The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Well stated

Thanks. Still digging your stream post art and style.

I'm with family now, I need to start bringing my bigger laptop, this one is like 11"

Health/ training.

I'm bigger than I want to be. This month I went up to 227 Lbs, up 7 from the previous month.

It's not fat, its bulk and that might sound great to people who think what's wrong with being big?

It comes down to body image. For me. I don't want to be a big guy.

I think maybe 8 years ago I was dead on 200, and I liked that a lot and I had a goal of dropping to 180 — I'm 6 ft — and that would have given me the body I actually want, yet despite my lifestyle, I don't eat shit or even much of anything apart from evening meals I still keep the weight on.

And I do know why — protein shakes — I have a fairly high calorie count on those daily. I could stop taking them, I just love them, but I know that's where the bulking has come from.

I do a lot of training, not heavy weights, more aerobic, walking, stretching, crunches. I like that I have a great routine which feels good. I don't train for failure, more for relaxation and enjoyment.

I try to get Dee to do a bit, but we start a warm-up, she flaps her arms around for a bit and then runs off. Or standing there laughing at me and taking the piss by doing comical motions of what I'm trying to take seriously. It can be a bit off-putting.

I do like the spiritual side of training, the endorphins, the happy chemicals that start floating about when the heart speeds up a bit.

I doubt I'll really hit 180. I'd need a drastic lifestyle change, which I don't want to do, and dropping over 45 pounds seems a lot now to me. I have a reasonable definition apart from the abs, nothing there, just podgy. The extra 7 pounds I put on recently really screwed those up.

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I don't get involved in the shit-posting because half the time I like everyone who's fucking on each other.

It's a bit like a Friday pub night where people decide to have a fight for the hell of it.

I used to go to a pub quiz and every night there was a fight, usually by people who arrived together and left together, unless they got arrested.

Even the landlord was at it. Pretending to keep the peace while hitting everyone within arms reach. The women used to get involved as though it wasn't something to be left out of.

My mate got arrested a couple of days ago for fighting with my neighbour. I didn't even know he'd turned up to visit until his wife knocked on my door and said he had been arrested for hitting my neighbour. I won't say why, basically got out of the car and walloped! 24 hours he was in the police cells, then released without charge because the police decided he'd been provoked. Now he's suing the police for wrongful arrest.

I can certainly relate to not wanting to be big. I know it has its advantages but being 6'8" I usually draw attention that as a hypersensitive I really don't like. Putting on muscle has always been hard for me though even more so after age 50 when you start losing it. Though my metabolism slowed down now I run the risk of getting fat. I didn't like that at all. So been working out to put muscle back on and now I got the sublime presence of my nature spirit companion that feels wonderful but every moment is a constant battle to do anything as I feel it more when I'm in a relaxed state. I suppose it works to strengthen my willpower but I trust my magick works through it so tend to want to go into meditative states of relaxation to attune my senses more to the hidden occult energies. Sure has taken precedence lately that makes me feel like I'm getting little done like I used to before retiring.

Was just watching a video on Machiavellie's Law of Positioning to incorporate into my magick for the best timing and placement to achieve my ends. I certainly got fucked in this incarnation when it comes to meshing well with society. It does have it's advantages to perceive reality more clearly when others just follow the delusional herd mentality but I still wish I was more like them. The ecstasy I constantly feel now seems to be helping because as a hypersensitive I don't pay too much attention to all the subtle things constantly bombarding my senses that use to be overwhelming.

I can totally see the inebriated bar crowds wanting to get into fights especially over sports and do remember those who hang in groups usually starting shit. On social media it seems to be about people's pride more than anything. Just doing a bunch of shit talking back and forth seems senseless to me but know it has to work itself out to end. I look towards results more than the blustering-debating good shit talking bad. As I've mentioned before you have an affable demeanor which is great I certainly don't as I just perceive too much being hypersensitive and can usually just barely tolerate people let alone like them. That doesn't go over too well with those with august egos that need to save face.

Your wife's antics seem to lighten the mood.

Keep up with the workouts, you got this!

Thanks for the encouragement.

I think with the routine you set up it'll benefit your health whatever age you reach. I know people in their 80s now still at it, walking and active with seemingly very few issues.

I stopped going to the pubs around 20 years ago, for the reasons I mentioned. A quiet night planned, turning into a free for all.

Dee, she puts me off badly. I'm there feeling like Jean Claude Van Damme listening to Kickboxer soundtrack on my ear pods while stretching and she rolls up and starts walking like a chicken around me, she has her fun it keeps her happy.

