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Joli's Journal


Joli's Journal

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3 entries this month
 

03:03 Mar 28 2010
Times Read: 648


Weird things that bug me even when everyone else around me seems to be just fine:


1. Spit. Hate it. Now, I'm not talking about the moist and delicious kiss of the one you adore. That's always the first question I get asked when people discover this about me. "Well, what about kissing? Saliva is saliva...it's the same thing."


No. It is not. If I have not spoken the words, "I love you," then don't lick me or share your spit with me, thanks. I remember my kids coming home from elementary school all stinky and commenting to friends and family that they smelled like spit. Then they'd laugh and tease that spit doesn't smell. IT DOES! Oh, God...it does.



2. Commercials that show babies speaking in adult male voices. Can't watch. Cannot. Everyone else is smiling and laughing at the good fun. I'm slinking into the couch as though a scene from the Exorcist has just appeared. Scary campfire stories and a flashlight to the face? Candy. Just keep the James Earl Jones babies away. Marketers, please stick to talking geckos, catchy jingles, and yuppie cavemen.



3. Ok, one more. Kiwi fruit. Yeah, I know you love them. You put them on your pastries and in your shakes, you quote their fruity nutrition and their exotic appeal. You rub them on your skin and whisper softly in their ears late at night in bed. How can I NOT love the wonder that is the kiwi?


They are furry and suspiciously dark for a fruit. Hairy and weirdly dark...yet I venture on. Seeds...and not citrus-like seeds you just remove and wrap in a napkin. Not even the annoying strawberry-like pips that occasionally stick in the teeth. No. this is a bizarre fruit composed of 20% fur, 90%seeds, and 10% juicy flesh. (Yes...I did the math!)


Well, that juicy fruit must be AMAZING in light of all the good kiwi PR, right? No. Flavorless. This is the fruit equivalent of the boiled crab. Lot of effort, very little payoff. Screw you, kiwi...you Monica Lewinsky not-worth-it temptation for the weak. Screw you.


COMMENTS

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Anachronism
Anachronism
03:58 Mar 28 2010

I am guesssing it would disgust you immensely if I were to inform you I eat kiwi fruit... FUR and all. I literally just bite into them. Quite a few people here do so let's not be rushing me off for psychiatric evaluation just yet. :D





Nom Nom Nom





CTyler
CTyler
04:09 Mar 28 2010

*applies a juicy salivated lick across your cheek*





Mikey
Mikey
04:20 Mar 28 2010

LOL





Joli
Joli
05:16 Mar 28 2010

You're allowed, CTyler, cuz you know I love you!





Morrigon
Morrigon
06:15 Mar 28 2010

I don't know what kind of kiwis you are eating but I think you're doing it wrong.





LiamK
LiamK
13:33 Mar 28 2010

#2 should just stop at "commercials". There hasn't been a television in my house for years now... and after you become un-desensitized to them, you remember (and indeed can't escape the thought) that being subjected to a TV commercial is like being force fed spoonfuls of some vile, rotting sludge. When visiting a person who owns a remote control, I'm constantly trailing off mid-sentance as my face becomes betrays horrified nausea. I honestly can't hold up my end of a conversation while the idiot box attempts to endear me to branded sandwich bags or cars driving around in the desert or Nickelback albums.





Mikey
Mikey
15:16 Mar 29 2010

^ o_O





 

...And That's All Folks

22:40 Mar 21 2010
Times Read: 672


As Bugs Bunny said so eloquently, ...


COMMENTS

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Now I'm Pissed

23:15 Mar 19 2010
Times Read: 702


My dog is more harmful to the environment than an SUV?! A cat is a smart car and 2 hamsters equal a plasma TV? Did I just enter Psycho World?

Make your dog more hybrid, less SUV



How about you take yourself out of the equation, you pot-stirring, fear-inducing busy body? I bet without YOU the planet could let out her belt a notch.


This is the kind of ridiculous comparison that drives me insane. I need a good walk. I'm taking my non smog-inducing 2 scoop a day of kibble eating dog with me and I'm going to thank God that I don't have to share my walk with humans like those.


COMMENTS

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meeper
meeper
00:09 Mar 21 2010

Pure made up nonsense.





NightBlossom
NightBlossom
01:38 Mar 21 2010

That is so horribly ridiculous. And these people call themselves human? What the hell?





ThothLestat
ThothLestat
16:03 Mar 21 2010

Wow. That was the dumbest article of the sort I have ever read. Let's calculate how bad their book is for Mother Earth, shall we? I think it's worse than 3 diesel locomotives and an oil spill.



It's not much of a stretch to go from "dogs are bad for the environment" to "humans are even worse for the environtment"at which point we can start marketing Soylent Green. For reals.



Let's start by eating these damned fools, Brenda and Robert Vale.





birra
birra
16:59 Mar 21 2010

I wonder where their website is hosted and if their datacenter uses all renewable energy.... hmmm...





Daire
Daire
22:02 Mar 21 2010

What can you expect from two architecture professors who try and talk about dogs. Stick to your field of expertise.





LiamK
LiamK
02:45 Mar 25 2010

This is why "eco-footprint" style models of... actually, I'm not quite sure how to term what it is that they model. The point is that it isn't damage to the environment, it's more like cost to the economy.



We don't have a land shortage. You could argue that we have a tree shortage and increasing the meat supply generally means cutting down trees, but it doesn't really work the other way... reducing the demand for meat isn't how you preserve the rainforest.



A voice in the back of my mind also comments that legitimate-looking "findings" to this effect could probably be generated by treating statistics representing steak as appropriate for representing the contents of dog food. Might be fun to have a glance at what they cite, if you want to point out a gaping fallacy.








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