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I am currently at a computer cafe'. I can't log into my accounts at home. So in the mean time, I'm trying to figure out how to fix the problem. If you're a friend of mine on Face Book then please look at my wall. I may need a little help because I will admit, I don't have much computer smarts.
In other news, if anyone needs to contact me, they can do so by messaging my ACM, Enanti. She'll pass any messages on to me.
I really hope that I can get things fixed soon. Not having my addiction kills. :P
It's not so bad, just annoying.
I do thank god for that FB/VR group for helping me a bit.
It's not exactly fun to get asked what you think something is. To have this feeling that someone wants to know what you think and it means the life to them and yet, you can't give a decent reply. It's sad. So if that's life then I must be one dead fucker. Fuck that shit, fuck it all. I love the dark screens and the death but then when that's pushed in my face, it doesn't do me any good.
I'm alone. Not really alone, I have two people to love but it's not the same as someone there to embrace you and whatnot.
Yeah, my journal is full of whining bullshit but it's my place to do it and no one has to care or comment.
I don't mean that I want some random to love me. In fact that's what I don't want. Another idiot to make me wonder why my genration is so corrupt. If I wanted just anyone I could have gotten it hands down, but I don't. It's not the same.
So yeah, I can deal with something being cute or people saying how much they love their other, but I don't want to be asked about anything because I'm dead. Howl, lone wolf and all that.
One more day (In time) and I'll reach 100 days, woah. Lol Give me about 3 more years and I'll make it a year spent here. jk
Anyway, I figure that I'm going to sleep well on Monday so I should be able to stay up all night this time. Maybe try to hit 90 again on my other profile. Yeah I was knocked off but I'm lazy and didn't bother to get it up again. xP
Ah, today I keep having the thought that I feel as if I'm missing something but I don't know what it is. :o
I can't get my time spent up for nothing.. It's all pages viewed. I know you get it up by spending time on the site but when I'm on for 7 hours straight and the time spent barely moves it gets kind of ridiculous.
"it" But lmfao that made me laugh. XD I'm not in heat. >:(
01:34 Apr 21 2011 Times Read: 644
I just can't help but have bad thoughts.
" Get yourself a job and get it fixed yourself."
For a minute, I was going to cry. But I can't bring myself to. I'm just not good at it. I want to go outside and enjoy the weather. She wants me to go out for her. She can go fuck herself. Use my sister as her slave for once. I'm going to hide in my room.
So I just got back from the store and as I'm walking I feel something weird and hard in my mouth. I spit it into my hand and swish my tongue over the tooth that had broke years ago. FML. :( It's broken again. I swear I'd put a damn paper bag over my head. X_X I'm nothing without my smile. It's the 2nd grade all over again. :/ Plus I have no insurance. Fuck..
It's been like.. 12 years or something. Well, maybe about 11 years. Since my sister was alive back then. I don't have insurance because I don't have a job. -_- It sucks big time. Heh, all because a friend of mine a long time ago was jealous of me and tripped me. So my face plant chipped my tooth. And people wonder why I don't trust many these days. I've been fucked over enough. haha
17:38 Apr 19 2011 Times Read: 677
Your problem is that I'm not stupid. You mad? Lol
On another note, If anyone spams me with Easter crap, they'll be getting a "Happy Passover" reply. xD Ha, this is a fucking vampire site, how many people are going to be mega religious here?
Hmm, I see what happened. Oh well, can't blame him. Really people take others seriously. I just need to stand down for now. No matter what. Be strong damnit. haha
Stop sleeping damn me! On other news, Summer better get it's butt here faster, and the rain outside is nuts. o_O I wannt a hot sunny day filled with awesome looking.. people. Lol At the beach. ;)
My last words are for you to take a step back and look in the mirror. I know who I am but you went behind my back and started asking questions about me. Now who was being mean? I don't handle CAPS OR E-screaming well. I turn cold hearted.
VampireRave wouldn't be the same without you here.
00:22 Apr 11 2011 Times Read: 782
You ran away instead of talking. :/ You know that I'm online. I want to get back to you but now everything is diffrent huh? Sorry. But you can't hide what I saw. Heh, fml, I'mma be by myself! Toxic music time.
