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immortalxkiss's Journal


immortalxkiss's Journal

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32 entries this month
 

23:26 May 31 2017
Times Read: 840


I was reading over what one has to do to gain affiliate status on Twitch. You need at least 50 followers (I'm presently at 17), at least 500 minutes of streaming time, streaming for at least 7 unique days, and an average of 3 concurrent viewers over 30 days. I've got the 500 minutes done, and the 7 unique days done. I think the hardest thing for me will be the 3 concurrent viewers, right now I average at 2. That and hitting the 50 follower mark.

I've already asked what few friends I have to follow me, just to get the number up, and a few awesome people actually did. The rest of my followers are just randoms who I played a game or two with, or who I've done a raid with. So, I mean, 17 isn't at all bad for the amount of time I've really put into it. And, I'm glad I'm even at 17. It's that average viewers thing that I don't think I'll really reach anytime soon.


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imagesinwords
imagesinwords
03:04 Jun 01 2017

I know a couple people who are pretty big on Twitch. My niece (1079 followers), and my friend's daughter who has over 38k! My niece could really get up there like that if she didn't have to spend so much time on the road with Wizard World and making costumes.





 

00:23 May 31 2017
Times Read: 858


I haven't spoken to Ron or Sean since the other night. I've kind of just been doing my own thing, playing with Chris when he's on, and just trying to set my own stream up. I've got 16 followers now, which honestly, is really more than I expected to ever get. I've been talking with Sam and Mario about some things, and I may be able to get a decent setup soon. I really just need to get myself a capture card so there isn't the delay in audio that comes from streaming directly from my Xbox. Ideally, I'd get an Elgato, but they are pretty damn expensive, so I may just get something cheaper until I can afford to drop $150+ on it.

It's funny, this was just something I did out of curiosity, but now I'm considering doing it for real, buying equipment for it. It's proven to be rather fun, and it puts pressure on me to be a better player, as people are always watching. I may do it a whole lot when Destiny 2 comes out.


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04:55 May 28 2017
Times Read: 924


Guys are horrible. I'm part of a group conversation with Sean, Ron, and another Xbox friend, and they're talking about their "conquests" and sharing pictures. It's disgusting. I had to leave, because I can't deal with that kind of bullshit. I doubt those women would appreciate having their images, sent in private, shared with X amount of other people. I get it, guys are all about that kind of thing, but watching it take place, it's gross. It really alters my image of them.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
21:01 May 29 2017

Not all of us are. :) ...But no real man brags about his "conquests", and those that do are insecure fools.





Owlish
Owlish
09:09 May 30 2017

$10 on you remaining friends with them, even though they're pigs, and have shown they have no respect for women at all and view them solely as sexual objects.





 

03:23 May 27 2017
Times Read: 953


Do you watch Twitch? Well, if you do, or even if you just have an account and don't actually do anything, I would be so appreciative and grateful if you stopped by and gave me a follow. I run raids and lately I've been doing PvP fails, all in Destiny. I'm trying to get at least 50 followers before a friend of mine, and currently I'm at 11. So, if you don't mind giving me a follow, again, I would be unbelievably grateful and thankful of you.

You can get to my channel here.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
03:45 May 27 2017

Following!





 

20:56 May 26 2017
Times Read: 966


The new season of Attack on Titan makes me happy. It's not typically a show I'd really go for, but season one hooked me in, and season two is proving just as good. After this though, I think I'll go watch some Ouran High School Host Club. My go-to for sappy and lovey-dovey.


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13:01 May 25 2017
Times Read: 1,004


I couldn't sleep tonight, so I've been here, reading old journal entries and messages from years and years ago... And it really made me realize that I had someone great, had I just paid attention to them when they were right in front of me, instead of attempting to pursue something with someone another state away. If I hadn't been such an idiot when he showed up at my door, would things have been much different? I never want what's right in front of me until it's far too late. Sure, it may have been hard to trust him for a while because he pulled some crazy disappearing acts a few times, but, in the end, he always popped back up in my life. I feel like I threw away my one real chance at happiness because I'm, well, me and I never realize what I have until it's gone.