I might have a beer once in a great while for the taste but don't drink alcohol anymore like I did in my youth not liking the heartburn and hangovers seems worth the inebriation. Same goes for cannabis preferring clarity. Now caffeine is my drug of choice enjoying some black coffee brew every morning.

I got a playlist with movie themed soundtracks too like Hotei in Kill Bill, Mortal Kombat and the Terminator to workout to.

Its good to see you are sticking it out on this site and not letting all the drama whores drive you off.

Very powerful song, I love it! Adding to my playlist for when I'm writing

Thanks yeah I like dark ambience lets your imagination fill in the gaps.

I supplement a lot of my meals with protein drinks. I'm working through a tub of whey at the minute I can't remember the brand. I'm not that choosy. I just pick up whatever is in the wholesalers every few months. I do enjoy it, it rests easily in my stomach as opposed to a lot of solids, I always have an evening meal because Dee - wife, insists, but through the day no, I like liquids.

For years, solid food has been making me feel nauseous, but things like whey powder I'm fine with. Even a sandwich can cause massive bloating now. It is what it is.

Yes, it might have a medical issue, I'm not having it checked, I'm fine with things. I don't need anyone poking around in me.

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The covens are quiet, no doubt. Not much to add to that really.

I feel the marks are special regardless. They show a level of care towards a person, and that is priceless, for another person to think of another? Yeah, that always matters. I know marks get stripped, I don't think it matters too much - apart from adding a little gossip to the forum for a couple of days - because the thought that was once there remains, in my opinion at least.

I doubt the covens will ever spring back to life. It must have been fabulous in its day with coven activities and sharing them with friends. I have been told about those times, by people here back then, something I sadly missed.

I remember you telling me, that you did the prison coven and sired out! I know some people may say this is 'just a website' yet it still must have felt good hitting that 100, siring, and getting out of that jail coven.

Hell, I'd go prison coven just so I felt someone locked me up lol. I was on a website about three years ago where they had a 'jail' and I got stuck in it probably undeservedly, but it was fun, and in it I lost all access to the rest of the website. When I logged in all there was, was the jail page, but people, other members could visit you 'in jail' and leave comments for you and 'chat to you' and it was hilarious, I loved it lol. So funny. Bunch of piss-taking bastards they were pmsl, I had more fun in jail than when they let me out!

I strive to get the most bang for my buck as there are lots of brands that spend more on additives and marketing to turn a profit at the expense of a consumer's ignorance. I prefer getting brands tested and approved through official certifying channels plus how much something is absorbed in the body is important versus just pissing it away which is why I use certain herbal supplements as well.

I'm not a big fan of the health care "industry" as they seem to have done more harm than good to me and seem to want you to be financially dependent on them like many things in this world that profit over time. I strive to maintain health so I don't need them though the medicare insurance sure do like taking money from me every month.

On this and Neowise2020 profile I actually got into coven I wanted to when inducted but had a falling out over the treatment of a certain member that was excommunicated so ended up in prison covens. Though I stood by their side when others didn't they ended up betraying me anyhow. Oh well I do care just not enough to let their bullshit effect me too much. Yeah the site and the societies' were more active in the past but I think there are many factors to that on top of the novelty the vampire community had at the time that has declined. I just intend to do my own thing and since it will be predicated on occult matters that are hidden to most I don't need t be concerned with the drama others create on an exoteric level.

Some have established themselves on this site and try to manipulate members and the environment according to their bullshit. Sucks that my time and resources are wasted by such but I'm here for my own reasons not theirs so just tolerate it. Hopefully they'll stay the fuck away from my referrals in the future.

I do give the supplement labels a quick scan, but I don't have a lot of faith in them being that accurate, so I just buy from reputable stores for what that is worth these days.

When a barely branded protein shake is good for my stomach and an expensive steak isn't, I don't pay much attention to labels anymore.

I had salad for dinner today, and it still fucked my guts up. One day Dee will take the hint. I do manage to wrangle what I call 'free evenings' where I don't have to eat dinner, a couple of times a week, it helps settle my stomach, until the next meal. I don't like eating. I don't mind snacks. I ask for a light dinner and I get pie, chips and peas! Like WTF? I've been with her so long and this? She is unrelenting.

She's doing the salads now, anyway, at least, for the weather, but still ...!

