The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Fathers Day Prayer from your Child
19:44 Jun 16 2009
Times Read: 523






"Dear God, this year please send clothes for



all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,



Amen."

22:11 Jun 15 2009
Times Read: 542

LETTER FROM MOM



Dearest Redneck Son,



I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live

where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that

most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't

be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family

that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't

have to change their address.



This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure

about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't

seen them since. (For those too young, the old toilets had the tank up

high and you would need to pull a chain to flush it.)



The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first

time for three days and the second time for four days.



About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it

would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut

them off and put them in the pockets.



Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried

because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.



Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is

yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to

pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he

burned for three days.



Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was

driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two

friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the

tailgate down!



There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal

has happened.



Your Favorite Aunt,

Mom

More on the Fire....
17:08 Jun 11 2009
Times Read: 560




KALAMA — A fire Wednesday afternoon destroyed the Heritage Square building, which was frequented by Marlon Brando and is one of downtown Kalama’s oldest structures.



It’s unclear what caused the blaze, which started around 12:15 p.m. in a ceiling of the two-story, 103-year-old building at First and Fir streets, said Capt. Terry Sinkler of Cowlitz Fire District 5 in Kalama.

Excitement Today
00:04 Jun 11 2009
Times Read: 583

Fire breaks out at an Antique Store across the street....

22:02 Jun 04 2009
Times Read: 601

70's







70's 2nd version







90's







2000

Texas Midget
18:07 Jun 02 2009
Times Read: 607




The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time.



The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.





The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up

Onto the examining table, and started to examine him.



The doctor put one finger under his left testicle

And told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method

To check for a hernia.



"Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the

Right

Testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors....



Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... Then

Snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.



The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted

With amazement that the snipping did not hurt.





The doctor then told the midget to walk around the

Examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.





The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his

Testicles were no longer aching





The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"





The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't

Even feel it. What did you do?"







The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots...."