In other, unrelated news, I deleted Facebook. After Tuesday night, I realized I just need to take a step back for a while. Lest I say something stupid in a fit of overdramatics again. I'll reactivate it in the future, but for now, I think staying away is the best thing for me.


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15:35 May 24 2017
Times Read: 1,079


Man... Last night was bad. Even for me. I'm not too keen on posting certain things online, well, Facebook where family can see stuff. Here it isn't really a big deal, I have a certain anonymity with it. But Facebook, I can't hide from people. So, as I said, last night was pretty awful. This whole week has been pretty awful for me and it kind of just fell apart with what happened last night. So, I posted something about wanting to kill myself. Because, sometimes that darkness grabs hold and I do. But that doesn't matter. What matters is that family saw and well, I've been dealing with things all morning. It's like I'm sixteen all over again...

I don't have people I can talk to about stuff like this. I can't approach the subject with family because they freak out and I don't want to deal with that. I have very few friends I'm on that level of intimacy with. I'm not comfortable talking about certain things with just anyone. I could talk to Chris, and I do to an extent, but he just doesn't understand. He'll tell me I'm being stupid and to get over it. And, maybe I am being stupid, but no one understands what goes on inside my head. These thoughts, these feelings aren't easy to deal with, and they never go away.

I don't know. I think maybe I was just being overdramatic. I let things get to me when I said I wouldn't. I'm not good at convincing myself that it's okay, that it doesn't kill me inside when people do the things they do towards me. If it hurts, it hurts. A lot. And I can't tell myself otherwise. I ride that pain, sink into it. Let it consume me completely. I just had to let things out, but it was the wrong place to do so. I won't be making that mistake again.


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NITEOWL47
NITEOWL47
02:57 May 25 2017

Call me? I have a phone that works now. No matter what, I'm always here for you, my Alice. =^.^=





SireWallFlower
SireWallFlower
11:24 May 25 2017

I feel that way a lot. It's all I'll say here, in a public setting, but I do.





 

05:23 May 24 2017
Times Read: 1,104


When you give people the opportunity to fuck you over more than once, they'll take it. I'm a fucking idiot.


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Drayton
Drayton
05:41 May 24 2017

Hey Don't feel too Bad. I could probably like totally relate I'm a Fucking Idiot too. ;)





FeverDreams
FeverDreams
11:16 May 24 2017

Don't be hard on yourself.





 

22:48 May 23 2017
Times Read: 1,120


With all that being said in the previous entry, for now, things are going forward as planned with Anthony. Of course, he may still pull what he did last time, so, again, no high hopes. We'll see what actually happens tonight with Mr. IDon'tKnowWhatIWant.


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21:16 May 23 2017
Times Read: 1,133


I'm supposed to meet up with Anthony tonight. I'm still not entirely sure it's going to happen, what with the lack of response from him... He was able to respond so quickly at first, then I bring up tonight and... silence. I don't know. I've never been a fan of these kinds of games. I guess I'll wait a little while longer to see what he does, if he even does anything. I'm not getting my hopes up. Disappointment is becoming the norm with him. And, if things turn out like last time, I'm done, walking away. I have more self respect than to go chasing someone who does this shit.


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11:55 May 23 2017
Times Read: 1,143


I got my early access Beta key for Destiny 2! I'm one happy Fire. They just need to release said Beta. Like, now. Right now.


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10:40 May 22 2017
Times Read: 1,170


I streamed for the first time ever on Twitch tonight. It was interesting. On my end it was laggy as fuck, but for my viewers it was good. I need to get used to it, and I need to buy a capture card, because when Destiny 2 comes out, my group wants to start doing multi-stream stuff when we run raids. Every point of view up on display for people to watch. So, I need good equipment. Maybe I can ask for some stuff for my birthday or something, if I can't afford everything needed. I still need to get a PS4 and Destiny ordered for both systems. Why does gaming have to be such an expensive hobby? Bah. But, if I do become a decent Twitch streamer, I could make a bit on donations and such. I know Sean makes a fair amount from his viewers. I just have to be personable and not typical me. All in all, though, I think I could really get used to streaming for a little while when I play. I don't think I could go full time like some people, I don't have the personality for that, and it would probably drive me nuts to have to stream every single day. But, I could make it a hobby. I'll need a better internet connection, but otherwise, I had fun doing it, so I figure I'll keep doing it until it isn't fun anymore.