Re: jail time — I had a similar issue on a site I was on few years back. A fella I'd got to know was thinking of leaving. He had a few mental health issues and I spent three days convincing him to stay, and helped him with his problems. He stayed and a few weeks later I got in a fight with the site's admin and the guy I helped dumped me right in it, sided with the admin and burned me. I forgave him, but I never felt quite the same about him. It was a shame, yet he had no regrets. It all went over his head, like it didn't matter. I lost touch with him a while back.

I can see the manipulation on this site. I just roll with it, in the way I roll with Dee, belting me around the house when she's in the mood, let them have at it, we all have our thing.

I was on a local femdom site a while back, and my thing is to wind the girls up. One night, I was offered a VIP pass to the club over the hill from me, not far, a few miles away, and I was all set to go until one girl from there got in touch and told me not to go because some of the girls had planned to beat the absolute living shit out of me.

I didn't go. I have a friend called 'Hunger' and he went and got well and truly fucked, I saw the photos, sure he liked it and passed the photos around, but fuck me they did a right number on him. One of the girls took the pictures while the others fucked him in all kinds of ways and his facial expressions in the photos are still making me laugh thinking about it while typing this.

I think you do a real good job of looking after yourself Tree. You set a high standard, no bad thing.

If solid meals are hard to digest that certainly sounds like a problem to me. Have you tried extra virgin olive oil for gut health? A couple tbsp. before breakfast is my practice for good digestion. I eat a salad before a high protein dinner. Been skipping out on the dressing lately to keep the carbs down but use cottage cheese on it that helps give it flavor. I miss eating steak which I don't have because I just have a microwave to cook with. Was thinking about getting some and having a cookout in the woods with my girlfriend sometime this summer though.

Yeah like your friend I'd probably go to an outing like that for some entertainment. Not like I like getting beaten up nor think I'd be hitting back unless it was taken too far. People tend to give me wide berth though so it's been a long time since I've been in a fight. Someone did try to rob me a few years ago when I lived in a ghetto but they weren't serious and when it came to actually following through they chickened out. Good thing too because the last fight I was in the person didn't survive. I don't really fear death but see it more as a mercy. I just don't like to suffer.

Yeah I guess I have some standards but I don't exactly live high on the hog. Just try to appreciate the little I do have that I think makes me wealthy compared to others that have much in life but take advantage of it.

I think regarding my diet, there's some issues, but I prefer less solids either way so it doesn't affect me too much. It may be silly of me, but I think people would find it hard to digest a brick, so my issues with digesting things, I don't bother too much about. I feel heathy enough. I eat what I can.

I understand about the non survivor.

I've had a few issues too. I have a few tales but they'd sound stupid even to me reading them back if I typed them on the internet.

The femdom girls, no, they're a bit too nasty for my taste, the guy I mentioned took something the size of my forearm up his butt and that is not my scene at all. Gimme a pair of boots to lick with a pair of nice legs inside but I ain't taking a lamppost up my ass for anybody.

There's femdom and then there's "Oh my fucking hell leave me alone!!!!" I can't even remember half their names now so if I do resume contact I can wind them up even more. It's difficult because their domme names were all really long and unpronounceable, I couldn't pronounce that shit even without a gag in.

Hell no, that's taking things too far to me if one were to force me to do something against my will like put something up my ass I would have no problem hunting them down and torturing them until they begged me for death. It's already bad enough I got to tolerate what I do in life.

To quickly wrap up this unsavoury subject I landed us in he was a willing participant. The scene members were/ are well known to each other but the fella I mentioned, Hunger, an extreme type, enjoyed some really ridiculous things.

I just didn't fancy get my ass kicked. One of the girls/ women - I'd turned baiting her into a hobby online because we used to meet up once a month or so, there was respect, but well, I had a lot of fun winding her, and she enjoyed storing up her piss to unleash, not literally but then again, we wont go there.

If ever a line need drawn under something. This. Lol.


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I've been using an app called Yuka to scan products at the grocery store to help me choose something with the least amount of hazardous additives.

That sounds cool. Do you get a lot red and orange colors designating the bad stuff? I certainly see a lot of enshitified products where I shop. Been thinking about branching out to others with better quality but you get what you pay for so better products tend to cost more.

We're all behind the mask.

I believe the understanding lies in knowing that the mask is inevitable and needs awareness in not expecting to find what's beneath it, but in understanding why it's there and when to support the need for that mask. I can understand why people have the urge to see underneath, to rip the mask from others, yet I've never felt that way myself.

