I'm not very public about my emotions. Like many people, I keep a lot of my feelings private. Sometimes I do that out of respect for others, but almost always out of respect for myself. I don't want to publicly hurt people that I care about...not even in the journal that I love and have loved for so long.
I am as tempted as anyone else to retaliate when I find pokes at my character and the reasons behind choices that I make. I found such things today in a journal here on VR. I'm hurt and deeply disappointed, but I do not feel the shame or guilt that my very dearest friend tried for. The motives assigned to me do not exist in my heart.
I was assessed, cartooned and lampooned. Years of my life were assessed by a person I shared my deepest feelings with. Because my feelings have changed over time and I feel friendship rather than romantic interest, this friend feels justified in wallowing publicly and villifying me. I understand the hurt. I want to be understanding, but the pushing is making me want to run as far away as fast as I can.
When I hurt, even when I am heart broken, that does not ever justify bad behavior. My hurt belongs to me...as yours belongs to you. I can offer friendship and care, but I really cannot carry your insecurities, expectations, or wants. I can be honest, but I cannot tell you what you want to hear if it isn't so.
Carry on if you must, but far from shopping, I feel inclined to just live my life the best I can. If you find fault with me and my choices, I'm sorry for that...are you so perfect that you need to try to shame me?
"You see a lot, Doctor. But are you strong enough to point that high-powered perception at yourself? What about it? Why don't you - why don't you look at yourself and write down what you see? Or maybe you're afraid to."
You handle things so well. You're amazing. i idolize your ability to do so, and i just wish i could be like that. . . . It takes practice, i'd imagine.
If this comment is unwelcome, feel free to delete it. i just thought i'd express my admiration for someone so strong.
I cannot fathom a reason why someone closest to you would/could do such a thing...to try to hurt you, on purpose. Though you are strong enough (and high above it) to get past this, it's still a betrayal beyond the comprehension of words or clear thoughts.
Forgive me, but I quite honestly do seek retaliation. I have a strong feeling Kharma is going to get to this person...10 fold with any luck; I hope it does.
On a brighter note, I'm sure if that person is/has read this entry of yours.... it's satisfying to know they didn't get the 'rise' or response they obviously so desperately wanted. But that's who you are; or what I have come to know of you... always the better soul
*warm and hopefully comforting smiles*
Southern to the bone.. you are. *hugs*
You are a person with such grace.. I admire you.
I know that my human nature works in the way that when I hurt every one else has to hurt.
There are exceptions...for me...but not for everyone! I wish you and the other person well, with this issue.
|World Visitor Map|