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Here's a thought, why do people find it so hard to listen to the negative messages thrust upon them, rather than look to the positives in the lives?


Why is it easier to 'see' the dark in ourselves, rather than the lighter side??

The one word answer to that is guilt. The whole "I am not worthy" trip that so many of us grow up with.

here's a thought, why do people find it so hard to listen to the negative messages thrust upon them, rather than look to the positives in the lives?

The first question struck me as contradictory. Negative messages from where? You mean criticism and things like that or in the news? Considering the headlines and discussions I see in the journals and the news I don't think people have a hard time listening to it but they will boldly make statements that they don't like negativity. If they didn't, there wouldn't be so many reality shows. Sometimes in this day and age I think it is hard to see positivies with so many out of work, poor and homeless. We can give thanks to those who love us, our family and friends but for some it is not much consolation when you don't know what will happen to them on a daily basis.

I actually don't think people realize their darker sides until they are thrown into a really negative situation and it rears its ugly head. I think we like to think of ourselves as positive and yes I have to agree that in this way it might very well be guilt.


why is it easier to 'see' the dark in ourselves, rather than the lighter side??


I think this depends on the person and what their lifestyle is like and what you are actually meaning by this comment. It is a little sketchy. I think to answer this from what you have stated is that we are indoctrinated this way. Even though people are learning to praise their kids, generally they give most notice to when they do something wrong so the negative attention card gets thrown on the table. Everything for the most part that we read daily in the headlines is negative. We are so surrounded by it that I think the other is taken for granted somewhat.

not media.. personal: "you can't do this, that, or the other...", so says teacher, tutor, or brother.

whilst the one who listens, [[maybe one's Mother]] tries to instil a positive image iof self, which we choose to ignore in favour of the negative.

It's the way we are raised. We are raised to see only the negative in ourselves and others instead of seeing the positive. That's what makes us so judgemental and condescending

it is funny you say negativity= "the dark" why is this?

I believe what is more realistic in denoting what is taught to us in our social conditioning and upbringing is more along the lines that there is a division between good and evil, that consequences follow those who do, say or act badly. However, this is not true or adherent to what is actual.

What if the partaking of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was not in finding fault in one or the other but in fact the embracing and acceptance of the fact that both exist in all things...and are necessary to the existence of all things conscious? The Cycle of Life and Death is an ongoing wheel that grinds us all out...whether for good or for evil....to truly love the good found within ourselves, one must embrace the evil that lies deeper in...the aspects of human character that are not so lovely, those deemed as qualities of eternal sins among mankind...greed, sloth, lust, pride, envy, wrath, and gluttony...are these the true downfall of humanity? If so, then how does one whittle something out of their nature that is inherited?

It is the balance struck between the two and the noted acceptance of one for the other that marks the capacities of the human heart...whether for good...for evil...or a little bit of both.

Hmmm you pose an interesting question my dear Angelus. I would ask one of you.

Can't the darkness create power, drive and ambition within ourselves to change the darkness we're in?

Easy to answer for me, because that's how I was raised. Parents saw only the negative in me. I was raised in a pessimistic environment and wasn't given any support. Plus with all the stereotyping and media influence it's easy to get negative. It makes you feel like you don't have the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect grades, the ideal career, the ideal husband, the ideal life...it makes you feel you're 'not right.'

Nowadays I can see the positive as well, but that, because once something got right.

According to Jungian psychology, in order to be a healthy being we must embrace our "shadow" archetypes. Not doing so leaves us depressed and suppressed feelings have devastating consequences. I feel that people get stuck in the "negative" cycles of things due to not consistently knowing there shadow archetypes and not facing them. One theory anyway. It can also happen because we are constantly being bombarded by negative feedback all around us that positive flow doesn't occur in our minds. But a positive thought is 10 times better than a negative thought. So either way, it seems to be a question of how aware you are of your thoughts and your being in the present moment.

Jungian... Joharis Quadrant [[my starting point]]

interesting.

me?

Am starting to think it's just 'easier', to listen to and, taken onboard the negative; as the positive seems to require reinforcing.

I have to agree with your last statement Angelus. For the vast majority it is far easier to allow themselves to accept the negative rather then look for any ray of hope. This can be found in all aspects of modern day civilization. People have jobs they hate because they feel they are not worthy or able to get anything else. People allow themselves to be stepped on and pushed around because they feel they are not able to fight back. I believe this whole issues stems from a greater problem. That is we have nothing left to fight for. Look around how many people just “exist” and are slowly crawling their way toward death.

i think it all depends on what kind of person you are be it a positive or a negative one to what aspect of light or darkness that one perceives in ones self
the general conception is christians see light and pagans see darkness but i don't think that is all true i think it is based on a personal nature rather that on ones spiritual beliefs

this was intended to be about why we feel imprelled to take onboard negative messages, not whether one is a negative or positive person... that's nigh on iirrelevant.

am curious.. why is it easier to listen to negative speak?

