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Quote: There's a certain satisfaction...In a little bit of pain..
..Only the one that inflicts the pain..
..Can take it away..
..:::Immortal Suppression:::..
If I close my eyes, can I see through to another side?
Or I am so absorbed in this sin called life..
That I can’t open my heart to the love I defied..
Inside a claustrophobic moment of disproportion..
Read the signs, don’t get close or I’ll collapse..
A hefty price to pay for living with a broken heart..
But the insidious pain, I know it’s a relapse..
So dark inside, you tell me to find the light..I try..
I’ve captured the only desperate side of mind..
I’m hearing voices, so deep within me..
Looking inside the surreal shell, I need to find..
Is it too late to look back and alter the defect?
Am I turning too late, before I slowly break..
Opposed to the only way of a horrid reflect..
Pounding in my veins, it’s causing a rhythm of ache..
I’m turning away to build up within my soul..
I’m afraid this time of the placebo effect..
A cathartic disposition of insanity..
So leave me, don’t touch me to collect..
Once so tactile, now losing ability of touch..
Now deficient of the sobriety of supression..
Distance growing in the arms of affection..
As tears flow in such gentle successsion..
Torn away from the things held dear..
Deception awakening, just stay away from me..
Calling to empathy to now alter my path..
Drifting further each day, can they not see?
Temptation of the end, a scarlet red line..
Fading away to the darkness encasing..
Perhaps a moment to live for, with life to define..
Withdrawing from hope, desire declining..
Cold translucent skin, stretching forth my hand..
Desperate to say the words, to reduce the tears..
Retracting in fear, I doubt you’ll understand..
Too late to look back, archaic, I’m slowly crumbling..
Opposed to tomorrow, yet afraid of the past..
If I could change the facade, I’d re arrange the pulse..
Disassemble the supression that’s been classed..
But can I alter the wind from the open wound?
Can I wake from night embracing me tight..
Or is the melancholy of this fateful love..
Dissolving the once placid yet observant fight..
Will they let me forget that I’m expendable?
Or is denial better then the forcement of truth..
Satiating the urge to try and comprehend reality..
Pulled from the wreckage of desire uncouth..
The sound of my heart, gently piercing the dark..
Carrying forth the legacy, eternal immortal pain..
Rupturing the membrane, portal of exit now closing..
Frozen within the blood, agony I try to refrain..
Absent, you don’t have the desire to feel desire..
But can you leave and not return and not be afraid?
Is your deception a mere opposing reflection?
Do you think your deserving of an accolade?
Look deeper, the immortal coil is dissolving..
..~A Little Bit About Me~..
I'm 5'0" tall , long hair, vivid green eyes and am nicknamed Lil Devil..
I love the night time, walking through cemetaries, sitting and talking with the dead for a while..one of the most peaceful places on Earth to me..
I love horror movies. I am a huge lover of 'Halloween'..saw it first on telly when I was lil when mum was telling me to go back to bed, but I sat and watched through the crack in the doorway..and that's where my love of horror arose from..
Then there is my fascination with Jack The Ripper..the one murderer who has kept my attention now, for decades..it intrigues me, to think even now, people are trying to find out who he was..I doubt anyone will know, maybe later with an advancment in DNA..but I kinda hope not, I like the mystery..reality kills too many thing's..
I'm a pretty lonely sort of person..I tend to keep to myself, while others around me tell me I need to seek help to stop being so down..but it's just me, and some people have a problem with trying to understand, I'm sort of happy in my own lil world..I'm someone who very much likes to drive to anywhere at any time of the day, look then go back home..it's not unusual for me to drive 7 hours to the Beach, sit and look, then go back home..spontaniety is good for me, no point not getting out and looking at the world, cos I mean oneday I'll be looking at a nice Satin lining in an Oak box with no view..I hope it's a nice red lining..
I have a possibly unhealthy obsession with death, pain and the afterlife and anything to do with the heart and blood..It's a deep seated passion I have had for as long as I can remember, something almost primal like biting..I love to bite for some reason, and I like to bite hard..heaven knows how many times someone has said 'Bite me hard..I can take it' then gone 'Owwee' as soon as I do..
