I'm really not buying that you hate it if all you do is talk about it. You all incessantly create the problems and then complain about those same problems. No one is exempt. I'm not exempt from it and I'm not bitching about it. Why? Because I've been here long enough to know that this shit comes and goes and problems only linger when people refuse to let things go.
If you're coming here only to complain about drama, that's all you're focusing on. I don't see you spending your energy interacting with people in ways that provide a positive experience. No, you all always have another person or group you're currently fighting. That's YOUR problem, not the site's. You are the captain of the ship you ride on, manage your own shit. There is no such thing as being pulled into drama, you merely decide to engage it. There's nothing wrong with that, but fucking spare me the victim act like you're not part of the problem.
And don't come here to bitch in response, chances are if you have a problem with what I'm saying you're someone who has used all their profiles to attack Admins as punishment for doing their jobs or are responsible for some of the absolutely deplorable anonymous honor comments I've seen. Just don't bother.
Omg, thank you. Some of these journal rants are so petty. And they speak as if giving us a briefing. Why post a open letter to someone else in your journal if not for attention?
Just thought its time for me to leave a comment on your journal.
Mutha' fuk'n preach it, yo!
How about you worry more about fixing your lawn gnome aesthetic before you start mansplaining stupid shit to the rest of us?
These noise cancelling earbuds are giving me the perfect chance to hear the beating of my own heart in my ears as the rage overtakes me trying to use this fucking PHOTOSHOP WHAT THE FUCK ADOBE WHO FUCKS UP SOMETHING THIS EXPENSIVE, GIVE ME YOUR KEYS YOU'RE DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quick question: Why is it being laid back if a guy always says he doesn't care but obnoxious when I do it?
I bet Mogy could answer this.
LOL that was so insightful it fucking hurt. It's rare that a guy is this real about the actual issue lol. You're the best, Mogy.
Today's lesson in how to be slightly less awkward: Ask, don't tell.
Do you pop into a conversation only to have people subtly (or not so subtly) shut you out? Do you try to make helpful suggestions but only end up annoying people? Examine your approach and always ask, am I contributing to the conversation or taking it over?
Ask, don't tell is a great way to re-frame your way of speaking to others. For example:
Gretchen just shared that she made hummus and LOVES hummus so much. Peter sees this and he likes hummus too, he also likes falafel. He wonders if Gretchen likes falafel. He decides to say something about it:
Peter: If you like hummus, you should try falafel, it's also made of chickpeas!
Gretchen: Yes, I've tried falafel, I love it too.
And the conversation comes to a halt. Peter wonders why Gretchen isn't more receptive to his suggestion. Peter told, he didn't ask. In one statement Peter let Gretchen know that he assumed she didn't know as much as he did and instead of contributing to a conversation, he took over and essentially gave her directions without any regard to her experience. Peter makes it seem like he's not interested in Gretchen's experience but instead assumes her lack of experience.
So what's a good way to re-frame this statement? Peter could show more respect to the person he's talking to by asking a question that engages Gretchen's experience and preferences:
Peter: I love hummus! What do you think of falafel?
This leaves the exchange open. Gretchen has been asked a question rather than given a directive and in her response will give Peter all the information he needs to continue the conversation. Maybe she's never tried falafel and he can tell her about it, maybe she has and they can discuss recipes and preferences, maybe she has goat feet and is plotting to take over the world. Whatever the outcome, Peter showed by re-framing his statement into an engaging question that he views Gretchen as a culinary peer and is interested in her preferences and not just taking a chance to show how much he knows.
This is just one of many examples. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if your statement can be turned into an open question and practice assuming that other people have just as much experience as you.
I hope that this has been somewhat helpful. Tune in next week for the thrilling lesson: Comforting people and why the way you do it makes me want to throw your face in the street.
I have a long way to go in life. Lol
Thank you for writing this. This was very helpful to me. I know someone who does this on a daily to me because I guess they think being older makes them more smart or intelligent but I have also done this to others just not even thinking how insulting it is and I see that so clearly now. *facepalm*
Really good points aren't they?
Y'all engage in it because you love it. Don't complain.
Man... I hope that when I'm an old lady I have the self awareness to remember that no one gives a shit about all the food I've decided I can't eat whenever I go out to dinner.
Despite living near various bodies of water it really seems like people here have little respect for the whole concept of: Water big, water powerful, you drown.
Especially when inclement weather is on the forecast. I can understand going out on the water prior to things like weather reports on television/radio/internet being a thing but you KNOW that a system is coming this way and you should KNOW that if you go out on that lake you are going to get your shit pushed in.
I'm so tired of watching people have little respect for nature and then panicking when shit gets real. Nature doesn't care about you, nature isn't looking out for you, nature isn't your safe haven. You are a human: Squishy, no claws, tiny teeth, and not particularly buoyant. If you go out into nature you had better be prepared to compensate for everything you're not because the wilderness isn't going to fill in those blanks for you.
