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I’ve got a really nice idea to *not* talk about. 😂

The cool thing about this idea is that it’s not a “dream” - it’s a reality if I want it to be. Only to share if I decide to truly move it forward. All signs point to it. No need for a financial investment because I already have what I need- and it’s industry-standard gear.

The only thing I could really use is time, and school + puppy = not enough of it. But the puppy will grow and school will be completed… he’ll be big enough to nap while I do this before I’m finished with school- so I don’t even have to wait that long.

This idea is a fusion of my skills and passion. And zero pressure from anyone else. No deadlines. No boss. I don’t even I need it to be lucrative. That’s the best type of thing: time well spent.

Since I wiped my journal, I’ll go ahead and do a big catch-up entry so there’s a bit of life chronicling since Covid.

In 2021, I decided to file my VA disability case. I’ve been getting a nudge from a couple fellow Marines ever since I got out in 2000- and during lockdown, I think a lot of us spent time with introspection. I decided to listen to my old buddies.

It was a tough journey. At first, I was awarded 30%. And it was for something that was the least of my worries, honestly. The next couple years were probably the darkest times of my life because I had to continually recount traumatic events. I hired a lawyer who then hired outside doctors to assess me and fight my case. I had several denials before it went to the highest courts and a judge awarded me 100% with a stern STERN finger wag to all of the lower courts for ignoring all the proof in my files. She literally told them to go back to school.

That was one of the best days of my life because I finally felt validated. Imagine trying to get help on active duty for years and no one caring- then your government continues to tell you that you don’t matter several more times via case denials. I told a friend recently about reading that approval letter. I saw the judge’s name on the paperwork, and I wrote it on a little piece of paper and put it under a candle. I burned the candle every day for a couple of years, focusing on all the blessings in the world to come to this lady. She didn’t know me from anywhere, but she made it her mission to ensure I mattered.

During the process of this case, I was in the worst hole of my life. I didn’t talk to anyone. Aside from some periodic journal entries here, I didn’t talk to anyone about it unless they personally asked. I didn’t get out of bed for an entire year. Starting at the beginning of 2022, I just shut down. I’d taken a vacation at the end of 2021, to come back home and go completely dark. People here may remember that I went from being a person who journals every day to someone who did it every couple of months or so. The case- Imagine having to talk about the worst moments of your life on repeat. Stuff that’s incredibly painful and humiliating to talk about. There are things I still haven’t told people and not even in an attempt to make my case stronger.

After I won my case, I started thinking about what life was going be like from then on. What could I do on my own to make the best out of Heidi‘s Chapter 2? I decided to go back to school to fulfill a dream as a screenwriter. I was still mostly dark with my online presence with the exception of posting pet pics and jokes here and there on social media… I threw myself headfirst into school and it was the redirect I needed to level up. I finish school at the end of December and I have been a straight A student this whole time. I begin my Master’s degree journey in Creative Writing on January 4.

I’m really proud of all the personal work I have done to get to this space. I started practicing the law of attraction. There’s nothing magical about it… You just become preemptively thankful and focus on your goals as an absolute- and before you know it, everything starts popping up exactly the way you need it. It’s not easy to change the wiring of your brain, and I haven’t been 100% successful, but I have been successful enough that I’ve had a huge number of wins in short order.

I finally got out of Military Housing and purchased an adorable new construction home a little over a year ago. I’ve actually always wanted to own a very old New Orleans home with a story… Many stories… But there’s also something necessary about having a home that only includes mine. A story that begins on a good note. No bad memories- not mine nor anyone else’s. And I also live less than a mile away from the school my son teaches. So he can pop in after work and see me before he heads home- even come over at lunchtime to chill out.

So that’s been me. I put in the work. It hasn’t been easy, it’s been a huge challenge. But I made so many things happen by myself. I so very much wish that Ann (Sahahria) was still alive to be quintessentially herself in response to all of this. I still think about talking to her all the time. She’s in a framed photo on my shelf that I pass several times a day.

All our lives are filled with ups and downs. We do our best to survive however we can. This journal entry is 100% all about me- but that’s what personal journals are supposed to be… places for us to talk about our daily lives and things that we are feeling. I will forever be a work in progress, but the progress has been consistent and huge. I appreciate this moment in time more than I can express. My life was essentially on hold in many ways for more than a couple of decades – and I have caught up with my peers in just a few short years.

Daily life from here on out is dedicated to creativity. Doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I’m allowed to. Nothing is in my way.

I have a new little dog that I have very high hopes to be trained as my service dog. He’s already showing me excellent signs that this will be more than possible. He gets along great with my chocolate Labrador Retriever – and he has already helped him with his anxiety issues.

There are a lot of reasons to be grateful. There are a lot of reasons to look forward to years to come. I’m keeping my sights set on that.

I put a couple pics of my new puppy, Bruno, in my portfolio. What a little dude! He is everything I’d hoped he’d be. He’s going through his baby stages of needing to go potty a few times through the night- but day 8 of having him- he finally started sleeping more at night. Those first 7 he didn’t just need to go potty a lot- he wanted to play hard.

So it’s a bit challenging to get schoolwork done as well as reading for pleasure- but hey, this was the expectation! I am managing it and happily so.

I started following tons of Bookstagram accounts on Instagram- and it got me into reading more current novels. I mostly read biographies, autobiographies, reference materials, and more classical stuff. This is refreshing. When I say “current”, I mean more so of my lifetime, heh.

I read a lot when I was overmedicated a few years ago- and I can’t remember most of those books. The good thing about that? They can be brand new again. 😂

Anyhow- I’ve got a solid list of reads. Just finished one the other day that was strikingly similar to my own experiences. Can’t help but feel like that was divinely guided. It didn’t end badly. 🥂

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I’ve gotten back in Marine Cops physical standards. 💪Walked my ass off- but it’s so damn hot out now I can’t keep that up. I’ve started riding my recumbent stationary bike inside. Can’t wait for it to cool back down. If I were independently wealthy, I’d be in cooler climates during the Summer. I’m never one to pray for Summer here in Louisiana. But dammit, I still love this place.