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I wish I were braver.

I Make the cowardly lion look feirce. =/

I'm only brave when I have some drinks in me.

Isn't that sad?

God!

What the fuck is with that!

I'm pathetic.

I FEEL pathetic!



Like I was at the festival that my small little town holds every summer.

And when we were first there, Whenever we would meet someone either I or my friend knew, I'd be all shy & awkward.

But then I took a drink of darryl's (my sister's boyfriend) soda (spiked with some shit) I felt more relaxed.

Even my walk was more confident. =(



Is that signs of alchoholism?

That I want to drink so I can be more brave?>

=/





Like I said...Pathetic!

Curse you!



I don't like having to force food in my mouth and down my throat.

When I say I'm not hungry, I mean it.

Why can't you understand that.





And why do you have to bother and pester me so.

I'd prefer to be alone, thank you very much!



Leave me be.

My room is my santuary.

I like it the way it is.

I like how I feel inside of it.

It's nice and dark,

So stop changing it!





STOP FUCKING WITH MY SHADES!



-Screams till my lungs hurt-

>=

I used to dream of you.

All the time, and it would always be the same one.

We'd go out on an amazing date,

And afterwards you would walk me to my door.

I wouldn't want the date to be over,

So I'd invite you inside.

We would't ever go all the way,

Because you and I weren't at that stage yet.

But we'd go to my room and lay on my bed,

You on top of me.

You'd have your leg between mine,

And mine between yours.

We'd kiss and simply listen to eachother breathe.

I'd wake up with a huge smile on my face.



Then you left me all alone.

I havn't dreamed since...

I used to think that if I begged for you to stay,

To not leave me.

That you would have stayed.



What foolish thinking!

I realized that even if I did beg you,

You still would have left.

You never returned any of my feelings for you,

And it was stupid of me to think you did.

I would sit there,

Watching you flirt with every girl BUT me.

I would always be off on the sidelines.

If only you would have given me a chance.

One little chance to prove myself.



The sad thing is,

Is that I'm still waiting for you...

I'm still hoping that you'll come back to me,

Though you were never mine.

& that little shread of hope if the thing pulling me through my miserable, lonely existence.



How sad...

How pitiful...

How PATHETIC!!

I shouldn't cry over you anymore.

It's been four years, for goodness sake.

Why am I not able to forget you.

You broke my heart,

In yet I still yearn for you.

I still wish you'd return my love.

I should not think of you.

It hurts too much to think of you.



Your the reason I'm like this.

It's all your fault.

If only you'd come back to me.

If only, If only...







If only, If only, the woodpecker sighs, The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies. The wolf waits below, hungry and lonely, and cries to the moon, If only, If only.



I'm the wolf.

Hungry for your love,

And lonely because your not here.

your not here with me.

And I don't know why.

I am not allowed to live the way I wish. I am a nocturnal being. I have been for a while. But I am not allowed to be. I am forced to sleep at night and live Throughout the day. And during these days, I am not allowed to stay in my dark room that I feel so comfortable in. My mother is always opening my shades or making me turn more lights on. That or I have to be outside where I am at exposer of getting tan. Well, that is what the shade is for, Thank goddess! I prefer the shade to the monsterous sun. I'd rather be pale than a tan barbie doll...

I like this website very much. I've been a member for only a couple hours, But I feel like I belong here. I like being able to talk to people I have things in common with. There arn't a lot of people where I live that are into the same dark things as myself.

Hopefully I can make more friends on here!



Unfortunatly, I have to go to sleep soon. I don't want to be off this website for even a second, I'm so engrossed with it. But the sun's comming up soon, and I still havn't fallen asleep. It's gonna be another day were I sleep in till 4 PM. I prefer it that way, sleeping during the day and staying up all night, Don't get me wrong on that. My parents don't like it, however! So unfortunatly, I can't do as I wish....

I'll definatly be on again tomorrow, though!

So goodnight to everyone. For the people who I've met so far, or for the people who have rated me so kindly, Thank you! hopefully talk to you all tomorrow!