Anything to do with art, helps me to escape life and reality..I mostly paint, draw and do photography and am an avid poetry writer and reader, cos for me, poetry express's emotions and depths so much more than general writing alone..
~..All the poetry on here and my Journal, is entirely my own and each one has a certain meaning..and if you don't like it or understand it, then don't attack me for it, that's just how I write..~
..~Music~..
I'm also a true metal head..but I'll also listen to Classical, only if it provokes a mood for me..
..Slipknot..
..The 69 Eyes..
..DragonForce..
..A Perfect Circle..
..Queensryche..
..Helloween..
..Sisters of Mercy..
..The Alchemist..
..Gothminister..
..Soilwork..
..Metallica (old)..
..Drowning Pool..
..Iron Maiden..
..Godsmack..
..Fear Factory..
..Tomahawk..
..Sevendust..
..Killswitch Engage..
..Lullacry..
..Megadeth..
..Sepultura..
..HIM..
..Catamenia..
..Placebo..
..Shadows Fall..
..Rammstein..
..Celldweller..
..Faith and The Muse..
..Frankenbok..
..The Butterfly Effect..
..Trivium..
..Black Label Society..
..Lordi..
..In Flames..
..Leaves Eyes..
..Wednesday 13..
..Testament..
There's a heap more, but hey, time and space doesn't permit..
I'm a real daydreamer, and love anything to do with Angels, Faires, Dragons that sort of thing. DragonLance is a favourite, and I'm a believer in anything I am yet to be proved wrong on, which goes for Werewolves, Shapeshifters and anything Mythological..
..~And then there are a few of my dislikes in life~..
..Liars..
..People with a nasty penchant for kids..
..Cruelty..
..Ignorance..
..People who won’t try..
..Abuse of any kind..
..Judgement..
..People who are all words but no action..
..Intolerance..
..People who destroy another for their own gain..
..Deceit..
..And bananas..they're eeevil..truly..
..~Friends~..
**If anyone wants to add me as a friend, feel free, just message me and let me know so I can add you also..**
I'm on MSN too..rotforme@hotmail.com ..
..But be warned..I don't and won't cyber..so if you want pics of my tits, or to talk about how sexy you are and how good you are in bed, do me a favour, kindly fuck off, cos I'm not what your looking for..
But if you wanna add me to talk or get to know me, please do..I love good company..
..~A few lyrics I love that have meaning for me~..
Megadeth - ‘In My Darkest Hour’
In my hour of need
Ha [no] you’re not there
And though I reached out for you
Wouldn’t lend a hand.
Through the darkest hour
Grace did not shine on me
It feels so cold, very cold
No one cares for me.
Did you ever think I get lonely
Did you ever think that I needed love
Did you ever think to stop thinking
You’re the only one that I’m thinking of.
You’ll never know how hard I tried
To find my space and satisfy you too.
Things will be better when I’m dead and gone
Don’t try to understand, knowing you I’m probably wrong.
But oh how I lived my life for you
Still you’d turn away
Now as I die for you
My flesh still crawls as I breathe your name
All these years I thought I was wrong
Now I know it was you
Raise you head, raise your face your eyes
Tell me who you think you are, who?
I walk, I walk alone
Into the promised land.
There’s a better place for me
But it’s far, far away
Everlasting life for me
In a perfect world
But I gotta die first,
Please God send me on my way.
Time has a way of taking time
Loneliness is not only felt be fools
Alone I call to ease the pain
Yearning to be held by you, alone so alone, I’m lost
Consumed by the pain
The pain, the pain, the pain.
Won’t you hold me again
You just laughed, ha ha, bitch
My whole life is work built on the past
But the time has come when all things shall pass
This good thing passed away.
In my darkest hour.
Killswitch Engage - 'Breathe Life'
And it begins anew.
The Hatred of Mankind.
As it seeks to kill
That which lives inside.
Now we are dying,
Dying the slowest death.
Held down by bonds that bind us
We breathe our final breath.
And it begins anew,
The burning we endure.
As we seek the strength
Strength to break the bonds
Now we are dying (dying)
Dying the slowest death.
