MistressAngelique's Journal
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2 entries this month
Self-Reflections20:24 Jul 30 2017
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It's that time again for me to perform self-reflections.
The past several months have been crazy busy for me. Work, school, and family life, each have their own stresses; not just for me, but for anyone, really. As I have posted before, I am working on my PhD in nursing, and am now in the final stages of completing my dissertation. If anyone reading this has a PhD or is working on one, he/she knows it is a LOT of hard work! Not to mention a lot of time and effort, and financial cost.
Ray and I just got married in May, and still newlyweds, but he is terrific! He is so patient with me, quietly sitting back while I work on my paper, knowing I am so tired, knowing I am in pain, knowing I have to get up the next day and go to work, and come home and start all over again with the paper. He keeps the house spotless! Brings me hot tea, massages my legs, feet, and anywhere else I ache. He comforts me when I am upset and hurt over my hellish job, over my dissertation timelines, over my family. I tell you, I could not finish my dissertation or get to work if it weren't for him. He is my rock, my partner, my soul mate, my true love :D
I have chronic pain from several different illnesses, and have had this for a long time. My supervisor and peers know this. Yet, I get harassed for it all the time. Adds more stress to my life! I have issues with my son, that is very hurtful right now, and that is stressful. Add trying to finish my PhD, and it all exacerbates my pain. Is this any wonder I often feel like I am going crazy? LOL
I do have a point here. It is called friends. In performing my self-reflections this month, I asked myself, who truly are my friends? I mean, seriously? Who is there for me, unconditionally, when I really need them? When I am down and out, who is there to help me, without expecting anything in return? The answer is, I do not know. I THINK I have a couple of friends, but honestly? I don't know. I have been hurt so many times by people that I thought were my friends, that my heart is starting to freeze over. Personally, I would do anything for my friends if I could humanly do! But, would they for me?
In coming to this realization, I am saddened and hurt, because I don't understand why! Ray of course is my BEST friend, but the thought that there are no other individuals out there that I know personally and THOUGHT were my friends really are not, hurts me deeply. It truly is a cruel, man for himself world. Truly.
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COMMENTS
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Umyalanaraku
20:36 Jul 30 2017
It is a sad world we live in, where people will pose as friends for a time, but ultimately their true colors come out and reveal that they were never truly friends to begin with. You are my world to me, and the only one who truly matters, everything and everyone else is secondary. When you are hurting, I am hurting, when you are happy, I am happy. That is just the bond we share, the bond of true love. I do not take to very many people, I try to be nice and understanding to all, but it does not mean I agree with them or even like them. So when I say I love you, I mean it, it's nothing to be taken lightly, because that is rare with me. I do everything I do for us and us only, if it were not for us and our love, I wouldn't care what happens in life honestly. I never had many true friends and probably never will, but it doesn't really matter, because when it comes down to it, in the end, we are only left with ourselves and the ones that truly matter the most. So for me, it is you and I that matter the most. I love you so very very much, always know that in your heart!
MistressAngelique
20:42 Jul 30 2017
Very true my love :) I love you too so very much! Always know that!