I've seen the masks people wear in the Vampire Rave. I often know what is behind them, yet I have the knowledge, experience and above all, compassion, to not lift that mask away.

I see the vampire — who isn't.

I see the hard — who isn't.

I see the soft — who isn't.

It's all to be seen and when it is seen, it needs compassion, rarely confrontation or rupture.

I have no time for conflict when it can be avoided and when there is peace, why not have peace?

When a fire has gone out, why rekindle? Usually the people who start fires are always willing to start more, so why encourage?

Take the peace. It benefits the Vampire Rave you clearly care about.

No I disagree. I strive to deal with reality. I understand well there are different people in the world at different stages of maturity but this site is for the real vampire as well as those interested in gothic literature. It's full of people wearing masks pretending to be something they are not then when the genuine ones are there that may actually be not as appealing the ones wearing beautifully crafted masks that "love bomb" them until it no longer works then the facade slips and they reveal themselves. Then they start again with a new profile armed with a new facade they learn about active empaths on this site-rinse and repeat in a never ending cycle until they die. Not what I'm looking for though I may use them as a point of reference for a time for others to perceive and recognize what I mean. You truly have to exercise psychic senses to navigate this site to determine who is who. With as much real vampires that write openly about themselves you can't just take the wording at face value but need to perceive reality on a deeper level. More and more I drift into that world than the false one hypocrites use to take advantage of people. Experience is the best teacher and there's plenty on this site to teach others about and let them experience it for themselves.

Because peace is temporary in reality until you get to the next interval in nature like when a scale is employed and oscillates for a time before finding balance. Like the difference between night and day. Yeah enjoy peace while you can to recuperate but then jump back into adversity. I tend to the dark side of the force where the sith mantra peace is a lie is more real than the jedi one.

I definitely see narcissistic real vampire's on this site that take advantage of people. Hey not for me to rip their mask off which they will do whatever they can to maintain but only expose them to others looking for the deeper reality I'm responsible for. People want to ignore me then do so at their own risk. I know what I have in my life and deal with the consequences of and don't need the bullshit.

I believe you have a solid foundation for dealing with reality based on our conversations and the journals you write in, and I'm not quite sure my own basis in reality is quite as firm, as my reality fluctuates dramatically to a point where often I'm not even sure who I am.

Am I a person who enjoys the light and all that is in it?

Or am I the person who lives in the dark and enjoys all that is in it?

I have never found that answer.

I'm neither nor both.

I'm either one or the other, yet neither can live in-between indefinitely.

This is one of the reasons why I enjoy this website. These things can be pondered as your words here help me to think, to realize, to wonder to a greater depth than perhaps if I were doing something else with my time online.

I understand the people with the loudest bells and the shiniest garbs and I see we all have our own feathers. Some are thick, strong and dulled with use and time, and others preen their feathers to shine so bright, yet I understand the brightest colors often need the most care, where the dulled can often live in less a pained world.

I support.

I don't care for anything else.

When we talk of who is who? In this website, many people do not know who they are themselves, often myself. There's no knowing who is really who. It's an evolving and changing concept of feelings, emotions and pain manifested in journals hour by hour and day upon day. There is only care as a tool to be used. I don't look for who is who, only who is 'what' - what to me is all important, and I act on that.

For me, there is no deeper reality than how a person feels at the given moment, and how I respond until something feels better than it did for them before.

I don't care for conflict, I don't, I feel, feel, I don't care if I've been attacked, I don't if I've been insulted, nothing matters, only care, depth, and things that were never given words.

I can never explain, something that holds the power of life, compassion, connection, empathy, love, deep needful care.

I don't want anything else. I don't need anything else. Not conflict. Not over words on the internet.

As long as you're not seeking validation in others like myself then I can agree with many of those statements. Too many on this site looking for that in my opinion and there are those that just give it to them like a heroin dealer giving an addict their fix. Just got back from my morning hike and am drinking my pre-breakfast concoction - yuck *shivers*. Anyway, I know I have my issues especially recuperating from the shit my family put me through in my childhood that forms the foundation of one's personality. I have focused on using occult power to deal with it. It's a different world seeing reality through the Darkside. I don't mean to use a dichotomy of day vs night which is unnatural taken as a whole but that the hidden realm of the occult it best understood as the night and how the things like the light from the astral forms of stars and moon are better contrasted in darkness when in the day are not.

You don't want conflict??! That doesn't make sense to me. You will constantly have it no matter how much you try to avoid it and hide it by editing things as you like to see otherwise. Best to just develop patience to endure it and change it where you can then move to another challenge in my opinion.