I need to take a camping trip. I need to go somewhere without people. I'm so tired of people.
The drowning cases at the lakes here are because most of the time some idiot was drinking. Then decided to kayak.
To be fair, the weather conditions usually play a big role with the accidents that happen here. There can be bad weather coming from Canada headed southeast or weather coming from Erie and headed northeast. The systems that come in from the north heading southeast seem to be a big problem as they can kind of generate on the spot.
That's why it's baffling to me when people go out there on certain days because we have the weather forecasts that let us know that shit could generate. The idea of being lost/stranded on lake Ontario is terrifying to me.
I don't expect anyone to really agree with me or listen to what I'm saying here, and it's okay if you don't. If someone had said this to me a year ago I would have told them they're wrong... And maybe I am wrong, but I want to express this because I think a lot of people are out there suffering and feeling alone. So, here goes, and this isn't about anyone in particular, just what I've been coming to understand:
People are going to get away with shit, even though it's wrong. Someone who has abused and degraded you may just get away with it. You might not find your "justice" no matter how calm and truthful you are, so when you find yourself going around and around in circles, constantly getting stuck in bear traps set by someone else, you have to ask yourself: What is more important to you, the truth getting out, or you getting on with your life?
The person you're fighting with all the things you've been told should work? They are always going to win. They aren't even playing the same game. They don't get held back by things like truth, they make their own narrative and will ALWAYS be better at it than you, because you're just there to tell the truth about what happened.
The truth matters to you. Not them and certainly not their little flying monkeys.
So what do you want? To win? Or move on? If you want to win, it's not going to happen. I repeat: you will not win this.
I know. It sucks. It's unfair. It's embarrassing. But it's true, and you're going to keep finding yourself back in the same position until you understand that it's never going to change and make the decision to take control. You don't control the narrative, you don't control the truth, you don't control how others see you and you sure as shit don't control the outcome. You only control yourself. What are you going to do with that agency? Step in another bear trap, or let it go and move on?
I bet it hurts and I feel for you. You might even resist the notion just like I did. No, it's not right, I can WIN this! If I just tell people what happened the world will know! *snap* Bear trap.
I'm sorry, I really am, it's a hard pill to swallow and you'll feel like you're giving in and losing. But if you stop doing this ridiculous dance, you get to move on. You get to keep being a genuine person and move on to a life that isn't about playing games and dodging narcissists. If you have to lose on one issue just to leave it behind and live your life, isn't it maybe worth it? Can you sacrifice the dream of winning to welcome the reality of living a good life?
You cannot win in an argument against a narcissist. Why? Because every interaction with one, every acknowledgment of them, every bit of energy you put into a narcissist is a win for the narcissist. That's what they want. You can be as righteous as you want, they can clearly be in the wrong, and you STILL lose by giving them what they want. They are not ever going to quit as long as they are acknowledge. You might try ignoring them and watch their antics increase in intensity because they need that next attention fix. Just. Keep. Ignoring. Them.
So very true!
What she says is true.
I agree 100%
What if you're the narcissist in the story? :P
The narcissist will say whatever to make themselves look good so it's more about their actions I suppose ;)
Sound like a case of 1950's MAD. Mutually Assured Destruction.
I agree 100 percent.
This one person in our social group has been belligerent about the virus and the precautions we have to take from day one. Just... Relentless bitching and tough guy posturing, ranting about how he's not worried about catching it because it's not going to do anything to him. Obviously we've avoided this person as they so generously out themselves as a high risk factor but I'm just thinking to myself... Dude... You sharted in your best friend's car because you gambled on a fart and lost. How the hell do you actually expect us to believe that you know what your body can handle?
Forget the small heart attack you had recently which should be your screaming internal alarm to take this seriously, you can't even control your asshole.
I just spit my coffee all over myself. Lmao!!
It is a n absolute scientific fact that you can catch coid19 from farts. Lol
Covi19 is like a Broadway performer, keep changing every week and to get the cure, is going to be a little harder.
What is with the near constant complaining from people who buy or take over someone else's account and then get mad that people are confused or assume the account is still the original person? Use some logic here. People have zero proof of your transaction, these kinds of transactions shouldn't really be happening to begin with, and if you're going to take over something previously owned by a drama centric member then maybe you should be prepared for this.
This stuff also tends to happen so rapidly people tend to not even care about who is who. As soon as an account is traded, another is traded back and no one gives enough of a shit to make a flow chart to track your dealings.
If you're going to do it instead of building your own account from the ground up, deal with it. To assume a former identity and get pissy when people aren't intuitively aware of what has changed is to actively resist intelligent thinking.
Deal with it.
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