08:17 Jan 17 2010
Times Read: 913
I tried, lord knows I tried! And you all saw it too.
I spent hours at a funeral home today watching several people I care about cry and cry so I'm sort of in a sensitive mood, who wouldn't be right? I tried to go to bed but can't sleep for more than 30min without waking up. So, I hopped on IM to find someone to talk to. Not to talk about my problems or that I'm sorta sad, just to talk that's it.
Here's what I get:
coinmanj: howdy
"DarknessandShadows": hi
coinmanj: hows it going?
--: Is there sopmething you need?
coinmanj: no why
--: I don't speak to my ex's this weekl
coinmanj: say what
--: I don't speak to my ex's this weekl
coinmanj: any reason
--: My heart was shattered.
coinmanj: by whom
--: Why
coinmanj: look i just wanted to talk, if you want to be rude fine.
--: What did you want to talk about?
coinmanj: i dont know, friends chat right?
--: Do they?
--: Listen.I'm going.
--: I said that I don't speak to my ex's this week.
coinmanj: guess you just dont stop
--: My heart was shattered.
--: Stop what?
--: I'm not trying to provoke you.
coinmanj: being a fuckass. a few days ago everything was fine, we were talking, moving on. and now all i wanted to do was talk to a friend but all i am is some dreadful ex, not even a human, so you can't talk to me. OK, I wont talk.
--: Because my heart wasn't broken then.
--: Fine.
--: Let me say it this way.
--: I'm not talking to people who I was once in love with for the next 24 hours.
--: You messaging me brings back emotions and feelings that I'm not ready for, love.
--: That was the only reason.
coinmanj: well thanks for the warning. it's always nice to kinda wish to talk to a nice person and get "I dont talk to my ex's this week!"
--: It wasn't an exclamation mark.
--: It was a typo.
coinmanj: yes its allllll my fault. then dont talk, i'm getting off here.
--: Wait
--: I didn't blame you for ANYTHING
--: I'm still in love with you, Jacob.
coinmanj: but i still have to suffer
--: How are you suffering when I asked not to speak to my ex's this week, which is over tomorrow night at 11:59?
--: Why are you so sensitive?
--: Is this about your brother again?
coinmanj: How would you feel if you THOUGHT you were going to talk to a friend, as friends do, and get some lameass remark as "not talking to my ex's this week". I don't give a damn if you're having issues, if you can't at least pretend to be respectful. I had no clue you didn't want to talk to me until just now. Would that not tick you off?
--: I'm sorry, Jacob.
coinmanj: Then let's not pretend. You love me but can't figure out a way to treat me as a normal person. I'm not in love with you but tried to treat you like a friend. Guess that was too much to ask for.
-- Have you ever had your heart broken, Jacob?
coinmanj: yes and I never acted like a child about it. Hell, I even took the man that did break my heart to the theater for his birthday soon after we ended. It hurt like hell but I know how to handle myself.
--: And you moved on.
coinmanj: yeah
--: Maybe if you knew the exact facts, you could see that there was a reason why my heart is shattered. There's a BIG reason.
coinmanj: Well I asked you but you said you didn't want to talk to me
--: Because even though you didn't seem to really want to have any kind of future with me all along, I loved you.
--: And I still do.
coinmanj: which gives you the right to treat me like crap? rriigghhtt
--: Speaking to you when my heart was virtually crushed to dust, speaking with someone whom I still love very much is painful.
--: You take everything so personal.
coinmanj: According to you we broke up what 4 months ago? So it still hurts to much to talk to me..even though things were fine a few days ago? Um gee why do I take it personally....you're making it all about me.
coinmanj: goodnight
--: wait
--: Things were fine a few days ago because I was with someone who was a replacement for you.
--: And no, I'm making it about all of my ex's actually.
--: The last one said, 'May I ask why?' when I told her what I told you.
--: 99% of my ex's agreed to give me space and were quite clear on why, and didn't think of it as a personal attack, but as a way to save a friendship
--: You're the only one who whines about it being a personal attack, Jacob.
--: You always were so damn sensitive.
coinmanj: I asked you why and you never told me you wanted space until now.
And then I just logged off.
How's that for wanting to be friends? I'm only putting this here so I can always be reminded and won't make the same mistake again. I'm not going to block him or anything like that, just not talk to him anymore. As long as he can keep calm and not go off on some tangent things should still be fine.
But I do ask you this, was I out of line, too sensitive? Or did I do what any normal person would have considering the history here?
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