No more condemnation,
We fight for our last breath
Breathe life for you are not alone
Breathe life inside your heart of stone
From dust you were born
And to the ashes you return,
From dust you were born
And to the ashes you return,
Break the bonds
Break the bonds
Breathe life for you are not alone
Breathe life inside your heart of stone
Iron Maiden - ‘Hallowed Be Thy Name’
I’m waiting in my cold cell when the bell begins to chime
Reflecting on my past life and it doesn’t have much time
Cos at 5 o’clock they take me to the gallows pole
The sands of time for me are running low
When the priest comes to read me the last rites
I take a look through the bars at the last sights
Of a world that has gone very wrong for me
Can it be there’s some sort of error
Hard to stop the surmounting terror
Is it really the end not some crazy dream
Somebody please tell me that I’m dreaming
It’s not so easy to stop from screaming
But words escape me when I try to speak
Tears they flow but why am I crying
After all I am not afraid of dying
Don’t believe that there is never an end
As the guards march me out to the courtyard
Someone calls from a cell God be with you
If there’s a God then why has he let me die?
As I walk all my life drifts before me
And though the end is near I’m not sorry
Catch my soul cos it’s willing to fly away
Mark my words please believe my soul lives on
Please don’t worry now that I have gone
I’ve gone beyond to see the truth
When you know that your time is close at hand
Maybe then you’ll begin to understand
Life down there is just a strange illusion.
In Flames - ‘Bullet Ride’
Do you feel anything at all?
Do you hear steps at the door?
Do you reckon the smell of....?
It's life-the the dark that binds you
Frigthened by your own smell
Bitternes will run you through
Silent screaming
Turning, twisting the alphabet
Frantic eyes
Awaiting the answer
Splinters of a poem
Fragments of what you used to be
Habitual and gullible
Run-down memoirs is all that's left
Do you wish to sleep?
Do you aim for the shadow?
Do you feel infected?
It's life-the the dark that binds you
Frigthened by your own smell
Bitternes will run you through
Silent screaming
Turning, twisting the alphabet
Frantic eyes
Awaiting the answer
Splinters of a poem
Fragments of what you used to be
Habitual and gullible
Run-down memoirs is all that's left
It's the cowardice that pulls you under
And takes you to the end, where it begins
Release, the world is waiting on your arrival
Close your eyes, as we witness another bullet ride
Do you know about atrocity?
Do you know that everbody's gone?
Do you know that you're on your own?
It's life-the the dark that binds you
Frigthened by your own smell
Bitternes will run you through
Silent screaming
Turning, twisting the alphabet
Frantic eyes
Awaiting the answer
Splinters of a poem
Fragments of what you used to be
Habitual and gullible
Run-down memoirs is all that's left.
Metallica - ‘Welcome Home' (sanitarium)
Welcome to where time stands still
No one leaves and no one will
Moon is full, never seems to change
Just labeled mentally deranged
Dream the same thing every night
I see our freedom in my sight
No locked doors, No windows barred
No things to make my brain seem scarred
Sleep my friend and you will see
That dream is my reality
They keep me locked up in this cage
Can't they see it's why my brain says Rage
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Build my fear of what's out there
And cannot breathe the open air
Whisper things into my brain
Assuring me that I'm insane
They think our heads are in their hands
But violent use brings violent plans
Keep him tied, it makes him well
He's getting better, can't you tell?
No more can they keep us in
Listen, damn it, we will win
They see it right, they see it well
But they think this saves us from our Hell
Sanitarium, leave me be
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Sanitarium, just leave me alone
Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it's such a friendly word
Seems the only way
For reaching out again.
..:::You are the Angel of Sorrow:::..
You are always lost
deep in thought, and sad, though you may not
know why. You long for the pain to go away
above everything else, and yet a part of you
needs the depression, so you can never truly
get out of it. You are a kind person, but
you don't let yourself get close to other
people for fear of being hurt.
.:Shadow Faery:.
You are the Shadow Faery. You are a very dark person, and you tend to keep to yourself a lot. You're also very practical and very smart, but don't show it very much. You like lurking in the shadows and thinking of ways to avoid people.
Your inner soul is calling for help!