Positive speech like "i'm proud of you","well done that was exceptional", "your such a loving person" etc makes us feel vulnerable, embarrassed and makes us edgy. Our minds are programmed to deal with negative comments because of the fight or flight mechanism, we can deal with negative emotions by either running away or by standing our ground and arguing. Its harder to fight or flee a positive affirmation although if one receives continual positive affirmations from parents at an early age they are more receptive to them as adults. Unfortunately most of us come from an era where parents felt the need to highlight our wrongs and play down the things we did good at.

I did a confidence class.. and, maybe that helped.. so I can Now listen to positive affirmations.. in fact, I often use them as a form of relection.

Sadly, on close examination of the good and the great.

They are no such thing, moreover a privileged few who exploit and sit upon plastic pedastools. The darkness helps one pierce through their false illumination. Most are even religious and that is the biggest oxymoron of all. For these reasons I embrace my darkness to see the world as it truly is.

Question, would the dark one embrace their niaive notions of class. I think not !

I fear you misunderstand the word class.
In this context, it referred to the teaching of skills to able one to change one's own perception.

Not like... working, middle and worthless, OH SO SORRY .. upper class.

and as to embracing the dark... ?

well, in this context, I choose not to.. for that dark is a false impression, foisted on me by teachers, tutors, family and peers.

THE DARK.. my darker psyche... that's part of a greater concept, I've written of many, many times.

And that, I do embrace, wholeheartedly.

I suppose the dark is easier to view the light. The positive side can sometimes make us feel blind or rather when good things happen we can become cynical and question if it's really happening. it's easier to be negative because you can easily believe that people will do bad things and bad things will happen to us more than anything good.

.. perhaps that is part of our nature. But, surely thats all the more reason to wake and, attempt to wring postive change inna day, rather than just see the negative?

cause it easier to make ourself pitiful? victims? to make bring ourselves down? I do the same everyday life and not something to brag about. we should all see also good and positive in ourselves yet we find it very difficult cause instead to be grateful to what is given to us, or what we have in us its far more easy to look down on our capacities and personality, life, karma. dont know.

but that's the point, you finished with 'I don't know', while your answer shows that you do...

i see both sides but i do know that there are people out there like what u were talking about. i honestly dont know why this is about people, but when someone has a deffinate answer send it my was. :)

...but...perhaps you see it only from your own perspective Angelus? I am ever the optimist and so, I see the dark but I also know that there is light within me and it's possible to change any negativity if I so desire. Just a thought...

fair point, it's a point of view. Yet, I could hardly ask the question if it were the case. I undertook enough training, to see both sides, often objectively, which even the optimists in Life don't do!

Question asked:
why is it easier to 'see' the dark in ourselves, rather than the lighter side??

A: Environment. It's amazing how people in our lives on a daily basis can effect us. If that one person you are surrounded by sees most things as negative, that will transform our perceptions as most things being negative. Too good to be true if it seems good. It's not so hard to change what you don't need or want in YOUR environment, but you have to take ownership of what you want around you, and discard what you don't want or need. The lighter side of things CAN be seen if one is actually looking for it and actually taking that time to find that balance in life. As humans, we generally are impacted by those who control what we do and see, instead of taking a step back from these things to see more clearly to what is neither dark or light, black and white. There's more to life than this.

Pure pride is a real culprit here. People think of themselves as perfect, and fear of change when confronted is always evident

... and Divineblood said so much there I could relate to.

I so appreciate all these contributions, to the thread...

Thank you...

Dude. The problem is people acknowledging the problems they have and what they are actually doing wrong versus the feigned humility they offer towards things they know they're doing well enough in order to receive praise for it.
I've never had a problem with people refusing to realize they're doing things well; none that weren't depressed or suicidal anyway.

whether that be true, or not... those with poor self-image deserve the opportunity, for betterment, for self-empowerment; And, the ability to shut off 'these negative message', that you have no problem with...

...those with poor self-image deserve the opportunity, for betterment, for self-empowerment... and don't they only have to realise it to make that possible? Then again, I guess thats the nature of the beast - an insurmountable task.

yes... "that's all."
Took me ten years and, an awful lot of soul-searching, to become anything like I had been...