I'm not getting into an internet spat over 'conflict' or anything else if I can avoid it Tree.

To quote you:

'You will constantly have it, no matter how much you try to avoid it and hide it by editing things as you like to see otherwise.'

I have explained to you exactly what I edited out of my journals and why, twice, and I feel your quote misrepresents what I told you.

I'm not going to discuss this with you further, Tree.

So you express but until that attitude changes I won't be commenting on your journal blowing smoke up the public's asses like others when they do. I only knowingly edited my journal twice and once was at the behest of an admin though I regretted it as what they asked really didn't seem wrong to me because the member had their name openly on profile so had to write the comments were edited and deal with the consequences of it. Hey another's journal isn't under my management so can only just not comment there if I can't be honest without being concerned with censorship because it's owner can't handle it. There's a good reason some journals are more popular than others often at the expense of integrity much like some journalistic media create content with a bias. People want only the honey that is more attractive to flies than the vinegar that makes them feel good. I'll deal with the negativity and an create my own readership who care about truth more than misdirection. It's very hard to get a narcissist to take responsibility for something and get an honest apology from them as they'll just keep deflecting.

You want an apology because I removed a vomiting emoji from a Twilight journal?

Tree, friendships are vital to me and I treat them with great care. They are valuable, and I have always treated you with respect, but you seem to be systemically competing in everything I do, from taking over the Odin coven to being marked to taking a house admin position to trying to make peace with a man who has recently been seriously ill, and now you are commenting on my journal readership and I believe if I read right you called me a narcissist in that last post too?

Tree, none of this matters to me. If and when you are ready, be my friend, forget it all. I said the same thing to Tabby, it's up to you.

I do understand you. I understand why you are this way. I can't change that, I can't change you. I'd rather forget and start over, fucking hell Tree, there's so much goodness in life, it's fucking awesome. Come on, have some niceness with me, forget all this shit.

Get that fucking vampire vibe going and be a fucking god!!!!!! There no time for this bickering shit man what's wring with you?

I care about you man, fuck this shit be my friend. Rise man, this is beneath you!

Me and Myrnda are done. I'm cutting this shit out too.

No more posts from me bud.

Yeah I expected that and though you have lots of energy on this site with charming attributes it actually isn't good because it stems from a narcissistic personality disorder and any relationship you forge especially with empaths will fail eventually. But then you can convince others it wasn't you to maintain your mask move on rinse and repeat to some new victims. Actually go and look at the narcissist personality disorder definition yourself I provided link to Wikipedia in journal entry above and see how much you line up with it.

Yeah I am a vampire but I don't think you actually do know what that means. Yeah we get some occult powers but that's only to deal with more challenges we face when awakened to that aspect of reality not like you framed it to become gods having power over others. Friendships and love are different for vampires from my vantage and kind of lose their meaning than what the mundanes think about it. Things need to be redefined to the awakened like entering another class in competition otherwise it would create abuse which many actually do exploit. We can have relationships with others they are just different because we can perceive hidden depths in one another it moves things into another dynamic.

No I wanted an honest apology from a person that took responsibility for something. When a person can't do that then its best to move on and build some type of relationship that would be healthier. I'm not desperate or lonely to hang on to something that's damaging to me for lack of something better. I think it's also best to set a good example for others to follow that perceive what I do. Any relationship takes work and won't be easy if it is meaningful. I know I still have issues I need to work on and am taking steps to change with magick.

I didn't know you spoke for another. I guess I'll find that out for myself outside this site.

Tree, you took everything we shared, all of that care and mutual respect and support, all of the things that you told me you respected about me, built up over three months — three months — 100s of pms, 10000s of words — and reduced all of that into what you now tell me you think of me?

Where did all of this come from?

One week ago, were you treating me with the greatest respect?

Did you feel all of the things you wrote about me in this character assignation back then?

Were you hiding how you really felt towards me?



I really can't get into your entire paragraph on vampires, the occult and all that. I don't see the point.



You talk of damaging relationships, yet I've weathered every time you fell out with me over things that weren't your business. Odin was none of your business. You made it so. I weathered it.


To quote you:

"I didn't know you spoke for another. I guess I'll find that out for myself outside this site."


Why would you threaten me in this way?

I just don't understand you Tree, I mean why? All this shit?

I do understand from the things you've said now that our friendship is over.