If this is geared towards me, I was taking a dump, and then changed my cloths from the game.. not in any weird order lol
p.p
20:55 Apr 10 2011 Times Read: 793
She annoys me so much. Is no one good enough? Oh well, I'm happy and I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm old. I don't wanna play games and I'm not normal compared to my generation. Overprotective but yet I know that you love me.
A bird has to learn how to fly by taking a jump. Let me try to fly. Hey, you've made your fair share of mistakes in life, I'm just getting started and so far, I've been one hell of an innocent girl. -Repeats-Man, I'm old. You're one good parent though.
I can't help but worry sometimes still. You always bounce back.
But other than that I've been good. I feel healthy and it'll get better.
It's funny though, how in one day I gained back a years worth of charm. The popular Rose. She's back and I still can't let go of my second home. Nor do I want to. VR is my resting place.
It was so weird to bump into someone then. Plus all the others who still have to talk to me eventhough I have better people to talk to. ;)
I thought I'd write something big about today but I don't think it'd all fit here well. Today is the day that I get my one year mark. In such a short time I've hit sire, great sire and opened up a mentorship along with a coven.
So far, everything has been doing pretty well too. I came here not knowing a thing about computers. A horrid blank profile that had gotten sent to Purg. Then I re-sarted as TAR and did better than what some have done. I couldn't have done it without my friends.
Heh, not to mention the person who rated me the day after. :P I really couldn't have done it all without the people I call close friends on here. Can't stress that ehough. haha
What is happiness and what is hope? To be so happy that I can sleep again. To think of things that I never thought I'd be able to do. Yeah, there might be some set backs. I can't ditch the bad things that hold me back but I can dream.
I've found my inspiration again. I feel like making art. :3
I like setting goals. There is one goal that I need. "I need to take care of myself." So damn bad. But how to keep that up? It's no easy task. I care about others more than myself.
If I could take care of my bad habbits and crap then I'd feel like a much better person. At peace with my ways.
First and foremost,one must like their self .If you dont? well,you wont take care of yourself.Without a healthy/content/confident YOU,you cannot be of any help to others.It is also important to keep in mind that one cannot hope to manipulate their world if yourheart, mind and body are in turmoil.
"First and foremost,one must like their self .If you dont?"
I do. I tatally do but what if I don't feel good enough? o_o Maybe I'm just silly.
"well,you wont take care of yourself.Without a healthy/content/confident YOU,you cannot be of any help to others."
I guess I do take care of myself but to a point. I have those unhealthy habbits, like staying up for days when I'm stressed. Although I have been getting some sleep. As for others, I help alot. I give up alot and that's what gets me down. I'm so young, yet so old.
"It is also important to keep in mind that one cannot hope to manipulate their world if yourheart, mind and body are in turmoil."
Heh, my heart's been in turmoil for too long. And not relationship wise, but family a small amount of friendships. My mind is always on VR these days and my body. That's what I need to fix in order to try and fix the first two. But how can I do any of it when I feel trapped? I need to get over stuff and do the things that I want to do. Someone is abusive in controling my life. Can I say that? I don't like the word abusive. Yet anything that ever goes wrong is my fault. I don't even want to blame them. I blame myself at this point. But see, it all comes back to blaming myself and it's not been healthy for me. :/
I must say though, someone always says, "VR's taken you away from me." Could that mean that this place through it's strange addiction has helped me a small step at a time in order to grow up? Maybe.
VR is good thing,but like anything,in moderation.Sitting on computer all day,and not getting any sleep will,plain and simply,make you feel like crap. Doses of ELF,
No Vitamin D from the sun,no exercise,your days filled to capacity of vr drama= bad bad bad.
Break away from the puter and get out and get yourself tired.
Going without sleep can kill,so you should address that right away.You just have to make yourself do it.
Well, eventhough it seems like I'm on here all day it's not much of the case. I'd go outside to help family and come home to be on VR instead of sleeping. xD
The VR drama holds no ground with me beause I have enough drama in life.
I started sleeping again though. Someone's really made me happy. ♥
Slowly the other things that I need to take care of will happen. But not overnight.
I may feel like shit right now and my leg hurts and heck, I almost passed out in the store yesterday but when I got that reply I was like YES! That is all. :3
Happy Birthday you two! And R.I.P. for her birthday. I should get you guys something special, like cat nip. Heh, ironic, I think I've used both of your names on VR before. :P
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