One last chance to make it all right...
And it's all gone downhill. "Things got too hard too fast" is what he threw at me. Because it's my fault he's neglectful and inconsiderate, I simply pointed out the fact that he was so. We've talked about it before, and he's told me he would try harder. I suppose that was just to get me to shut up, as he's made no effort to change anything. And I'm not saying I am by any means perfect; I have my own issues to contend with. But I tried. I fucking tried. For months and months, I tried. I suppose it was all in vain. It looks like it's over.
Mini vacation in Downtown San Diego. I'll be here for the next handful of days. I hate the city, but it's far nicer than LA is right now. And that ocean view from the hotel room can't be beat.
Maybe it's just not meant to be.
Sometimes you just have to accept that things aren't perfect. That things might not be exactly what you want them to be. Things with Chris have been a struggle for me. For both of us, really. It's the distance, and the fact that we kind of did rush into this relationship. It's been hard. It's been really hard these last few months. The few hundred miles that separate us just seem like too much to overcome at times.There's been a lot of arguing and hurt feelings. We've both been inconsiderate of each other's feelings and situations. But, we talked about things. The idea of just taking a break for a while came up, it's not going to happen, though. We realized that if we both want this to actually be something real and substantial, we're going to have to work at it and change our behaviour and attitudes about things. It's not likely going to be easy, but nothing worth having ever is easy. We just have to try. It'll be six months come the 18th of December, and I want to make it to that. And farther than that. I think he does too. Just, some things need to change to ensure that we actually get there.
Nicole, whether or not you allow this comment to remain public doesn't much matter to me, what does matter is that you see it. We were, well what I considered to be good friends at one point. That being said, I've got no hard feelings for you and I accept that things are the way they are, and that we as individual human beings are just the way we are. It is what it is, that sort of mentality. That being said, I just wanted to say that I really do wish you the best in your online endeavors, as well as with the things you undertake in your actual life. I know that you are an intelligent, sensitive person, and I know that you are a good person, and I fully expect you to find happiness, and you deserve that happiness, sooner rather than later. I just wanted to say, best of luck, and I expect good things for/from you in life.
He'll be here in a few hours. He will be here in a few hours. I had to call him this morning, just to make sure he was coming. I swear, this past week I must have asked him a million times if he was sure he would be here. I'm just... Afraid. So afraid of meeting him in person. I don't know why, I mean, he knows what I look like and stuff, so I shouldn't be afraid of not meeting expectations, but I am. Bah. I don't know. I'm happy and scared all at once. But, it should be okay, right? He loves me, after all. It may be a little awkward, but I'll get over it. I just... I want to be able to look into his eyes, to touch his face, to hold his hand. I just want to be with him.
At this point I'm just... I don't even know. I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared.
I've been watching Catfish on Hulu while I wait for Destiny to finish reinstalling. People are just... So horrible. People are horrible. I don't understand why so many people lie and pretend to be someone they aren't. Whatever happened to honesty?
Makes me kind of glad I have always been who I say I am. And Chris is who he says he is. Next weekend! Next freaking weekend! I'm excited.
I don't know if I want to find another Coven to stash my two accounts to into. I'm not all that active. Nothing catches my eye.
I really can't justify having a Coven when I'm not here often enough to put any work or effort into it. Favor is going to CF, as it always does. Because, truly, that place was my only real home around here.
Buying new cars is such a hassle. The game dealers play is aggravating. Just talk to me straight, tell me exactly what you can do with the money I have to give you and stop giving me the run around. Fuck.
Not this Saturday but next. I'm excited and nervous. So nervous. It's going to be something I've never really done before, and I'm just so afraid of not meeting expectations. But, he loves me. I still don't know why exactly, when he could have any girl he wanted, but it's me... And I'm just so thankful he's part of my life. And that we will finally get to see each other in person. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait.
Two weeks! ♥
I have an extremely low tolerance for people who don't know how to do things properly; it's becoming more and more evident with each passing day. I just can't stand ignorance on certain things. And, I fear it's making me appear to be a major bitch in a lot of peoples eyes.
So, less than 20 days now. He'll be here. He'll be here! And everything will be alright.