What the fuck??! As long as I'm within the Terms of Service I can openly share my opinions on this site. There's many aspects I don't agree with and reserve the right to share my opinion. Yeah I get the fact that I'm hypersensitive and can also express myself in a way that seems more than others and when it's negative it cuts deeper. But I deal with the consequences of it as a relatively steady presence on this site. I learn about people over time by how they handle different situations. No one's perfect and has their own issues and we have to determine who is a good fit with our own issues. That's really not something I can determine right away. Also some relationships have a shelf life as death and decay are just part of nature in different forms and not as some "sell" and would have you believe something to be overcome. I strive to have long meaningful ones but when I can't because of time limitations it helps me make the best of time rather than taking advantage of it.

Yeah I'm not a fan of trading profiles to others especially when they hold admin positions in societies' as it corrupts the system especially to newbies that don't know and assume things at first observation about real vampires. I expressed such to you as a new member. I do intend to create my own society on this site someday and manage it accordingly based on my own personal referrals. Even now I'm working on creating a mentorship for referrals I get from online banners and links. It does take me some time because I need the unseen occult realm to line up with things otherwise it would be meaningless to me losing the "spirit" of what one is to me as a real vampire. Just doing things like others on this site to fit in or to be seen is not my way. I have to pass my own scrutiny and that of my occult sources or suffer the consequences and I'm pretty hard on myself and don't want that especially when the responsibility as an occultist is exponential compared to the mundane.

Weathering adversity is a natural part of any relationship and was my point about editing what you see on your journal. Erasing it is not weathering it just like continually deflecting on this ongoing comment part of my journal is not being responsible you are just carefully striving to maintain your mask in a public journal. Oh you will have supporters that will be there for you to give you what you want like yes men many surround themselves with that give the validation narcissists need. Its a literal clusterfuck on this site how many empaths do that to bolster egos that are rewarded for it by attention they are desperate to receive. Kind of like pets and "littles" in the BDSM community. I understand that many deal with childhood trauma and is a healthy way to integrate that darkness in them rather than repeating it to other minors but on this site open to such it doesn't really belong to me and should be taken to an adult site and correctly expressed there. Now there's plenty here that are gray areas in that regard that are just barely adults because of differing stages of mental illness. But if you are mature and interact with members their issues will become evident sooner or later. I don't separate myself in that regard but think I'm sane enough to pass as a mature adult where others are borderline minorities and should be treated accordingly.

Why do you feel me confirming what you say when speak for anther as a threat? To me I'd be negligent to that person to just assume that especially if I knew them personally outside the site apart from you.

I still hold to the fact that as a vampire I can't have friends as the mundanes define the word and think I'd be exploiting those relationships as a vampire perceiving what I do. I like and respect different aspects of different people in different ways and amounts but that doesn't make them friends or enemies. Vampires can develop in different ways and have strengths and weaknesses relationships with other kindred make a good fit for especially for energy manipulation. But they too can have a shelf life when we change throughout life in different ways.

Who do you think I am speaking on behalf of?

I'll stand corrected if you remind at what point I said or confirmed that I was speaking of behalf of someone else?

I'm sorry. You meant you were done with a relationship. I thought you were speaking for her being done with me in tandem with yourself. I still need to confer with people personally on any subject to get my version of what's going on rather than hearsay from others. Not to discredit another just like to know from my own sense how true things are.

It's ok, I'm sorry too.

I know I've made mistakes, I may have done things a little differently now than how I did them a few days ago.

The vomiting emoji I really needed to delete, it was annoying me.

The couple of posts I deleted of yours? Honestly Tree I just wanted to tidy up my replies, on that particular post.

Why that one and not others?

It was a 'live' post fresh in my mind based on recent events in my life and I'd come back and reread it, I read my own stuff often.

I'm sorry Tree, for my part in the shit.

We can both demonstrate just how sorry we are and respect we have for each other by our actions hence forth.

I too sometimes go back and reread old journal posts in reflection that shows how much you change over time. Not every new moon but usually once a year and I got plenty of records of members sharing their opinions. Especially those that create provocatively named new free profiles to hide themselves. That tells me a lot about their character. If they really want me to take them seriously then they need to come on their leveled up profiles. Then their actions reflect on the work they put into leveling that profile unless of course they just trade profiles with others and mark them "under new ownership" which is another thing I don't care for on this site which is kind of like people just taking shortcuts to get what they want. I wish sometimes I would have responded differently as hindsight is 20/20 but figure that I can only change how I respond in any future situation.