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02:50 May 22 2017
Times Read: 1,190


I'm going to see Anthony on Tuesday. Hopefully. Because I am an idiot and don't learn lessons well. We'll see if this "date" actually happens or if it's just going to be the same thing that happened last time.


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09:48 May 21 2017
Times Read: 1,231


He's the best thing in my life right now, the only thing that keeps me hanging on. I want to know him, I want to be in his life. My nephew. No one can tell me he's not the most perfect thing in this world.


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FeverDreams
FeverDreams
10:08 May 21 2017

Precious! Look at that hair sticking out ... too cute!





Liliancat
Liliancat
13:18 May 21 2017

aww he is so beautiful!! May his life be filled with smiles happiness health and lots of love!! He is just perfect





Dakotah
Dakotah
16:13 May 21 2017

As I was reading you post before I clicked on it my thought was 'so when is she going post a picture!' heh O M G... all that hair and you are right, I seen some newborns that you tell the parents 'oh he/she is so adorable' as your mind thinks ok so not all newborns are cute... Your nephew is not only adorable... he is CUTE... a beautiful baby... so there you have it, I know you play fav to him cos your his aunt but here a outsider telling you 'wow what a beautiful baby!' and he so lucky t have a rockin' cool aunt like you will be.





 

08:11 May 21 2017
Times Read: 1,247


Twitch fucking infuriates me. I must be an idiot, since I can't get certain commands to work in stream. It's so aggravating.


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05:18 May 20 2017
Times Read: 1,268


I went and saw my nephew tonight. It's funny, how just seeing his little face makes me smile. How just holding him makes me forget all the bad in the world. This is probably the closest I'll ever get to kids, and you know, I think I'm okay with that.


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FeverDreams
FeverDreams
07:04 May 20 2017

Did you fiddle with those tiny fingers and toes? lol ... Whenever I carried my nieces, it looked like I was carrying a live bomb o.O





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
08:08 May 21 2017

I did! Itsy bitsy fingers and toes.





 

16:25 May 19 2017
Times Read: 1,290


There are days when I wonder what's the point? Of this. Of anything, really. When that darkness just takes hold and refuses to let me go. I feel lost. I allow myself to sink into it and let it consume me. What is the point of any of this? I look at my life, the mistakes I've made that led me to this point in time, to this situation, and I wonder if I'm not better off just closing the book, walking away. Very few things keep me here. Very few things are worth living for anymore. I try, I try so hard, and it gets me nowhere. If anything, I end up worse than I would have been if I just didn't try at all.

I'm being stupid, I know. I won't do anything permanent, I never do. Just more scars on pale skin. More tears and distance.


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18:18 May 18 2017
Times Read: 1,318


Holy shit... 15 minutes into the Destiny 2 live stream and I'm fucking hooked. Game play of what I assume is the first mission, protecting the Tower. Seeing a place I've spent so much time in in Destiny 1 being destroyed, FINALLY being able to get outside of the Tower to the city beyond, yeah, it looks soooooo good. And, new supers! New abilities to use. New weapons. New fucking everything. And it's all Cabal, finally. I'm excited for Destiny 2. Far more than I ever have been now. I don't care if it's a major letdown like Destiny 1, if it's exactly how I'm seeing it now, I'll play just as much as I did the first one. Over 3,000 hours in that game on my Titan alone. Factor in my other two characters, and well, it's a lot of time I've spent in the world of Destiny.


