Sometimes I want to send him an email, see how he's doing, catch up with an old friend. But then I remember that that part of my life, my late teens, I was someone else completely, and maybe it's best to not reach out to him. I just miss him. It's fleeting, those moments, but the feelings are there. I miss the companionship, the comradery we used to share. I miss my friend. I have so few friends these days...
I hope life is treating him well, that it's given him all the happiness he deserves.
Sitting here with my nephew watching music videos on YouTube. This kid really likes OK Go's music and videos. And, they're good. Their videos are always a spectical to watch. I wish more bands had their creativity and awesomeness when it comes to their music videos.
I just talked to my eldest cousin, Chris, and he gave me some pretty good news. We'll have to see how Wednesday goes, but I'm hopeful. And, if it does work out, it's a real, serious career I could get behind. Fingers crossed!
It snowed here. It's not supposed to snow here. Granted it wasn't much and it didn't stick but it snowed here. In Southern California. In LA. Snow belongs on the mountains, nowhere else.
It's still so weird when I get complimented about my singing. Tonight I've been told three separate times that I sing beautifully. And I don't know how to react to that. Compliments are weird for me to begin with, add it to something I'm super self conscious about, like my singing, and I just... I don't know. It's just weird. Really weird.
I've been in a shit mood all day. It probably stems from the complete and utter lack of sleep I get here at home. I don't feel like being social, talking or dealing with anyone. So, if I come off as short with you, well, I'd say sorry, but in reality I'm not. The funny thing is, is that I'm not even tired. I just kinda want to punch anyone who even looks at me in the face. With a brick.
I was reading over the Society section of my journal earlier. It made me realize that at one point I kept pretty extensive records about the Socities I've taken part in here over the years, and I wish I had kept those records up to date. Unfortunately, I stopped many years ago, and if I did try to update that list, I'd be completely lost because I've been in and out of so many Covens over the years. I don't remember them all. Needless to say, I think I'm the one person on all of VR who has taken part in well over 100 Societies. When I stopped keeping records I was in the 50s, and I know for a fact I have substantially added to that number over the years.
It's a funny thing, when I think about it... My desire to be free, to wander like I do. It's a wonder how people have put up with me over the years when I come and go as I please.
Maybe I'll attempt to update the list, though, as I said, there would be so many gaps because I simply cannot recall everywhere I've been with all the profiles I've had over the years. I wish I was a better record keeper. If not for me, at last for the rest of VR, because there are so many disbanded and forgotten Covens on that list. It would have been nice to serve as a little timeline or something for everyone.
Burning bridges and writing people off... While it originally might have been the right thing for me to do at the time, I understand now that it's left me with very few friends, people I trust enough to actually talk to. My circle has always been small, I'm not one to let someone in easily, and most people have usually given up, but now... Now it feels like it is non-existant. I have always been quick to push people away, it's a coping mechanism when I feel hurt. I shut everyone out and crawl so deep inside myself. I have been trying to fix this pattern of behavior because I do understand that it's more hiderance than it is helpful.
I miss people. Certain people. People I used to love. People I could talk with via text or on the phone/Skype for hours on end and never get bored with. The people who understood me, who accepted me as I am. I miss having them in my life. And I have been trying to mend things with some. I know it's never going to be the same as it was in the beginning, but something is always better than nothing. I just wish I could do it with everyone I want in my life. It's hard wanting to reach out to someone but knowing it's best if you don't. Some bridges should stay burnt. But even so, I miss the companionship I once had with them.
Nonsense rambles. I can't sleep, as usual. And I've just been thinking far too much in these dark, lonely hours.
I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR MY IMMY! I loves you! You know how to get in touch with me no matter where I am or what time of day or night.
You should know by now you're stuck with me. If you haven't realized that yet, I shall simply have to keep reminding you. :p
Fucking birthday parties...
In other news, it's sweet sweet validation when you are constantly getting told how well you sing. It really makes me feel better about myself.
I went to sleep at a "normal" hour for once, crashed around midnight out of boredom more than actually being tired. But, I slept through the night, which is something I haven't been able to do for months. No nightmares, no waking up frozen seeing awful things. It was actually restful sleep. It was nice. I might try and get some more rest, I'm feeling a little sick and I really don't want to deal with that.
I've been playing the Anthem open demo and honestly, I am in love with this game! It took a little getting used to, the controls aren't something I'm used to coming from Destiny, which is essentially just point and shoot. It's fun, though. It's really fun to play. I'm so looking forward to the 22nd when it's released and I can fully immerse myself in the world.
I've been looking for people who play that game. I was thinking about getting it when it came out. I was soooo excited when they showed it on E3!
I've already got my pre-order in. I've been following it since its E3 debut, and I'm so glad it's finally coming out! The demo, from what I've played, is awesome. It's a bit of a learning curve, especially for me who comes from pretty much exclusively playing Destiny and Destiny 2 for the last 4 (?) years, but it wasn't hard once I did figure things out.
Things brought to my attention. Ah, the stupidity of it all.
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