I see you've debuted in Bandcamp. They are part of my local economy here in the Bay Area of California though the original creators sold it to Epic Games that sold it to Songtradr corporation. I started using them when Google Play Music went tits up and consolidated to You Tube Music that took my music collection I had in the cloud with them. Another aspect of "the nothing" from NeverEnding Story monster that eats things. I thought Google name brand was a safe bet that would be around for life. Now they went and left the state because of the tax breaks they get elsewhere for the rich. Wonder why California has such problems now take a good look at corporations like that that took their wealth and jobs elsewhere instead of working out some deal with their local government and communities. Been my experience that the grass always grows greener over the septic tank. *SMH* Anyway, I like Bandcamp as it holds the majority of my music collection though some you can't get there so I outsource only when I can't. Seems very important to me to support an artist like moral of fairy tale about the piper. I wish I was musically talented to perform like my favorite artists but that's just not so. I'm not one to use AI like many to create material that's flooding the markets now though I do use Deviant Art platform based out of LA for many graphics that AI contributes many for; But personally prefer my own work and photography over them though it takes a seeming eternity to complete in comparison. I try to integrate everything as AI is a great tool but shouldn't replace talent artists work their lives to perfect especially when the AI agents are trained by such. We have such a powerful tool that can help micromanage so many problems in society yet mostly is used for corporate greed to replace the workforce.

I'm not on Bandcamp anymore. I got booted out for using too much A.I in my song I posted up there.

I figured sampling plus original lyrics was good enough but no, got booted.

I'm on Soundcloud now.

I did notice the song disappeared after ordering a new album. I've tried soundcloud in the past and didn't like it.

I'm just buggering about with it to be honest, for fun.

Writing lyrics, plus a couple instruments a bit of singing, I enjoy it, not really something I want to try and make money on, although I'm enjoying A.I. - I've got some decent software that does a fine job of sampling.

I think it's very cool putting a song together, very cool.

Having fun is really the most important thing provided you're not hurting others without their consent while doing it.

I wonder how things will be on Q day. When Quantum computers will completely render the encryption of normal computers obsolete.

"I don't have power over them. Well actually I do as a vampire through the occult "hidden forces"

I'm surprised at you for saying this, Tree. I really don't have much else to say about it.

I'll leave you in peace now.

I hope you can do the same for me.

Okay. Feel free to express yourself on my journal. I don't need to control the narrative of what I see but rather respect others opinions even if I don't agree with them as that is just mature.

I deleted two of your comments from one journal entry — both were about me live editing my journal entry and how it lost you the reply you were adding. All of your other comments are still in my journals.

You know which comments I deleted from my Journals and why. They were awful. One called me a predator and the other was an emoji vomiting. I don't want to re-read those each time I read my own journals. I try to be nice to people even if I don't like the replies they add to my journals, but I do have feelings.

Yeah I see while other ones mentioning edited comments remain. So you don't want to see that and either develop the patience to endure adversity or use what you feel to learn from the experience to help you not repeat it. Your prerogative dude. I'll still read your journal just won't comment unless that attitude changes.

I'm sorry this is where we are.

I'll still comment your posts as a sign of respect. I understand your reasons why it wont be reciprocated.

It's cool dude. I don't want to put a damper on your energy on this site as it's greatly needed and appreciated.

I care about you.

Hopefully, we will keep moving forward.

20 years ago or thereabouts, I watched Underworld, the first movie at home, on a Saturday afternoon with a couple of male friends before we headed into our nearby city where a club we were members of, a vampire-themed club had its monthly, I don't know what you'd call it, dance party, S&M dungeon, swingers club, had a bit of everything and watching the film before we went in, enhanced the mood of the event in some ways for us. It made things feel even more subversive and added another level to our nights.

Quite a few of my friends loved the lore of the film, at the time, the style, and got really into the look, the leather, the latex and, yeah, it was a lot of fun.

My wife's sister was heavily into her latex, although in bizarre colors that were a bit grating on the eye. Think fluorescent yellows and pink.

I had such a good time, even back then I was writing blogs, my friends were too and enjoyed typing up the activities of the nights the following Sundays. Not quite suitable to repost here though. Sex and dungeons may not so good here.

It's not something I do anymore, that kind of club life, but I do always have a soft spot for those early Underworld films by association.

Never too late to get back into all that, the clubs are still running, but I lost the excitement of going and never was able to relight it.

The memories are nice yet kind of painful due to the loss of the spark to continue going if that makes sense.

I guess we all change over time, even if we don't want to.