I agree with Angelus, and true friends always help that person to discover where it lies and use it for there betterment

...which can, as I've found, demonstrate that altruism does still exist.

Angelus, although perfect altruism is hard to practice. I think the only person who was perfect in the practice was Ghandi

Ghandi... one of my heroes.. was the first to say he was not perfect. BUT... even in his darker moments, that fellow shone a positive light on his world... that enabled him and his followers... to get rid of the British Raj.

Angelus, you asked: Why do people find it so hard to listen to the negative messages thrust upon them, rather than look to the positives in their lives?

For the individual, I think we need to take into account
Brain Chemistry as well as nurturing factors, when it comes to
a question like this.
The more I delve into diet, nutrition, and chemical imbalances in the human brain, the more I realize we are constantly just a few micrograms away from a blissful existence. Every negative or positive stimuli can be interpreted completely differently according to how we are wired and what hormones are imbalanced at that particular moment.

Like all human behavior...it's either Nurture or Nature.

an interesting thought... which as I have learnt, from experience ... is to be taken into account.

that said, the elements that make one a confident person and, another not... that interests me.

I feel we are all for the most part in agreement. People that need to learn to shut out the negative do not feel they have a problem thus we are back at stage one. One issue has not really been touched on yet. Social media is constantly beating people down with “you’re not good enough” imagery. Think about how many products that are out there that say without it your not enough she/he wont like you so on and so forth. The feeling of not good enough has become the social norm and sadly people are accepting this. Personally I do not agree with this. I also don’t agree with the expression on ok. When did ok become a state of being and become enough shouldn’t we all strive for better. Sorry about the tangent.

to me it seem like the dark in me is very "clear" i exactly when it is happing where as the better things "good" might not be as bold so you just donot think about that much.

Well we all have dark and light in us I feel that society as a whole is always looking for the bad in people. As well as many are raised with negativity as well. Myself I was a very positive person till I was in an abusive relationship many years ago and it made me feel negative about myself all the time cause that was what I was always hearing. It took me a long time to come back to the light/positive side of humanity, even tho' I was raised by very positive and supportive parents. It does not take much to destroy ones self esteem or way of thinking once your being filled with negativity.

I feel many just cannot always see how the light is there waiting for them to move ahead and take control again. I mean society people are like drones in a way we work, eat, play, sleep and do it all over again very few actually do more than the basis of surviving.... Which as Grant stated what is the chemical balance or imbalance of things at certain points etc.

Angelus the answer is simple it is just easier to look or see bad than it is good. just my 2 cents. :)

FangMan, interesting that you bring brain chemistry and the nature/nurture aspect into this.

I was just talking to a friend last night who is living out in LA and having one of his seemingly regular bouts of self-doubt and depression. I told him, again, "I think you need to see someone - you need something to help you stay out of these 'valleys of despair' you keep finding yourself in.'"

Further, I told him I thought his being in LA was doing nothing good for him. He's a really talented dancer, with an amazing body, and great personality. BUT that doesn't change the fact that he's a bald, 5'6" Filipino living in the land of beautiful people. Did I mention he's gay as well? So just drop the bit of icing on the cake and you have a certain recipe for crappy self-esteem.

At any rate, yes, exactly. I think he's got some chemical issues AND he's in a place that is primed to make him see nothing good in himself.

the dark side of are selfs is an easier path .. and the light side as many twist and turns.

Caughtfire, the tangent you went off on was a good one.. yet, we choose.. well, some choose.. to take onboard thisd negative imagery... while others ... do not.

We all see what we want to see, not necessarily what we need to see.

I leave with this thought from William Shakespere:

"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."

Bows to Doru and this to Angelus, teachings from those slain for their beliefs...The Cynics, taught by Socrates the ancient philosophers Rock.
5 things to remember.

1.The goal of life is happiness which is to live in agreement with Nature.
2.Happiness depends on being self-sufficient, and a master of mental attitude.
3.Self-sufficiency is achieved by living a life of Virtue.
4.The road to virtue is to free oneself from any influence such as wealth, fame, or power, which have no value in Nature.
5.Suffering is caused by false judgments of value, which cause negative emotions and a vicious character.

The Cynics were agead of their time and not totally correct but they were smarter than most. Those like gang members who grew up in shit were unfairly judged and thus the vampire grew.

Because the darkside is of power and not the need to control one self. Goodness is harder because it demands so much more from us.