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23:48 May 17 2017
Times Read: 1,347


I can't see Lucas until I get a vaccination for whooping cough, and I can't get said vaccination until Friday. Which is fine by me. I spent time with him last night. I really feel these first few days should just be for the parents anyway. I wasn't planning on seeing them until this weekend. Besides, they'll have her whole family fawning over him, so no need to add another face to that crowd. He's perfect, you know. Absolutely perfect. Usually babies are hideous little monsters when they're born, squished up faces and whatever. But not Lucas. He is just perfect. And beautiful. He's not even my kid and I feel like he's the most perfect little baby that ever existed.

His birth made this whole year of tragedy just a little brighter, a little better.


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Liliancat
Liliancat
07:31 May 18 2017

Only a few days away till you be able to meet him fully.
Congratulations!! May his life be as bright as the sun!!





 

06:33 May 17 2017
Times Read: 1,370


As of 10:07 I'm officially an aunt! Little Lucas is so beautiful. I won't be able to really see him for another hour, they're doing the parent bonding time right now, so I've got a while. But, he is beautiful. So beautiful. My adorable little nephew.


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LuciferianLullaby
LuciferianLullaby
06:35 May 17 2017

Gratz immy





slipknotbabe356
slipknotbabe356
20:27 May 17 2017

Congratulations! :)





FeverDreams
FeverDreams
23:59 May 17 2017

Congratz! Love the name lucas too ...





immortalxkiss
immortalxkiss
01:28 May 19 2017

I wasn't a big fan of the name Lucas, but, it's really grown on me since he's been born.





 

22:09 May 16 2017
Times Read: 1,395


Finally here at the hospital. All that's left is to wait for Liz to push this baby out. I'm so excited to finally meet my nephew. Like, you have no idea.


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PRIVATE ENTRY

17:15 May 16 2017
Times Read: 1,435


• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •


 

09:47 May 16 2017
Times Read: 1,456


I left my clan on Destiny. After nearly three years with them, I finally called it quits. What's the point in being involved in something when I don't play, let alone talk, to anyone in the clan? Chris. Chris, Nathan, and on occasion when he's actually on, Joe, are the only people I talk to and game with from DvL. But, now since I met Sean and Ron, I play with them pretty much every day. So, I joined up with their clan. It's just Sean, Ron, and I for now. I'm going to miss DvL, it was a real family for so long for me, but I've just drifted away from them. And, with Destiny 2 coming out in a few short months, I'd rather be in a clan with people I play with on a regular basis than a bunch of strangers I used to know.


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21:05 May 14 2017
Times Read: 1,477


I went and saw the live action Beauty and the Beast with my mom and aunts Sue and Stacy. I have to say, I was not impressed. Beauty and the Beast was always my favorite Disney movie. I loved it so much my parents took me to see the musical at the long since closed Shubert Theatre in Los Angeles when I was 8. This version, though, I don't know, I just didn't like it. The new songs felt bland and were sung with very little emotion. Certain scenes from the animated version lacked feeling as well. I'm not saying it was bad, it was a very well put together production, the acting was good, the sets and costumes were beautiful. The songs I knew and loved were well done. I just didn't like it. My mom and aunts think I'm irrational because I can't give a reason why I didn't enjoy it. I just didn't. It was a great introduction for a new generation, it was essentially a perfect recreation of the animated film. And Emma Watson was a wonderful Belle for the kids of today. But it just wasn't my thing. I think because I loved the original so much, I was biased towards it? I don't know. I just didn't like it. At all.


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03:15 May 14 2017
Times Read: 1,505


I took my mom to the Ren Faire for Mother's Day. Well, I suppose it was more for me than her, but she enjoyed it too. And, Steam Powered Giraffe was set to play. I was only able to catch a little bit of their performance, my mom was getting tired and it really wasn't her thing, so we called it a day. But, it was pretty cool to see them live, even for just a few songs. Slain introduced me to them late last year, so I'm super late to jump on that bandwagon. But, they had a huge crowed eager to see them. It was a bit of a surprise, too, since I actually didn't know they were scheduled to even be there. It was a good day out. I miss the days like today.


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Slain
Slain
07:44 May 14 2017

Hah. Lucky brat. Glad you had fun.