Yeah there's quite a few gothic and BDSM clubs around here too though with the economy the way it is now they don't have the same number they used to. There are certainly those with fetishes about vampires but being a real one doesn't necessarily mean you are a part of that scene. It's more an element of utilizing occultism that may include one's sexuality but isn't needed. Visiting the club scene with people that are more into the sex doesn't really appeal to me. Plus I don't actually drink alcohol and very rarely consume cannabis which most do in those places. Its actually those looking for an alternative spirituality that "mainstream" religions just can't cover that I strive to network with.

The times were so good I wish you could get inside my brain and see my memories visually — It's so hard to describe really, just, I got nothing. I have all the visuals in my head, the times, places I can't get them to you in words.

Icy blue clarity, locked inside me, seeping out through words on screen.

Vampire culture, we had the clubs, the memberships, we had all the shit you'd see in a Blade film and ten levels below they'd never stick in film. Nothing illegal — it always seems a disclaimer is needed on this website.

Well this site is open to 13+ teens so have to consider what you express. Though I don't think too many teenagers come to it. From what I sense its just your average people that range from eccentric to crazy. Most have their issues after dealing with what life threw at them just some are better at hiding it than others.

After Vampire Freaks closed it's social network aspect this is the only one that I've found on the internet specifically for the vampire community. Other sites and organizations deal with their own blend of it not the whole community itself or other social networks that use groups to differentiate subculture communities. But when I reach out with my psychic senses there are very few actual vampires on the site especially in the higher places where you'd think they'd be. This kind of threw me for a loop but just determined it is like a wilderness preserve created and managed by people interested in it. If there is any exploitation of us well that is easy for us to deal with who have occult power. I've determined this site is for those without the resources to create their own organization weather it's a tech savy or wealth and charisma. Unfortunately we have to deal with a lot of posers seeking attention. But if you have and exercise those psychic senses you can find the hidden reality.

There's plenty of 'crazy' on this site, but aren't we all in some way? Most of the people I know in real life I'd happily label batshit, including myself. I can't think of a single sane person I know. Perhaps that is the standard. Works for me.

VR certainly has its attractiveness. I love it. I'm a member of other places that I get bored with for everyone typing the same shit.

I got invites where you feel you have to join so you don't upset someone you know.

A bit like the covens here, not much going on in them but a slight obligation to contribute to them now and again.

Some places have less than 20 members, most of whom meet 'in real life' a few times a month and then go blog about it that evening. I do. Did. Sometimes still do. Just bored a bit really.

There's only so many times you can write it was great to meet such and such on the weekend when there's a 500 post thread about the same thing.

Yeah there is plenty of crazy on this site and the world as a whole but its the uppity ones that are the biggest problems that abuse their authority over others. I am now moving into this realm of authority as a mentor and vampire lord. In the past I was constantly overwhelmed as a hypersensitive so it caused problems and couldn't function well in leadership roles. This has changed and because I constantly burn in ecstasy all over my body because of that sublime presence from my nature spirit companion I can now respond better and more quickly.

I have been in many mentorships and societies on this site over the years and wasn't happy with any of them. Even ones that were led by kindred seemed to spread themselves too thin. I conversely intend to concentrate first to those I'm responsible for in mentorship then society when I create one. Should take care of other aspects of the site as inspiring activity takes care of favor points for societies and advertising for the website as a whole. That keeps the engine running for good performance.

One of the biggest obstacles for me is I need psychic confirmation from occult sources before I move on things. I've been wanting to do things for a long time now and didn't have the go ahead from them and had to suffer humiliation until then. That has been changing and my vampyre magick can start manifesting. Exclusivity and arcane esoteric circles when it comes to energy manipulation in vampyre communities I think can be quite rerwarding if they are managed well. I prefer powerful deep small circles. Not big ones for those august egos out there. K.I.S.S.- keep it simple stupid. ;)

You've got a lot going on and you often give me ideas of things I can do to enhance the time I spend here too.

I need to start levelling N0MAD.

I don't think I got much going on at all relative to others but I do know that's in the eye of the beholder. I do appreciate your participation in journals with comments.

I like to leave you a comment just as a hello, mainly when I'm passing by, even if I don't have much to say sometimes. Kind of like an IRL wave that makes sense.

Sure it makes sense to me when I pass by people IRL I almost always look them in the eyes and at the very least greet them unless they ignore me being in their own world which is usually in their phones. Every once in a great while I'll sense a bit more and act accordingly. I often get asked for directions. I wonder why that is...