is short, out of the way, maintainable with little effort AND there a many different ways it could be styled.

Anyway. Rest Safe.

So school started back up for me last wednesday. This semester I am taking Business Math and Writing that Works: Communicating Effectively on the Job. Pretty cool in my opinion. I'm odd in that I love learning. I love complex math ( have a hard time with basic math but what ever) and I write books/short stories and poems for fun. Course when you want to send out a memo you don't exactly write a poem... lol



Co-Workers of International Inc.



This issue of missing paperwork is not a norm

We must work to correct this at once.

It is improtant to take your time on every form

in an effort to not look like a dunce.



WOOOOW what was that?? Well I am up trying to do daily stuff on an hour and half of sleep. My older boy couldn't sleep last night so I was up with him on top of having to feed the new pup. So I think Im allowed some oddity.



Well I think that is it for now. Except maybe to say YEAH my profile is FINALLY a 9. Drives me nuts to see the ones with one word on there and a 9 something rating.