Often times I have listened at the Negatives but disregarded them and focused on the positives in life. I have had quite a few hardships and with those came more negativity than positivity. In time, I accepted myself for me and didn't care who thought what about me. I knew that they were going to hate whether or not they accepted me or not. I am who I am and going to change for the better.


Its easier to see the dark in ourselves because of the world being so... whats the word........strict. I have come to accept myself for the person that i am. I now focus on the brighter side of me rather than the amount of darkness that i have encountered in my short life. I'd rather focus on the brighter side of my life than dark.

..because we love the Dark side and we don't pay too much attention into the Light. Do you noticed how much Ladies love those pesky bad boys? is a human thing, which is impossible to explain. I said that at least 30 percent of divorced are because women (I am not attacking you) find love in a "bad" macho man, and think that their husband, who, is a good guy,is not important any more.

Doru... well said.

Though... having learnt to be more than I was, I find it hard to understand why so many are complacement about their own self-development.

This subject reminds of the the believe structures of the Jedi and the Sith. With the darkside of the force there is more power, but in choosing that power over what is right, you doom yourself when you meet your end. Sith do not ascend.

and, those who choose to ignore the positive of themselves and, listen to the negative, 'coz it's easier... don't do themselves any favours either.

I believe the guilt that we are not what Weser ourselves as or where we want to be at our stage in life. Humanity is said to be the cruelest of all living species. And it is evident in our society towards others or to ourselves.

I think it easy for people to listen to there darker side because they were never shown the light. People parents have to have good values and spend time raising them to the best of there knowledge. But it easy to listen to something darker when your under pressure and stressed out then to listen to your lighter side. I think if people took time out and weight the darkness and the light within them the light would over power them and fill there lives up with love and friends and happiness.

But i have a friend carol who cant see the light never could in the 20 years i known her. She was never shown what love was. Her ex husbands treat her like crap. Her children do that till this day. So if you cant experience the light through family or friends they choose to listen to the darkside more often and forget the love the light and the peace it comes from that within them.

the question I would ask then lass, "Can she listen to you.. to the positive messages you try to impart to her?"

I have tried to have her hear me. But sadly she does not hear what i say. She listen to her an her alone. She thinks the darkness is what she is. She can not see the love and light that is filled around her. I have tried since we are childhood friends. I have known her since age 5. She wont listen she wont or cant see what i show her. She hears it but choose not to listen to the positive of the love i show her. Recently I have stopped i don;t call her anymore have not now in 2 weeks. I felt after 2o yrs of knowing her and trying my best because our first born kids grew up together i did not want to give up but i have. I have giving up a friendship that thought a lot about i thought she was a friend but i cant show her anymore than what i have. I feel bad. I do have a dark side to me. But who does not? It o nly when we loose our selves do we listen to the dark side. I have not giving up on myself but her yes.

mayhap... a time will come, or an opportunity, wherein she'll choose to see another side.

I work with those 'in need', on a Thursday.. I know it happens...

very interesting, I believe pain teaches us a lesson though. And Darkness doesn't necessarily mean negativity to me, it comforts me.

as a manic depressive, I've worked hard at finding that equitable balance, whilst at the same time, listening to too much negative stuff, I had allowed myself [[note the phrasing]] to become someone I know longer liked.

over time, I became me again... and, it occured to me, that one of the reasons people seek alternatives to a sense of self was, that perhaps, they too had allowed themselves to become less than they could be...

NOW... the act of creation... is what helps create balance, for me.

I'll be one of the first to say, I harldy ever see the darkside of things, as bad as som points in my life have gotten, I have always fond my silver lining. I know the darker side of life. And I know the darker side of me. And never once have I let things get me down. I'm probably the happiest person you will ever meet. I love helping people, and I'm really good at it. If I let myself be depressed about every little thing , I couldn't help others or myself.

Because negativity and darker things can have just as strong an impact as the positive or lighter side. Remember, negativity begets negativity and positivity begets positivity. It's easier for people to fault everything in their life to the negative rather than the positive.

...is to realize that we are not pefect, and never will be. we all have a negative nature and have learned to controll it in some way like putting forth the effort to learn how to play the piano. Or whatever creative nature you have nurtured. I know when my demon wants to get out...and so do you. It's all in the way you use self controll.

**smiles**

self conctrol? forgive me, but in moments of mania, it's hard to think that one is utilising self control. yet, in effect, one is.. that act of creation can help restore balance.

so.. erm, interesting to think on.

"chuckles" I have my moments also, and it is a great effort to keep the Demon at bay!!!!

... an effort?
Of late, under current circumstances... methinks that's a tad of an understatement.

Ergo, I'm even more thankful for the ability to 'create.'