Everyday you wonder why you are still
here when there is nothing left. You use to
once be a happy, loving soul, but it was
damaged by 'them' and seems like it never can
be fixed again. You've been hurt, abused, and
damned far too much for you to handle it all
anymore!
No one understands you because
theyre too scared to get to know you!
You want to finally give up; just escape and
rid of all your pain. You want people to
understand, you want comfort... You tend to
bottle up all of your emotions and problems,
hoping that theyll all go away.
You may be tough at
times and try to prevent yourself from crying
on the outside.... But your heart is
always crying on the inside...
Quote..Spiteful words can hurt your
feelings, but silence breaks your heart..
(unknown)
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
’Forever Yours’ - Nightwish
Fare thee well, little broken heart
Downcast eyes, lifetime loneliness
Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone
Constant longing for the perfect soul
Unwashed scenery forever gone
No love left in me
No eyes to see the heaven beside me
My time is yet to come
So I'll be forever yours.
+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+
Symbol: A tear (sign of strength, yet it contains pain)
~You are a sorrowful person~
Although you may seem completely happy on the
outside (or not), you are actually breaking on
the inside. Perhaps it is because you have
been wronged in the past? Or it might simply
be that you are lonesome or misunderstood.
Your eyes hold a great amount of sadness no
smile can lift, and it is that which
identifies you as a depressed person. You
might not cry that often in public, but it
does happen behind closed doors.
Your traits:
*Depression
*Sorrow
*Intuitive
*Imaginative
*Compassionate
*Solitary
*Sensitivity
Your Color: Black
Your Quote: "Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand."
~Depressed Faerie~
You are the Depressed Faerie. You are dark and sad.
Something bad has happened to you in the past
that won't let you go... or maybe you won't
let it go. Whatever it is, it has
taken control of your life and you are rarely
(if ever) cheerful.
Wings: Dark and light grays
Power: Sadness
Sexual appeal: You are the kind of girl that
men see as the kind most people avoid. They
can tell that something traumatic has
happened to you, but either they are too
scared to ask you themselves or they just
don't care. Some guys are actually interested
and will confront you about.
What you look for in a guy: You don't seem
to notice guys all that much, but when you
do, you are desperate for someone
compassionate that will listen to your
thoughts without judging you. Respect is the
most important aspect of your relationship
with him.
You Are a Warrior Soul
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You're a strong person and sometimes seen as intimidating.
You don't give up. You're committed and brave.
Truly adventuresome, you are not afraid of going to battle.
Extremely protective of loved ones, you root for the underdog.
You are picky about details and rigorous in your methods.
You also value honesty and fairness a great deal.
You can be outspoken, intimidating, headstrong, and demanding.
You're a hardliner who demands the best from themselves and others.
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Mysterious and a scholar, you are a member of the Tremere clan. You are pretty loyal to your clan, well, you sort of have to...especially since you are blood-bonded to most of them. You are the intelligentsia of the Camarilla and are fascinated with the occult. Possessing the ability to use blood for magic, many clans don't like to approach you. However, that is fine with you. You tend not to trust the other clans anyway.
What Vampire Clan Do You Belong To?
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..:::Ember:::..
Immortal blisters, sombre my skin..
Crucifixion of pain, absorbing my sin..
With dreams of hate, and thoughts untame..
A remedy of torture, showing no shame..
A placebo effect, calling the night..
Assemble the moon, and embrace the light..
With a gentle thought, and tear in the wind..
Dust my thoughts, absolve the sinned..
With a porous heart, I absorb the pain..
Like an Autumn mist, and a Summer's rain..
But within a world, of starlight and hue..
A blood stained soul, a vision of you..
With dreams impure, and nails dug deep..
And pain so good, it makes you weep..
A bite of the flesh, and a scarlet trail..
An untapped vein, and a devious veil..
With careless thoughts, in a darkened mind..
Search to touch, feel to find..
Yet frozen within, a soul of decay..
A rush of emotion, and a lonely display..
With a lonely night, the passion sets in..
I call your name, to feed the fire within..
| Member Since: | Mar 03, 2006 |
| Last Login: | Aug 22, 2006 |
| Times Viewed: | 4,519 |
| Times Rated: | 420 |
| Rating: | 8.738 |
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