 

02:49 May 12 2017
Times Read: 1,515


Sometime within this next week, I'm going to be an aunt! Liz is dilated, so really, at any point she could go into labor.

Plus, dude, the amount of awesome she got from Ellen today was amazing. A stroller, high chair, car seat, crib and mattress, gift cards galore, diapers for a year, and an Amazon Prime subscription for a year with one of those Amazon tower things that talk and shit. Little Lucas is set.


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22:26 May 11 2017
Times Read: 1,528


Liz got selected to be in the audience for Ellen's mother's day episode that airs in a half hour. It's awesome, because she's going to get so much swag for baby Lucas. You can't just demand tickets for this episode, you actually have to be chosen from submissions, and lucky as Liz and Kevin seem to be sometimes, she got picked. So, I have to actually watch it, see if I can spot her and her mom in the audience, and see what awesome loot she gets to take home for the baby. I'm not a fan of Ellen, but I'll watch it for my sister-in-law.


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12:20 May 11 2017
Times Read: 1,544


So, someone did the impossible and got me onto The Fast and the Furious franchise. I'd only ever seen Tokyo Drift, and most people say that one doesn't count. But, I watched 1 and 2 today, well, yesterday, and I actually enjoyed both films. I never could see the appeal before, but I get it now.

The person in question, Ron, is one of my new friends from Xbox. I met him Through Sean, the guy who is building me the website for my Destiny carry stuff, he's part of his core group. And, since I'm now part of that core group as well, I run with them nearly every night when Sean does his Twitch streams and they aren't hanging out on the PS4, we've built up a little friendship, me and Ron especially. So, we were talking while running strikes and he said I had to, absolutely had to, watch the movies. So I did. And they were good. And I should have watched them years ago.


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01:30 May 07 2017
Times Read: 1,580


At some point I'll have to go in on the laptop and see what needs adjusting on the profile. I'm in no real rush to get things done, it doesn't look like anything was really messed with to the extent that it needs immediate attention. I may just use the Phantasm layout and forgo all the coding I have in place. Maybe just keep the blue hues and do away with the fancy nonsense. I like simplicity anyway, and it really doesn't get more simple than that. We'll see when I get around to logging time on the laptop. As I said, I'm in no real rush to get anything done.


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FeverDreams
FeverDreams
07:21 May 07 2017

Same here ... I am going to wait until everything is a bit more settled down before I start working on my profile.





Cancer
Cancer
08:15 May 07 2017

Try the Premium Skin Phantasm Purple (Premium Menu / Skin Manager). It's mostly for demonstration purposes, but it shows how you can skin your profile in Phantasm and utilize a background.





 

23:05 May 06 2017
Times Read: 1,621


There seems to be a lot of negativity surrounding the changes. Honestly, I love it. I think it's the best thing to come to VR in a long, long time. We live in a world where more and more people access this place from non-traditional devices, such as cell phones and tablets. The new layout is amazing for those devices. It's compact and super easy to navigate. As someone who accesses VR 99% of the time via my cell phone, it just makes it easier on me. I'm happy things were updated with people like me in mind. The old VR could sometimes be a hassle on my phone. This was needed, and I truly appreciate the work put in to make it so awesome. Nay sayers can go on and continue to be negative, but me, well, I'm happy with it.


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Sairen
Sairen
23:45 May 06 2017

I actually like the new update and move as well. Its different!





Cancer
Cancer
23:56 May 06 2017

Some people hate change. Some people love to be negative. Either way it doesn't matter. I don't run Vampire Rave by committee. I have a vision and I press forward with it, no matter what anyone else thinks. I do what I think is best for VR.





 

22:56 May 02 2017
Times Read: 1,642


I have an interview tomorrow! Nepotism isn't exactly my thing, but honestly, if it gets me a paycheck again, I'm not going to complain. It's not actually in a field I'm trained for, but oh well. I'll do it for a while until I can actually find a job in phlebotomy. That state certification and schooling is not going to go to waste.


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09:03 May 01 2017
Times Read: 1,671


I get to meet my nephew later this month! That's the only thing that really keeps me going, little Luke's birth.


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