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Dakotah's Journal



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2 entries this month
 

20:53 Nov 21 2019
Times Read: 362


ZombieMLegendre, thought you might enjoy this song a friend of mine wrote for my nephew who loves zombies:

Zombie Christmas Trees!

You keep us alive in little pots after you cut us off at the knees!
We will have our revenge! We are the Zombie Christmas Trees!
We resent how you’ve ignored our lopsided brethren
And it’s humiliating to call him Charlie Brown when he’s just a very young child
If only you hadn’t built that Christmas Tree farm on top of the ancient burial ground

Because then we trees absorbed the evil in our sap
Now that Christmastime has once again come around
You’ll come to our homes to chop us down and fall into our trap…!
We throw needles just like ninja stars to skewer you in the eye

We’ll set ourselves on fire just to make you fry – we’re very flammable you know
We wrap lights around in a cunning disguise and electrocute you blind

And when all else fails we’ll spill our water so we turn brown and die and uglify–needles everywhere specimen
What’s wrong with you? The conifers are such a noble species
We stay green just about all the time, and it’s not easy but it’s fine
Sometimes we take apprentices. I’ve seen poinsettias do terrible things.
And mistletoe harbor jealous resentment and vile murderous dreams
You don’t think the shape of wreaths is actually coincidence? Ha!
They’re meant to go around a human neck
Sure, pine deodorants in all your cars, but you say we make you sneeze?
We will have our revenge! We are the Zombie Christmas Trees!

And sometimes we dream of eating Christmas cookies or sharing in the holiday meals
Of opening presents and being family members — you don’t know how awful these futile daydreams feel
But no, instead you stand us in a corner, our arms getting tired, until they SNAP!
And we share a special hatred for your dogs. We are not bathrooms or chew toys. Try the Yule logs.
Your golden retriever is DOOOOOOOOOMED! Doomed, doomed, doomed, Doomed heh heh heh
Cats, we can get along with. They like to climb in us. We coexist.
It’s cool. And they secretly hate people too.
We may meet ignominious ends, as our cadavers are set out to recycle.
But we are making plans that are both nefarious AND diabolical.
We gather at night in the landfills where you chip us into mulch
But in fact, your mulch is a spy! We have your floor plans!

Soon we will uproot ourselves and march to take you out
We will hang our war tinsel on our graceful boughs
And we will come for you, come for you pathetic humans
We would eat your brains if only we had mouths!
What makes you arrogant humans think that you can do as you please?
You keep us alive in little pots after you cut us off at the knees!
You start Christmas sales before you should– puhleeeze
We will have our revenge! We are the Zombie Christmas Trees!


COMMENTS

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12:01 Nov 19 2019
Times Read: 381


So this happened... Long story but worth the read: My Grandmother on my Dad's side is 82. My grandfather is 84. Yesterday Mom asks me to go by my Grandparents' house that they had a new crystal ornament for the Christmas tree but was having problems hanging it on the tree. Ok, so I drive over, knock, walk-in and announce I am here to help with this ornament. My Grandmother points to the coffee table where this ornament is, along with a glue gun, a box or Christmas tree hangers and my Sweet Grandmother starts to explain that it does not have a place for a hook and she tried to hot glue a hanger on it to hang it on the tree but was not successful and could I please help. My face is turning all shades of red. I ask my Grandmother where did she purchase this ornament. She explains it came in the mail and handed me the box it came in. I checked the deliver address and it had the neighbor's address on it. I tell my Grandmother that there was a mistake that it was delivered to her wrong and it belong to the neighbor. My Grandmother felt horrible she had opened the neighbors mail by mistake. I told her I would take care of it. So..... and here is the thing, I wrapped back up the CRYSTAL DILDO as best as I could, picking off bits of glue, using the hot glue gun and tape to box it back up and then I went next door and left the rewrapped CRYSTAL DILDO on the neighbor's door and ran back to my Grandmother's house, telling her its all taken care of. I nudged my Grandfather and said to him 'Grandfather, did you know what it was?' He replied, 'Of course Sean, it was a crystal tree ornament.' I nodded to my Grandfather and left it alone. I told my Grandmother I would buy her a new box of ornament's this weekend and I could come over and help them hang them on the tree. I mentioned to them they might not want to tell thier much younger neighbor couple of the mishap and just let it go. Then again that is a conversation I would like to overhear. When I got home I told Mom about the 'ornament' and we laughed for hours.


COMMENTS

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LORDMOGY
LORDMOGY
15:27 Nov 19 2019





KarminaTheDarkAngel
KarminaTheDarkAngel
15:28 Nov 19 2019

Omg! That's so funny and cute at the same time . Thanks for sharing ! I I'm still giggling 😂





Dakotah
Dakotah
15:39 Nov 19 2019

They thought it was a candy cane shape.








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